The moments which had come to pass were mixed with contradicting emotions - joy, fear, emotional passion, and sadness. In those moments, as those golden speckled eyes had slowly opened and River had taken in the situation around him, it was in that time I found myself both at peace and at war with myself. I was beyond pleased to see those eyes staring back at me, his voice steady, and his presence filling a room once more. Yet I was also blaming myself for the headaches which resounded, the nausea which followed, and the signs of weakness within River which let me know waking him up right then did not give him enough time. 

Yet I know what I had to do. I knew waking River up too soon could take such a toll on him physically and mentally...but I also knew that River's life is not the only one on the line due to this war. No - so many have died already, many more will die and I have to accept that. The decision which I had made was done for the best interests of all those who fight under the flag of Crimson Lock. 

Taking in a deep breath, I remind myself to remain steady, placing one foot before the other as I enter into the room, voices surrounding me as I notice River sitting up in his bed. Declan and Brie are closest to him, discussing how he feels and what must be done now. Sliding into the room further, I take my seat before the fireplace, looking across to Yusuf as he sits waiting for the voices to die down before he speaks up. A crowd of mages has formed around River, followed by the pack doctor. Cedric comes up to me, standing beside my chair as he acknowledges Alpha Yusuf. 

"It will be a bit before you can have some time with him alone," Cedric informs, motioning to the swarm of people around River with hushed voices. 

"I already had some alone time," I confess, recalling the moment those golden eyes shot open and gazed into my own. Those eyes looking at me as if they had heard every word I had spoken to Declan in what was a private discussion. We shared a split second of what felt like an eternity before a brief illness overtook River. The moment he had washed his mouth from the vomit and returned to his bed with the help of Declan, we shared a few words before a swarm of mages filled the room and I escorted myself out. "He said it felt like an eternity within that mind of his." 

"Do you think he is ready to fight?" Yusuf asks, his voice hushed as he leans forward. I glance over Yusuf's shoulder to get a short look at River. Skin pale and eyes bloodshot, I know he is not in the best shape he could be in, but he will be able to fight. The question should not be if he is ready to fight, for any man should be able to when faced with death. 

I look back to Yusuf, offering a slight nod to his question. "He will be able to fight, but he will not be his best." 

"As long as his mind is still sharp. That is what we need him for anyway - his ability to navigate that hellhole," Cedric mutters, referring to the battle we are to playout in the palace. Cedric is right, for we really need River to help lead our men in those palace walls, but we would be fools if we did not think River would not be expected to fight. Elves are the enemy and when they see River, they will come for him. Asger will come for River no doubt if not for me first...if I have not found him first. Keva will come for River though and that I am certain of. 

The blood of my grandmother has tainted Asger's hands and I wish to finish off the very elf who went after the woman who could do no harm. Elder Oliver was foolish to make such allies. 

I shake my mind of such names, focusing on the present as I watch River stand up from the bed and continue to talk with Brie and Declan. Artifact locations. Their conversation here is to clarify locations of magical artifacts where portals could be placed. I watch as the mages around Declan methodically write down their notations on paper, noting every word River slips from his tongue. 

Those eyes catch mine for a second and I glance away. "I take it the other alphas will be expecting a meeting soon. At least once the mages gather the locations." 

"Finley has been on edge about it," Yusuf remarks. "They are awaiting your call for a meeting. Once this is over, just say the word and they will come flocking to your table." 

"Because at that table we will declare ourselves on the way to Eternal Shadows," I whisper, glancing to the dead fireplace - the wood turned to charcoal as the grey ash sits still. "How far we have come." 

"Your mother would have been proud." I glance to Yusuf, lips pursed together as I think over his comment. 

Proud that I am in love with the child of the man who murdered my father? Who murdered her? Perhaps not. "She would be proud..." I comment, looking back to the ashes in the fireplace, "proud I am fighting for the continuation of our species. To fix this broken crown kings have worn for centuries. To cut out the threat of those who wish our species gone." Yes, my mother would be proud of that. For that she could never achieve, for she fought against the broken crown for the mere revenge of my father's death. Yes, Lily Maxwell believed that the crown and government was corrupt, but she marched to the palace that day with not those as her true intentions, but to seek revenge on the crown which took her husband and future from her - in turn losing her own future. 

I watch as Declan and his mages begin to usher themselves from the room, leaving River and Brie to their own discussion as the pack doctor continues to do a routine exam. Leaning back in my seat, I wait for the doctor to finish and walk out before I excuse myself from the conversation Yusuf and Cedric find themselves in. As I walk to the bed, I greet Brie with a soft smile and turn to River, those once bright golden eyes now dull. "Feeling better?"

