✧ Reviewer :: CoolWhenUrBatman
✧ Reviewee :: Durarafhana
✧ Book :: Your Mafia, My Consigliore

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◖Basics :: 12 | 20◗

⚘ Cover :: 04 | 05

◍ Very good. Nice choice of colors, go well with the theme of the book. The font and the placement is also very nice. Every needed detail is there and visible.

⚘ Synopsis :: 02 | 05

◍ It isn't bad but I feel like there's something missing. I don't feel excited to read this story based on it and it doesn't compel me to at least take a peak. It's very simple so you need to make it more intriguing, you want someone to read it and tap on read and unfortunately your current synopsis isn't doing that. Add more elements to it, give some plot but maintain the mystery.

⚘ Title :: 04 | 05

◍ Sounds good and makes the reader have a general idea of what to expect.

⚘ Execution :: 03 | 05

◍ It's not a strong book, I think it can be better only if you fix the stuff I've mentioned. There's a lot going on and first and foremost you need to set the base —which I explain in plot and creativity— to make it more secure plot wise.

○ Plot & Creativity :: 4.5 | 10

◍ You have a very fast paced plot, instead of introducing the characters and building a base first you dived in into the plot. It wasn't a strong start, it would've been better to first introduce your characters, set a foundation and then start but slowly. For creativity, it was mostly cliché and lacked the plot twists needed to keep it interesting.

○ Writing Style :: 04 | 10

◍ You use 'no one's pov' but it's better to use third person pov. It's standard but there is room for improvement. Your use of bold is questionable and not standard. Bold is used to emphasize something, while italic is mostly used to indicate the inner thoughts, emphasize something, and used in dialogues as a means to show shouting/yelling. Your use of them is not correct so I suggest you look into them.

◖Grammar & Vocabulary :: 08 | 20◗

⚘ Grammar :: 03 | 10

◍ There's a small detail in dialogues that most everyone misses but it's important. When you end a dialogue but there's still action, you need to use a comma instead of a full stop. For example:

1- "Hi."

2- "Hi," he waved.

3- "Hi," he waved, "how are you today?"

There are different versions so I'd suggest looking up on the use of commas in dialogues for a better understanding.

You use wrong tenses and to be verbs. For example you can look at chapter 1:

"Soon enough someone enter the room, the person who are talking on the phone suddenly froze when he saw jungkook sitting on the sofa."

"Jungkook keep on staring."

Instead of enter you should've written enters as its third person and for are you should've used is for the same reason. For keep you should've written kept as keep is the wrong tense. I've seen this a lot in your book I hope you'll edit the chapters and fix these mistakes.

Lack of capitalization at the beginning of some sentences, names and titles (Mr. and such).
Lack and/or misuse of commas and full stops, look into where you should put commas and don't forget to use full stops at the end of your sentences.
For better grammar you can either type your chapters in google documents where it has autocorrect and will help you improve your grammar or you can ask a friend whose English is good to beta for you. 

⚘ Vocabulary :: 05 | 10

◍ Very simple vocab and lots of repetition, you can use synonyms to better the flow of your book and prevent the repetition which leads to a monotonous text. Using synonyms will make your text more smooth and reading it far more enjoyable.

○ Emotions Conveyed :: 03 | 10

◍ I personally didn't feel much when reading, all the things I've mentioned above are hindering the emotional aspect of your book which is a very important part of reading a book. Vocab is one of the main factors which I've explained and then there's the fact that you have to make the readers feel connected to the characters otherwise they won't feel the emotions you want them to.

○ Character Development :: 03 | 10

◍ There are a lot of characters coming and going and keeping track of them without a set background —plot and creativity— is very difficult. There's little characteristics and they mostly follow the same format, except a trait here and there. Make them unique, make them relatable so your readers can feel connected to them. It's the same for development.

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Total :: 34.5 | 80

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