Worst nightmare

We were preparing to my upcoming proposal to Jenna. I can't help but to excite to my proposal for her. I want to surprised her.

"Fix the card" I uttered.

"Heto na nga diba" Rafael said.

"Make it fast! But it's should be pretty" I command them.

At the cartolina, there was written a "Will you marry me?" and I'm the one who wrote those, they just the only one who prepared it.

Later on, they finished to prepared it.

We seated at the sofa, nakadikit yung kartolina sa may harapan namin. We called her in video call.

"Who are you?" She asked when she answered our called. We didn't know how we would react when he said that.

I felt like someone punched me. "W-What?" We uttered, were shocked. We can't believe. Para bang panaginip lang ito.

"Don't joking around Jenna" Vren said. "I'm not joking man, I don't know you! All of you!" She irritated said. I thought were happy now? I want to believe that this is just her prank but if I do that, I just fooled my self to believe that this is just a prank.

I didn't know, this will coming. Edi sana nilibos libos ko na yung mga araw na mag kasama kami, yung masaya pa kami at kilala nya parin kami.

"Love" I speak. It's hurt for me, she looking at me coldy unlike before sweet and caring.

"Who are you mister?" she asked me. Fuck. She can't remember me...Ang sakit di ko na alam ang mararamdaman ko.

"It's me your boyfriend.."I answered her. My eyes felt tired when I say that. Fuck I'm hurting again. By looking at her, she confused, irritated and lost.

"Wag ka namang mag biro ng ganyan, Jenna." I said. "Sino kayo?" She asked us again. I can't believe what she says. She can't forget us! We confused what going on at her.

"J-Jenna.." we uttered her name.

"Love.. please it's me Heidax, your boyfriend" I uttered again. I started to cry now, I literally felt hurt right now.

I supposed to be proposed at her but it's turned out that she didn't recognize us. She didn't remember me, us.

I heard her conversation with her family, and it's hurting me, not only me but also my friends. They also hurting right now. Their friends didn't remember them and I, my own girlfriend didn't remember me.

"Ano bang mga problema nyo! Sabing hindi ko kayo kilala eh!" She irritated shouted. Fuck he didn't kidding. She literally didn't remember us, even her family.

I thought losing her it's hurt but now I realized that, forgetting me is the most hurting. My girl forgetting me without my noticed.

"Hindi naman ko talaga kayo kilala..sino ba kayo!" She shouted said. Lalo akong nasasaktan, we quietly crying at the call.

Kung kami nasasaktan, then how about her family. They the one who really hurt after all, she was their family.

Lalo na yung ate nya, I feel her hurt. While she saying those words just to remember her by her little sister, I can feel it.

"Ang titigas ng ulo nyo! Hindi ko nga maalala kung ano ang pinapaalala nyo sa akin! Ni Hindi ko nga kayo kilala" she irritated shouted.

Fuck I don't want to watch it, I immediately end the call.

"J.Jenna...she didn't remember us" Heldiago uttered. We dumbfounded here. You only hear our downcrying and sobbing.

We don't care if we're now crying like a baby. We hurt and no one can blame us. She alive but we can't feel her shadow to us. It's Iike we're now just stranger for her.

Tila bumalik ulit kami sa simula simula, noong mga panahong di nya pa ako kilala. Noong mga panahong di pa sila nag lalaro ng mga kapatid ko at kaibigan ko.

We immediately went to her house, we didn't waste our time. Sa naging byahe namin ay wala kaming kibo o ingay, just our sobbing.

Ang aming mga ay mugtong mugto dahil sa pag iyak namin, later on we arrived now at her house. I knocked to their house.

At bumangad sa amin ang isang babaeng mugto mugto ang mga mata. "Who are you?" She asked. "Jenna friends, and I'm her boyfriend" I answered.

"You must be Heidax" She said and I nodded, "Pasok kayo...she was sleep" she said and there were tears in her eyes. She can't help but to sob again.

