Have courage to trust love
one more time
and always one more time.

- Maya Angelou

We pull away, breathless and struggling to catch our breath. Even though we no longer tough, I feel his lips seared against mine. His fingers paint indelible tattoos across my skin everywhere they touch, and when we pull apart, I want his touch again like an ache inside of me.

I blush at the hungry look in Josh's eyes, the half-lidded blue haze that sets me afire. His hand remains on my arm and he trails his fingers from my shoulder all the way down to my fingers, lacing ours together.

"I should go to bed," I say even though I don't move.

"You probably should."
"And you probably shouldn't come with me," I add with a grin.

Josh laughs. "I definitely shouldn't." He tugs at our interlocked fingers and pulls me into a hug that's just as intimate as our kiss. "Good night, Rach," he whispers in my ear, making the soft curls flutter against my neck.

"Good night, Josh."

As I trot up the stairs to our apartment, heat dances across my skin with just the memory of his touch. One kiss whisked away all of my doubts, the conflict between vulnerability and surrender. Even if I wanted to be careful and take things slow, I can't with Josh. I never could.

When I open the door to the apartment, I squeal. "What are you guys doing?"

Like a pair of peeping Toms, Chloe and Hina peer through the blinds at the street where Josh's truck sat for the last fifteen minutes. The blush in my cheeks deepens.

"Were you guys spying on us?" I exclaim, hands on my hips. "Are you serious?"
Chloe laughs. "Did you seriously think we wouldn't? You were making out right outside the apartment. Everyone in the building could see you."

Well, that makes me feel better.

Hina smiles eagerly at me. "Oh, Rachel, you guys are so cute! One date and chemistry like that? What am I doing wrong?"

"One date and two years," I correct her although I believe we'd have the same connection even if this was our very first date. I doubt something as meaningless as time could change us.

"Whatever," she says with an eye roll. "That was hot."

"Okay, I'm going to bed," I growl, thoroughly embarrassed.
"Oh, c'mon!" Hina exclaims, running over to me and tugging my arm. "Aren't you going to tell us how it went?"
"I'm pretty sure you already figured that out." Chloe and Hina both laugh and a wave of exhaustion washes over me. Between pouring out my soul and listening to Josh share his, every part of me is in need of rest. "Goodnight, creepers."

I close the door to my bedroom behind me and lean against it, releasing a long sigh. A smile plays at my lips. Even though fatigue rests heavy on my eyelids, I'm too drunk on the evening to surrender to sleep just yet. I exchange my clothing for an oversized t-shirt and lie on the top of my lilac comforter, unlocking my phone.

A text from Josh that he must have sent before he drove away waits for me.

Josh: That was the best night I've had in a long time. P.S. I still want you.

Rachel: I agree. P.S. I still want you too.

I toss my phone aside and try to close my eyes, but I know sleep won't come. I pick up my phone and scroll through my contacts. 11:00 P.M. on a Sunday night. What are the chances Jordan, the mother of twin toddlers, is still awake? Why am I still awake? Tomorrow's going to suck, but I don't care. I need to talk to someone who understands. I text Jordan and she is awake, preparing for her class tomorrow.

"Hey, Rach!" she chirps into my air. I forgot that she's a night person, a great source of contention during our two years as roommates.

"Hey, Jord. What's up?"

"I just spent two hours washing puke off of the couch Luis and I just bought last year. Please tell me you have something more interesting going on in your life."

"You're not going to believe this." Jordan knows that I ran into Josh a few times, but I haven't had a chance to tell her about the lunch dates or the "I want you" conversation.

"What? This better be juicy, and not kid-puke juicy."

"I just got back from a date with Josh Hunter."

A mixture of a squeal and a handful of curse words deafens me. "Are you freaking serious?"
"Totally serious."

"Holy crap. Did he kiss you?" I don't say anything which is answer enough. "Oh my gosh. It took you two years to kiss in college and now you're making out after one date? I'm so proud of you, my young padawan."

Luis must have made her watch Star Wars again.

"It's completely different this time around, Jord. I really think it is."

Jordan doesn't say anything. Of everyone, including Chloe and my family, Jordan is most familiar with my relationship with Josh. She's known him almost as long as I have and was there through every twist and turn of our earliest journey.

"Why? Why is it different?"

"Jordan, we talked about our feelings more in a two hour date than we did in two years of college."

"That really isn't saying much. I don't think I've ever heard Josh every put the words 'I' and 'feel' together in a sentence before."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you; he told me how he felt, put it all on the table, even before I did."

"Seriously?"
"Seriously. He said, 'I want you, Rach. I always have.'"

Jordan lets out a low whistle. "That's hot. I'm impressed."
"I'm convinced it's different this time, Jord. We talked about what happened over the past four years and about our fears and our insecurities and everything. He opened up to me."

"You told him about what a basket case you were when he left?"
"Yep."

"All the sordid details? The snotty cry-sessions in the bathroom? The Nicholas Sparks reruns?"

Even though I'm alone, my face still turns red. "Well, I didn't go into that much detail. It was a first date, after all."

Jordan snorts. "But you told him? You told him that you loved him?"

My smile fades away. I told him everything, or almost everything, but I still haven't been able to string those three words together. "Not yet."

"Are you going to?"

"I...I don't know. I mean, I still love him; I never really stopped, but I don't think I can say that out loud, not yet."
The words "I love you" are the final link in the chain of vulnerability, and even though we made huge strides in forging new trust, saying "I love you" is like jumping over a waterfall. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

"Well, you should tell him eventually. You regretted not telling him last time."

