The tv turns on as we see the main menu to Final Fantasy 7 that has 3 options:

NEW GAME
Continue?
HD Remake

You clicked on HD Remake to see that it was taking a long time to download. So you went on "new game" instead.

You chose the first profile and it asked if you wanted to delete the old profile. You clicked yes then the game starts.

We see a train pull up in front of a couple of guards.

Guard: Isn't there usually a conductor or something?

Biggs:AVALAAAAANCHE!!! (a guard charge at him as he kills the guard) CQC!

Jessie: Athlanth! (Takes out the other guard) C chu C!

Wedge: Jessie did the dentist give you a root canal or a punch to the face?!?!

Then a man with a gun for a hand walks out of the train and looks up.

Man: Alright blondie... (A blonde male jumps down) it's showtime!

Blonde: Showtime, then I guess I better perform!

Man: Hmmmmmmmm mother of God... Wait, we're missing someone.

???: Don't get your panties in a twist. (A H/C male stumble out of the train with a bottle of whiskey in his hand) I'm right here.

Man: Oh my god-

Then we see a menu with the picture of the (H/C) male with a drunk look on his face for you to enter his name. You first but in "Mega Nerd" but the game wouldn't let you as a message saying "Nice try" popped up. Then you put in "F/N" and pressed enter as the game continued.

Man: - F/N, are you drunk?!

F/N: And that surprising to you, why? (Takes a swig of the whiskey)

Man: Your drinking habits have become a real problem.

F/N: Hey, it's only a problem when I run out!

Man: Anyways. (Looks at the blonde male as F/N walks off) The plan is, ya gonna hide the bodies! Aaaaand?

Blonde: I'm sorry, could you repeat that la-

Man: -Not get into any trouble! Dat's right! Now biggity-bounce to it baby! (Runs off) Tifa your friend is killing me...

Blonde: Like you guys killed these guards?

F/N: 200 gil says he fucks up from the start.

Man: You're on!

Then two Shinra SOLDIERs passed the man and F/N.

Shinra SOLDIER: Outta the way sirs, that man killed two guards!

Blonde: Oh, come on!

Then we get into a fight scene as we see the blonde male fighting the two SOLDIERs

Blonde: N-now I know this looks bad- (one SOLDIER shoots him) [augh] A little trigger happy, but, okay anyways, [uh] as I was saying- (same one shoots him again) Could you not shoot me?!? (The other one punched him) You made me do this!!

The blonde male attacks the two then we see it time skip a little as we see him walking towards the others while leaving footprints made of blood behind him.

Blonde: Self-defense...

F/N: (turns around) Oh hey you're alive. (Start drinking some more)

Biggs: Also [uh]... new guy, you take care of the bodies?

Blonde: Yep all four o' them.

Jessie: Thour oth thum? (Four of them?)

Blonde: Yeah that's right! You [uh]... you guys!

Biggs: Wait, you don't know our names?

Blonde: [scoffs] W-well I already know F/N.

F/N: (stops drinking) Sup.

Blonde: P-plus you never asked my name!

Jessie: Wuell wut ith yor nam? (Well what is your name?)

Blonde: It's...

We see a picture of the blonde male as the name next to him that says "Blonde Zack". You erased it and put in "Croudo-kun". Then you erased that and put in "Cloud" and pressed enter as we get back to hear him finish his sentence.

Cloud: Cloud!

Then the man with the gun arm walks in.

Man: Cloud, huh? Is that because you rain on everyone's parade?

F/N: Ha!

Cloud: Noooo, those are Squalls, and no one likes those.

F/N: Ha!

Jessie: (Unlocks the gate) OO MAI GAWD! AH GUH EH! [OH MY GOD! I GOT IT!] (Walks in with Biggs and Wedge)

Biggs: Jessie, was the alley dentist really worth what you saved?

F/N: Wow... I know I'm the drunk of the group and even I think that was a dumbass decision.

Man: Hey blondie...

Cloud: What?

Man: Don't fuck up... Cause if you do fuck up, ya gonna have to answer to me!

Then we see the picture of the man with the name "Mr.T" was next to him. You erased it and put the name "Barret" then pressed enter as the game continued.

Barret: And being Tifa's and F/N's bestie will not save you from the wrath of Barret! Now hurry up, you two. (walks off) We have to take care of this place.

F/N: (walks off with him) (sarcasm) Yes sir, oh captain my captain.

Cloud: Why?

Cloud: What's wrong with this place?

Cloud follows the two. We see Cloud go inside as we see F/N and Barret with Biggs.

Cloud: Okay can you guys fill me in on what's going on?

Barret: Lemme ask you, blondie... Do you even know what this factory does?

