Hwan looked around the dark room he was in with confusion.

It was not the room he saw in his nightmares. He was in somewhere else.

Just as he got up, he suddenly hit the floor. He gasped for air as he got the wind knocked out of him. He looked at his legs as he was taking quick breaths, they looked normal. He tried to get up again but it didn't work.

"No no no no..." Hwan tried to hold his tears back. The only place where he could walk was now gone, and he didn't know what to do.

A loud sob echoed in the room, but it was not from Hwan.

Hwan quickly looked around the room while wiping the tears that somehow escaped from his eyes. "Is someone there?"

"I'm useless Hwan... I couldn't do anything..."

Hwan widened his eyes when he heard Joo-Won. Suddenly, a light flickered that made Joo-Won visible. He was sitting on the ground, his legs pulled to his stomach. He was doing something that Hwan couldn't figure out.

Hwan crawled to him in worry. When he reached his side, he widened his eyes in fear because of what he saw.

Joo-Won was scratching his arm again, but this time, the scratches were so deep that blood was pouring like a waterfall. His nails were deep into his skin and the scratches looked like deep cuts.

They didn't look like they were made by a human at all.

Hwan tried to stop him, but it was not working. He took out his t-shirt and pressed it on his arm, but it didn't take even ten seconds for the t-shirt to be covered in blood. He threw it away and cupped Joo-Won's face. His lifeless eyes were focused on far away.

Hwan, finally not being able to hold back his tears, sniffed and lightly slapped his cheeks to hopefully make him come back. "Joo-Won stop it you are not useless please stop it!" When Joo-Won started to scratch even faster, Hwan grabbed his arm and sobbed. "Stop it! STOP IT!"

His yell that echoed in the room seemed to work because Joo-Won suddenly stopped. He then turned his head to Hwan and his eyes finally met with Hwan.

Just as Hwan was going to sigh in relief, Joo-Won said something that made him freeze. "You are even more useless than me."

21.10

The next day was even harder for Joo-Won because only then he started to digest what happened the day before. Even though Hwan didn't know the story, he could understand how much pain the younger one was in.

It was around 5 or 6 am when Hwan woke up with a silent gasp. His eyes frantically roamed around the room when they finally stopped on Joo-Won. It didn't take long for him to heat his forcefully silent sobs yesterday. After trying his best to forget about his nightmare and move past it, he realized Joo-Won's forehead was buried in his shoulder. He was trying his best to hide the fact that he was crying, but his shaking shoulders were not really helping him.

Hwan moved his hand from Joo-Won's arm to his face and made him look at him. As he was staring at Joo-Won's eyes, Hwan suddenly saw a flash of Joo-Won's lifeless eyes from his nightmare. His heart skipped a beat in fear, but he tried his best not to show this to Joo-Won as he caressed his cheek.

For hours and hours, Hwan tried to calm him down until he needed to go back. They didn't say a single word to each other, which was actually way more helpful in understanding him. Silence really did better for Joo-Won. 

After he finally calmed down a little, Joo-Won sighed. "I really should get going..." He reached and held Hwan's hand while he just stared at him with a slightly surprised look. Joo-Won hesitated at first, but then, leaned and pressed his lips on the surprised boy's hand. "Thank you for everything. I don't know what I would do without you."

When Joo-Won was about to get up, Hwan suddenly reached out and took his hand. Hwan didn't know why he did that but to think about it, he was actually glad he did.

Joo-Won turned his head to Hwan, slightly surprised while sniffing. He took his time to examine his face and bury it in his mind, like proof that he was not the same person as the one from his nightmare.

He then sat up on the bed and pulled Joo-Won a little closer. He silently leaned his forehead to Joo-Won's and watched him as he exhaled a shaky breath. Hwan then put one of his hands to Joo-Won's nape and played with the hair that was on the back of his neck while putting his other hand on the bed.

It was not a second after Hwan closed his eyes that he felt Joo-Won's hand on top of his, holding his fingers and gently fondling his knuckles with his thumb. Without opening his eyes, Hwan smiled softly and let him continue it. Even though he couldn't see it, he could feel Joo-Won's smile, and it was enough to relieve him.

Hwan's hand that was on Joo-Won's nape slowly moved down to his neck then to his collarbone followed to his chest. The movement of his hand was so slow, enough to make him take an unsteady breath. He put his other hand on Hwan's shoulder like he was getting support. Hwan's fingertips followed the road, slightly touching his skin. Then, Hwan moved it up to his shoulder again and squeezed the place between his neck and his shoulder. He could feel Joo-Won's eyelashes touching his and him closing his eyes too.

They stayed like that for some time, neither of them making a move to break apart. Then, Joo-Won's hand slowly slid down and stopped when it reached his waist. He pulled Hwan, whose hand was now on his cheek, a little closer and moved his hand on the end of his t-shirt.

