Chapter 18: Balance

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Levi

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People have asked me time and time again what I would do; if I could bring them back, would I do it?

The answer was always yes. There was no doubt in my mind that I could bring my mate and pups back if I would. I would have done it in a heartbeat.

When I saw her–saw her across that portal that was shining up with moonlight between the rock that had split, I still wanted to. I wanted to run to her and pull her out to me; I wanted to join her because even after all these years she looked like a damn angel.

That is until now.

Until now when I all I could do was stand horrified in my place as three of my own lay before me; my daughter, my son, and my nephew.

I don't know why she did it–why the hell she would save Dominic. I don't know why Liam would do it–Lucas was already dead. Liam was not, but now Liam was clutching his belly while David clutched at the wound on his chest as Lander hovered over him and held his hand, Bernard trying to save him.

And there was me.

I knelt down next to Lucas, next to my son. My first baby. He had missed the portal.

I had been watching with my mouth open as a man with blue eyes like my Charlie girl's walked out of the portal and over to her as her veins turned a dark midnight blue. He sliced his palm and held it over her wound, murmuring things to her before he kissed her forehead as Eve started to call them back. He murmured things while something felt like it was weaving itself into the bond I had with her, something that took my damn breath away.

Liam had fallen and Lucas was knelt down next to him; telling him how sorry he was and how he was such an idiot since Lucas was already dead.

Eve looked at me, her eyes wide as the man who had been with Charlotte ran back into the portal and disappeared. "He needs to come back! He's not meant to be here! Why do you think she kept Wynona around! She needed a sacrifice! It's a life for a life, Levi!"

My face dropped before I started moving towards Lucas. "Lucas! Go now!"

"Levi!" Leo called out but I didn't hear him.

Something cracked and the portal–it started to shatter. It was like someone took a damn sledgehammer to it and cracked a glass over it. My heart almost stopped. "Lucas dammit! You need to go!"

Lucas looked at me, his eyes exactly like how I remembered them, before he looked at the portal. "Shit," he hissed.

"Go Lucas!" Lander yelled. "Get out of here! Hurry!"

Lucas scrambled out and started to run as pieces of the portal fell down like cracked glass and shattered into a white dust on the ground. I ran after him, thinking that I could chunk his ass back in there if I had to.

"Levi!" Derek called out.

I didn't turn around because right now I had to save my pup; I had to make sure that he went where he belonged. I couldn't lose my son again, not another time.

Lucas ran hard as more pieces fell down. Bernard stumbled back, clutching his nose as blood seeped out of it while Lucas hauled ass towards Eve who was reaching out to him. "Jump Lucas!" she called out.

Lucas took a few more steps and jumped in the air, aiming for the last window of portal as he flew through the air; but he didn't make it. It fell down and all Lucas hit was dirt as he fell.

"No," I breathed out before I snapped my eyes to Bernard. "Get that damn portal back open now!"

Bernard looked over at Lucas and his eyes widened. "Shit," he hissed as Derek and Leo trotted over to me.

Leo looked over and saw Charlotte on the ground, in Ethan's arms while Dominic and Dagny sat with her–Dagny with her hands on Charlotte as she murmured out something, and Leo's whole face fell. "No, no, no, no–she can't die!"

"Leo?" Derek asked.

Leo zipped over to her while Lucas scrambled up. He ran back to me and looked over at Charlotte. "Is she?"

"She's going to be fine!" Dagny called out from teary eyes. "Just tried to speed the healing process up."

Leo leaned down and smelled her, smelled the wound before he snapped back. "Hadrian was here?"

"Hadrian?" I asked.

Dominic met Leo's gaze and nodded. "He was. He saved her."

Leo shook his head then looked at Ethan. "She needs to rest. You need to take her home."

Ethan looked over at me then back at Leo. "You need to show him. You need to show us."

Lucas's eyes slightly widened while I looked back at Leo as Bernard tore through the spell books. "What is he talking about? Show me what?" I asked quickly.

Leo looked up at Ethan and held his gaze, his pupils dilating before he murmured, "I release you." Leo sat back while Dominic snapped his gaze to Ethan, who seemed to be transfixed like he was spelled. Leo looked up a the moon then down at his feet, his pupils dilating again as his hand clutched something as they squeezed into tight fists. "I release you all," he breathed out as he opened his hand.

