【Ｎ Ｅ Ｗ Ｆ Ａ Ｎ Ｇ Ｌ Ｅ Ｄ】

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

22nd October 2019

V

"Don't tell me you hurt her. I didn't give you a fucking leave for-"

"I know. I know you didn't give me an inconsequential off for hurting her. Don't worry, she didn't run away being hurt about something. After all that she went through because of our delinquency, I am not hard-nosed about being stern with her. She needs a breath, after being stranded in the helix of tight spots," I stated, hanging my blazer on the frame of the couch I plopped on.

"Woah! I didn't mean to ask for a detailed explanation of why you don't have any intention of being tough on her but then, okay," Jin hyung remarked, seating beside my exhausted self. Placing his hand around my shoulder, he patted twice, mustering a sweet smile of commendation.

"But then, why did she run away? She didn't even greet me. I thought I would have a nice gossip session with her about how comical you were on your little date," Jin hyung jested and I moved away from his hold, trying to discard his mischievous smiles and whimsically quirky dins.

"You were the one who titled this a date along with Namjoon hyung and I went along with it. You know I am not ready to get romantically involved with anyone so I'd appreciate it if we don't have a conversation about it again. And the reason why she ran away is ...." I paused and the two men in the room arched their brows in question.

Why are they acting like stickybeaks?

"She was flustered," I revealed and they had their jaws dropped as if I broke into some bank and got caught. I propelled my palm to hit Jungkook's chin, eventually succeeding in closing his mouth before he could stretch it even longer. He groaned in pain with the sudden impact of my palm force and Jin hyung quickly closed his mouth before I could play my part with him.

"Didn't you just say you weren't serious about having any romantic relationships? Don't tell me you like to have fun with her? She is not Rose and before you could even think of it, I suggest you erase that off your mind, " Jungkook admonished, sounding dead serious and my breath hitched for some reason. I locked my eyes with Jin hyung and he cleared his throat, drawing away Jungkook's attention.

Jungkook is getting possessive 

And it's not a good sign

"Jungkook ah, why don't you check today's CCTV footage with Jimin? He told me he will be arriving in a few minutes at the mansion. Why don't you start inspecting them and he would join you as soon as he arrives," Jin hyung assigned Jungkook which was usually his and Namjoon hyung's job and Jungkook obeyed, leaving the place in silence.

I was skeptical about his thoughts on me going out with Miss Cooper as he seemed quite unhappy when Jin hyung discussed it with us yesterday. Without informing anyone, he disappeared from our work office and surprisingly, was in the pool with Miss Cooper, pensively worried about easing her mind.

"What made her flustered?" Jin hyung stuck his beak into my matters again and I shot a glare at him for being profoundly snoopy about today's events. I pushed him a bit and he chortled, ruffling my hair while I scowled at him. I knew none of my actions could influence him to nip his leg-pull in the bud but then, it's etching my mind, wretched, and messed with her outburst at the beach.

"What do you see in her, Taehyung ah?" he asked, placing his hand on mine. His small gesture of assurance that I had his back and I need not be anxious about anything all alone warmed my heart. It was a tiny act of promising consolation but to a worthless being like me, it meant a lot. Being in someone's books of attention mattered heaps and piles just like an oasis to a parched and frazzled man.

To be a matter of concern is a luxury for a despicable man like me

Love and affection seem and sound insanely beautiful, a paradise that every human dream of

But losing them after living in their womb for a long time leeches away the hope to live

And degrades the will to walk ahead, to move on from the emotional distraught with their absence

"I don't know. I am trying to portray my usual cold stance in front of her but seeing her so devastated inside makes me want to take a step down. I don't want her to get damaged beyond repair. Shattered glass could never be fixed into a proper mirror. Cracks are always left behind," I spoke as a matter of fact and Jin hyung nodded, lifting my sleeves a bit so he could examine my cuts and bruises.

I let him do it

It's hard to ignore the strokes of warmth with the crucifying pain in my heart

"Did you treat them properly?" he asked and I nodded. I couldn't afford to spend time with Miss Cooper with blood dripping down my wounds. I couldn't let her break into my walls, to enter my bubble of a ragged and tangled mess. She might be empathetic but it would just make everything worse.