Hwan opened his eyes and backed his head a bit to see him more clearly. As he was staring at him, he touched Joo-Won's lips with the tip of his thumb. He just wanted to kiss the boy in front of him, but for some reason, he couldn't do it.

With what he did, Joo-Won opened his eyes as well and let go of a silent, but trembling gasp. He looked at Hwan as he was asking for permission when his fingertip touched the bare skin under his t-shirt. When Hwan gulped, Joo-Won slowly moved his hand inside his t-shirt and fondled his bare waist as he leaned in for the kiss they both longed for.

Just as their lips touched, they were disrupted. "Hwan! Are you-" If it was not for Min barging into the room, things would probably grow more intense between the two.

Joo-Won literally threw himself back to the chair that was next to the bed while Hwan backed away his head and quickly looked at Min, who closed her eyes with her hands the second she saw a figure with Hwan.

"I-I am so sorry! I knocked but you didn't answer and I panicked so I just barged in I am so sorry!!!"

Joo-Won got up from the chair and quickly fixed himself. If Hwan needed to be honest, Joo-Won's morning look was really cute. Especially his messy hair. "It's okay Min, no problem. Just calm down."

She nodded and slightly opened her eyes, then she opened them fully when she saw it was Joo-Won who was beside Hwan. She smirked, her embarrassed self disappearing in a second. "And you said nothing was going on between you two!"

Joo-Won looked down and tried to hide his face while bowing and quickly getting out of the room. But before he ran away, he didn't forget to look at Hwan and smile indebtedly, to which he responded with a smile back. 

And now, a day later, there Hwan was, in the middle of physical therapy. Min was trying to show him how to do the exercise but as always, it was not working. His upper legs were moving but down from his knees, there were just as useless as cooked noodles.

A disturbing silence fell as both of them looked at Hwans' swaying legs.

Hwan actually lost hope years ago, but Min was determined to prove him wrong. But after years of trying her best and still not seeing a difference, he could see that she was starting to lose hope too.

"Hwan, can we talk?"

Hwan nodded and watched her sit in front of him on a chair. "Look... I don't know how to say this but... Have you... Ever thought of..."

Hwan stopped her from continuing when he realized it was hard for Min to ask this as well. "I know what you are about to say. Is it...?"

She didn't answer at first, then looked down. "Hwan, I will be honest with you. If this goes on like this, there is a risk of you harming and injuring yourself. There was a little bit more sense in your legs in the past but as time passed,... they just disappeared."

Hwan nodded in silence and looked at the floor. She never kept secrets from him and never sugarcoated things like these, which he was actually very grateful for.

"Now that you can decide for yourself, please think it over. I know it is scary, and it will be hard, but please think about it. Plus, after everything, you can finally get out of this hospital."

He scoffed. "Trying to get rid of me huh?"

She laughed and jokingly hit his arm. "Maybe?"

He then smiled. "To be honest, I would lie if I say it did not cross my mind. I was thinking about it since I fell while trying to walk and burn myself." He rolled up his sleeve and showed her the burnt mark on his arm from the time he first met with Joo-Won. The scar was still not healed properly.

"So, what are you saying? Shall I talk with your doctors to see what we can do?"

He nodded. "But give me some time, okay? I want to talk about this with Joo-Won too."

Min smirked. "I didn't know he was this important to you."

"Well, besides you, he is the closest to me, and I want to hear his opinions about this." In reality, Hwan just wanted to make sure if he would leave if he decide to do it.

She nodded and patted his shoulder, then got up and pushed the chair aside. "Shall we continue?"

Hwan nodded even though these were not useful at all, but still wanted to give his best shot before the possibility of everything changing.

(...)

After his therapy, Min and Kyong, who suddenly appeared in the waiting area and said he needed to talk to him, were taking Hwan to his room when he saw Joo-Won entering the hospital. Min stopped and turned his wheelchair to where Joo-Won was.

He looked extremely worried and tired at the same time. He turned his back and reached his hand to Xander, who did not move at first. Hwan knitted his eyebrows when he noticed how pale Xander looked. It had been only two days since he last saw him but Hwan could swear Xander looked like a broken vessel.

A woman, who was Jen, that was beside them sadly smiled and tried to talk to Xander, but he looked lost. His body was there, but not sure where his soul was. He was just looking at the floor with a numb face.

Then, from another hall, their father, Mr. Park walked up to them with fast steps. As Jen and he started to talk, Joo-Won suddenly took a couple steps away from Mr. Park, which made Hwan even more curious and worried.

After they talked, Mr. Park went beside Xander and placed his hand on his shoulder, and gently rubbed it. "It's going to be okay... I will now talk with the doctor before you get in, okay?"

Xander slowly nodded, trying his best not to cry. Then, Mr. Park planted a kiss on his forehead before leaving, which Joo-Won watched as he felt sick. He wanted to throw up the second that man got close to his brother.

"Xander..."

