RACHEL

I woke up by the sound of amused laughing and giggling. As my eyes tiredly fluttered open, the sun shone strongly into mine eyes. Squinting, I sat up before rubbing my eyes with my fists. The laughing and giggling was still lingering around me as my vision slowly cleared and my friends came to sight. They were circled around me with extremely amused expressions. Flustered, I looked around. What was so funny?

Noting that their eyes were casted down, something next to me, I dropped my gaze down and my limbs froze, eyes widening at the same time. A fast asleep Elliot was curled up next to me. His eyes were shut, his lips slightly parted while his cheek rested on his palm, peacefully.

Shit. I totally forgot about Elliot. How was I supposed to explain this? That he slept in the same sleeping bag as me because he literally always had to be on suicide watch?

When everyone continued to stare at us with their amused and curious expressions, I smacked Elliot's arm, making him jump up by the sudden strong impact.

"What the hell, Rachel..," he murmured with a husky voice. Oblivious to the situation he had gotten us stuck in, Elliot looked around, eyes blinking several times. When his gaze finally landed on our friends, Elliot's sleepy expression instantly fell as he rapidly glanced at me and then at the sleeping bag we were still inside. Together.

"What are you guys doing in the same sleeping bag?" Liv giggled.

Panicked, Elliot and I glanced at each other at the same time.

"I was...cold?" He almost asked, his cheeks crimson red.

"You were cold so you left your sleeping bag to sleep in Rachel's?" Madelaine asks, raising her brows. Amusement was clear across her face.

"I...yes...yes I did," he sounded like an idiot. A complete fool.

I facepalmed myself. Great. Just great.

"Guys relax, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Hannah and Brandon sleep in the same sleeping bag all the time," Matt said, casually.

Hannah and Brandon's faces instantly flushed immensely red. And then everyone's attention turned to the two of them. Elliot and I even smiled by the sight of Hannah and Brandon being stared at with amusement by everyone. Soon everyone headed to their tents to change and prepare breakfast.

As soon as they were gone, I smacked Elliot's arm. "I was cold?! Seriously?!"

Elliot held his hands up in defense, his hair tousled, adorably. "Hey, you could've come up with a better excuse yourself."

"Shut up," I snapped.

"Not the morning person, are we?" He grinned, patting my head, again.

"Ugh," I dropped myself in the sleeping bag, curling myself into a ball. I closed my eyes and embraced the sudden silence that fell between us.

"You know if being found in the same sleeping bag as me is so embarrassing and shameful to you, then you could've just told me to leave before I fell asleep," he snapped, the unexpected anger in his tone making me slightly flinch.

"What?" I ripped my eyes open and sat up. Elliot look angry, but I could see the hurt within his eyes.

"Forget it," he muttered, climbing to his feet.

"Elliot! Wait!" I stumbled on my feet while sprinting after him. My knees ached, but I ignored the pain. I quickened my pace and when I finally caught up to him, we found ourselves somewhere in the woods. I grabbed Elliot's arm and forcefully turned him around to face me.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you suddenly being a jerk?" I asked.

"I'm the jerk?! Seriously?" He looked angrier than ever. "You know what? Why did I even come to this stupid camping with you? I could've just stayed with mom. At least I'm not an embarrassment to her. Or maybe I am. After all that's all you are by being born by rape. An embarrassment."

I stood in complete silence, my head slightly tilted to the side. Elliot's furious expression remained as he spun on his heel and stormed off, angrily.

What the hell just happened?

~

Moments later, I found Elliot sitting under the shadow of a tall tree with his back leaned up against it. His long legs were outstretched before him while he was staring at the clouds above him on the lively sky.

As I approached him, his gaze coincidentally stopped on me. He quickly looked away and I sighed. I quietly sat down next to him and looked at the clouds with him until the silence was unbearable.

"What just happened? You just lost it," I said, looking at him with a worried expression.

"I'm sorry. I just...I thought I meant something to you, but I guess I'm just some tutor who's annoying you by making sure you don't kill yourself," he murmured after exhaling a shaky breath.

"No, you are so much more than that!" I protested, quickly cupping his face in my palms. The marshmallows on the sky mirrored in his eyes. "You are my friend and you mean a lot to me. A lot."

