"Say something, I'm giving up on you."
- A Great Big World.

**

Every part of him was cold.

There was no pleasant sense of feeling within him; only the numbing pain in his muscles – cramping, upon his skin – stinging, his insides – lurching.

The only organs within him he could feel were; his heart clobbering against the ringing in his ears in a steady slow pace, and his lungs constricting in a might to provide him the littlest air he needed to breathe.

It was excruciating.

With his belly flat against the snow, he could only writhe forward, and each movement heightened the pain, the torment. His insides twisted and seemingly shot up through his gullet. Thick blood along with other stomach contents sputtered from his mouth and coated his hands, as well as the snow.

His lungs were in overdrive, his brain spacing in and out.

The arrow in his thigh was lodged deep, and he’d realized its poison far too late.

His brain seemed to be registering something; a voice calling out to him.

“Kieran!”

The cry was desperate, and so were the other shouts, all calling his name.

He groaned and whimpered as the arrow was yanked from his thigh. Sharp pain shot up his sides as he was turned over, and his eyes spotted a mass of blond hair before they blurred.

The ringing in his ears was back, his heart beat slowing. He made out two other figures surrounding him aside from the blond, and whatever they were shouting was muffled out by the rotation his brain was making.

Focus.

The blond one took one of his hands and began rubbing furiously. The others followed his lead, trying to create friction wherever they could on him.

He felt nothing, and his brain commanded his eyes to close.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep!”

He’d recognize that bossy cocky voice anywhere – Lukas.

He willed his eyes to open and saw his best friend; gritting his teeth and barking orders amidst profanities. He seemed distressed, sad. Kieran could not help but feel he was the cause.

“…awake…don’t…leave me!” His brain only caught a few words in Lukas’ panic-filled string of orders.

He was the Crown Prince, so Kieran had to obey him.

Yet his body could not. Instead it spasmed and he shivered uncontrollably.

The last thing he felt was slight warmth of droplets upon his face, and the last thing he heard was a loud cry full of anguish, before he allowed his eyelids to droop and succumbed to total darkness – total detachment of all his senses.

“I’m sorry, Lukas.”

*****

Aira’s heart was in her throat as she half-walked, half-ran through the halls of the military base.

Part of her wished to reach her destination quicker, so she could prove that the news she’d received was untrue. The other part wanted to stall as much as possible, so she wouldn’t have to bear the brunt of the news turning out to be true.

In the end, she arrived at the private infirmary chamber quicker, and walked through the open door. The first person she saw was Joshua, leaning against the wall to her left, his eyes soulless as they stared at the floor. Next to him was Ray, sitting on the floor. His head was buried in his arms and knees.

Aira’s eyes scanned the rest of the room, deliberately avoiding the only bed, settled in the middle.

She saw Lukas leaning against the wall to her right, his eyes staring straight ahead into space. He wasn’t wearing his fur coat – none of them were, and his cape was in tatters. The eye bags were prominent, his blond hair disheveled like he’d been trying to rip it out. The disillusionment was unmistakable.

Her eyes finally turned to the bed where underneath the covers and fur coats, her eldest brother lay.

With wobbly legs, she approached the bed, and stood close enough to gaze at him. He lay completely still on his back; he would have been expressionless, had his face not looked so tranquil despite the overgrown beard and long shaggy hair.

She had never seen him so pale, so unresponsive – even his lips had turned a pale blue colour. She lifted a hand and placed it on his cheek. He was as cold as ice.

She smiled – a crooked, quivering smile. “Kieran, wake up,” she called, softly.

His eyelashes didn’t even flutter.

“I’m here now, so you can get up, okay?” Aira said. “You have to welcome me with a hug, you know.”

Silence was her only response, and her bottom lip quivered, her chest constricting. She was not ready to believe it was true.

“I’m your only sister, so…” she swallowed back a lump. “…so you have to do whatever I ask of you. Right now, I’m asking you to give me a hug. It’s all I want. I won’t pinch you, I promise.”

Her thumb stroked the bruised skin on his cheek, his coldness seeping into her.

A tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another. “Could you at least smile at me the way you always do? Huh?” With every quiet response, realization sank deeper, and she tried hard to fight it.

“Kieran, if you don’t smile, it means you don’t love me anymore.”

Soft cries turned into sobs and it got harder and harder to control the ache in her chest, and in her throat.

“But seems I’m the loser here, because-” she sniffled. “-because I will still love you, even if you’re being rebellious.”

Her body jerked forward and the sobs were harsh as realization fully sank in.

A hand held her shoulder. “Aira-”

“Get off me!” she screamed, turning and swatting Luke’s arm.

Luke gazed at her with widened eyes. Her face was tear-stricken but her eyes were livid, her teeth grinding.

“Why are you letting him do whatever he wants!” she yelled and shoved him. “Why did you let him end up this way? Huh!” She shoved him again, her fists hitting his chest.

