VICTORIA

"Aren't you going to see what you got?"

Will's voice breaking the silence in the room startled me, my head snapping up to meet his gentle, yet mesmerizing sky blue eyes. It had been solid five minutes since the bell rung and everyone had already left the biology classroom. I was sitting alone in my seat, looking at my biology paper in my trembling hands.

"Yeah, um, I just...," I trailed off, swallowing hard.

"Victoria." Will grabbed my wrists, looking down at me with a small smile.

"It's okay. It's just a biology test," he said, reassuringly.

No. It's isn't.

This wasn't just a biology test. This was my brain's test. My test. This was the first test I had taken since I became addicted to drugs and alcohol. The grade on this test meant a lot. The result of this test meant a lot to the last piece of dignity I had left. It meant a lot to me. This grade would show how much my brain had been damaged because of overdose of alcohol and drugs. How much I was damaged.

"Do you want me to check for you?" He asked.

"Please. Do it," I sighed, exhaling a shaky breath.

Will took the sheet out of my trembling hands and turned it around, his gazing sweeping over it before it stopped on my grade.

"And the one and only Victoria Roman scored a," he paused, a grin appearing on his face.

"What?! What did I get?" I asked, rapidly standing up, my heart about to burst out of my chest.

His sexy grin widened. "B+."

Dumbfounded, I rose to my feet with a gaping jaw and eyeballs one the verge to fall out of my face. Before I knew it, I was screaming and squealing like an idiotic, overjoyed girl. A happy girl. "YES, YES, YES, YESS! OH MY GOD, YESS!"

Without thought, I jumped to Will, pulling him into a crushing embrace, clinging on as hard as I could. Will stood frozen for a few seconds before laughing as he wrapped his arms around me.

"Thank you so much. You are a biology hero!" I squealed, extremely happily. As I drew back, my face hurt of smiling so widely.

"Ooh , I love that name. So much better than Willie," he chuckled, grinning of amusement.

Snatching, my paper out of his hands, I smirked. "Thank you so much for helping me in biology, Willie."

"And the fish name is back," he sighed. 

For a small moment, we gazed at each other, admiring the brief silence. And then we both burst out laughing.

I started collecting my sheets and books while Will bit is bottom lip, his gaze set on me.

"Um, do you want me to continue helping you?" He asked, carefully. "I mean, there are only two months left before graduation and you have a lot of tests and exams to give to be able to graduate. So if you need help..,"

"I'll handle the other subjects. They're not that hard, but biology and I've never been on good terms to be honest," I said, jokingly, hoping to wipe away the nervousness across his face.

I was relieved when he chuckled, nodding in approval. "Okay, sure. I'll continue helping you with biology."

I smiled. "Thank you."

"So should we head to the library so you can brag about your grade to the others?" Will grinned.

"Let's do it," I said, grinning back as we exited the classroom and headed towards the library.

Okay, maybe Will wasn't so bad. To be honest, he wasn't bad at all. He was just an example or more like proof of the fact that being scared and making mistakes was a part of the human nature. Those fears and mistakes made us regret them, but it gave us strength and courage to forgive ourselves and learn from them. Will Harris was proof of that. And I kind of liked it.

~

"Look who it is. The badass, Elliot Waters," I said, jokingly. After spotting Elliot, Rachel, Madelaine and Skylar sitting on the blue couches in the corner of the first floor of the library, we sat down with them. Madelaine and Skylar were sitting closely next to each other while Elliot and Rachel sat across from them next to each other with books in their hands.

Everyone burst out laughing, except for Rachel who was completely engrossed in solving algebra problems in her notebook to notice what was happening around her.

Tears in her eyes of laughter, Skylar looked at Elliot who was scowling at her and said, "Elliot and Badass don't belong together. While Elliot is on earth, badass is on...Pluto."

"Pluto isn't a planet," he muttered playing with a pen in his hand.

Skylar grinned. "Exactly."

"Shut up," he snapped, his cheeks tinted red, both angrily and embarrassingly.

"Rachel what you think?" Madelaine asked after everyone had agreed on Skylar's opinion.

Puzzled, Rachel's lifted her gaze from her notebook. "Think about what?"