It hit me.

It was like a brick that almost knocked me off my feet. I heart Lander grunt as his eyes met mine–my brain filling with something that wasn't there.

With memories.

With memories of a little girl with dark curly brown hair and stormy blue eyes, of Lucas playing on the floor with the one he called 'Lee-Lee,' while Eve and I fixed dinner, of Chris and Margaret coming over–their boys gravitating to her, Ethan gravitating to her. The little girl that laughed contagiously, the little girl that Lander and Claire wanted to claim–that I wanted to claim, the little girl who squealed out in excitement when she saw Derek and Elliot, the little girl who would nap next to Ethan and never go anywhere without him or Lucas holding her hand.

A little girl.

She came into our lives because she was in danger. Because Dominic had saved her from herself–from her true identity that would kill her.

Dominic.

He quickly snatched my chin, eyes like ice dilating. "You are no longer compelled," he whispered out before he looked over at Lucas, eyes dilating again. "You are no longer compelled, Lucas Thorne."

I could smell her again clear as day, it was like a blanket had been pulled over her. She was Hadrian King's daughter. The son of a line that was supposed to be dead. A line that was the the first of us all. A line whose scent I had forgotten until the memory of it worked it's way back into my brain–that too had been taken from me because once I remembered days when I could smell it before. It was so strong, like it was that day I saw her in that carrier. It was like my blood had been covering it up, until now. Until now it was reeking of a scent that I had grown to know so well.

Dominic sat back once again, blinking hard while the veins in his forehead started to pop out. His brows were furrowed hard in deep concentration. "They are no longer compelled," he whispered out until a shaky breath rushed forward through his lips.

I followed the trail and felt myself almost choke on my own breath when it started to settle. "Charlie girl?"

Lucas stumbled back. "Charlie?" he clutched stomach while he looked over at Charlotte, who Ethan was staring at with wide eyes.

Ethan snapped his gaze up to me, gasping and blinked hard, pushing back the painful feelings about the situation that I felt too. "I remember Levi. I remember her."

"I know," I replied. "I do too."

Lucas stumbled back before he fell, snapping my attention away as he looked at his own hands. "Dad?"

"Lucas!" I called out, running to him to catch him. He fell back in my arms where I scooped him up and carried him over to where witches of Caleb's were working on Liam.

Lander snapped his eyes up to Lucas as I laid him on the ground. "Levi?"

"Bernard! Open that Goddamnit portal! He can't stay here!"

"You don't think I don't know that!?" Bernard snapped back.

"Levi I remember," Lander breathed out.

I nodded. "I know. I do too."

"Is Lucas?"

"I'm fine Uncle Lander," Lucas said as the glow around him started to fade. "I mean I'm already dead."

"If you die here wolf, then your soul will be lost!" Bernard hissed out before he grabbed a book and ran back to the rocks. "Souls that are dead are not meant to exist here!"

Lucas looked at me, fear in his eyes that matched the turmoil in his heart. "Dad?"

"Bernard, so help me God, you better hope that you can get that damned thing open," I growled out.

A pink haired witch ran to Lucas–Dagny, she knelt down and looked him over. "He's fading."

"What?!" I barked out before I looked back at my son. My son whose glow was starting to fade and his skin starting become more transparent. My son whose smiling eyes fell when he looked at his own shaking hands that we could barely see through.

Bernard was muttering something out before he looked down at the stones and cursed out under his breath. "It won't work."

"You better make it fucking work!" Lander barked out while he held onto Liam's hand.

"Dad it's ok," Liam breathed out.

"What are you talking about son, just be quiet. You're going to be fine," Lander rushed out.

"It didn't hurt so bad dad," Liam said before he started coughing, coughing up blood that is.

Lander growled lowly and shook his head. "What the hell were you thinking son?"

"It was the right thing to do," Liam replied back, his voice choked and labored.

"The stones are used, there is not enough blood magic in them to open it," Bernard said, his voice regretful before he turned back to us.

I shook my head and looked back at Lucas who was fading more. "Well then make some, take mine."

"Mine too!" David barked out.

Bernard pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's not how it works. We need hundreds of those stones. Do you not see how many are piled up here?!"

"Lucas," I breathed out, my voice choking because I couldn't lose my son again. "Dammit boy, why didn't you just do what your mother told you?!"