Slowly, a small smile appeared on his face. I could see a glint of happiness within the sadness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I swear I never meant to hurt you. You are not an embarrassment. You'll never be. In fact, I'm so lucky to have you as my friend. Everyone who are friends with you are so deeply lucky. And your mom, she's the luckiest woman one the planet to have such an amazing son like you. She really is. So don't you dare for not even a second think that you are an embarrassment." After the words poured out of my mouth, I was quite breathless. "Okay?"

Surprised, Elliot sat still, staring at me like an innocent child. Just for a moment, I wondered what the 10 year old Elliot must've gone through when his dad raped his mom. What went through that 10 year old mind of his when he opened the door to the room he was locked in and found his mom with her clothes ripped apart, tear stained face, and bleeding of agonizing pain.

Elliot was scarred. It was a scar on his heart. And scars never healed. Never.
That scar was so deep that it took his strength away. He cried easily, got emotional easily and there was so much fear inside him. Fear he'll hurt someone the way he hurt his mom by leading her to a trap. A trap that broke her once again.

He might've somehow moved on, but that scar was permanently stitched on his heart and the ghost of that 10 year old Elliot still lived in his mind, pulling the strings of his strength.

Elliot and I were equally broken. While I was fighting with the demons in my mind, one of those demons being the murderer Rachel, Elliot was fighting the ghost of the 10 year old Elliot still haunting him.

"Shit, Rachel. Don't cry," he said wiping my...tears? When did I start crying?

His soft thumbs caressed my cheeks and I chuckled, wiping my nose with the back of my hand. "I'm really sorry," I sobbed.

Elliot shook his head. "It's okay. I'm sorry too."

We exchanged a wry smile before I dropped my hands from his face. He tucked my messy hair behind my ears and afterwards withdrew his hands as well. My gaze landed on an apple lying next to me and I looked up too see dozens of red, delicious looking apples grown on the tree.

"Look at those apples. Let's taste them," I said, getting up on my feet before climbing up the tree without any difficulties. Within a few minutes, I was sitting high up on one of the thick branches. I looked down to find Elliot gazing at me with brows raised and fascination creased across his face. Amused, I gave a short laugh and smiled at him.

"You climb faster than a monkey," Elliot admitted as he climbed up to me.

"And you climb slower than a snail," I snapped, grinning. Elliot rolled his eyes and when he almost reached the branch I was sitting on with my legs resting over the edge, I extended my hand and pulled Elliot up next to me.

Elliot threw his hands up to pick two apples, giving one of them to me. I dug in and literally melted of the delicious taste emerging on my tongue.

"Who taught you to climb like that?" He asked, curiously.

"My dad," I said, taking another bite of the sweetest apple I've ever tasted. Elliot raised his brows with a genuine smile across his face.

"I was twelve and we used to climb up the apple tree in our backyard all the time during summer. He made me a pro and sometimes I used to climb in mom and dad's absence. They got so angry when they came home from work and found me up on the tree, eating apples by myself," I informed, chuckling. Elliot smiled, genuinely.

"Wow, we are really high up and the lake is right beneath us," he said, looking down at the water almost 20 meters below us.

"Let's jump," I said, gazing down at the sparkling oceanic blue water. It was simply mesmerizing.

"What?! No!" He rapidly grabbed my arm, his grip immensely firm.

"Come on, stop being a scaredy cat," I mocked, smirking.

"I'm not being a scary cat. I'm just saying that if we jump, according my calculations, there's 99,9 percent chance that we might die," he stated.

I let out a ragged breath before smiling sarcastically. "And according to my calculations, I'm 99,9 percent sure that you have no idea what fun means."

Elliot didn't look convinced. Smiling mischievously, I took Elliot's hand in mine and before he could simply react, I threw us over the edge, screaming, "Onetwothreejump!"

We fell.

We collided with the sparkly, warm surface.

We drowned.

During the whole time we screamed like two babies.

And last but not least, I had never felt so alive.

Under the water, Elliot stared at me with wide eyes while bubbles escaped his mouth. His hair was swaying with the water and I grinned, swimming towards him. Elliot reached for me by my waist and we threw our heads over the surface to catch our breaths.

We coughed and coughed while panting, breathlessly. Elliot's hands were still on my waist and mine on his shoulders. I noticed he was having difficulties with catching his breath as he coughed uncontrollably. I pushed away his wet hair that stuck to his forehead before lowering my hand down to his back, gently patting it.