"Is Elliot badass?"

Elliot and Rachel glanced at each other. Elliot smile while Rachel snorted before looking at us. "Elliot is simply too adorable to be badass."

"What?!" Shock hit Elliot like a violent slap as he stared at her with a gaping jaw.

Immensely amused, everyone burst out laughing once more. Elliot crossed his arms over his chest, grumpily.

"Did you just flirt and burn him in the same sentence?" I asked, slightly impressed. "Shit. You're good, cherry."

"Aww thanks, Vici," Rachel said wrapping an arm around my shoulders, a grin playing on her lips.

"Rachel, come on. I beat up a guy for you!" Elliot said, clearly disagreeing on her statement .

"He is right about that," Will agreed, looking at Rachel with a smile, which she happily returned.

"True, but beating up guys doesn't make you badass. There are many other things," she said, placing her palm on Elliot's cheek and turning his furious face away.

"Stupid redhead snake," he muttered, leaning back in the couch after smacking her arm.

"Stupid shithead," she retorted with also smacking his arm.

And just like that, they started smacking each other like an old, but childish married couple. They were simply adorable. I was damn sure the whole school thought that. I wish they knew it too.

"Okay, class starts in five minutes. I have math. Ugh," Madelaine said with a sour face as she stood up along with the others.

"I have to study math all day, because dear professor Elliot here stupidly believes I can do so much better than a C, which I by the way can't," Rachel said with a fake smile that quickly turned into a scowl thrown at Elliot.

Elliot grinned, his whole face brightening. "I love math."

"And I hate you!" Madelaine and Rachel snapped at the same time.

Amused, Elliot grinned, Will burst out laughing along with Skylar and I grinned widely than I ever had. During that moment, I knew these people would make me the happiest I had ever been. The bickering and the love would be more than enough to heal me.

After everyone left to class, I remained sitting next to Rachel, my head resting on her shoulder while she continued to solve some advanced algebra problems. With eyes shut, I enjoyed the soothing silence for a while. Soon, the comforting silence consumed me and blissful oblivion was about to draw me in when Rachel's exasperated voice caused me to rip my eyes open.

"I'm done! I can't do it anymore! Stupid algebra! Stupid math!" The fact that she was shouting at a math book after she threw it on the table made me laugh so hard that tears formed in my eyes.

"I'm pretty damn sure that math book hates you too for all the insults you've been throwing at it the past few days," I laughed.

Furious, Rachel was heavily breathing before she fell back in the couch, groaning of irritation. Seconds later, she glanced sideways to me, pouting and bringing out big, puppy eyes. She looked like and extremely adorable child.

"What?" I chuckled, trying to contain my laugh.

"Can you help me? Pretty please, babe?"

"Of course I can, sweetheart. Math is so easy," I said, grinning as I pinched the bridge of her nose.

Rachel smiled and I grabbed the math book and put it in her lap and placed her notebook in my lap. "Here, let me show you how to solve this one."

I spent the next half an hour solving all the problems she had been striving with while Rachel was greatly fascinated by my amazing math skills.

"You're a genius. Please give me your brain during the final math exam," she requested, desperately.

"Sure. You can borrow it," I laughed, amusingly.

Rachel smiled and we put the books aside, taking a break. She turned to me and took her hand mine, earning a soft smile from me.

"Weren't you getting back your
Biology test from Lucy today? How did it go?" She asked, curiously.

I gasped. "Oh shit! I complete forgot. I actually came here with Will to brag about my," I paused pulling out my biology test from my book and showing it to her. "My B+."

"Oh my God, that's amazing!" Rachel squealed along with me with a wide grin plastered across her face.

She took my paper in her hands and studied it with an excited smiled. Sometimes, that smile of hers made me wonder how happy she must've been before 1st September of 2017 when her perfect life broke into a million pieces. She was happy before then. She wasn't broken. She was okay. I knew Rachel had always been such a princess. There was no other way to describe her. But she had a downfall that destroyed her. I bet she never saw it coming. Why did bad things always happen to good people?

"This is awesome, Vici. Didn't you say you never understood a single thing in biology?" She asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I parted my lips to reply, but shut them again. I couldn't tell her that Will helped me. I had no idea how she would react if she found out that Will and I studied the previous days together in the evenings.