"When do I ever do what you or mom tell me?" Lucas replied with a tiny smile. "Someone has to watch your ass dad. It's fine. I'll probably go back dad, it's fine."

"That's not how it works wolf!" Bernard barked out before he started tearing through another book, frantically looking for something that would help. "Your soul is supposed to be there, right now you're in a form that can only exist there. It can't exist here. You will be a lost soul until you can cross again."

It was a fucking mess.

Caleb and Daphne lay dead on the grass next to dozens of wolves and witches. My Charlie girl was cradled in Ethan's arms while he looked over, in a mix of shock and terror, at Lucas and Liam. My Charlie girl.

The little girl that somehow found her way back to us.

I sucked in a sharp breath because it felt like fate had played a very cruel trick. Dominic was talking to Leo, who looked on at Charlotte with wary eyes. "Where is Alex?"

"On his way with Barrett and Evie," Derek answered before he looked at Charlotte. "Leo what will you do?"

"Protect her," Leo answered simply. "I've had enough of my brother's childish fear."

Bernard looked at the stones then back at the book, writing something quickly down while Lucas faded some more. "Bernard!" I called out while Liam coughed up more blood.

"It's ok dad," Lucas said. "I'll be ok," he murmured out.

"Liam!" Lander yelled out. "Liam dammit hold on!"

I looked over and Liam was fading, his skin starting to pale as the blood poured out of him. That's the thing with silver. Wounds like that take a long time to heal, something that deep will usually bleed out. It did for Billy.

David had his hands pressed to Liam's gut, trying to stop the bleeding while the witches tried to chant something with their hands over him, but silver is the kryptonite for us–magic has a real hard time stopping that.

Liam rolled his head to looked at Lander who was trying hard to hold onto his son. "Dad, this is what's meant to be, let it be."

"No!" Lander rushed out. "No, no, no, no. Dammit! Liam no!"

I looked down at Lucas who faded some more. "It's ok dad."

A hand clutched my chest, my hand, while my heart squeezed so hard I thought it was going to stop. Bernard clutched the table and shook his head. "We don't have enough stones, I can't open it."

My beast roared and a growl of fury poured out of my mouth. I was about to say something when the stones started to light up again. They glowed and when they did it was like a flicker of hope lit inside me.

I started praying to the moon as hard as I could to save him–to save both of them. Bernard looked at the rocks then quickly looked at Liam and shook his head. "Goddammit!" he hissed before he ran to Liam, pushing the other witches out of the way.

He held a hand over Liam's torso, the area lighting up before he started to murmurs something so intensely that it made his nose bleed. "What's happening?" I rushed out tensely.

"A life for a life," Dagny breathed out. "You can't bring someone back without restoring the balance. It's why this kind of magic is forbidden. The consequences are too severe."

She turned her head back to me, my eyes locking with her's when it hit me. "No," I breathed out. "No, that can't be."

She opened her mouth while Lucas turned his head, so transparent that I could see the ground below him through his skull, towards the glowing stones, the stones that were now melting and turning into a stream of liquid. Liquid that started to pool before it made its way over to him like a river carving down the top of a mountain. "Get back!" Dagny called out, pulling me back with her as he both fell on our asses and scooted away as the blood started to pool around my son.

"What the hell is happening?!"

"Oh my God," she gasped out, her eyes wide and hand over her mouth.

The blood pooled some more until there were only a few stones left where the portal had been. It pooled then disappeared into his transparent skin, it was like Lucas' body was soaking it up like a sponge.

I looked over to see Liam fading faster as Ethan stood up with Charlie cradled in his arms, then back to my son whose skin started to slowly materialize again as it sucked up more of the blood around him. This time without a glow. This time it was like real flesh.

Lander let out a choked sob while David stared down in shock at Liam. "Tell Evangeline that I love her," he murmured out. "Tell her it's ok."

Someone gasped.

Someone gasped for air like they were breathing it for the first time.

"No!" Lander cried out as Liam's eyes rolled back and his hand, that Lander was holding, fell limp.

Another gasp.

I felt my own breath leave my lungs. I looked on at where the last bits of blood disappeared under my son then over to where I could no longer feel Liam–the hum of his veins was silent.

