A few days go by following the meeting with my soulmates, during which we work on the mansion at a steady pace, and there are times when I'm left alone at the penthouse while San takes a few of them for their intensive training.

Where, I have no idea, but I'm guessing he's renting a studio somewhere nearby. It's also never the seven of them at the same time, as it allows him to better focus on each of them during the few hours that the training lasts.

While I have never seen it in person, I have an idea of how demanding it must be when Yoongi always comes back looking half-dead, takes a quick shower before crashing into bed for a night sleep that might as well be a full-on coma.

I can tell that he's giving it his all, just like everyone else, and San always has a word of praise for them. He says that they're very good students and that he rarely has to repeat himself, which really surprised him at first.

Seokjin is revealing himself to be rather sneaky in his counter-attacks, while Namjoon and Jungkook are more straightforward. As for Yoongi, he can't really explain his fighting style yet, but he says that it's got potential.

Jimin and Taehyung have a similar style that is their own, while Hoseok seems to be a mix of Yoongi and Seokjin in many ways. He hasn't said more, but I could see that he's truly impressed, and that made me proud. Worried, but proud.

Despite the abrupt changes in his life, Yoongi has settled in quite nicely since we finished his bedroom, and I can see that he's slowly beginning to feel more at ease when I sometimes see him edge closer whenever we sit in the living room to relax.

All of them have had to settle into a very different way of living, all of them are diligently learning how to keep both me and themselves safe into this world of mine that is slowly engulfing them alive, and it's got me wondering why San never offered to teach me too.

It's not like I'd be a bad student, I can learn too, and if I know how to defend myself, then wouldn't that make everyone feel better?

"It's not that simple" San answers when I finally voice my question aloud at the end of a long day, and I frown with my hands on my hips, unable to accept that unless he explains himself. He sighs when he sees that I'm going to be stubborn about it.

Yoongi's standing behind one of the couches in his fuzzy pyjama, his wet hair tickling his ears until he carefully dries the strands with the soft towel, his eyes on us as he feels the tension rise like a wall of dust buzzing against his skin.

"What's not simple, San? Am I that hopeless in your eyes? Do you think I can't learn anything?" I let out coldly, why does he never give me a chance to prove myself?

Is my brain the only good thing about me? Is there no other way I can help them? Surely there has to be something I can do, a way to support everyone in whatever this life of ours is becoming. If they can, then so can I.

"It's not- damn it. I just don't want you to get hurt, okay?" he barks out before turning around to slide a hand against his face.

"These trainings are harsh, and my job is to protect you. That means keeping you from getting wounded, or making sure that you don't overwork, or that you get a full night of sleep, which you make very hard to do for me at times. Learning how to fight isn't something you need to do".

"San, your job is to protect me, and that is exactly what you'd do by helping me to protect myself!" I exclaim with exasperation, "isn't it better that I get hurt but get stronger, than if I remain weak and vulnerable? You won't be able to prevent everything forever".

His fists clench at his sides, back still turned to me, but the annoyed left and right motions of his tail tells me everything I need to know. He's not going to change his mind about this, and I huff in disappointment, feeling angry at him for denying me something that I consider important.

"You're not going to try to understand my point of view, are you?" I ask him, not expecting for him to answer.

My soulmates are drastically adjusting their way of living because of me, they are being trained by an assassin because of me, they are sweating, bleeding and shedding tears because they want to become strong enough to protect me, but I can't do the same?

"These are the kind of situations that make me really hate you, San" I utter under my breath. "You ignore my opinion because you think you know better, and then you shut every doors in my face when in reality, you're just scared. If you don't teach me, I'll find someone else to do it instead".

I give him enough time to reply, to say anything, to deny or confirm what I just said, but when he remains exactly where he is, back turned to me and ignoring me, I rush past Yoongi to reach my bedroom, door slamming behind me in anger.

I stand in the middle of the room for a moment, then grab a pillow from the bed that I throw against the wall, then another one.