And even though the words are at the tip of my tongue, I find I'm still afraid that Josh will blink out of my life again and the words will die out like a taste bud that has lost its favorite flavor.

"I know. I'm going to get some sleep, Jord. But...you don't think I've lost my mind, do you?"
"You've absolutely lost your mind, Rach." Jordan laughs. "But when love isn't madness, it's not love."

Another week passes and I lose myself in the haze of our reunion, in lunch dates outside of work and calls that last into the waning hours of morning. I ignore work as much as I can, writing bland, meaningless articles that satisfy Halle enough that I pass under her radar, and I let myself revel in the feeling of falling.

Josh and I try to plan a second date, but he's busy with the camp on Friday night and Hina plans another game night for Saturday night.

"It's not as good as getting you alone," Josh says, "but at least we'll still be together."

He and Ellie agree to come and Josh invites his friend Andrew, I'm pretty sure so he doesn't feel outnumbered by women. Most guys don't get very excited about a board game night. I can't imagine why.

I'm so anxious to see Josh even though we had lunch just two days ago that Hina gets tired of me pacing through the living room.

"Rachel, stop being a Nervous Nellie. You're going to wear out the carpet. Why don't you come help me in the kitchen and I'll show you how to make German chocolate cake?"

"Do you really want to risk your cake?" I ask. "I have the tendency to destroy all uncooked food within a ten foot vicinity."

"No after I show you my secrets," Hina says with a wink, tossing me an apron with a giant teddy bear embroidered on the front.

I put it on and snort when the strings barely stretch around my midsection thanks to Hina's waiflike frame. "Well, this already isn't going well."

"Hurry up and I'll let you beat the eggs!"

I agree and take the whisk from her. Beating eggs. What can possibly go wrong? Hina continues to give me menial tasks as she assembles her masterpiece. I may not be able to cook, but I'm a great egg beater and flour measurer, despite the fact that I opened the bag of flour too quickly and coated my face in a layer of fine white powder.

In spite of my interference, Hina manages to mix together the cake and inserts the two cake pans into the oven and the frosting into the refrigerator.

"There. In 25 minutes, we'll have a gorgeous German chocolate cake. Aren't you proud of yourself?"

"Is there a camera in here? Is this some episode of 'The World's Worst Cooks'?" I glance suspiciously in the corner of a tiny kitchen. "All I did was measure flour and beat eggs. I don't deserve any credit."

"Nonsense," Hina says. "You'll be a regular Baker Barbara in no time."

"Baker Barbara?"

"Yep."

"We have visitors!" Chloe interrupts us, peeking her head into the kitchen. "Holy crap, Rachel. What happened? Did the cake explode all over you?"
I reach up and draw a line on my forehead. Great--I'm still covered in flour. "Nope, I was just baking."

"And we're sure this cake is edible?" Chloe teases.

"I swear I barely touched it," I reassure her.

"Rachel! Hina!"
Ellie bounces into the kitchen, a literal ball of sunshine as usual, and exclaims, "Oh good, you've been baking again! I'm positively starving. Mom's trying to get us to eat healthy so she's been making a lot of collard greens and not so many baked goods, so Hina, you're my savior."

Josh pops up behind her. "Hey, Rach," he says, and then cracks up when he catches sight of me. "What the heck happened to you? You look like Betty Crocker gave you a makeover."

Thank goodness for the flour; it hides my blush. I swipe at my face and grin. "We were baking."
"Cute apron," he teases.

"Oh, crap. Can you untie me?" I turn my back on Josh so I can furiously scrub the flour from my face. I catch a reflection of myself in the window. Holy crap. I look like a mime.

Josh reaches for the strings of my apron and unties them, his fingers lingering around my waist longer than necessary. My skin is layered with tectonic plates and volcanoes erupt everywhere he touches.

Tugging on the apron strings, he pulls me back against him so his head rests in the crook of my neck and he whispers in my ear, "It's good to see you, Rach."

Hina and Ellie vacate the kitchen, talking about architecture or design or something, and Josh and I have a brief moment alone. I spin around and toss the apron off of me. I reach up and grab the sides of his face, his beard rough and stubbly against my hands, and pull him towards me for a quick kiss that soon becomes long.

"Hey," I whisper against his lips. "I still want you."

"Hey," he whispers back, planting a handful of kisses along my jaw to the hollow of my neck and sending a shiver down my back. "I still want you too."

A cleared throat at the doorway interrupts us and I jump away from Josh, a hand covering my face. A massive, ripped black guy stands in the doorway, a knowing grin on his face.

"Am I interrupting something?"
Josh grabs my hand and pulls me towards the man, who I now realize wears a cop uniform. "Rach, this is Andrew Bishop. Andrew, this is Rachel Evans."

Andrew is a massive hulk of a man, easily 6'3" or 6'4" and a giant block of muscle. He reaches for my hand, his about three times the size of mine.

"Rachel Evans!" he says in a booming voice that has probably terrified a thousand criminals. "I've heard a lot about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You too," I squeak out, still mortified by being caught making out in the kitchen with a guy I've only gone on one date with.

"You look a little pale. Is everything okay?"

I break out laughing as Josh reaches a hand to wipe away another smudge of flour from my cheek. "Everything's perfect, actually."

Hina yells for us, saying that Scrabble waits for no man, and we head to the living room.

As we go, I realize that for once in my life, everything is perfect.  

~~~~~

Guys, this was a sappy chapter, but didn't you love it? Have you ever had a day like that, when life seemed perfect? Tell me about it in the comments, and thanks for reading! Please remember to vote on any chapters you enjoy so other readers can discover this story as well :)