Another gasp.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Evan with Jaxon and Andrea walk forward, covered in blood and fresh wounds, looking on in shock. Evan's jaw dropped a little. "Lucas?"

Lucas' fingers twitched.

His fingers twitched then his toes twitched. His toes twitched before I noticed that his chest was moving–he was breathing.

His arms moved to push him up so he sat upright, his skin no longer transparent but as solid as real flesh–it was real flesh. It was real flesh and what I felt was real–I could feel him. I could feel the hum rolling off of him, his veins crackling back to life; I could never forget how he felt even if I wanted to.

"Lucas?"

He looked at me then down at his hands then back to Lander who was staring at Liam, stunned into silence. "Dad?"

I looked at Lander then quickly stood up and gestured Lucas to me. "Son come here now." Lucas slowly stood up, he was taller than I remembered–it was like that damn boy had actually aged some. He looked may only a little older than Charlie girl now. "Lucas now," I ordered.

Bernard was sitting on his knees; he looked back at Lucas with wide eyes and an open mouth before he looked back at Liam. Lucas walked over to me, his gaze holding mine before I pushed him behind me while I closely watched Lander–Lander who was sporting a look that I knew all too well.

Leo and Derek zipped over to me as Ethan walked with Charlotte in his arms. "Lucas you need to go with them."

"But dad–"

"Do not argue with me," I bit out as I watched Lander. "Stay close to Derek."

Dominic snapped his eyes up then zipped over towards Ethan. "Alex is here."

"Shit," I hissed out. "Evan!" I barked out as I tried to push it all in the back for now–the feelings. The sight of Liam who was like seeing my own damn son lying dead in the grass, and the sight of my son–my flesh, standing next to me while he kept looking at his hands as if he didn't believe it himself took every word out of my mouth.

Evan ran to me and stopped, his eyes looking over Lucas like they were about to come out of their sockets. "Uncle?"

"You get David and you get Liam's body back to Tikanni. You take Lander back there now."

"I can help," Jaxon offered. He looked warily over at Lander who was sobbing over Liam then back to me, his eyes flickering over to Lucas before they met mine. "Just keep him out of sight."

"We need to move her," Dominic hissed out.

"We will not," Leo said. I snarled at him while Evan and Jaxon walked over to Lander. "I need to deal with my brother. You run now, he will just chase her."

"Charlotte!" a female called out as she zipped to us, Evie was looking at Charlotte with big eyes full of the same Turmoil that I was feeling. Charlotte's veins were still dark, but they were quickly fading, and she was still breathing. "Oh my God, Char?!"

"She's fine Evie, she'll be ok," Dominic rushed out. "Where is Alex?"

"Almost here," Barrett said before he looked at Charlotte then back at Dom. "He remembers Dominic. I do too." Dominic hissed at him, as did Derek, while Ethan snarled out viscously. Barrett threw his hands up in surrender. "I won't harm her, I swore a blood oath to her. I could care less what she is."

"Leo," Evie said. "You have to do something."

Leo nodded. "Keep her guarded, do not let her or Ethan out of your sight," he said before he looked over where Evan and Jaxon were pulling Lander away–yelling and crying out in pained roars, as our warriors walked over to scoop Liam's body up. "I'm sorry Levi," Leo said.

"Dad?" Lucas breathed out.

I turned quickly and hugged my son, hugged him to me while shaky breaths poured out of my mouth. He started to hug my back while my heart struggled to keep from bursting–he smelled just like he used to.

"I need you to stay with Charlotte," I told him.

"Dad no, I can–"

"Lucas," I hissed out. "We have lost too much today son, I can't lose my brother. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Lucas held my gaze as understanding clicked in. It clicked in as he eyed Lander before I stepped away from him. Because Lander was not in his right mind and at any moment he could snap; he could snap and if it were me in his skin then Lucas would be who I would come for.

And I knew that I would kill him.

I loved my brother a whole damned lot, but I knew deep down that if he came after Lucas–even now, that I would kill him.

"Stay Lucas," I ordered before I turned and trotted to Lander. "Lander!"

"He's gone, Levi! He's gone!" he cried out.

I let out a shaky breath as my beast whined out to our brother. I held up my hands, showing no sign of aggression to him, and approached slowly while Evan and Jaxon tried to keep him still. "Lander you need to go home with them. Alex is coming and Charlotte is still in danger. I can't have you caught up in this."