Hwan quickly lifted his head when he heard the faint voice of Kyong. He looked and sounded so worried that the only thing that was holding him from running to Xander and hugging him was the fact that he was completely frozen. Hwan turned his head back to them, and unexpectedly, Hwan's eyes met with Xander's. His emotionless and numb expression, bags under his eyes, sunken face, and several cuts on his body made Hwan gulp.

Then, Xander slowly looked at Kyong. The second their eyes met, a drop of tear fell to the floor from Kyong's eye. Even though there was no change on Xander's face, Hwan could see that his hands started to shake a little as he squeezed his palm and opened his hands back.

Xander suddenly felt sick as well. Seeing Kyong crying probably for the first time, he hated himself. He was disgusted by himself and his body, he was disgusted that Kyong had to see him like that. He felt so naked that he felt the need to cover himself.

He slowly wrapped his shaking hands to his arms and dug his nails into his skin. The only thing Xander could think at that moment was that it was unbearable to see a person like Kyong getting sad over a hideous thing like himself. He really hated himself for being the cause of his sadness.

Min looked in the direction Kyong and Hwan were looking in curiosity. "Huh? Is that Joo-Won's brother Xander?"

Kyong just nodded before finally, moving his feet towards his way. But he couldn't walk, he just stayed like that.

Hwan held his wrist and gave him a reassuring look, helping him to regain his confidence and walk towards Xander together.

When they finally reached there, their mother looked at the two. When she remembered who Kyong was, she turned to her sons. "I will grab something to eat, okay?"

Joo-Won nodded before she went away, then turned his head to Hwan. He just waved and forced a small smile, his eyes constantly going to his brother, who was just standing and looking at Kyong.

Kyong eventually spoke after a silence. "Xander?"

'Please don't look at me... Please, I beg you...' While pleading in his head, Xander couldn't even open his mouth in the real world. No answer. Not even a blink.

"How... How are you?"

'Just go away... Please don't do this...'

No answer again.

Hwan turned his head with the movement of Joo-Won who was trying to hide his sad expression. He turned his head to the opposite side and tried to steady his breath as a sob escaped his mouth. Hwan slowly reached and held his hand, intertwining their fingers in silence. Joo-Won sniffed and turned to look at Hwan, then back to Xander and Kyong.

Kyong looked so helpless and broken right that moment that he looked like was about burst out crying in the middle of the hospital, while Xander was just looking at him emotionless. "C-can you talk to me... please... I beg you..." His whisper-like voice in addition to his voice crack was enough to make Hwan's eyes burn.

Finally, Xander showed a sign of living and blinked. Then, he turned his head to Joo-Won and murmured. "Can we please go." It was not a question. He was literally, silently begging.

Kyong looked so hurt at that moment. He didn't know what happened to Xander, but Kyong felt like he messed things up even more. Out of habit, he reached his hand to Xander's arm. "Look I-"

But the second his hand touched his arm, Xander instantly slapped his hand away and took an unsteady step back. As the loud slap echoed in the area, some people turned their heads in the direction. Hwan widened his eyes as Joo-Won quickly got in front of his brother and started apologizing to Kyong, who was looking at his hand in disbelief.

He was so shocked that he couldn't even lift his head and look at Xander, who couldn't even progress what just happened. Kyong felt like in some way, he made him so uncomfortable that Xander couldn't even stay in the same place as him, which made Kyong want to just run away.

Which was exactly what he did.

Without saying anything, he silently turned his back and walked away, leaving them alone. Min, who was at where the two were first standing, looked at Hwan in confusion, then ran after Kyong, whose steps got faster and faster.

Hwan looked back at Xander, who was now looking at him and Joo-Won's hands.

Hwan moved his wheelchair closer to Xander and held his hand with his other hand. Even though Xander felt uneasy, he let it slip since he couldn't even understand what was happening at that moment. "Xander... You don't need to talk right now. I just want to know if you are okay. Is it something about those pains you had?"

Before Xander could even give any reaction, Hwan felt Joo-Won's hand slipping away. Hwan turned his head to him, only to find him slightly angry and confused. "Wait... You knew about his pains? And you didn't even bother to tell me about it?!"

Hwan blinked a couple times in shock. "I... I thought you knew it..."

"You still should have told me that!"

His disappointed voice broke Hwan's heart, it was not what Hwan was planning. "You're right but..."

"What if there was something even more serious?!" Joo-Wons yelling made a few people turn their heads to him, which made Hwan stressed and scared.

"Joo-Won I am so sorry, just please, let me explain. I swear-"

"Just... Just stop." He held Xander's hand, who was also confused about all of what was happening, and dragged him away.

Hwan quickly turned his wheelchair to them, his eyes meeting with Xander's as he caught a small piece of worry inside his eyes.

Joo-Won didn't even bother to look at Hwan, not even with the corner of his eyes, and that was when Hwan understood that he fucked up real bad this time.

______________________________________

Joo-Won and Xander's father (Mr. Park, 47):