My chest rises and falls harshly with every breaths I take, frustration acting like a wildfire as it spreads all over my skin until it reaches my bones, filling me with a rage that I can't get rid of because I don't know how.

How does it make sense that I should rely forever on others to not get hurt? What if our positions are reversed one day, and I'm the only one who can protect them? What happens then if I can't even throw one good punch?

I kick the pillow at my feet, then sit on my bed, hunched forward and feeling powerless. Seeing my soulmates work so hard while I just sit and wait everyday... I don't like that at all.

Namjoon left his job as a police officer after he learned of San's offer to train them, something about how he wouldn't be able to work as well as he used to now that I'm here anyway, that he doesn't need the resources anymore since I'm back.

Jungkook is doing one last week before dropping his job at the firm too, because he'd rather stay by my side than worry all day about whether I'm safe or not.

He seemed to like his job, or at least he was proud of it, but following the conversation with San that last time, he's decided that he would - in his words - become my bulletproof vest and protect me, just like Yoongi.

Namjoon then asked for the same thing, and I could only stare as San confirmed everything with them. As for Seokjin, he too hesitated for a very long time about whether he should leave his job, but ultimately voted against doing the same.

He likes his department and he gets to be near me, so he didn't really see a reason to leave. I heard from his supervisor that he's very good at what he does and that the entire team adores him, so that made me incredibly happy for him.

The same goes for Hoseok too, and that was a huge relief, but they're bound to get exhausted because of me if this keeps going and that, I don't feel okay with. I never meant for them to work so hard for my sake, and I'd kick myself for not thinking of that sooner if I could.

I was so stupid for thinking that Hae-in would let me go that easily, this man who never lets go of his obsessions, even when they're broken. How could I be so dumb as to believe that he'd stay out of my life from now on? He only said that he'd release me from the debts, not that he'd release me.

He never said anything about us never seeing each other again, he only gave me the opportunity to do the work I wanted instead of going all over the country all the time. If I think about it... nothing has changed about my situation, if only for the fact that we do not live under the same roof anymore.

He still gets profit from my work, and there are probably more eyes on me than I can currently feel, people who report my every moves to him every single day. Would he hurt my soulmates if he ever gets tired of seeing them by my side?

That scares me so much.

What if allowing them back in my life was a bad move on my part? What if I just condemned the men that own my heart to a miserable life? What if they die because of me? What if rejecting them all those years ago was for nothing?

A soft knock on the door puts that thought on hold, and I look up just in time to see it open to Yoongi, lips pursed when he finds me hunched over on the edge of the bed with a sad gleam in my eyes. He closes it behind him, then reaches my side in silence.

"Can I sit?".

Nodding my head, he hums before lowering himself on the free space beside me, closer than usual when his shoulder brushes against mine, the warmth of our hips almost touching. His tail rests between us, calm and all soft-looking.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that, Yoongi, I'm not usually like this" I eventually mumble in the silence that stretches between us, as his eyes take in the large artwork on the wall that's now crooked with the pillows underneath it. It's obvious that I threw them there.

"I found that you both looked a little like siblings at that moment, you know? There's the older brother who just wants to protect his precious little sister, while all she wants to do is to help, to not weigh him down".

I bite on the inside of my cheek at that, eyes looking down at my hands over my lap. "Well he's a dumb older brother" I grumble. "Not as bad as my real brother, of course, but still dumb".

Yoongi chuckles softly.

"An overthinking older brother, perhaps, but not dumb. I can't speak like I know everything, but I imagine that constantly being on the lookout for danger whenever the two of you are somewhere outside must be incredibly stressful, and having to keep your mates safe on top of everything adds to it, I'm sure".

He gently grabs my hand and holds it tightly between his own.