Lander sucked in a sharp breath then roared out again to the sky, causing my beast to whine out and whimper more. I walked to him, putting my hands on his shoulders while his skin started to tremble. "Lander please, I can't lose you. Claire cannot lose you now. They need you."

"I am going to kill that witch! Where is she!" Lander barked out.

I pushed him hard back until he hit a tree. "Lander! Look at me," I ordered firmly. "Look at me brother." Lander flickered his eyes to mine, eyes that showed the heartbreak and agony that I knew too well. " There has been enough blood today. We do not need anymore–I do not want to see this grass run red with yours, please I am begging you to let Jaxon and Evan take you home.

"I am a selfish bastard, Lander. If you're not going to do this for yourself then do it for me, brother. I need you. Do you understand what I'm saying?!" I shook his shoulders, causing him to regain a moment of sanity.

He nodded slowly then blinked as more tears spilled down his face. "Take me home," he whispered to Jaxon. "Before I change my mind."

"I'm sorry," I said quietly to him. "You know I am, he was like a son of mine too."

"I know," he breathed out while Jaxon started to pull him away. "Caden will be here soon with more men, they are yours to use Levi."

"Go Ev." I looked down at Evan who was still staring at Lucas. "You need to go and help them keep Evangeline under control. Go."

Evan let out a sharp breath then turned and ran after where Jaxon and a group of warriors were escorting Lander and Liam's body back to our home.

Liam.

I let out a long breath then turned around right as a snarl broke me from my thoughts. "Shit," I hissed out as I started to jog over to where Ethan was about to explode out of his skin. "Ethan, cool it!" I barked out.

Derek, Barrett, and Evie pushed Ethan behind them with Charlotte still asleep in his arms. Lucas stood next to Ethan, his beast starting to prowl back and forth while he looked on. Bernard walked forward, watching Dominic curiously before he walked to me. "What will you do?"

"She's still my daughter," I answered simply. "He comes after her then I'll kill him myself."

I walked up next to Leo and Dominic who stood firm as a familiar blonde vampire walked forward with his Helen of Troy. Helen looked around in horror, covering her mouth before she looked over at Dominic. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine Helen," he murmured to her.

"Dominic," Alex said.

"Alex," Dominic replied.

Alex sighed and looked over to the Dreamwalkers and Derek before he looked back at Leo. "Brother this is unnecessary."

"I know you remember Alex," Leo said. "I know you remember her."

"Well if you wanted to keep it a secret then why let me have it back then?" Alex replied back with a bit of a bite in his voice.

My wolf was pacing. He was more than pissed about the events of the day; about our nephew, our son, and our daughter. I didn't care whose child she really was, she was still mine–she would always be one of mine. My claim was still there on her; the bond full of something new, something that has woven its way in her, but she still had a little Thorne blood in her. She was still a damn Thorne, even if her blood reeked of King now.

"Because it needs to end Alex," Leo answered. "No more. This will only bring more harm than good, and we have more important things to worry about."

"She is part of that issue, Leo!" Alex hissed out. "They want her, don't you get it?! She's a King!"

"Alex!" Helen rushed out. "How can you say that?! Charlotte would never hurt any of us! Hadrian had no children! You said they were all gone–all of them gone!"

"They are not," Dominic answered. "Hadrian had me kill him, defang him, and strip his pelt so I could appease you, Alex–so she would live. I hid her with Levi for a little over a year before we hid her with the humans–she was born a human. Willa, her mother, was a human that was murdered by the children of Hadrian's twin brother Hale–by Aurelia and Hayden. I had Leo take everyone's memories to keep her safe. I had to kill my best friend to keep her safe from you"

Alex snarled at him. "The King's are dangerous Dominic you idiot!"

"Enough!" Leo barked out. "Alex you will drop this. Do you want war with the wolves over it? She's not a threat to us!"

Alex slightly moved, his foot took a step forward but Dominic zipped to him so fast while his eyes dilated that when I blinked, Alex was frozen in place. Dominic stepped back and looked at Helen. "You too Helen, don't move."

"Dom," Leo hissed out, frustration in his voice. "Alex, drop it brother it's not worth it. Hadrian was no threat to us–he killed his twin. He wanted nothing to do with any of it. She is no threat either, you know Charlotte. You know her and Ethan, she if anything just wants peace. Drop it brother."