"Um, yeah. I just studied really hard. Guess it was worth staying up till 2AM to study biology," I replied. It was kind of true. I did stay up late studying after Will left. 

I hadn't felt so guilty in a while. Lying to Rachel was simply something I hated. A lot. She was my only family. I wanted to be true to her. But telling her that I studied alone with her ex boyfriend even felt kind of...weird.

"That's great. It's so good to see you smiling and laughing. I feel like you are a lot more happier with me and the rest of us here than you were at the cafe," she admits, absentmindedly stroking the back of my hand with her thumb.

I smiled. "Yeah, I guess I am."

"Are you going to head for rehab soon?" She questioned, tilting her head slightly to side, her eyes set on me.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"How's it going? Both rehab and seeing your psychologist? Have you made any progress?"

"It's great. it's helping a lot. I feel better everyday. I think," I paused, biting my lip. "I think if you're willing to let people in and help you, then this kind support really helps."

Rachel nodded. "Yeah. You're right."

"Hey, before you go, do you think we can go to the cafeteria and make ourselves milkshakes? Afterwards, I'll come with you to your dorm so you can change and then I'll walk you to rehab,"

After a few second of simply staring at her, I threw my head black, laughing. "You know you don't have to escort me everywhere, right?"

Rachel wore an offended expression, putting a hand on her chest. "What? I'm just trying to make the most of our time together."

Just like that, my laugh abruptly died and I cocked my head slightly sideways as I gazed at her softened expression. Even though I was unsure of how long I was going to last in this world, Rachel was fully set on leaving after graduation. My whole life I had believed in one thing and one thing only. If you didn't find peace with yourself here, it was okay to leave this world in order to find peace somewhere else. It didn't matter if this world was one soul shorter. However, ever since I started to see June, my psychologist, she thought me that no matter how big or small, every soul's existence mattered. Rachel Adams mattered.

A part of me really wanted her to stay, because sometimes I really wanted to stay as well. However, Rachel was fully set on leaving. She was going to break Elliot's heart and be completely oblivious about it, because she was simply too broken to understand that she was so amazing and still fully capable of being loved by someone.

If Rachel left, not only would Elliot be left heartbroken, but so would the rest our friends, her aunt and pretty much the whole school. And as for me, what was the point of living in a world where Rachel Adams wasn't present. That world seemed pretty dull and empty.

I didn't know what to say to her statement so instead I pulled her into a tight hug. Rachel chuckled, her arms crossing on my back. We stayed like this for a while. Rachel was right. I had to make the most of our time together. We had to do that together, because the day Rachel would leave, an emptiness wold take over. A hurtful emptiness.

~

That evening, I was reading through the chapters in the biology book that I had missed out on when I dropped out out of school. I didn't mind the silence in the library as I sat on the couch with my legs crossed, dressed in comfy grey sweatpants and a white sweater.

Will hadn't arrived yet. To be honest, I never expected Will to be so kindhearted and selfless. But I liked it, I guess. He was a good friend. I might as well say he was my first friend at this school. I wonder if he would look at me differently when he would find out that I was a recovering drug addict and alcoholic.

I felt sick of the thought. Drug addict. Alcoholic. These words made me extremely nauseous. Before dreadful men of the past came rushing back, I rapidly threw my books aside and pressed my palms to each side of my head.

"No, Vici. No. Don't go there," I whispered, through gritted teeth as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Tori?" My eyes snapped open, landing on Will who was looking at me with a concerned frown stitched on his face.
He quickly sat down in front of me, gripping my shoulders. "Hey, are you okay?"

Trying to regain control over myself, I pressed out a crooked smile and focused on his eyes. "Y-Yeah I just...I'm...I'm okay...," my voice trailed off as I exhaled a shaky breath.

"I think you need some air. Come on, let's go study outside on the campus. It's nice and peaceful out there in the evenings. You'll like it," he said with a small smile on his face that warmed my insides. 

I nodded and he helped me up by wrapping his arm loosely, but very gently around my shoulders. "You good?"