"Are you okay?" I asked, my breath still hoarse.

Still coughing, Elliot nodded. "Yeah, just...shocked that we're still alive."

I grinned. "I am 100 percent alive right now."

He smiled. "Yeah?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

Suddenly, Elliot chuckled of amusement. I raised my brows, inquiringly. "Your hair. You look like a sea monster," he grinned widely.

Deeply offended, I gasped, smacking his arm several times. Amused, Elliot tipped his head back and laughed out loud. I rolled my eyes and tucked in to him, my head resting against his chest, his heart beating to a rhythmic tune that slowly got me addicted. I wanted to listen to it everyday. I completely forgot that we were in sweatpants and sweaters. And we were complete soaked. Last, but not least, it was freezing cold in the water.

Suddenly, Elliot picked me up in his arms, water dripping from my soaked sweatpants that had gotten a darker shade of pink. Surprised by Elliot's action, I looked at him with brows raised. He had a devilish look across his wet face. Without warning, he literally dropped me into the water.

For a brief moment, I drowned, my arms and legs jolting, crazily. When I threw myself over the surface, coughing uncontrollably, my gaze stopped on Elliot who had burst out laughing of immense amusement. "What? That's my definition of fun."

"Shithead! What the hell?!" I yelled, smashing my fist into his chest. Elliot fell backwards and a victorious smile tugged on my lips, but it instantly fell when Elliot grabbed my arm, dragging me down with him.

We continue like this until we were shivering and sneezing like idiots, our skin turning cold. It was then I realized I should've thought about the after math of jumping into icy cold water.

"Elliot? I think we might've caught a cold. Want to sleep in the same sleeping bag again tonight to prevent the others from catching a cold?"

"Smooth, Rachel Adams. Smooth."

~

That evening, us girls and Elliot sat circled around the bonfire while eating grilled marshmallows. We were busy talking, joking and laughing together while I held my hands closed to the fire, letting the heat warm them up. I was still shivering from Elliot and my quite fun, yet super cold swim in the lake this morning.

"So you and Elliot, huh?" I glanced sideways to find Will seated next to me with a warm smile across his face.

What did he just say? Me and...Elliot?

"No. Not at all. There's not nothing between me and Elliot," I quickly replied.

"Rachel, relax. Why are you trying to assure me that you like another guy. I don't have anything against that. Sure it kind of feels weird to see you with someone else, but I don't mind," he assures, softly.

"I know that, but Elliot and I don't feel that way about each other. And just because we slept in the same sleeping bag, that doesn't mean we are a thing or something. Elliot and I are just really good friends and we like to take good care of each other," I explained, almost defensively.

"Sure. That's nice. But even if you don't like him in that way, you don't know how Elliot,-"

"Will, bro, Brandon and I are going for a quick swim. Wanna join?" Matt asked with towel over his shoulder.

"Sure," Will replied and got up on his feet.

Brandon who was standing next to Matt with Hannah, turned to his girlfriend. "Do you want to join?"

"I'd rather sit here and talk with Rachel. Is it okay if I join you guys tomorrow? Her voice was so calm and gentle.

"Okay, sure. I'll see you later." He pecked her cheek and we exchanged a friendly smile before he headed into the woods with Matt and Will.

Elliot was sitting with Vici, chatting about something funny while Liv was sitting with Madelaine and Skylar. They were all intrigued in their own conversations so I glanced at Hannah who sat down next to me.

"So, you and Brandon. How long have you two been together?"

"Um, we confessed to each other one week before Christmas and now we're in May, so approximately 5 months," she replied.

I was simply stunned and amazed. "Seriously?"

Her smile disappeared. "W-why? What's wrong?"

"No, I just thought...I mean, the way you are with each other, it's seems as if you've been together for many years," I admitted. "Don't tell me Matt and Liv have also been together for such a short time?"

Hannah smiled. "No, they've been together for almost 3 years. They started dating when they were sophomores."

"So how did you and Brandon meet?" I questioned. "Wait, you don't mind that I'm asking you this, right? I mean, if you don't feel comfortable or,-"

"No, it's okay. I don't mind," she assured, softly. "We were actually paired up for a assignment in music class at the beginning of this school year. I didn't know Brandon, Liv or Matt back then. They were best friends. I actually didn't like him that much back then. He talked so much and was so stubborn. It was so annoying."