"Better than when I woke up," he replies, his voice raspy. Clearing his throat, River glances out to the dark night sky. "I take it you all need to have a meeting now."

"We can wait a little. Wait for you to get showered," I inform, Brie excusing herself from the conversation. I notice how the others within the room begin to exit the bedroom, leaving River and I alone to ourselves. My attention back to River, I watch as he gets up from the bed, towering over me. 

As he grabs a change of fresh clothes from the bedside, he tilts his head to the side, scanning my face with those eyes. "You think I'm broken."

"Not broken-"

"Weakened then." 

I do not reply, allowing my silence to answer for me as River sighs. "I've been in worse conditions before and come out on top." I hold my tongue about the elves, knowing he already expects me to bring up such a fact. "I've been in great danger before and survived." 

"I do not doubt your abilities," I reply, knowing River is a wolf able to use Chaos in a way I will never understand. "But you know why I fear this battle. Why I worry for your safety."

"I trained with elves, Leala," he snaps, "I even trained some of those bastards." 

River pushes past me, his arm brushing against mine as he heads into the bathroom. Spinning on my heel, I face the once alpha, watching as he looks to himself in the mirror. Taking a step forward, I find myself in the doorway, watching with a soft gaze as River grabs a razor the moment he finds the hairs on his face too long for his liking. "I am worried for you to fight elves - yes - but I am more worried for the average soldier when it comes to that."

He scoffs, applying shaving cream as I stand and watch. "You worry I will go after Keva and Asger. Why would I not? I am not some coward who will forget what they did to me or just simply push aside what they did to me and my pack in fear." 

"I would be surprised if you did not go after them," I respond. "But I fear you would not just put your life at risk, but that you would act irrational, which would be dangerous to yourself and possibly to my men too." 

"Because I am to lead around the tourists," he mocks. "You all have fought on a battlefield. If I find myself separated, I trust you will know how to fend for yourself." 

I hop up onto the marble counter, taking a seat a few feet from River as he finishes up his quick shave. "Act logically...please. Keva and Asger will face justice. After all, that citadel is on an island. There are not many ways off." Those golden eyes glance at me for a short second. "We both know Keva has been playing this game for so long that she will not run away. She will die fighting." 

We come to an agreement in our silence, for we both understand Keva will fight to the ends of the earth and until her death until she wins or until death comes for her. 

As River washes his face and begins to run water for a shower, I hop off the counter, handing him towels from the closet. Just as I turn to leave the room, a hand grips onto my wrist, pulling me back and twirling me around as I meet the intensive gaze of the man I was just in argument with. "You understand I am here to fight with you? That I would be honored to hold a seat on your Council?" River asks, voice soft and steady as I lift my head up. 

"I do." 

"Then you also understand why I would feel such things. Not just because I trust you or respect you, but because I love you." 

Goosebumps form along my back, my face tingling as his hand cups the back of my neck, pulling me forward. 

"I love you too," I whisper, my lips just barely brushing his before we collide into one another. 

It was in those moments we found ourselves once more, the doors locked and clothes pooled upon the floor. Droplets of water had run down my body as we discovered one another once more, unwilling to think of the chances that this could be one of the last times we share an intimate moment together - much less a moment. 

<><><>

It is in moments like these I wonder what shapes strong leaders - a strong queen. Those who take a seat at my table look to me, ready to spring into action. Do those who surround you create a strong foundation of leadership? Courage is something I must have in these next few day and to not be a damsel left helpless by pride. How will I fight when I lead these men into battle? Will I cower and let them all go off to die while I polish my sword or will I charge onto the battlefield with them? 

I must have courage. I must remain sharp with my mind and my reflexes. My mother led her men to battle and fought within palace walls as, even though she was of the human race, took up her weapon and took down those in her way. 

Finley and Emmitt look eager to get this done with. Mathis seems more on edge than anything. Finch is nervous - as we all should be. Yusuf offers me no reading, for he nods to me, reassuring me in what to say here as I glance to the betas, gammas, mages, and the others who join us within this room. Seated at the left-end of the table sits the man who made much of this possible though the sorting of his personal recollections. As River looks back to me, his face pale as I notice just how drained he still is from the spells placed over him. 

"I know this is the meeting we have all been waiting for - for this moment to occur when we declare just when we will march upon the territory of Eternal Shadows," I begin, taking in a steady breath. "The presence of this meeting confirms that the location in which the portals we shall travel through has been decided upon." I watch as my Uncle Declan offers a slight nod, confirming so. "Those who show their faces today, the Alphas who represent their packs, you are in agreement that your men will fight under the flag of Crimson Lock. This meeting shows the combined mindset we all have here - to insure the future of our species and create a new kingdom which will help rebuild the kingdom and packs lost in the last decades." 