Cloud: [Uhh] provides zero-emission, eco-green energy!

F/N: heyeah, that's what they want you to think. And tell us, Cloud, what is that green smoke coming out of the chimney? Cause it certainly isn't weed smoke.

Cloud: Well obviously it's not that, it's the zero-emiss- [um] [uh] ... aww shit.

F/N: That's right, these factories are sucking the planet dry.

???: (In the distance) OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH-HO~!

F/N: Did anyone else hear that?

Barret: Anyways, we are gonna make Shinra pay for their transgressions against the common people... Polluting the lower city to make a quick buck! By God Almighty, there will be an AVALANCHE of justice!

Cloud: A-and [uuh] how exactly [u-uh] are we gonna-

F/N: Oh we're gonna blow this fucker up to kingdom come.

Cloud: [Ohhhhhhh]... Y-ye... yay!

Barret: Tifa did fill you in on this, right?

Cloud: All she said was, "Hey Cloud! Can you do me a solid, it'll be SUPER EASY!"

F/N: (takes out whisky) Yep, that's definitely her. (Starts drinking from it)

Biggs: And to be fair, all we have to do is Jack into the doors and plant a bomb in the reactor core...

Cloud: Yeah! That's does sound super easy!

Barret: And guess who's plantin' the bomb?

Cloud: [Ughhhhh....] Me.

Barret: And guess who the two people comin with you?

Cloud: [Ohhhhh....] You and F/N.

Barret: That's right! I'm gonna be like a spirit animal, givin you advice!

F/N: (stops drinking) And I'll be like a guard dog, watching your back.

Cloud: Are you sure that's a good id-

F/N: Hey, I may be drunk, but I'm still an excellent shot!

Barret: Anyway, ask me what you should do!

Cloud: Spirit animal, what should I d-

Barret: Don't fuck up.

As he said that, both he and F/N walks inside Cloud.

Cloud: [Ahh] gross!

One minute later...

We see Cloud with Jessie in an elevator as she was making groaning noises.

Cloud: [Ahh] gross!

Then we see Cloud walk into the area where the core is.

Cloud: Woahahohoho... Y-you sure you need to blow this place up? [Cough] Why not let it crumble lit it seems it will any second now? Also, how do we get down?

Jessie: (jumps on the ladder near them) Leyk dith! (Like this!) (Climbs down)

Cloud: O-or we can find another way!

F/N: Damnit Cloud! Stop being a whiny bitch, grow a fucking pair, and go down the God damn ladder!

Cloud: Okay! Okay! (Jumps on the ladder and goes down) [Augh!] Afraidofheightsafraidofheights... Nails it.

F/N:... Pussy.

Cloud walks towards Jessie.

Jessie: Awigh! Aw beh awn gawd wawl yew plam pha bawm. (Alright! I'll be on guard while you plant the bomb.)

Cloud: (walks off) Kay... I don't know you well... But those guys are right! You reaaally need to get that checked out!

Jessie: GEH WHAH CHEH OW?! (GET WHAT CHECKED OUT?!)

F/N: Oh my go- YOU SOUND LIKE YOU GOT A DI-

Time Skip to Cloud, along with Barret and F/N at the core.

Barret: Ok! Set the timer, and plant the bomb! (Gets out of Cloud and gets next to the reactor while F/N goes behind Cloud.) Then we bounce like titties baby!

Cloud: Speakin' of titties, when I get back Tifa and I are gonna have a SERIOUS conversati-

Then we see Cloud grab his head as he heard a voice in his thoughts.

Hey uhhh hey Cloud...?
Don't do that whole planting the bomb thing...
That's bad.

Cloud: Wwhy... Who... are... you?

Well I could tell you...... Bye.

Cloud: [Bleahhugh!]

Barret: Whaddya mean, "bleahhugh"?

Cloud: I, heard a voice in my head just now...

F/N: Well, what did it tell ya?

Cloud: It told me, not to blow this place up!

After hearing that, Barret and F/N looked at each other then back at Cloud.

Barret: [Hmmmm...] Either ya makin' it up and your lyin', you crazy, or you as drunk as F/N.

F/N: Well that depends, (looks at Cloud) Did you get ahold of one of my booze?

Cloud: No! You know I don't drink!

F/N: Well that answer is out. So it's either your lyin' or your crazy.

Barret: Really crazy! Like, "I don't trust you with the bomb" crazy!

Cloud: Wh-well then! (Walks towards the core) It's a good thing that I'm not crazy! [hahahahahah!]

Barret: Good! Now just do as I told ya, and don't fuck up!

Then we hear an alarm going off.

Intercom: Shinra security breach! Four bodies found at the Mako Factory train station!

Barret: DID YOU FUCK UP?!?

