We see F/N, Barret, and the others in a train cart talking about Cloud while F/N was drinking.

Wedge: Yeah, no, I understand we ditched him and all. But I mean, is he gonna be okay?

Barret: Don't know. (looks at F/N) F/N, You've known him longer than any of us. Whaddya think.

F/N: (Stops drinking) Knowing him, probably not.

Barret: Yeah, you right.

Meanwhile, we see Cloud being chased by SOLDIERs.

Cloud: Awh, shit!

Barret: 'Cause I get the vibe he pisses people off pretty easily.

F/N: Which he does a lot.

Back with Cloud being surrounded.

Cloud: Assholes have to help assholes, right?!

Biggs: Is that gonna be a problem?

F/N: Not for us. (Continues drinking)

Wedge: [Ohoho] man! Can you imagine how PISSED he'd be if he makes it?

Cloud: (Jumps in the cart) HEY GUYS REMEMBER ME?!

Everyone else: AAAAHHHHH!



We now see everyone at the train station.

Barret: Alright everybody, huddle up! We meet at the usual place!

Cloud: And where is that?

F/N: Goddammit, Cloud. Where's the place I usually spend most of my time and money at?

Cloud: At the ba-... Oh.

F/N: Careful everyone, it's learning.

Barret: Alright, y'all! Now when we get to the bar, we need to discuss our next plan of action. So if there's anyone there, the key is to politely, and calmly, tell them to-

Short time skip at the bar.

F/N: (Shoots guns in the air) GET THE FUCK OUTTA THIS BAR! (People start running away)

Barret: What th'hell y'all doin' buyin' drinks at my bar for? Get the hell outta here! Waddaya think is? A place of business?!

Then a woman with dark brown hair walks out of the bar.

Woman: Hey, cocksuckers! (Wedge jumps onto the porch) WEDGE GODDAMMIT USE THE STAIRS!

Wedge: Avalanche!

Barret gets in front of Cloud as everyone but F/N else walks inside.

Cloud: So... ya gonna let me in?

Barret: Oh, I don't know... Am I?

Cloud: Dude, come on! I had a really bad day!

Barret: OH, DID YOU?! DID YOUR PLANS GO AWRY AND HAD TO PAY A DRUNK 200 GIL WHEN SOMEONE FUCKED UP?!

Cloud: Thanks to Tifa? Yes.

F/N: He's got you there!

Barret:... (Moves out of the way) Fair 'nuff! Head in!

Cloud and F/N walk inside as a girl yells at them.

Girl: Uncle F/N! Pretty blonde girl!

F/N: [Snickers] pretty blonde girl.

Cloud: Haha! Fuck that!

The girl cries and hides behind F/N.

Woman: Oh, good fucking, job, Cloud, you made Barret's daughter cry!

Cloud: [Sarcasm] Awh, and I didn't even have to try.

F/N: (Pick up the girl) Wow, man. What crawled up your ass and died?

Cloud: Uh, I dunno, maybe doing that 'solid' for (points at the woman) her?!

Woman: Oh, don't tell me. You're all pissy because it was 'freedom fighting?'

Cloud: Uhh, nope! That was TERRORISM!

F/N: Oh come on! How was destroying a factory that literally sucks the life out of the planet 'Terrorism'?

Cloud: Wha- every- every PART of it was terrorism!

Woman: Cloud--Cloud. Look at me. Who am I?

We see a picture of the woman next to a name that says "Tifa The Liar". You delete "The Liar" and pressed enter. As the game continued.

Cloud: Tifa...

Tifa: And would -I- ever lie to you?

Cloud/F/N: Yes.

Tifa: (to Cloud) Second time, shame on you.

Cloud: Wh-what was the first time?!

Girl: (pokes Cloud) Poke!

Cloud: Okay, That's it! [Pff] whatever. (Walks off)

Tifa: [Ohoh] don't pull that 'whatever' shit on me.

Barret: (bursts through the door) Oh, was he pullin' shit again?!