I steady myself, my fingers pressed against the wooden table. "We are not swinging at someone we cannot knock down. We are marching to Keva and her troops, to prove to them the strength of our species and beliefs, and...and we all understand that this plan of attack is our best compromise." 

I know now that these men are waiting for my declaration, that they have agreed with every word I have spoken. "Then with the flag of Crimson Lock over our troops, we shall depart Eternal Shadows at the break of dawn." 

There are some cheers, claps, and declarations of joy, excitement, and aggression as the men are pleased with my words. Yet in their short celebration as everything has come together, I watch River. No emotion paints his face, only those golden eyes glancing up to me as he catches onto my gaze. I understand he is not excited to march to Eternal Shadows and slaughter the rest of the pack he led for years - even though those elves slaughtered those of his own species within the same pack. I understand he wishes for all of this to come to a close, but I also acknowledge the emotions which must be running through his mind. 

"Roundup your men," I declare, raising my voice to talk over the excitement of the room - the excitement which will soon become fear. "Inform them of the news. Ready their bodies and mind for the battle we are to face before the sun rises." 

Countless faces pass me by, offering me words of respect, loyalty, kindness, and so much more. As I greet those who pass by, I look to the board on the table, displaying a map of the palace and surrounding land for Eternal Shadows. The portal locations are marked by small crystals placed by Declan just earlier. There are four central points of entrance where our men will enter, a few others open for smaller platoons to enter through from higher levels for long-range shots. Our men are expected to not just shift into their wolves for this battle, but to fire arrows at the enemy and use daggers or swords before it is safe for them to shift and take on a sword-wielding elf. 

I soon find my way out of the room after the crowd, Yusuf and Cedric close to my side as they begin to argue over the best weapon which can be used to fight the elves. My mind drowns them out, my feet carrying me out of the pack house as I look around. 

A soft breeze paints my face, calling my attention to where I notice the mass of our army to fight by morning. Camps are spread out over the pack land, but most condensed here at the pack house. Flags from all the joined packs hang high in the air, yet the flag of Crimson Lock flies at the top. Will it become the royal crest? Will it be placed upon the palace I will come to call home when this is all over? 

The troops gathered eat their dinner served by my own packs volunteers, mingling around with one another as I turn my heel. 

"The hell is she going?" 

"Leala!" 

I pass through the crowd of men and women warriors, discussing everything from politics, war, backgrounds, and the seasoning used to cook the chicken. A few notice me, opening a small path for me to walk through as I enter the center of the massive camp. In the center lies the flag of Crimson Lock, flying high in the air as I notice a good amount of those closer in their crowd are of my own pack. 

"What are you doing?" I look to the left, those cornflower blue eyes making their way towards me as Brie seems puzzled. "I thought you were going back with Cedric?" 

"I wanted to look upon their faces," I reply, looking out to the soldiers ready to go at any moment. "To see those who will help make history." 

"You will make history too."

"I know," I mutter, "but I would not be here without these men and women. I will not make history without their sacrifices." I notice Yusuf and Cedric making their way towards me. "Have you informed them of our departure yet? No? Go ahead." I reply as Brie informs me she has yet to let these people know of the war just around the corner. 

A growl rises through the air, grabbing the attention of a good collection of those closer to us. Brie tries again to gain the attention, a few warriors trying to hush and bring others to attention. Just as I am to release a growl of my own to gain attention, one ripples through the air, almost shaking the ground I stand on. 

All heads turn back to where the growl surfaced from, a few whispers spreading throughout as the sea of warriors around us begin to part for the individual. I feel stuck in a sea of fish, unable to know which way is in or out. As those surrounding me open the circle further, I watch as River makes his way to join me. 

My heartbeat quickens, a tingling erupting in my fingers as I offer him a soft smile. The crowd surrounding us is dead silent - at least two hundred individuals of my pack and various others listening in. "I believe I have gained their attention for you," River whispers, brushing past me as he comes to stand to the side of me. Taking in a deep breath, I get ready to inform these men and women that we will leave for war at the crack of dawn. 

<><><>

"He is a strong leader. Charismatic too - hell, members of your own pack came to love him even though Crimson Lock was enemies with Eternal Shadows," Yusuf remarks, putting up his feet as he glances over to me. I rummage around the desk, sorting through papers as I tuck the container of stardust into my pocket. 