"I understand your frustration. It's normal to feel the way you do when you see everyone working so hard around you, just know that... he feels the same. Don't be too harsh on him, give him some time, and I'm sure he'll eventually change his mind, when he's got less on his shoulders. If he doesn't, then I'll teach you what I know myself, me and the others, but not before we're better at this".

His soothing voice just saps all the anger out of me, and I melt before resting my head on his strong shoulder. Instead of flinching away, he wraps an arm around me to pull me closer, cheek pressed against the crown of my head as he sighs.

"Don't feel too bad about what's happening. The training is arduous, that's true, but it's also very fulfilling. We're all seeing quick progress thanks to San, and while it's still too early to say that, I know that there will come a day when we can protect you just as well as he does. He won't be so tensed then, but for now, he has to think about so many things that even I couldn't handle with a clear mind".

I close my eyes, then think back to all that San has always done for my sake. Things that I've learned to take for granted, because he always makes it look so easy. But it's true that without even realizing it, I put a lot on his shoulders.

Have I ever given him a break? Have I ever allowed him to rest for a day? I don't think I have, because I don't allow myself that much rest either. I keep myself busy all the time, and because of that, he has to keep an eye on me even when he's tired.

He drives me wherever I want to go, he works harder than anyone I know on top of supporting me in my own work, he makes sure I'm never left in need of anything under his watch, and now he's also working on the mansion with us, with the different trainings for my soulmates late into the night.

How could one person not get overwhelmed by all those things?

"I'm a terrible person" I finally blurt out, voice filled with regret. "I never took the time to see what I was asking of him, never thought to see how busy he is, and yet I got angry when he refused to do more. I am a selfish, entitled woman".

Yoongi doesn't say anything, but he caresses my arm, body swaying us side to side ever so gently.

"I'm so used to having everything I want done in the blink of an eye, that I end up acting really spoiled when I meet a wall" I continue, a soft huff as I come to terms with what I've done. "So many opened doors everywhere, but I get mad because the specific one I want is locked".

I lift my head from Yoongi's shoulder to stare at him with ashamed eyes.

"God, Yoongi. I told him that I hate him".

His eyes crease softly, and he pushes back some hair out of my face with his free hand. "Don't you think he would like to hear from you that you didn't mean it?".

That's all he needs to say to get me up on my feet, and I immediately know where to find him when I see the light from underneath his bedroom's door. I stand still for a minute, heart nervously beating in my chest, until I finally knock on it.

All movements from within come to a stop, and for a second, I wonder if he's going to ignore me again. But the door opens to his passive face, and he steps aside to allow me in, just like always, because San never keeps a door closed unless he believes it's for the best.

He leads me to the little seating area in the corner of the room, right by his bed, and I feel my soul drop when I find the two cups of tea waiting for us, freshly made when I find the steam rising from both drinks.

Feeling a lump in my throat, I follow behind him until we're sat next to each other, and I silently accept the mug he gives me while he holds his own over his knees.

I came knowing what needed to be done, but now that I'm here, I'm missing the words to express myself.

There's so much I should say, so much to apologize about. I speak about giving the ideal life to hybrids, and yet, for all this time, what have I offered to San? Nothing, if not a huge load of constant work that never ends.

He's given his life to serve me willingly, he's giving all of his free time away into making sure that my soulmates don't fall to Hae-in's hands, and yet I dared to ask more of him, and got angry when he established a boundary.

I'm no better than Hae-in, then. I'm doing exactly the same thing he used to, the only difference here being that I don't need to ask San anything for him to do it. Allowing this to happen is how I participated, and I'm ashamed of myself.

"I'm sorry, San" I murmur softly, lips pinched together to try and keep in the tears, I'm done with crying for a century. "I didn't mean it when I said that I hate you, and I shouldn't have said what I did knowing that if there's one person here who truly cares about my well-being, it's you. I'm sorry".

I inhale angrily when the tears begin to flow anyway, and I wipe them with the back of my hand.