I nodded, this time my smile was a bit more firmer, but my voice was a bit rusty, "yeah, I'm good."

While his arm stayed around my shoulders, soothingly, he picked up my books and we headed out of the library, through the long, empty corridors, out of the big doors and made our way to a spot nearby by a huge apple tree. Will helped me sit down on the grass before he plopped down next to me. The sun was on its way to fall out of the sky while the cold, yet fresh breeze tugged on my hair.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Will asked, softly.

I nodded and glanced at him, his sky blue eyes had this small sparkle on the edges. "Yes. I'm okay."

Satisfied with my reply, he shoved the book aside and laid down on his back. I did the same and we gazed at the sky together. The sky looked kind of like cotton candy. It had shades of pink, blue and something in between both pink and blue. It was simply beautiful.

"Where were you during Spanish, the last class today?" He asked, all of a sudden.

I glanced sideways so our eyes met. "I was in...rehab."

"Oh." Afterwards, silence fell between the two of us. The only sound that my ears could capture was cars driving on the highway somewhere in the distance and the oddly soothing sound of the breeze slowly dancing its way past us.

"Is everything okay?"

No, it's not. Nothing has been okay the last 10 months.

"Yeah...I just...I kind of have an addiction to drugs and alcohol so I go to rehab," I blurted out, completely unprepared.

For a moment, Will raised his brows. He seemed slightly astonished.

Subconsciously, I facepalmed myself. "Shit. That came out wrong. You probably think I'm some strained alcoholic now."

Will shook his head, a small smile printed permanently on his face. "No. I don't think that. I think you're Tori with the cute glasses."

My hands automatically flew to my glasses. I stared at him with wide eyes before I bit my bottom lip to suppress a shy smile. Why did my heart just skip a beat?

"Rehab. Does it help?" He asked.

"Yes. A lot. I love rehab. Sharing your stories with others, knowing they've been through the same, or at least something similar, it's a really good feeling. Everyone are really good listeners."

"That's good to hear. So what's your story?"

Slightly annoyed, I scoffed. "You want to know my story? Why don't you tell me yours first? Oh, right you don't have one. Your life is perfect."

Will didn't look offended or anything. Instead he surprised me by smiling. "I used to have anxiety. Like really, really bad anxiety."

I rapidly sat up, staring at him with my jaw dropped, eyes only seconds away from falling out of my face. His words left me completely bewildered and speechless of immense shock.

"You what?!"

"Yeah."

He looked, his gaze drifting off to the cotton candy sky while he shared his story. "I had it when I was kid and it lasted till I turned fifteen. The kids mocked me and laughed at me, because I stuttered. A lot. And I always got these anxiety attacks when I was in places where there were a lot of people. It was so embarrassing."

I just say in complete silence, staring at him with shock painted all over my face. When I parted my lips to speak, I almost stammered. "B-But are you okay now?

"The last anxiety attack I had was in late August last year. We were having presentations in English literature in front of the class. Everything was fine until I stood before the whole class and couldn't utter a single word. I ran out of the classroom as fast as I could and the attack occurred in the boys bathroom. Rachel went after me and helped me through it. I thought I was dying, but she just held me for like an hour and I swear I wanted to tell her to marry me," he confessed, lightly chuckling by the thought.

"Well, Rachel is pretty amazing," I admitted as I lied down again next to him with a smile lingering on my face.

Will smiled as well as if memories of their time together filled his mind for some time. "True."

"You still love her?" I asked, my voice soft and gentle as I gazed at him. I couldn't help but notice the little freckles dotting his nose like stars. There were approximately six of them.

"Of course. Always, but I guess our story wasn't meant to last longer than it did. I'm moving on and I really want another chance in love with someone else, but Rachel will always have a permanent place in my heart. And the best thing part is that I know Rachel feels the same way," he confessed, genuinely. I smiled.

He glanced at me. "Does Rachel mean a lot to you too?"

I looked up at the sky, nodding. "Yeah, she does. She has pretty much been my only family since I met her. We were two strangers who bonded over depression and our regrets one night. I never thought she would return even though a part of me really wanted to see her again. She came back though. She came every night."

I could feel him smiling at me, because it caused my cheeks to redden.