We went to her room, to check her. Her sister in law took us there. And we saw her, she peaceful sleeping. Lumapit ako sa kanya, and I hold her face when I near at her.

"Magpo-propose pa ako sayo....but why? Why in this situation?" I said while my tears fallen to my eyes. Fuck it's really hurt. I was kneel at her side, wishing that she could remember me, not only me all of us.

My brother hug me, "Everything will be alright" he said. I hugged him back.

Lumapit sa natutulog na Jenna ang dalawang kaibigan ko, they also kneel at her side. They hold her hand.

"We're happy....that day but why? Bakit ito nangyari sa'yo? Mag bobonding pa tayo" Rafael said and he now crying like a baby.

We failed to protect her again.....We failed.

She's now suffering to her illnes.

We're now at kitchen. They invite us to drink coffee. Malungkot parin ako, di ko magawang ngumiti ngayon. Pakiramdam ko may kulang sa akin.

"To be honest, we never saw her smiling..but when she saw you again, pakiramdam ko bumalik na ulit yung dati kong anak." Her mom said. I looked at her, I saw a pain to her eyes.

"I never act a mom to her. Masama akong Ina sa kanya." She said and now she started to sobbed. Her daughter hug her.

"It's alright mom....you still have a chance to make it right" she said.

I can't look at her mom... masakit sa aking nasasaktan ang Ina ng aking minamahal na babae. Maybe she was bad to her daughter but I know..she want to change now.

Totoo nga ang sinabi nila na saka pa lang makikita ang halaga mo kung kailan malapit ka nang sumuko.

"She will forgive you mam" I said and I little bit smile at her. "But what if...she can't forgive me?" She sadly said.

"She nice person. I'm pretty sure that she will forgive you. She love you mam" I said.

At noon, Jenna woke up. I can't look at her. The fact that she can't remember me, it's now hurting me.

A few days past. Nakikita kong nanghihina na sya. I didn't leave at her side. I'm always here even she was sleeping. Hindi ako naalis sa tabi nya.

Because I was hoping that she can remember me, that my girl will back.

When I noticed that she felt tired, lumapit ako sa kanya and I asked her. "Are you okay?" I asked her and she nodded at her.

I don't believe at her, she just pretending that she was okay but I know her...she felt tired now.

"What's your name again?" She asked me, yan na naman yung tanong kung sino ako..parang pinapamukha sa akin na..Wala na talagang..pag asa.

"Heidax... Heidax Lerveax Alvazarex" I answered and I smile a little bit at her. Di ko na kinaya ang sakit ng aking nararamdaman kaya di ko mapigilang lumuha sa harap nya.

I suddenly hug her and I was crying at her shoulder. Sinobsob ko ang aking mukha at roon ako umiyak.
"I really miss you" I whisper while I was crying.

Naramdaman ko ang pag tapik nya sa aking likodan, pinapatahan nya ako ngunit mas lalo akong umiyak. I miss her hug. Fuck. It's hurt to love, I don't know what to do right now. All I want is to let go my sadness.

I'm tired to pretend that I was okay but the truth is I'm not, I wasn't okay right now. Nasasaktan ako, nalulungkot ako at nagsisisi. "I'm sorry" she whispered and that made me cried harder.

When I already recovered, I let go her. "Do you want to eat?" I asked her and she nodded at me. "What food do you like to eat?" I asked again. "Anything, I'm fine with that" she answered and smile at me. Fuck I miss her smile. Pinigilan kong umiyak ulit sa kanyang harapan. I need to be strong in this situation.

She need me and I need her too but she need me the most. It's okay for me to hurt just don't her, ayaw kong masasaktan ulit sya.

"I'll be right back, just rest here" I said and I walked away. After I left her at her room, bumuhos na ulit ang mga luha ko.

Fuck I need to let go this. I silently crying at the comfort room. I don't want to hear them that I was crying and I'm weak.

'There's no time to be weak Heidax'

I told to my self.

Pigil ang aking pag iyak, I covered my mouth so it's couldn't let out a sobbed from my mouth. It's fucking hurt.