I don't want to lean on someone

And yet I asked her to rely on me

Funny how I never treated myself that way

I don't deserve to be treated like that, right?

"I am waiting for that day when everything comes to an end, when you will find your self-worth again," Jin hyung spoke and I chuckled. Self-worth was a term that faded from my dictionary ages ago. Fighting for myself felt like a war against the strongest entity in the cosmos.

And that was me, myself again

Fighting for myself feels like fighting against myself 

Fire against fire only ends up with ashes

"It will take an eternity, hyung. I know you are trying to help me but I want you to give up. You wouldn't show it but I know you have too much on your plate," I earnestly requested him, shutting my lips tight, stifling the slightest of my poignant emotions from escaping my mouth.

"A hope is what that helps you live on, Taehyung ah, and I never lost it. So, does your Hobi hyung. Where do you think he got that perky little nickname from?" he chuckled, stroking my hair softly and I smiled, remembering the time Hoseok ran out of the hospital, screaming his freshly inaugurated nickname.

J-Hope

A hope that he promised to rely on throughout his life

"Don't ever get inspired from Yoongi or you will turn into a newfangled cat with weird hibernating cycles. And guess what! He forgot to reply to his girlfriend's messages and left it on seen for two weeks. Today, she video called him, threatening him that she would burn his flat if he doesn't go there in ten minutes. You had to see him running," Hyung cackled, holding his stomach and I tittered, imagining Yoongi hyung panicking about his apartment which was the house to all the confidential hard disks.

"Hobi recorded the video and I will make sure to demand a huge ransom for not leaking it to his subordinates and his girlfriend," Jin hyung shared his evil idea and I internally facepalmed at his bubbly personality. He was someone that everyone needs in their life, a capsule of twinkling effervescence, to temporarily detach from the endless dolor.

Why can't I be like him?

"But then, hyung. I want to ask you something," I looked at him, fighting against my conscience that was pressing me to be reluctant. He blinked his eyes, his lips forming a soft smile, gesturing me to continue.

"I...I just want to know why everyone is treating her so special," I finally blurted it out and hyung quirked his brows, probably surprised at my stupid question. I knew she was a victim of our recklessness but were they all being so nice to her just because they were feeling guilty?

They knew her much lesser than me

There's a reason I care about her

But them? What is persuading them to bring their bars to naught?

"I don't mean it in a bad way. She just intermeddled into our business but that doesn't imply we have to be harsh to her. I just wanted to know why you are treating her that way. You are not usually like this to others," I was quick to defend myself, afraid if I caused an unintended impression on him.

"I knew what you were intending, V. Hannah has some charms that got everyone intrigued, perhaps? That's not the only reason though," he paused, staring at me sharply and I pondered what was running in his mind. Jin hyung possesses an abode of deep secrets, keeping the gloom to himself and letting others share his glee. 

"The President told all of us to be nice to her and that she is very precious to him. I don't want to get started on how he scolded us when he heard the news of our mission failure," Jin hyung popped out a smile and I nodded, recollecting all the verbal abuse we earned that day.

"Besides that, I don't find a reason to be cold to her. I am always a cheery guy and she is a delicate being, masking her despair with all her might," he stated and I was taken aback at how he discerned her true personality easily.

"Jungkook told me she lost her parents very recently and has a bad past. My fatherly instincts were triggered and I couldn't help but feel empathetic about her. Something in me was compelling me to tuck her in bed and comb her unattended blonde locks. Something in me wanted to embrace her sorrows and do things that would make her smile. In short, I got connected to her, Taehyung and I don't think she's bad of a person though she is mysterious," Jin hyung expressed, releasing a long breath in the end.

To say I was bumfuzzled at his words would be an understatement to describe my reaction. I didn't know if I did the right thing by asking him that question but it was now crippling my heart in deeper remorse that I had always been appalling to her. Jin hyung was so thoughtful and prudent from the beginning but I let my emotions, the dark side of me take over.

"About the rest, you can ask them yourself if you are so curious. I don't know the reason for them being peculiarly considerate," he added and I just nodded, still lost at how polar we were at dealing with some matters.