Tifa: Wh-why? What'd he pull in the first place?

F/N: We'll tell you about the mission later.

Barret: Where's my baby girl at?

Girl: DADDY! (Laughs as F/N hands her to Barret)

Barret: Oh, there's my wingless angel! (Puts her on his shoulder) Oh, did that spiky blonde man intimidate you?

Girl: No, daddy! He's not intimidating at all!

Cloud: Ugh...

Tiffa: Please tell me what Cloud did.

Barret: We shall in good time! (Goes down an elevator as some of the others) Soon you will hear the tale of Barret, his merry men, F/N, and the blonde jackass who FUCKED UP!

F/N: speaking of which, (looks at Tifa) now that mission is over, I believe there's a reward that you owe me?

Tifa: [sigh] Fine! (Goes behind the bar counter and reaches for something) The bar's finest liquor. (Placed it on the counter) Jack Daniels.

F/N: (grabs the bottle) My main man! (Puts the bottle in his inventory and jumps down with the others)

Cloud: So like, is she adopted oooor...?

Tifa: God. Damnit Cloud I dunno what you did, but you go down there and you fuckin' apologize for whatever it was!

Cloud: What?! I am NOT apologizing! Those assholes left me for dead! Even F/N!

Tifa: Did you fuck up?

Cloud: What even -is- fucking up, really?

Tifa: [AAAH!] You fucked up! Now go downstairs and apologize while I lock this place up.

Cloud: Oh, what? Are you scared someone might come in and steal the 50¢ from the tip jar?

Tifa: NOOOOOW!

Short time skip as we see Cloud with the others.

Cloud: You know anyone can get down here, right? Like -anyone- who wants to play pinball?

Biggs: [Heheheh] Yeah, Wedge did.

F/N: And he had two options, it was either join Avalanche or get a bullet right between the eyes. Guess which one he chose?

Wedge: [Haha!] Ohhh, fuck me I saw too much.

News Anchor: Residents of Midgard were awoken today by the sounds of what appeared to be a terrorist attack on Sector 7's Eco-Green Energy Factory. Shinra Police have investigated and found that it was caused by the group known as 'AVALANCHE.'

Everyone started Uproariously Cheering.

News Anchor: Very little is known about this group.

Everyone cheered some more.

News Anchor: Until today!

F/N: (Spits out his drink) The fuck he say?!

News Anchor: Police have compiled a sketch of one of their members.



F/N: Ha!

News Anchor: As well as audio taken by police.

Actual Audio

"Look at me! I'm a terrorist. I'm a part of AVALANCHE and I feel great!"

News Anchor: Coming up next! The dark demented reality of Chocobo breeding...

After hearing about that, everyone glared at Cloud.

Cloud: Now... I know we've all made a couple of mistakes!

Barret: (Biggs and Wedge hold him back) IMMA KILL 'IM! TAKE HIM OUTSIDE AND I'M KILLIN' HIM! I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR SPIKY HEAD AND STAB YOU WITH IT!

F/N: Now settle down, Barret. I know how to settle this. (Walks over to Cloud and puts his hand on his shoulder) Alright, Cloud, which head?

Cloud: Uh, what?

F/N: Which head? Head number one or head number two?

Cloud: Uh... Number 2?

After Cloud said that, F/N punched him in the dick really hard. Cloud grabs his crotch and fell on the floor screaming a high-pitched scream.

F/N: MAYBE YOU'LL THINK TWICE BEFORE FUCKING UP!

Tifa: Hey Cl- (sees him on the ground) What happened to him?

F/N: He fucked up royally. So guess what I did?

Tifa: You gave him the choice and he chose wrong?

F/N: (claps once then points at Tifa) Nailed it!

Cloud: (Gets back up) Well, guys, it's been great!

F/N: Making a lot of assumptions right now.

Cloud: Buut I think it's about that I retire from freedom fighting.

Barret: Oh, and what -exactly- did you plan on doing?

