Ella


I feel so strange the next day, in ways that are unexplainable. I have a ring on my finger, the diamond band twisted in knots that swirl up to a black stone in the center of glistening studs. It’s actually the most perfect ring for me, not girly with a big flashy diamond on it, like a lot of girls want. It’s dark, different, and has some scratches on the surface, like me.


The more I think about it, it’s downright perfect.


I decide to wake him up with a nice birthday present for being the greatest person that has ever graced my life.


At the crack of dawn, when the sunlight is barely peeking through the curtain, I sneak out of bed and over to my house, which is soundless. Lila is fast asleep in my bed and I tiptoe to my closet. Searching through my old clothes, I find what I’m looking for.


I remember when I wore it for Halloween. I was sixteen and decided to act like a girl for the night. Usually, I did something scary, but that year I put on a leather dress and some stilettoes that made me tower over almost everyone at Micha’s party. My hair was done up and I had some bright red lipstick on. It had been a rough day at my house that day. My dad had wrecked the car and my mom had yelled at him for hours, so I was relieved to be leaving and getting a break.


When I showed up, the party had been in full mode. The music was cranked, people were wasted, girls were half naked, and furniture had been broken. Micha was talking to a girl with curly brown hair, wearing a dress equally as short as mine, but she had a lot more cleavage that nearly fell out of the top. He was dressed in a black T-shirt with a red skull on it and there were skulls all over his belt that held up his black jeans. He had sprayed black streaks in his hair and there were leather bands around his wrists.


They were in the kitchen next to the keg and I had walked up casually as if nothing was out of the ordinary.


“You know someone’s broken your mom’s ceramic plate, right?” I told him reaching for a plastic up. “Out on the back porch.”


He was fully engulfed in the brunette. “Well, I’ll clean it up…” When his eyes landed on me his voice trailed off and the brunette gave me a nasty look. His gaze skimmed my costume and he didn’t look happy. “What the fuck are you wearing?”


I sipped my beer. “A Halloween costume.”


He gaped at me. “What the hell are you supposed to be?”


“A slut,” I say, cutting a glance at the brunette. “Which seems to be a theme tonight.”


She glared at me and then smiled sweetly at Micha. “I’m going to go dance. Do you want to join me?”


He waved his hand at her dismissively. “You can’t walk around like that.”


“Why not?” I was thoroughly enjoying how upset he was over the dress. “It’s how everyone else is dressed.”


He leaned to the side and checked out my backside. “Your ass is basically hanging out of it… and girls dress like that when they want to get fucked, so go home and change.”


I started to get pissed. Knocking back the entire beer, I crumbled the cup and tossed it on the counter. “You’re acting like a jealous boyfriend and it’s weird.”


“I’m trying to protect you, Ella May,” he retorted loudly over the music as I marched toward the living room where everyone was dancing. “From all the other guys out there who are thinking the same dirty thoughts as I am.”


For a brief moment, his words excited me, but I smothered the feeling. “You have no right to try and stop me from doing anything, when you do whatever you want and whoever you want all the time and I don’t ever say a word.”


He glared at me and I scowled back, before backing away into the crowd with my chin held up defiantly.


About an hour later, I was pretty drunk and dancing with some guy with brown hair and bloodshot eyes, who smelled like pot. He was cute, but I wasn’t into him. Every time he tried to touch me, I inched out of his reach with panic soaring through me.


Finally, he grabbed my waist, digging his fingers into me roughly, and forced me to get closer to him. Anxiety had seized my throat as his fingers spread around his hips and I was just about to knee him in his special place when he was yanked away from me.


“Get the hell out of here.” Micha shoved him back, then clenched his hands into fists.
The guy stumbled into a few people, regained his footing, and came back at Micha with his fists out. But the threat in Micha’s eyes made him rethink it and he shied away into the crowd.


When Micha aimed his gaze at me, I was thrown off by the intensity. “Go into my room and lay down, before you end up doing something you’ll regret.”


“Fuck you,” I replied, hating to fight with him, but he was being possessive and it was getting on my nerves. “You’re acting like a controlling asshole.”


His expression softened and he offered his hand to me. “I’m just trying to protect you from stuff. You’re drunk and you’re dressed like…” His eyes strayed up my body and then he shook his head, blinking his eyes. “Just please come lie down with me.”


I snatched hold of his hand and he steered me up in front of him to walk behind me with his hands on my hips. He didn’t let go of me until we reached his room.


He shut the door and he sucked on his lip ring, appearing uneasy, which was very unlike him. “Do you want one of my shirts to sleep in?”


“You’re acting really, really weird.” I sat down on the bed, unfastened the strap of my shoe, and wiggled my foot out, before starting on the other one. “What’s wrong with you tonight? Did a girl blow you off or something?”


“I never get upset over a girl, unless it’s you.” He released his lip ring from his teeth and began unclipping the bands on his wrists. “I think I should be the one asking you what’s wrong. I’ve never seen you dress like that.”