"I remember when she for the first time walked in to the cafe I used to work at. She was completely soaked, because it was raining heavily that night. Her hair was a complete mess and I threw the small towel I was using to clean dishes with at her and said, here the strawberry exploded on your head needs it more than my hands do," I chuckled by the thought. Amused, Will laughed.

"Wait your hands? But weren't you using it to dry the dishes with it...?" He trailed off as realization hit him.

Glancing at him, I grinned. "Yep."

Grinning, Will eyes widened. "Shit, Tori. Did she ever find out?"

Grinning, I waved it off. "Nah. I never told her."

We both stared at each other for a few seconds before we burst out laughing.

"So I've told you my story. Your turn."

"Oh, yeah. Right. When I was twelve years old, my parents left me in an orphanage. I spent five years there and fled once I turned seventeen, along with dropping out of high school. That happened last year in August. I got an addiction to alcohol and drugs when I stayed on the streets. In November, I was drunk on a bench while watching the stars like I started to do every night. A woman found me and let me stay at the spare room in the small apartment above the cafe she owned. I started to work there and joined rehab," I informed," I paused, biting my lips as I took a proper look at him.

"I was addicted in approximately three months. From August to November and I don't remember much of it. I just know that I was strongly addicted to all sorts of powerful drugs. It was really bad," I explained, my voice almost cracking.

"Is that why you freaked out when you found that bag of weed in your luggage on your first day here?" He asked, realization slowly creasing across his face.

Balling my hands into fists to conceal the trembling, I nodded.

"Shit, Tori. I don't know what to say. I mean,-"

"-The fact that you haven't moved even one inch away from me of disgust or of fear, is truly more than enough . You don't have to say anything," I whispered, softly.

For a moment, Will lied still next to me, his eyes gazing into mine. I looked way into his, hoping I could find a whole galaxy in them.

Suddenly, his body shifted. Suspecting he was going to distance himself, my heart immediately sunk. However, it quickly rose back up when he carefully moved and inch...closer. I failed to hide a shy smile as I bit my bottom lip. Not peeling his eyes off mine, Will chuckled. We stayed like this for some time, enjoying the smother of silence and the company of each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry, Will. I think I judged a book by its cover. Or in this case, a person," I mumbled.

"It's okay. I forgive you. We all judge sometimes. Humanity's hidden speciality," he said, reassuringly.

For a minute, I was silent. And then I nodded.

"Tori? I don't think we'll be able to study in this darkness," he said.

When I broke our gaze, I realized the sun had fallen out of the sky. If I looked closely, I could catch a glimpse of the stars slowly and gently appearing on the sky, one by one.

"Yeah. You're right," I said.

"So we have two options," he paused and I glanced at him. "We can either go inside and open that boring biology book or we can remain here and stargaze. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know," I yawned. "What do you want to do?"

Will tiredly smiled as he rested his head on my shoulder. "Stargaze with Tori with the...,"

"-cute glasses," I giggled as he drifted off, snoring lightly like a child.

My heart was hammering in my chest and I dozed off to blissful oblivion, hoping this weird feeling within my chest that made me restless and completely flustered could go away. It made my heart squeeze on itself. It made me feel warm and so alive.

Okay, maybe, only maybe I wanted it to stay. It was kind of an addicting feeling.

~

The next morning when I was walking through the corridor, towards the history classroom, I could feel eyes glued on me. Even when I entered the classroom, everyone started giving me looks that I couldn't quite figure out the meaning of. Some girls started whispering and giggling while others looked...jealous? Why could they possibly be jealous of me? What did I have that they didn't?

I found Rachel sitting on the second row, her cheek resting in her palm as she stared at me with an unreadable expression. I quickly walked towards her and plopped down on the seat next to her.

"What's happening? Why are everyone staring at me? Especially the girls?" I asked, bewildered.

Rachel sighed. "Literally the whole school saw you and Will' stargazing together last night on campus from their dorm windows."

"What?!" My jaw dropping, I was left immensely shocked.

With a sad smile, Rachel nodded.

"Shit. That explains the giggling, the jealousy and literally everyone staring at me," I murmured, wrapping my around my torso as I felt slightly uncomfortable with all eyes on me.