"I feel useless because you're all working hard, and I feel awful because I'm just now seeing how much weight I'm forcing onto your shoulders. You're doing everything you can to allow me the life that I want, and I thank you by getting mad" I continue, voice trembling as I wipe more tears off my skin, damn it.

"I don't get it, San. You have nothing to gain from doing so much for me, do you? You could've left me alone after we left Hae-in, you could've disappeared and finally live a life for yourself, but instead, you're giving me your everything without asking for anything back. That makes me just like him and-"

He puts the mug on the table with a loud sound at that, then mine, which cuts short what I was saying, and I stare at him with a quivering chin that he eventually holds together by cupping it with one hand, which he uses to keep my face up so I don't look away.

"I have told you before, and I always will. You are not like him, Y/N. I have chosen to remain by your side because it is where I want to be. I don't care how much work I have to do, that's the least of my concern, but a life without you? Now, that's a real fucking nightmare".

San stares at me with a hard frown, though his expression starts to crack slightly the more he feels me quiver. There's pain in his gaze, one that shares my own. His hand is gentle on my face, and he catches a few tears with his thumb.

"You have no idea how miserable I was before you. My hands were covered in blood all the time and I felt lifeless inside. There was no point for me to keep living, and I was just waiting for the time when someone would finally offer me mercy in an honorable way".

He shakes his head, eyes searching into my own with a smile of disbelief. "But you, Y/N, you just cleaned those dirty hands. You took a damp towel, and you cleaned off the blood. While everyone else was busy doing their own things, you held me in your arms and hugged me until I stopped shivering".

I remember... it was only a few days after I had to break the soul bond. I'd watched as a group of men came back from a mission in laughter, they just kept congratulating themselves for having killed a family that were bothering them, but San wasn't sharing their joy.

Rather, he looked broken. He had the eyes of someone who'd seen something terrible, something he could never forget, no matter how hard he'd try. It felt instinctive to me when I cared for him, because he looked like he needed it, but I hadn't realized the impact this moment would have on him.

"That gave me the strength to keep living, because I knew that upon coming back, someone would wait for me. I helped in your kidnapping but for some reason, you kept looking for me, always staying close like you needed me. That warmed something in my cold heart, and then I just knew that if I died, you'd have no one left to stay by your side. That rose me from the dead, Y/N, you did that".

He furrows his brows when I hiccup a small sob, not liking that sound in the slightest. It had been so long since he'd last heard me cry like this, but it's been happening often since my mates came back, hasn't it?

"You think that you're like Hae-in, but you couldn't be any more wrong. You are light, a home in the darkness. You are fire, melting any ice that closes around my heart, but most of all, you are love. You welcome people in with open arms, with a smile that never wavers, and you give that warmth to anyone in need of it, without any exception. You did it for me, and you did it for so many others".

Now a crying mess, San pulls me into a tight hug, his own eyes burning with unshed tears.

He's never been so open about his feelings until now, never was one to share something so personal in all the years that I've known him, and it feels like receiving a love bomb right in the center of my soul, like glitters thrown all over a carpet.

There's no getting rid of them now, just like this will forever comfort me.

"You're the family that I never had. You're a sister, a daughter, a friend, you're so precious to me. I don't care if you get mad at me, or if you say things that you don't mean because you're left disappointed. You could scream all you want and I would never resent you for it" he muses softly as he rubs soothing motions over my back.

"Your childhood was taken from you so abruptly, so let me be that for you. Let me frustrate you, and annoy you, let me receive that anger, those spoiled pouts and tantrums, then let me reassure you like this. Life isn't only one side of a coin, there are two, and I want to experience them with you. The good and the bad".

Unable to say anything, I hug him with all of my might as I cry, and he holds me through it until the end, nothing more needing to be said when he finally could get it all out. All the words that he always thought, but never felt he could speak, now out in the open. It feels good.

Yoongi smiles from the other side of the door, then pushes himself off the wall before heading to bed for the night, tail swaying behind him in contentment.