Amused, I cracked a short laugh. "So what made you fall in love with him?"

Hannah was quick to reply. "He's always been just so kind, sweet, trustworthy and believe it or not, his stubbornness is really cute."

I chuckled and Hannah giggled. It didn't last very long though. Her face suddenly turned slightly pale and her next words left me stunned. "um...I was abused by my parents."

Oh.

"Brandon saved me and ever since, he has been taking so good care of me. So have Liv, Matt and Brandon's family. Brandon gave me a purpose to live. With him, I actually felt like I was worth something. I think love does that. It gives you a purpose." It was so much passion in her voice that I was almost envious.

"What about you? Do you have someone in your life?" She asked, gently.

If someone asked me that question before 1st September of 2017, I would happily replied with a yes. But now, I was alone, but why couldn't alone sometimes just be enough?

"No, but Will and I were together," I paused.

"Were?" She questioned, carefully.

"Yeah, we had been together since we were sophomores. We loved each other a lot. It was crazy. The whole school knew we'd end up marrying each other, have kids and live a happy life together," I paused and Hannah smiled. "But something happened...to me and it affected our relationship. We broke up last September and we didn't talk to each other for a really long time. It was just recently we became friends again."

"Oh. But as long as you still care about each other, it's okay, right?"

"Yeah, it is. It really is," I agreed, truthfully.

"This," I paused, taking her left hand in mine and gently stroking my thumb over the scars around her fingers. I looked at her and the glint of darkness within her eyes. "Was it your parents?"

She nodded. "But it was so much more. Mom and d-dad did hurt me in so many bad ways." Her voice almost cracked, but the strength within her prevented the tears to dwell up in her eyes. I assumed she had cried her pain away long time ago. She had shed the tears that she needed to shed. Now, she was healing.

Mom and Dad wouldn't even let a fly hurt me. And Hannah's parents did this to her? We lived in a one cruel world with many, many cruel people.

"They hurt you so badly and you still call them mom and dad? You're so selfless," I admitted, amazed by her selflessness and her strength to keep going with her life after everything she had been through.

Hannah smiled and I inhaled a deep breath. "Since you built up the courage to share you past me with, I'd like to share something about myself too. I'm...depressed. Like really depressed."

Hannah frowned, looking at me with worry creased over her face.

"And this," I lifted my sleeves, my scars coming to sight, causing Hannah to gasp of horrification, her palms flying to her mouth. "This is my art."

"Rachel," she whispered, carefully stroking my scarred wrists, the help me words still as permanent as they were the first time Elliot wrote them.

After studying them with a pale face and shaky fingers, Hannah lifted her chin and our eyes met. "What else has your depression made you do?"

My depression wasn't something I just casually liked talking about, but I wanted to be honest to Hannah, because she was so honest to me. "It's just so hard to wake up every morning. It's like my mind doesn't want to, but my body does. It's so hard to get up and face a world that you don't want to be a part of because you simply don't have a purpose to be in it. You kind of don't have a purpose at all."

For a brief moment, Hannah sat still and stared at me. And then she did the last possible thing I expected her to do. Instead of giving a speech about that it was just a phase and I'll be okay, she leaned closer and hugged me, her palm gently, but soothingly patting my back. I wasn't as strong as Hannah so I let the tears dwell up in my eyes, but I barely managed to prevent them from falling down my face.

We stayed like this for a while and when we pulled apart, Hannah pulled out a chocolate bar from the pocket of her pink hoodie. She unwrapped it and cracked it in two pieces before offering one of them to me.

"Would you like to share a chocolate to celebrate the start of our friendship?" Hannah asked, shyly.

I laughed before smiling widely. "Sure. I'd love to."

While eating the sweet chocolate, my gaze suddenly landed on Elliot who still sat next to Vici.  The night sky mirrored in his eyes, but so did the fire when he looked down and our eyes met.

Did Elliot like me in that way? No. Right?

No way. Elliot couldn't possibly be in love with someone as messed up and broken like me. There was no point in liking me or having any type of feelings for me. I wasn't qualified to be liked by someone anymore. And anyway, what was the point of falling in love with me when I would be gone in a few months?

Like Elliot, I was just a puppet with scars. However, my scars were so deep that they weren't stitched on me. They were permanently immortal and would still be there when my eyes would close, my tired heart would stop beating and eternal and peaceful darkness would consume me.

*****************************

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