Intercom: Deploying Mako Core Security Death Laser Robot.

Cloud: I might've fucked up, yes!

F/N: Ha! You owe me 200 gil, Barret!

Then the fight sequence started as we see the three with their weapons fighting the robot.

Barret: Alright blondie! Show me what'cha got!

Cloud: Time to cut this bucket of bolts down to size!

Cloud attacks the robot as we hear a pathetic clunk, giving it 40 damage.

Barret:... Wow.

Cloud: I know, my skills are one-of-a-kind!

Barret: Are they really?

Cloud: What? Not sold? (Goes to attack again) Then check this out!

He hits the robot again as we hear an ineffective clunk while he gives it 68 damage.

Barret: That will not work! That DOES not work!

Cloud: Trust me!

He attacks again as we hear a tink while he gives the robot 40 damage.

Cloud: Along with F/N, I was in SOLDIER!

Barret: Right now, that fact is scarin' me! And these robots? They can literally sense fear! (Robot scans Barret) There you see that? It knows I'm afraid!

Cloud: Okay so [uh-um-ah] what should we do then?

F/N: How about you shut the fuck up and let me handle this! (Shows F/N selecting one of his special moves) (twirls his guns around then points them at the robot as an electrical charge comes out of them) STAR BOLT CANON!

After he yelled that, an electrical blast hits the robot, destroying it as the three did a victory pose.

F/N: And that's how it's done!

Then we see the exp screen as the three talked to each other.

Cloud: Wow! Who would've thought lightning could hurt a robot?

Barret: Anyone! Everyone would think to do that!

F/N: Wow, Cloud. I'm drunk as hell and even I knew that!

Then we see Cloud planting the bomb as Barret and F/N give him directions.

Barret: Now insert the wires...

Cloud: I know!

F/N: Make sure the charges are set!

Cloud: I know!!

Barret: Now, set the timer...

Cloud: I-I don't need you two micro-managing me okay?

F/N: Oh really?! Because after all the fuck ups you've made on this mission, we would highly disagree!

Barret: Thank you! Now set the timer

Cloud: I know what I'm doing!

Barret: That is an opinion you are having!

F/N: And a shitty one at that!

Barret: Now set it to ten minutes!

Cloud: FINE!

Cloud activated the timer, but instead of ten minutes, he put it to five.

Barret: Ohhhhhh...

F/N: Shit!

Cloud tries to fix it.

Barret: Do no-

Cloud: I can fix this...

F/N: No you can't!

Cloud: I CAN FIX THIS!

Barret: Do not touch it aga-!

Before Barret could finish his sentence Cloud made it worse by setting the timer to one minute then it started to count down.

F/N: [inhales loudly] MOTHER FU-

Then we see Cloud running and screaming. He gets to Jessie to see that she's stuck.

Jessie: Hel meh! Mai phut es shtuck! (Help me! My foot is stuck!)

Cloud: (helps Jessie) I DON'T CARE IF YOU WANNA FUCK, WE GOTTA GO!!

Jessie hops over him and runs off.

Cloud: What?! (Shows him in a different area) OHGODOHGODOHGOD... (Entering fight sequence) AH FUCK! (attacks an enemy) NO TIME FOR THIS!

Barret: (shoots another one) RUN!!

F/N: (Shoots the last enemy) NOW!!!

Then we see the five run out of the building.

Wedge: Hey, how'd the mission go?

Biggs: [uh] I think something went wrong!

Barret/FN: BLONDIE/CLOUD FUCKED UP!

Cloud: I did nothing wrong! (Jessie falls over) (helps her up) Oh my God! GET UP!

After Cloud helps Jessie, the core blows up. Then we see they get out through the exit as it was in flames.

Barret: Everyone ok?

F/N: Nothing broken.

Biggs: Yeah.

Jessie: Yah. (Yeah.)

Wedge: oooOOOOahhahhaahaa!! MY ASS! POOPING WILL NOW BE A TRIAL!

Barret: Okay, mission, complete... I guess? Okay, whatever. Now, you all know the plan. Meet at the rendezvous port.

Everyone (except Cloud): Right.

Cloud: Hey, [uh...] I don't know where that is?

Barret: Oh, you don't?

F/N: What a shame.

Cloud: Yeah i-if you could fill me in on that, that'd be really hel-

Before Cloud could finish, the two left him by himself.

Cloud: Oh okay I was ditched... God damnit Tifa you're friends are killing me...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YCN-a0NsNk

(A/N: And done! What did you guys think? What was your favorite part? Let me know in the comments! And if you wanna see more, leave a vote! If this episode gets 200 votes then I'll work on the next one immediately! And I'll see you guys on the next episode!)