I should have put more efforts into knowing her better

Jungkook and Jin hyung did better

"Now that I have cleared your mind, I would like to know the reason behind the quantum leap in your attitude. I remember your explanation of why you were being lenient with her but, is that all? Be honest with me, Taehyung ah," Jin hyung asked, holding my hands and pressing them gently. His beseechingly fixed gaze was creating a sense of unmitigated wonder and curiosity in me.

"Do you see her in her? She is like-"

"No hyung. She is not like her. Mina is far different from Miss Cooper. They are like the ends of a rope. I can never see Mina in anyone else, " I cut him off impetuously, staunchly opposing his assumptions. 

Mina

No one can be like her

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to compare. I just had a thought, that's all. But remember, don't expect Hannah to be like Mina since you are pretty aware of how different they both are. Even if things turn different later, she is still Hannah or in your words, Miss Cooper," he enunciated and I nodded, mentally noting his every word. 

I don't want her to be like Mina

I can't afford to love someone again

Or be loved by someone again

"Miss Cooper has taken a liking for Jungkook," I uttered.

"I know and that's the reason why I asked you to take her out. You need to strengthen your bond with her to distract her from Jungkook though I assume you are doing it from your heart," he spoke, retreating his hands from mine and connecting the tips of his index fingers, tapping them diligently.

"Jungkook is taking his medication again and it will take time for him to heal again. I don't want Hannah to be a victim in the process," he put forward his concern and I agreed. Jungkook's mental health was on the edge with all the stress clouding his drained self.

Namjoon hyung insisted that he should take a break but him being an excessive hard worker wasn't ready to take an off in the uphill battle. We didn't want to invade his space and force him into doing something that he didn't want to. That would only fan the flames to his weakening spirit.

"I will take care of Miss Cooper while she is with me," I promised, closing my eyes as her glistening blue eyes flashed in gleam.

 I had to do just one thing

Protect her from damaging beyond repair

"Let's end the serious talk now. Ugh! The air feels so suffocating, what say, V?" he asked, playfully tapping my thigh and I threw him a faint smile, my mind lingering over how strong and established the bond between Jungkook and Miss Cooper was. Even if it's for a short period of time, breaking it was making me feel like a heartless scoundrel.

Of course, I am heartless

To everyone

Even to Mina,

Who loved me with all her heart

"Let me conquer the kitchen and all your hearts with my dishes tonight. I will go ahead and prepare the necessary ingredients for Pajeon and Tofu stew," he exclaimed, bolting up from the couch and beaming a contended smile.

(Warning: This part deals with major angst. If you don't feel comfortable, please feel free to skip it. Start and End are given by ❃❃❃)

❃❃❃

Trudging towards the kitchen, he left the living hall and me in a pool of unsettling thoughts. It was easy to say but hard to implement. I raised the hem of my sleeves and let the air brush over the stinging bruise. 

Just like that

Take in all the pain

Everything in my life was impelling me to sink deeper and deeper into the hollows of stoical melancholy. I could only feel the cold wash, lacerating my hopes to get up again. Even if I put all of my strength, to make a wise decision, to search for a breather, it all turns black.

All the choices disappear

Why is this so hard? 

To get up, to move one foot ahead, to breathe a little more

Staying on the rock bottom felt so nice, like a blessing, like the trap of toxic seduction towards unhealthy desires. Hitting the bottom countless times lured me to stay there, right at the end of a corner, finding comfort in the smallest space I could reach for.

And then a small ray of shine peeks through a tiny hole, inducing a small craving to know what was happening above the ground, a little spark of a new tomorrow. But then again, everything fades away as the dusk approaches, blanketing my weak yearnings and weaker faith, the evil shadows pervading my skies.

And then, the dawn arrives again

It's like Rinse, Repeat

It was tiring

And I have given up long back

Lighting up the world with happiness only creates the fear of darkness when the dazzle dissipates. Finding a path of love was lashings of pain. And that was the reason I chose to walk in a tougher path, with fiery coals densely scattered along the whole path.