It was like slow motion.

The sound of what sounded like glass cracking caught my ears; Alex's gaze met Ethan's, eliciting a blood-curdling growl from Ethan's mouth.

Slowly Alex started to move until he broke through the compulsion; he moved his fingers, flinging the three vampires in front of my daughter out of his way. He cracked his neck and kept walking; I ran to him, but when his eyes caught mine, I was sent flying back through the air like I had been hit by a giant tennis racket.

Dominic yelled out and ran towards Charlotte while Ethan and Lucas turned to run away from Alex. Lucas was yelling at Ethan to go, while Ethan clutched Charlotte to him. Alex moved his hand again, sending Lucas over to where I had landed ass first in the dirt while Helen screamed out in horror as Alex turned to face Ethan, who was snarling at him with Charlotte still sleeping soundly in his arms.

But then Leo was there.

Leo stepped in front of him with pleading eyes. "Brother don't, I beg you." Alex moved his hand but Leo snatched his neck. "Enough Alex!"

I scrambled up with Lucas and ran towards Leo while Dominic zipped towards Ethan and Charlotte. Derek and Elliot were looking on in horror, yelling as Leo and Alex became a blur of color; moving so fast like a tornado as they fought–their fist hitting each other sounding like thunder.

A heart.

Alex stood in his place with a heart in his hand–Leo's heart.

I stopped in my tracks and looked at Leo, who was clutching his chest, then back to Alex who was looking at the heart with eyes of horrified astonishment. "What the hell have you done?!" I barked out.

Leo stumbled back and fell to the ground, Derek zipping to him while Lucas ran to catch his head from hitting the ground. Alex's hand shook as Helen zipped over to him. She had a hand over her mouth and was shaking her head. "I don't know you," her shaky voice rushed out. "Get away from us."

"Go Alex!" Barrett barked out. "Go before I kill you myself. You've done enough damage."

Alex dropped the heart and stumbled back, looking at me with horrified wide eyes. I snarled at him and shook my head. "You better run fast son. You're in a land of wolves that like to hunt fresh meat, so I suggest you run fast."

Alex's eyes widened as I snapped my teeth at him. "Helen?"

"Go!" she roared out.

He stumbled back then turned and zipped away, leaving only Leo's heart in the dirt in his place. I closed my eyes and blinked hard before opening them.

"David, Evan, Jaxon?"

"Levi, what is it?" David rushed out.

"Alex is no longer welcome on our land. He just killed Leo–ripped his damn heart out. He is fair game on my land."

Jaxon snarled out. "Then he is fair game on mine as well."

"Same here," Evan bit out.

"Tell our warriors and trackers, speak to Ajax and Deryl, if they see him they tear his ass apart. Understand?"

"You got it, Levi," David said.

I rushed to Leo who was shaking as he looked at Derek. "Derek you have to take it."

"I can't Leo," Derek said with watery eyes. He looked over at the heart then back at his maker. "Can't we just put it back?"

Leo smiled softly. "I don't have time, please Derek–it's why I chose you."

"Derek you have to," Barrett said. "The coven will lose their bond–you have to or it will fall apart."

Tears streamed down his face before he nodded. He sliced his palm quickly with a fang while Elliot bit into Leo's hand, drawing blood from it. Lucas looked on with wide eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Taking the coven," Evie breathed out. "If not they will fall apart."

Derek's shaky hand grasped Leo's, a sob falling out of his mouth before he gave him a brave smile. Leo smiled sadly at him with his eyes that had seen so much life. "I pass my rights to you my progeny. Take care of our coven. I love you, my child. Keep them safe..." he said before his voice faded.

"Leo no," Derek breathed out. "No!"

"Derek!" I ran to him and held him up as his body started to shake with pained sobs while Leo's lifeless hand laid in his.

Elliot stood up quickly and tossed Derek's arm over his shoulder, holding him up while he hugged him. "I've got him, Levi."

I looked up at Barrett and Evie, watery eyes as they looked over at Leo. "Let's get them back home–all of them."

"What do we do Levi?" Barrett asked.

"I don't know," I replied honestly before I looked up where Ethan was holding onto Charlotte while Helen held her hand. "I don't think I know at all anymore."

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