“I’m fine.” I slipped my foot out of the shoe and turned around to climb into his bed. “I just wanted to do something different.”


I turned around to get under the covers and when I faced him again, he had an amused smile on his face.


“What?” I asked, pulling the blanket over me. “Why are you looking at me like that?”


He signaled for me to scoot over as he slipped his shirt off. “It’s nothing. I just can’t believe you showed up wearing that.”


Fuming, I rolled to my side and put my back to him. “What’s-his-face from the dance floor seemed to like it.”


He got into bed with me, pressing his body closer to mine than he normal did. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing… it’s just surprising. That’s all.” He placed a hand lightly on my hip and my stomach fluttered, which it had never done before.


A loud breath escaped my lips and I winced. Sealing my lips shut, I crossed my fingers he hadn’t heard it. He edged nearer, so his chest was touching my back and his warm breath feathered my skin.


“Ella?” He sounded choked up.


It took me a second to compose myself enough to speak. “Yeah.”


The silence that followed drove me crazy.


“Sweet dreams,” he finally said and kissed the back of my neck before rolling over.


Looking back at the memory now, I can’t help but smile, realizing what was really going on.


Stuffing the dress and shoes into my bag, I hurry downstairs and run into Caroline in the kitchen. Her black hair is sticking up all over the place and she has a set of striped pajamas on. She pours herself a cup of coffee, yawning, and when she sees me, she smiles.


“Oh, I thought you were in bed,” she says. “Are you an early riser too?”


I swing the bag onto my shoulder. “Not usually. This morning was just an exception.”


She collects her cup of coffee and pulls out a chair at the table. “Did you want some coffee?”


“Sure, why not.” Setting the bag to the floor, I pour myself a cup and join her at the table, breathing in the steam. “God, I love caffeine.”


She adds some milk to her coffee and takes a gulp. “I’d like to take some pictures of you and Micha later today, if you don’t mind. I always take pictures around the holidays.”


“Okay,” I say. “I have to ask Micha, but I’m sure he’ll be okay with it.”


She gives a prolonged pause. “I’d like to take some of you, Dean, and your dad too.”


My expression plummets as I lower my cup back to the table. “What did Dean have to say about that?”


“He said he’d do it.” She gets up to put the milk in the fridge. “As long as you two agreed to it.”


I strain a smile. “Alright, well, I guess that’s fine with me.”


She returns to the table, appearing hesitant. “Dean’s a little different than he used to be. I think anyway. I think his therapy sessions are really helping.” She pauses to take a drink. “You know it took him forever to completely open up to me… about everything.”


I stare at the cracks in the table, getting uncomfortable. “Oh.”


“Don’t worry, Ella. I’m not looking to talk about it,” she says kindly. “I just wanted to let you know that he’s different and that maybe you could let him in a little more.”


My gaze rises to her. “I let him in as much as he wants me to let him in.”


She gathers her empty cup and sets it in the sink. “That’s not true, although he probably won’t admit it. He doesn’t really admit anything, unless you force him too—he holds a lot in.”


Confusion swarms my head. “He’s always said whatever he thinks when he’s around me.”


“No, he says things to push you away.” She pats my arm and then heads for the doorway, the sunlight streaming in from the window to the side of her. “But that’s something you two will need to talk about one day in the far future… when you’re both ready. In fact, you know what you should do?”


“No.” And I’m not sure if I want to.


“You should come stay with us for the summer,” she says, glancing over her shoulder at me. “Maybe for a few weeks.”


“I’m not sure that’d be a good thing.”


“Just think about it, okay?”


I nod and she leaves the kitchen. After I finish my coffee, I grab my bag and head out the door and into the freezing cold, mulling over my future.


Micha


I’m woken up to someone sucking on my neck and the scent of vanilla. I decide I might not open my eyes and just let Ella go to town.


“Rise and shine, birthday boy,” she whispers in my ear as she nips at my lobe and her leg slides over me so she’s straddling me.


“No way,” I reply with my eyes shut, feeling the skin between her legs brush against my stomach. “You’re going to have to suck on a lot more things to bring me out of this deep sleep.”


She laughs and slants back. I open my eyes and I’m instantly glad I did. She has on a short leather dress that barely covers up her body and high heels that match. Her auburn hair is done up with stray pieces hanging loosely around her face and her lips are stained red.


“I’ve seen that outfit before.” My hands pursue her hips. “In fact, I remember that day very clearly.”


“You were so mad.” She runs her finger through my hair. “I thought you were going to punch that guy on the dance floor.”


“Oh, it took a lot not to,” I assure her, pressing her down against my swollen cock. “I was so pissed that he tried to touch you.”


“Why, though?” she asks with curiosity. “Guys had tried to hit on me before and you never did anything.”


“That’s because you usually beat me to the punch. But that night you acted like you were asking for it,” I say. “Do you know when you were climbing into bed, I got a full view of those naughty little panties you had on—they barely covered anything.”