Her attacks did no harm to him as compared to the torture and agony his heart was swimming in then.

“You’re supposed to be his best friend, yet you let him go just like that!” Aira screamed, now grasping his tunic.

Luke wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to himself. She did not resist as her body was weakened by pain, and her fragileness drew her to seek comfort.

She trembled as she cried in his chest. “Just like that…”

Luke bit his lip hard in an attempt to control his own emotions and looked above Aira’s head. Ray had stood up and had sought the comfort of Joshua’s arms, his sadness evident by his silent sobs.

“I’m sorry,” was all Lukas could murmur. “I let you down. All of you.”

He looked up at the ceiling as his hand eased into Aira’s hair.

**

Hours later, Commander Xerthes stepped into the private infirmary chamber, followed by a man dressed in a white linen robe with blue pyramid patterns at the hems. Lukas recognized him as one of the physicians.

Aira sat next to him on the chaise. Her head rested on his shoulder, a blanket around her form. When the two men walked in, she raised her head to peer at them. Lukas, along with Kieran’s siblings, eyed them curiously.

The Commander’s face was hard, his fists clenched as he glared at the single bed in the room. He must have felt everyone’s gaze on him, and read their thoughts about why he would bring a physician at this point in time.

Because he said, “My son is not dead.”

Lukas felt his heart break a little more.

Aira shivered, and he wrapped an arm around her.

The Commander nodded to the physician, who walked to the bed, and began his ministrations.

Lukas watched the physician’s actions and expressions critically – they all did. He saw how his face folded when he touched Kieran’s neck with his fingers, and how his brows furrowed when he touched his wrist.

He repeated his procedures, but his facial expressions did not change for the better. Instead, he let out a resigned sigh and shook his head.

Lukas’ heart sank completely.

The physician looked up at the Commander, sympathy crowning his face. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, Aira had already burst into a fresh stream of tears.

**********

Spring had arrived.

Elena was at Hammedatha Manor one morning, having slept over the previous night. The sun was up after a long slumber and she hoped to capture some of its warmth, so she walked down to the foyer.

She found Lady Alyssa standing out on the terrace with a man she didn’t recognize. The man’s body was covered with a dull grey cloak, and the Guard’s emblem stood out against its breast.

A soldier?

Something stirred within Elena and caused her to remember the conversation she’d had with Maruja the previous night.

**
“My friend’s husband was killed in battle.”

Elena stopped her knitting and looked up at Maruja, who sat across her in the lounge of Aaron’s bed-chamber.

“How did you…I mean, how did she…” Elena’s voice trailed off.

“How did she find out? Through a messenger,” Maruja replied, her gaze sad as she looked at the fire. “They usually deliver the message as soon as it happens. They deliver some or one of the fallen soldier’s belongings to his or her family. Something the soldier had on him during the fight – at the time of his death.”

**
Elena’s hand found its way to the doorframe, her body suddenly needing support.

The soldier noticed her at last, and surprise lit up his features before they were darkened by sympathy.

Elena tore her eyes from the man and focused on Lady Alyssa’s back. The latter turned around and immediately, Elena took notice of the red hair tie with golden flame patterns in her hands.

Elena’s chin quivered and she took a feeble step forward, her eyes never leaving the piece of cloth. Lady Alyssa said nothing as Elena approached her, and she let her take the hair tie from her hands.

Elena’s mind was foggy and disoriented. The soldier had started to speak, but his words failed to make sense in her brain. She was having flashes – memory flashes of the autumn festival night when she had gifted the same hair tie to Kieran.

Once the man finished what it is he had to say, Elena turned around and ambled back into the house.

Nothing made sense. Everything in her being felt hollow.

She clasped the hair tie in both hands like she was offering a sacrifice, and stopped when she was a couple of steps into the foyer.

Infront of her stood Aaron. He was wearing a loose silk open robe over his white night wear, meaning he’d just come from bed. The colour had returned to his skin, and his eyes were bright; the same brightness reflected in his small smile.

“How does the sun feel?” His voice was no longer hoarse, but sounded eager for the change in weather. His eyes darted expectantly behind her as he asked.

The hollowness within Elena’s chest was instantly replaced by a sharp pain when she saw him lively and oblivious.

“Aaron…” she croaked, and tears filled up her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

She thrust herself against him, hugging him tight as her tears wetted his shirt. “I’m so sorry.”

He stood completely still as he let her wail on him. She did not know whether at this point, it was her giving him comfort or she was the one seeking it from him.

The only thing she understood was that she was utterly broken

A/N:

This is where the marathon ends.

If I were to name this chapter, I would name it “The Death of a Bachelor’ and it would become that moment where the story title falls exactly into place.

I didn’t want to do the “wake up” bit, but it was the only way I could drive the grief home.

On that note, this is not a dream, or any illusion of sorts. It’s real. No tricks. Take the chapter as it is.

Is it bad timing to announce that the book is almost done?

Vote?⭐