"He was an alpha of a strong pack once," I comment. "He has qualities of a leader." 

"But of a King?" 

I stop what I am doing, looking back up once more to Yusuf. "I am not blind, Leala, and we both know that. I have watched the glances you two exchange only grow in length, the time you two spend together increase, and how you give one another small physical touches." 

"We have covered this already," I mutter, trying to suppress the topic. "River will become a member of the Royal Council and aid me in decisions made by the crown." 

"And how long until you two are married? Until there is a King beside the Crimson Queen." 

I raise an eyebrow, curious as if that is the nickname I shall pickup or have already. I know my path to the crown is one of bloodshed, but I am not like Penelope, Keva, or others who would perhaps gain such a name. Yet it could simply deal with the name of my pack. 

"That has not been in discussion. I thought you were a fan of River," I change the subject a bit, looking to the clock on the wall as I come to know of the fate we will all face in the next five hours. 

"I am a fan of him. As I stated, he has many defining qualities of a leader - for he is charismatic, has influence, humility, a tough backbone, and he allowed the personal history of his memories to be sorted through for a cause he believes in." 

"So you wish to rush me into a relationship with River because he makes a good leader?" 

"I support your decision to pursue the boy."

"You sound like my father," I mumble, thinking of Terrance. Terrance and River have never come to meet. Quinn has been trying to keep my father from talks of war, to keep him from the stress building up within this house - this office - and within their own daughter. 

"I am speaking to you as a council member, as an alpha who has stood by your side for this ride," Yusuf insists. "I know marriage - much less a royal marriage - is on your mind for the moment, but just know I will offer my support when the day comes to announce to your kingdom they will have a king soon enough."

Hearing this from Yusuf makes me happy, for I am happy to know he will support me when the time comes. "I appreciate it," I reply, watching Yusuf go back to the notes he has taken. I continue with my papers, grabbing two which include the strategy to be taken with the portal I will enter through. "Yusuf, is 'Crimson Queen' really something people  have been calling me?" 

"Do not fret, Leala, for they do not call you such for the blood having been spilt." 

"Then why is that the name?" 

"Atonement. Crimson can represent atonement."

I shake my head, unaware of what exactly that could mean. "What actions am I correcting? What wrongdoings am I trying to counter with my battle for the crown and struggle for power over Keva?" 

"The wrongdoings of your own parents." 

I nod, taking in Yusuf's words as I think to the title once more. The people are not calling me some blood-thirsty queen, but a queen who is seeking to correct the actions of her own parents. Perhaps 'Crimson Queen' is fitting after all. 

<><><>

My fingers run over the leather-bound books on the shelf, my eyes scanning the titles as I try and pass the time. The dark wood tones of the room, the worn leather couches and chairs, and the desk centered with minimal items upon it - all of it makes me wonder about who Nixon Maxwell was. A small black leather-bound book sits at the edge of the desk, newer than the others, but still a bit worn. 

Nixon Maxwell - II

 So my father had kept a journal. Yet why copy your own journal? The book is tightly held in the shelf, taking a little bit of strength to pull it from its place. Opening the first page, I notice that he makes out the journal to Lily Maxwell. Yet why? 

'To my dearest Lily - may your curiosity always grow, your beauty never dwindle, and your ambition continue to infinity expand.'

The second page marks a date closer to my birth than to what I would have expected. Just when did my father begin this journal? Was it not truly a copy?

'Lily, I understand the material represented in my origional black journal is something which will always taint your opinions of me - I know you say that I am a new man, a man you love and who has changed for the best. Though I understand that the things you have heard and read of my past will always linger in your mind. This journal marks a fresh start not just for me, but for our growing family too.

'I hope to continue this as a chance to rebuild what man I am. I hope when our daughter is old enough, she will have a chance to explore my adventures, wild rides, and recollections through this fresh take rather than one society will try and project. You will always be the woman I hold everlasting love for, Lily Maxwell, and our daughter will share in that  ever-expanding adornment. It is within the pages of this journal I shall build a new way to remember me when I have come to pass. And I hope I will come to pass when we have lived out our lives together with our children.'

I look to the date of the entry, finding it to be just months before my own birth. A sadness settles within me, tears brimming my eyes as I notice the date is only weeks before my father met his untimely-end. He had begun this journal with the intent to continue it long into his life, yet it never made it past five entries. 

Turning the pages, I go to the fifth and final entry, noticing just how much my father comes to mention the love he has for my mother and me in those paragraphs. He understood what steps he was to take and he wrote down his emotions and the thoughts running through his head. Two days before Christmas Eve was when this was entered into the journal, citing just how proud he was of the woman Lily had become in a pack surrounded by those not of her species. Citing just how proud he would be of me.