I am ready to walk with pain

With a burning heart overpowering all the pain

I am used to this

I have decided to live like this my entire life

A carpet of petals is scarier than a path of burning coals

It was empty unhappiness, a raw sadness, and none after my love, Mina was capable enough to pull me out of the pit of despair, fill in the woe with love with her tender caresses. She was a gem, her smile emitting pearls like the precious soul she was. She was so good that there was not a moment when I didn't wonder if I deserve her.

She brought out a new me

Warmed my cold heart with hers

But then, I lost her

Good things don't last forever, right?

Then why am I still alive?

I huffed out a breath, trying to release the heaviness in my heart, and wished for a tear to roll down. But then, it didn't. I couldn't pour out, knowing that I have none to ignite my dormant spirits. I never allowed anyone to take the chance either.

Should I go back to my room?

And do the usual?

It will help, right?

It will reduce this pain, right?

It's too much to take in

I got up quickly, unfolding my sleeves and pulling them so none could get a glance of my awful discolored skin with the blue-black marks. Hastening my steps, I ignored every being that walked past me, eager to give into my malign weakness.

❃❃❃

"Will meet you at the dinner. Take Care"

"What the hell are you doing outside her room?" I rasped at my eternal nemesis, halting at Miss Cooper's door while he cocked his eyebrows as if mocking my appearance. All the eager died seeing him walk out of her room.

"Why the hell did you take her on a date? You could have simply said no. You aren't that easy after all, if I am not wrong?" he raised his brows, clicking his tongue and tucking his hands swiftly into his pockets.

"I don't have to explain why I took her on a date. She is under me anyways. I expect you to answer what business you have with my trainee?" I growled, lacing towards him with a ferocious glare piercing straight through his cocky smile.

"Calm down, impaled insect. It's not like I never dealt with Yeonjun. Why are you so triggered about her? Don't tell me your incapable heart started falling for her. I would rather suggest her to fall off a cliff than to fall into your trap," he remarked, calm and composed while I clenched my fists, just a step away from giving his nose a pretty red blotch.

"Why are you showing interest in her then? Isn't one enough? Kyung Mi is already suffering enough and the last thing she would want is to find you cheating on her. Wait a second! Isn't she aware that you lack emotions? How is she still tolerating you?" I retorted and his gaze darkened. 

"Don't you dare involve Kyung Mi into this. And what is your problem if I start showing interest in Hannah? Don't poke your nose into her personal affairs. She has the right to choose whom she wants to be with," he stated coolly with a shrug, making me want to dunk him into a pot of hot stew.

"I am warning you, don't be near her. I will take care," I warned, only to be replied with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Take care and what? Give her the same ending?" he asked, his face turning serious and my throat felt dry, anticipating what was coming ahead.

"Will you repeat the same thing that happened with Mina to her? I won't fucking let you ruin another girl's life," he muttered, taking steps towards me.

"Live in guilt, Kim Taehyung. You don't deserve to breathe," he whispered, leaning his face near my ear.

"You are a disappointment, my dear old friend. A very pathetic one. Neither will I forget nor whill I forgive you, bastard,"

"I will never forgive you for killing Mina"

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

Newfangled

different from what one is used to; objectionably new

Author's Note:

Unedited!!

I just finished my exams and sat up writing this chapter late at night since it's been really long. I thought of making this a filler chapter but then, it turned out satisfactorily long. I wrote my exams okayish but I am kinda exhausted with things around. There's so much going on and I might write a long ass note on my message board tomorrow.

Remember that this is still going on before Aeri's scene. It was really hard but easy to write this part. The hard part being the transition and the easy part being the emotions. This one has more scenes of angst as I don't want to miss on detailing Taehyung's or say our V's emotions. 

Depression is beyond what we see and hear, it's hard to stay in and it's even harder to walk out so if you are facing it, please reach out to the people whom you can rely on the most to help you out. It's tough but believe yourself and there's always hope. Most of the time, you wouldn't even know if you are depressed, try inspecting your change in lifestyle and behavior and check with a doctor or a helpful resource. Take care of yourself.

Also, I would like to know if you like to have a real steamy scene in this book as all that happened till now has everything except wild romance. And since I don't know how to write that well, I will start working on it now and it might appear many episodes later. Just let me know, okay?

Stay indoors to fight against Covid. Stay safe and drink lots of water.