Bakit sya pa? Bakit di na lang ako? I deserved to suffered and not her. She've been through a lot. Please pity her.

Suddenly someone knocked at door. "Kuya? Are you okay there?" It's Heldiago.

"Y-Yes.. I'm okay" I answered, I fixed my self before I go out to comfort room. I saw his pity eyes on me.

"Did you cry?" He asked me but I shook my head.

"I-I'll go first..I'll just prepare..Jenna's food" I said and avoid to cracked my voice and I forced smiled at him. I was about to walked away but he stopped me.

"Stop Kuya." He cold said.

I stopped and looked at him.

"Don't ever smiled at me if that's fake and forced" he cold said and he was about to turned around but I hug him and cried in his shoulder.

"Your brother...is hurting" I said and started to sobbed again. I never cried in his shoulder.

"Nandito lang...si bunso.." he said and he hugged me back. He tapped my back.

BUMALIK ako sa kwarto ni Jenna na may dalang dalang pagkain nya. When I entered at he room, her mom ready to leave.

Lumapit sya sa akin and she whispered at me. "Take care my daughter" she whispered and tap my shoulder. I just nodded at her.

"Here. Eat this" I said and I sit in her side.

"It's delicious?" I asked and she nodded. It's good that she liked it. Sa ganitong paraan ko lang maipaparamdam kung gaano ko sya kamahal.

"Good to hear that" I said.

"You need to take care yourself, Heidax" ayunso sa akin ni Erwan. Kunot noong tumingin ako sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin niya.

"What do you mean Dr. Heigo?" I confused asked. He heavily sigh before he answered my question. "You have leukemia" he answered.

Hindi ko alam kung malulungkot ako dahil sa kanyang balita, nalulungkot ako dahil may possibleng iwanan ko ang kapatid ko. Masaya ako dahil may possibleng makasama ko si Jenna.

Hindi ko na alam. Hindi ganto ang gusto kong mangyari, I can't leave alone my little brother..he still needs me.

Fuck I wanna be with her but not like this. I can't sacrifice my life if there's someone I possible left alone.

"Malala na ba?" I asked him, he sadly nodded at me, fuck I can't... "It's there a chance that I can survive this?" I asked.

"We can't say that Heidax" he answered. Para bang gumuho ang mundo ko, fuck I should be happy because there's a chance that I can be with my love but the fact that I need to left my little brother...I felt like I didn't want to.

"How many years.... that I still have now?" I asked.

"I think 8 years.." he unsured said.

"I need fucking sure answered! Ayaw ko sa hindi siguradong sagot!" galit na sambit ko rito.

"R-Relax Heidax" he stuttering said.

"How can I relax in this situation!? Tell me!?" Galit kong sambit hanggang napaltan ang aking galit na lungkot at pagkahina ng tuhod ko.

Fuck! "I don't want to die..I'm too young" I sobbed.

"We still not sure about that Heidax" He said and tap my back.

"Just don't stay all night, rest and exercise too" he said and I just nodded at him. "Don't stress yourself of what you been through as of now. You must take care yourself." He advised me.

"But how? Jenna's suffering too! I must be in her side!" I uttered, he looked at me pitiful. "And then, how about you? How about us, who were worried at you? Siya nalang ba ang iisipin mo?" Natahimik ako sa kanyang sinabi.

"We also need you, I know it's hard what you both facing right now but please remind yourself that you can rest. That there's still people who were waiting for you." Lalo akong napaiyak.

"We won't be okay if you also gone, like what we also won't that Jenna will be gone, because she's kind and lovely." Fuck! Tangina Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, I needed Jenna but my friends and Heldiago needed me also.

What should I choose? Tell me coz I don't know.

Wala akong gana umuwi sa apartment na aming tinitirhan ngayon sa Batangas, Hindi ako dumeresto sa bahay nina Jenna. I can't face her now..the fact that I'm gonna dying.

Nagkulong lang ako sa bahay, hindi lumabas at di kumain. I'm tired. I'm fucking tired!