Cloud: Oh! Well uhhh... I'm gonna walk out of this bar aaaand hopefully, never see any of your faces again!

F/N: Oh ho, you're not going anywhere, Cloud. Because the moment you walk out of this bar, I'll personally turn you in, and I'm pretty sure Shinra will pay a pretty penny for you. I could get the world's finest liquor from that.

Cloud: Oh please, like anyone is gonna recognize me from that picture.

F/N: Oh, I may be drunk, but I saw a lot of similarities, the hair, and the big sword. So what's it gonna be, Cloud? Either be AVALANCHE's New Bitch, or you can be someone else's bitch in prison. And trust me, a lot of guys would DEFINITELY want a piece of you.

Cloud: (Sigh) Alright.

F/N: Congratulations, Cloud. You're AVALANCHE's new bitch!

Barret: Looks like you're stuck with us, like we're stuck, with you.

Cloud walks over to Tifa.

Cloud: Tifa, can I talk to you upstairs for a second?

The two go upstairs.

F/N: how much you wanna bet he's gonna cry like a little bitch?

Barret: Wouldn't surprise me.

Meanwhile with Cloud and Tifa.

Tifa: 'Kay, what's up?

Cloud: [breath] Tifa? (Starts tearing up) I'm having a really, REALLY rough day, and-

Tifa: Ohoh my god, are you -crying-?

F/N: (from downstairs) Like a bitch!

Cloud: (starts crying) I am FEELING a lot of emotions. Anger, rage, frustration, pain, inadequacy, and it's all towards you and F/N!

Tifa: I can see F/N but Wh... Why me?

Cloud: Because I did you a solid, and now I'm part of a terrorist cell!

Tifa: Welp, guess you got me there. But as F/N said, you got those two options. You can still stay with AVALANCHE or F/N can turn you in and you can get INTIMATE with some roommates.

Wedge: Hey, guys! My gun wasn't even loaded for the whole mission! We woulda got fucked royal!

F/N: Hey, it was a good thing my guns were loaded, huh? [Laughs with Wedge]

Cloud: [Drawling Whimper]

Tifa: Let's be honest, Cloud. You in prison? I mean just look at you! You look like the oasis to some very, -very- thirsty travelers.

Cloud: [Whiny] That metaphor makes me uncomfortable.

Tifa: And your -hair!- There's just... So many to grab on to.

Cloud: [Incoherent whimpering]

Tifa: Four men. At a minimum. In any position.

Cloud: [Yelps] Okay! Alright! Fine! Whatever! I'm in AVALANCHE!

Tifa: Awh, thanks, Cloud! You're really doing me a solid here, bro. (To F/N) WELL, F/N, LOOKS LIKE YOU WON'T GET YOUR MONEY FROM SHINRA!

F/N: WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME THAT HAPPENED!

Tifa and F/N laughed as Cloud groaned.

Wedge: Hey guys! I got my gun loaded! (Fired his gun as it ricocheted around and hits F/N's whisky.)

F/N: YOU MOTHER FUCKER! YOU BEST BE LUCKY THAT WASN'T MY JACK DANIELS! ELSE YOU WISHED WE WOULD'VE GOT FUCKED ROYAL!

Tifa: [contented sigh] You know, this really reminds me of back home. Remember when I used to trick you into doing stuff for me that would jeopardize your future and wellbeing?

Cloud: [whimpering chuckle] Yup! And F/N wasn't the drunk he is now. Just like old times!

We see F/N and Barret climb back up.

F/N: I'm guessing you reminded him what would happen if he walked out?

Tifa: yep, plus four dudes.

F/N: Oooo, nice touch! You know, 'cause of his hair.

Barret: I know, there's just so much to grab on to!

Cloud: I GET IT!

F/N: (Smirks) Juuuust makin' sure.



(A/N: Aaaand done! So what did you think? What was your favorite part? Let me know in the comments and be sure to hit that vote button so others can see this book too, and I'll see you guys in the next episode!)