I woke up much earlier than the ringing of the alarm clock. My eyes opened sharply as if someone had thrown a bucket of water in my face. I drag myself out of bed like I'm being pushed.

After I get ready, I sit in the kitchen and have some coffee. Thoughts threaten to occupy my mind, and I must not allow them to be done.

I jump like a spring out of my chair, take my purse and keys, and walk out of the house.

I'm getting into my car.

I notice people walking down the street. Several of them are hasty, and others more leisurely. I open the car window and, I let the smell of the fresh coffee penetrate my sniff from the coffee shop.

As I advance I see the first sun rays slowly illuminating the city. I'm wearing my sunglasses. I admire the greenery of a park and the colorful flowers that smell so nice.

If it was another day, I wouldn't pay any attention to all this. Most likely, I would be annoyed by the noise of traffic in the streets.

But now, I just feel grateful that I'm still seeing all this. It's strange how love emotionally alienates you from life. If you happen to raise your head to see the rest of the world, you'll feel like you're seeing it for the first time. You think you've been away for years in the desert and got back to civilization.

I wonder, is that what love should be like?

What is the price you pay for falling in love?

I'm reaching out to the court.

I walk into my office and fall headlong into the pile of papers that lies before me.

I can't say that Dorian's thought hasn't crossed my mind several times. But I stubbornly try to block that thought and devote myself to my work.

Whatever it is, I have to move on. Besides, I never mixed up my personal life with my work.

It's true; the mind doesn't stop thinking about what burns your heart, but you need to at least motivate the body to move; to work.

Stagnation in such a situation can be disastrous.

Don't let the mind think alone. You have to react with daily movements and move on to the thorns of pain.

If you stand firm on the thorns, they'll pierce you so much, until they reach the bone. But if you walk in any kind of way, you'll get away with a few bites.

That's what I'm trying to do; to march through the bad time with as little pain as possible.

If I say that I have ceased to love Dorian, it will be a lie. It will be a lie even to myself. I still love him.

You can take more hits, the voice in my head says ironically.

I would rather be slapped by the truth than patted by the lie.

When an emotional state chokes you, you want to go out shouting and express it in any way.

You want to cry. You feel the need to sing a song its lyrics speak exactly what hurts you. You want to make a move that isolates you; look at someone the way you've never looked before.

You think the whole world will listen to you and embrace you like you have the biggest problem on Earth. Some of them will laugh. But you're still in pain.

So, you're not doing anything.

You stand silent and drown all desire for expression. You carry your emotional Cross and silently pray that the temptation that has crept into the soul and conquered the mind may go away.

That's how the day passed in court. In mental isolation and silence. Deafening silence.

Even my inner voice stood in silence, following my disappointment.

I'm home, and all I want is to sleep, even if I'm not feeling sleepy. Only in sleep do I manage to calm down. When I open my eyes, I am forced to oppose and struggle to uproot the feelings that have become thorns in the soul.

I'm tired of this.

I want to sleep, just sleep; to calm down just for a moment.

I get in the car and go home. Fuck. What's done is done. I have to fucking adapt to the circumstances. That's who I am, there's nothing else I can do.

That's who you'll always be, the fucking voice says.

I'm not gonna sit there and cry. Go fuck, everybody. I don't like to suffer for anyone. Let alone for a chick!

Reva is not just a chick, my head says again.

I don't give a fuck! I know she's different, I saw that. But I can't let my fucking self whine alleged for love.

Alleged?!

Yeah, alleged. I'm fine. I have it all. If it's not her, it will be someone else.

Do you mean someone better than Reva? How much better do you need? Why would you look elsewhere after you found her? You're gonna be the same asshole, whatever woman you find.

Fucking damn me! I get mad at the whole fucking situation.

I walk into the house and head to the bathroom. I'm gonna take a shower and relax.

Reva told me she loved me. I've got her, haven't I? She won't go away so easily from me. Besides, I don't feel like leaving her, at least for now.

I get out of the bathroom and have a drink. I lie down on the couch and close my eyes for a moment. I'll get some sleep and then I'll go to her house and find her.

                                                                             ***

I'm fucking awakened by a knock on the doorbell. I turn my face sour and drag my legs up there. I open up and I see the reason that is gonna make me fucking kill somebody.

"I hope I'm not intruding," it's Bridget.

Actually, I want to smash her head against the wall. I'm thinking about it for a while, and I decide to take her in.

It's a chance to do it my way this time, I'm thinking silently while I'm looking at her with suspicion.

I open the door a little more and let her fucking get in. She passes me by with a smug smile.

You're gonna have fun, slut. But the last word will be mine, I think in silence.

"It's been a long time since I last came to this house," she says, twirling around and observing the place.

I pass her by taking off my T-shirt. Suddenly I feel hot. I stay with the form on the bottom and naked on top.

I can see her out of the corner of my eye staring at me while I get a drink. She comes close to me and stops me.

"Let me do it. Do you remember? Ι want you to have my drink ready and wait for me in bed," she repeated the words I had been saying to her.

*Flashback*

"Your drink is ready, Dorian. But I can't stay longer, I have to go," she says combing her hair.

'You can never stay longer, Bridget,' I think disappointed.

"Well, something's still left," she says and picks up her purse.

I open my checkbook and fill in a bulky amount. Sometimes I feel like I'm paying a professional slutty.

Her puffy lips touch my cheek while she picks up the check. She leaves without saying anything else.

That's what chicks want, right? Fucking and money. All right, so be it. But don't any bitch dare tell me she's in love or I'll blow her brains out.

*End of flashback*

She pours me a drink and gives it to me. I drink it in one gulp and instantly change my expression. This time I know what the fucking game is being played, and I'm gonna play it, but with 'tweaked' dice.

I fucking look at her lasciviously from top to bottom. She immediately notices the paths of my eyes in her body because she is cunning.

She slowly lifts her dress and takes it off. She lets it fall behind her, and after looking at me defiantly, begins to take slow steps towards the bedroom.

Every step of her way, she pulls out whatever shit she's wearing. She got off her heels and lies down on the bed.

If you were to ask me, I would never have imagined this would happen even in my crazy fucking dreams. She beckons me to approach with her finger.

I take off the form along with the underwear, and after drinking the second drink in one gulp, I close the door with a kick and approach her to the bed.