The blank pages which follow cause me to feel hollow. Rather than put back the journal onto its shelf, I place it on my late father's desk, right before the wedding picture of my parents he kept in a golden frame. A soft knock at the door pulls me from my moment of reflection as I look to Brie. 

"They are calling for you. Just to settle what needs to be done." Nodding, I let out a sigh and follow Brie from Nixon's office. "The troops have been gathered and are ready for the departure."

"Are you ready?" I ask, curious just how my gamma feels about what is about to be done. 

"I am ready for all of this to be over. I fear what awaits us beyond the portal, but I also know fear is not tolerated when we must fight. Fear kills off courage and dulls reflexes. I know many men are afraid, but when they step onto the battlefield, they will swing their weapons and charge with force." 

As we descend the stairs and come to the first floor, Brie leads me into the living room where everyone from before waits patiently. "Alpha Leala," Finley greets, announcing my presence as he rises to his feet. I have never received such a notion from Finley, yet perhaps it is the situation we are in now which has led him to be more respectful. "The troops are assembled."

"And our mages are ready to project the portals when ready," Declan informs, brushing past Finley as he comes to stand before me. Taking from his side, Declan presents me with a anelace, the hilt of the small dagger wrapped in a fish leather which reminds me of an opal stone. The sheath is a simple dark brown and leather carrier, yet I know it is made to allow an ease for taking out the weapon. Thanking my uncle, I wrap my hand around the handle, pulling the blade from its sheath as I am presented with a razor-sharp blade, ruins carved along the edge of the blade, and coming to a sharp point at the end. "Protect yourself in that palace."

"I will," I reply, my voice low as Declan and I stand close, the dagger back in its sheath as I look to the room once more. "Have our troops gathered?"

"They are all placed within sections depending on the portal they will enter through," Mathis informs as I walk closer to the sitting area of the room. "They are ready - prepared for what lies behind those portals." 

I nod, looking around the room as I wonder if anything else must be said. My gaze catches River's for a brief second before I return back to the others. "We should all get ready then ourselves. Every gamma, beta, and alpha needs to be ready shortly." The others acknowledge my words, heading out as we know we too must now put on our gear and soon join the troops we will enter a portal will. 

Brie comes with me to my room, laying out for me a set of clothes primarily in black. My clothes are all made of some thick material, to help prevent penetration of swords and knives the best it can. Pulling on the pants which fit the form of my legs, I pull on the undershirt next. As Brie hands me a second and long sleeve shirt, I notice the crimson stripes upon the sleeves. "This will all tear when I shift," I mutter, thinking of how wasteful these clothes are when they will only be worn when in human form.

"Do you plan on shifting?"

"No one plans on getting attacked, but if it comes to it, I will have to shift...and then be unable to shift back unless I wish to fight in the nude." 

"Like the ancestors," Brie chuckles. "They would arrive to battles either in the nude or barely clothed, for they understood they would be nude leaving." 

She has a point, yet I am not proud enough to strut my stuff or leave my body exposed while I fight an elf. As Brie hands me the last layer, a dark crimson military-style jacket with different joints to store weapons and other items. Pulling on the jacket, I place inside one inner-pocket the container of stardust from all those months ago. As I take a seat on the bed and begin to pull on my boots, a knock at the door takes Brie from me.

I watch as Brie slides out the slightly-parted door, only to be replaced with River. Wearing a similar style of clothing to me, his colors are that of dark grey, fitting his figure well as I run my eyes up his frame. 

The second my last boot is laced and I am ready, River comes to stand before me, pulling me in for a tight embrace. My head buried in his chest, I rest my eyes, inhaling his scent as I wonder just how scared River is. His fingers brush through my hair, helping to calm me down, and as he pulls from the embrace, he kneels down before me as we remain at equal heights. 

"Promise me you will remain close to your designated warriors," River asks of me, for he wishes for me to remain safe more than anything. The ten warriors assigned to be at my side the enter time are 'top-talent' according to Brie. 

"And what of you?" I ask, my voice soft as River leans into me, his forehead pressed against my own as he places his hands on my knees gently. 

"I will be with you, Leala, to protect you through this battle. But should we become separated, remain with those warriors." 

"I will do what I must to ensure the safety of myself, but most importantly the safety of this kingdom ready to exist." 

Placing my hand against his cheek, I pull River away slightly, our eyes meeting as the moment we share seems to intimate yet so simple. "Let us go to war. Let us go and make known to Keva and those who support her than their time has come to pass."