Rachel looked slightly annoyed. "Well, they've been staring at me too, because I saw it as well."

Wondering what she meant, I was briefly confused before it hit me. Rachel Adams saw her ex boyfriend and best friend lying under the starry sky. Together.

"Look, Rachel. There's nothing between me and Will. We just,-"

"-He has been tutoring you for the past one week, which I got to know about from Will, because clearly you lied to me yesterday," she snapped, suddenly angry.

"Rachel," I began, guilt brooding over my chest.

"-No," she rapidly cut me off before she stood up. I looked up to see the hurt look on her face. "I...I just don't want to talk to you right now."

And with that, she stormed out of the classroom. I didn't hesitate to sprint after her, quickly grabbing the opportunity to catch up to her and drag her in to the empty girls bathroom.

"Don't just leave like that. Let me explain. Please, Rachel," I pleaded, grabbing her arm to force her to look me in the eye. Once our eyes met, I could see anger and sorrow ignite within her hazel eyes that were slowly changing color.

"Listen, I'm telling you, there's nothing between me and Will. I swear.-"

"-Do you seriously think I care about that?!" She snapped, furiously. I froze by her sudden raised voice. "Because I don't. I have nothing against Will hanging out with other girls. He's not my boyfriend anymore. On the contrary, I'm really, really, really happy for him. Will deserves another chance in love and with someone great who would love him way more than I ever did."

Flustered, I tilted my head slightly to the side. "Then why are you so angry and upset?

Rachel inhaled a deep breath. "Because you lied to me. That was not fair. It was stupid. When I saw you two out there last night, I didn't feel any sort of jealousy within me. I was really, really happy. If Will likes someone and that someone is you then I would be so happy for you guys. But this morning, when he and I were both being stared at by everyone, he told me that he's  been helping you study for your tests the past one week. The second he told that and I realized you lied to me, it really hurt. It really, really hurt, Vici."

"Rachel, I'm so sorry," I apologized, grabbing her hands.

"You're my family. I trust you. I believe in you. I support you. Then why did you lie?" She asked. I could see how hurt she was. The pain was painted all over her face.

"Shit, Rachel. I'm so, so sorry. I'll never lie to you again about anything. Please, forgive me," I almost begged with my hands clasped together before her.

Eventually, Rachel sighed and nodded. Without warning, I pulled her into an extremely tight bone-crushing hug, causing her to let out a small, but overjoyed scream before we laughed out loud together. The joy in her laugh made all the guilt fade away.

After staying in each other's embrace for a while, we sat down against the wall, her hand in mine and my head resting on her shoulder.

"So Will has lately been your dear professor Elliot," she claimed, interlacing our fingers with each other.

"Yeah, he's been helping me in biology," I said.

Rachel quickly glanced at me. A mix of astonishment and confusion was spread out on her face. "Biology? Will hates biology."

"He does? But he said it was his favorite subject...," I trailed off as realization stroked within me.

Suddenly, Rachel's eyes widened and she placed her hands on my shoulders as she started to squeal, "OMG, he likes, he likes you, Vici! He likes you!"

Deeply and strongly shocked, I sat frozen while Rachel had already started fangirling with a dreamy expression.

"Will likes...me?"

As the words sunk in, I rapidly shook my head in objection. "That even sounds wrong."

Rachel's thrilled grin fell, a frown taking its place. "What? Why?"

Sighing, I scoffed. "I don't know, maybe because he's rich, good looking, normal, he has a loving family and he's perfect? And I barely have enough money to buy cheap clothes, I look like an old and strained drug addict, I have no family, I'm super fucked up, which means I'm neither normal or perfect."

The words even felt sour on my tongue.

"Hey, stop. It's not fair of you to say so many bad things about yourself without my permission. I'm your family, you are not fucked up, you're healing , you're getting better and you are beautifully gorgeous like a damn queen," She told me, sternly.

Something stone hard started to thaw within me, my heart warming.

Rachel genuinely smiled. "Trust me, Will doesn't give a damn shit about any of that. He likes your personality. Not your past."

Will Harris liked...me?

And I liked him back. Oh, God.

*********

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