Her lips part. “Is that why you were smiling?”


“Fuck yeah.” I sneak my fingers up her dress and squeeze her firm ass. “I got an eyeful and I was so turned on.”


“Oh my God.” She covers her mouth with her hand, shaking her head. “That’s so embarrassing.”


“Why? I’ve seen everything now. Hell, I’ve been inside you.” I jerk the top of her dress down, surprising her, and lure her breast down toward my mouth. “I’ve kissed every single part of you.” Taking her breast into my mouth, I roll my tongue along her nipple until she moans.


“I had a plan,” she says, breathless. “I was going to…” She trails off, whimpering as I suck with just enough force to drive her body crazy and she quivers against me.


Letting her go for a second, I slip her panties down her legs to her ankles. “Keep the dress and the heels on.”


A smile touches her lips as she kicks off her panties and gradually lowers herself onto me. I meet her halfway and push into her. Her breath hitches as her head falls back and some of her hair slips out, falling along her shoulders.


“Micha…” she moans as I thrust into her again. “Oh my God…”


I kiss her fiercely as my hands move down her bare shoulders, along the side of her leather dress, and rest at her hips where I grab tightly ahold of her. Our skin begins to dampen with sweat as our movements start to match each other’s. When she cries out my name, with her eyes glistening, she loses it completely and I join her. Once we regain our breath, I kiss her jawline and incline away, slipping out of her. Circling my arms around her, I roll to the side, pull her close, and look into her eyes.


“Best birthday present ever,” I say and gently kiss the palm of her hand, feeling the ring on her finger. “I don’t think any birthday will ever top this one.”


She smiles contently. “You don’t think so?”


I run my finger along the edge of the ring and it sends a rush of adrenaline through me, knowing she’s close to being mine forever. “No, I know so.”


It’s late in the afternoon when we finally get out of bed. Ella complains about being sore and it makes me proud.


She scowls at me when I tell her this as she puts her T-shirt on. “So what do you want to do for the rest of the day?”
“Make you sorer,” I say, tugging a long-sleeve shirt over my head.


She sighs, letting her arms fall to her side. “Can’t I have just a tiny little break? Pretty please. Maybe just like an hour.”


“Fine.” I frown, disappointed, and search for something else to do. “Okay, I know what I want to do.”


She wiggles into her jeans and does up the button. “What’s that?”


I back for the door, scooping up a lighter my dad left behind when he bailed out on me. “I want to burn all the stuff that ever reminded me of my dad.”


I wait for her to lecture me, but she picks up her jacket and zips it. “We should probably do it in an open area, like the driveway,” she says, unfazed. “Just to be safe.”


“There is no one else in the world who can get me like you do, pretty girl.” I take her hand and we head outside to build a fire.


The sun is actually out and shining down, but the air is still cold. Everything is concealed in frost and the driveway has been plowed.


Ella hunts for the lighter fuel and some wood while I go into the garage and collect some things that belonged to my dad. When I return to the driveway, she has a small fire going and a relaxed look on her face as she stares at the flame with her head tilted to the side.


I start throwing things into the flames one by one, starting with an old work shirt that was left in the garage. “I’ve decided I’m not going to talk to him again.”


She takes the lighter and tosses it into the flames. “But what if he calls and really wants to be in your life again?”


I chuck one of his old screwdrivers into the fire, even though it won’t really burn. “He’s going to have to do a hell of a lot more than call.” I take a deep breath and stare at the photo of my dad and me in front of his old Dodge Challenger parked in the garage. We used to work on it every day. It was our thing, until he bailed and took the car with him, and all that was left was an empty garage full of bullshit memories.


I crumple up the photo and toss it into the fire, watching it singe. “He’ll have to earn it.”


Her fingers grab mine and she squeezes my hand. “Good, because he doesn’t deserve you.”


With the next thing I try to add, she quickly tries to stop me.


“What are you doing?” she asks, snatching ahold of my wrist to stop me from throwing the six-pack of beer into the fire.


“I’m getting rid of my baggage.”


“Micha, I didn’t say you had to stop drinking, just that you should stop trying to deal with your problems that way.”


“I know,” I say. “But right now, I think this is what we both need.”


Looking into my eyes, she nods and lets go of my arm. I chuck the pack into the flames, which rush up toward the sky excitedly as the bottles break. As we stare at the blazing flame melting away at the snow, Ethan’s truck pulls up and he and Lila hop out.


“Okay, I so want to know what this is for,” Lila says, stuffing her hands into her coat pockets, the glow of the fire reflecting in her wide eyes.


“We’re saying good-bye.” I swing my arm around Ella’s shoulder and draw her closer.


“Good-bye to what?” Ethan asks, zipping up his coat and pulling the hood over his head.


Ella and I trade a secret glance.


“To the past,” she says, and I smile, because that’s exactly what it is.