"Shaw..." I hear a voice in the study of my eyelids. It was Jayce... Not in rage or sadness, but instead relief. I open my eyes only to be blinded by Sol. It lit the tent extravagantly, leaving no remorse for sensitive eyes. I eventually adjust, and sight returns. I hear footsteps as I look to the tent's exit. No one in sight. It was Jayces footsteps. I got up, slowly in case Shaws symptoms were true. I felt a slight dizzy spell but I relent enough to stand. I walk to the tents wall of thin leather, peering barely through the exit to the open world. I see Jayce standing still, and beyond him just past the previous fire was Shaw, walking slowly toward Jayce. On reflex I grab my hilt beyond my back, but then feel shame for doing so when Shaw openly hugs Jayce. Jayce did not hug back, but definitely showed pity to the once unstaggered Scholar. "I'm sorry..." I heard Shaws cold voice say. But it sounded more real than anything he had ever said. In fact, even further beyond normal motives. Jayce says nothing as Shaw further shows his sensitive side. He burys his head into Jayces chest, openly crying. "Stop." Jayce said, probably colder than he meant. "Everyone shows weakness once in a while. It matters not the cause." Shaw sniffles up, then after lifting his head. "Do not mark my words Jayce... You are no oaf." Jayce lets out a small chuckle as he lifts one arm to push Shaw away gently. "I know very well what I am, Scholar. You phase me not." He then pushes Shaw away at his chest, forcing him to release his grip around Jayces rather hard stomach. "Forgive me Jayce. In all seriousness... I threatened your life. I feel that something new has grown inside of me... Something that doesn't plan to let go." His words were cold, but I feared more for something else I heard in voice, certainty. "Fear not, Jouste. I know you to be quite the resilient one, both in battle and soul." A small silence fell, but Jayces rare seriousness never faltered throughout. "You broke the arrow..." Jayce said once more, absent minded of other thought. "Not purposefully. I moved a bit too swiftly, and skid into many a tree. I suppose this is the deserved aftermath of it." Shaw spoke slowly, and cold as usual. But something about it seemed more calm. "No. Not deserved. Accidental, but not deserved." Jayce said, moving in a bit more trust by slightly crouching to examine the wound. "The shot is deep. You should have pulled it out and covered the exposed." Shaw looked down to Jayce, who was now crouched even deeper. "The shot was empowered. I didn't feel the pain at first but... Later in the night, it grew rather annoying." Jayce got back up, leading one hand to the entrance I watched from. "Follow... I can fix that right up before the kids even wake." I felt this the time to intrude, but as Jayce walked Shaw did not follow. I raise my hand to the hilt again, gripping harder than before. "You know I would have killed you, right?" Shaw said without movement, his infamous seriousness returning. Jayce turns back only with his head, one clubfoot boot turning back halfway. "I know far too well." Shaws head turned to the ground, but he responded the same. "Even after, I would have killed Isahia, maybe even Emylia... if not for the shot in my abdomen." I saw a slight of anger in Jayces eyes, but it soon faded. "Those were not your thoughts. The aftermath of your one life goals failure is what was there. A demon that rested in your heart waiting for even just one weakness, but for the longest time you gave none. 13 years you moved unfaltered. From Starbirth, to Sunborn, to Skyblue, to Freezehelm, to Lightgrace, to Knightfall, to Greyleaf, to Ashfall, to Sunburn, to Moonborn, to Deadearth, and to even Eclipseborn. 13 times you went through the months, enduring every pain as you saw his majesty grow up, and yet you live on!" His anger grew flared only for a moment, but it was enough to cause Shaw to quiver. "You speak too highly, Gladiator..." "I speak truth!" Jayce roared again. I hear a rustle from behind. I look back to see Emylia, luckily still in sleep. I look back outside, and see Jayce offering a hand as he did only last night. Shaw showed a slight smirk that swiftly faded, but he reluctantly reached out. Jayce nods to him in pride, but Shaw's nod shows a hidden sadness. He was still hiding something, but I knew today was not the day. Today was for forgiveness. I release my grip on my hilt, and then openly walk outside, luckily without the same pain as before. Shaw was the only one to see me, and a glimmer of anger shown but faded as fast as his sad nod. I knew I showed only seriousness, and I could only hope that was the reason he felt threatened. Remember Isahia, today is for only forgiveness. Kill with kindness. I show a cocky half smile, and Shaw now looked confused. I then fold my arms, and slide one foot to where I stood on the tip of my boot, then I begin to speak. "I could heal that, if you like." He reluctantly throws me a fake smile, jerking his head to the side a bit. His eyes showed the same wideness as the former night. As the thoughts enter my mind, the flicker from the cage rumbles a bit, but I push it down. "Calm Shaw, I believe he only tries to plead forgiveness." Jayce says, swaying his arm toward the tent again. Did I show sign of hostility? I am not known for it... But as they walk into the tent, I refuse to comply, instead moving further outside as Shaw and I's eyes locked as he went beyond sight into the tent. I was now to the entrance's right, further. I sit in the grass, which felt more like glass in my rage I choose to force down without any sign of stop. I clench my gloved fist to the ground, clenching so hard it began to hurt. Rememberance of the innocent farmer came to mind, forcing my grip to return to palm laying in the grass carelessly. I pushed the thought away, only for thoughts of my proud father to come to mind. I imagined his glory when by Lord Haoss's hand he brought his brothers down to peace. Now that I think about it, soon after the three emeralds of leadership were merged together to make... the Holostone. I understand now, it is not only the symbol of tranquility between nations. It was also a symbol to my fathers faith, that layed even stronger than the will of both his brothers combined. We need that amulet... We need my father's faith. I fell back to the ground and close my eyes, reaching my arms out wide as if to offer my body to Sol, which stays in rest just above me. I remember the old priest from Goldstone who attended my tenth birthday, and the gift he gave to me of his own words... A quote I've promised to never forget. The blue armored Paladin of holy trinity joined the war of his brothers only in defence, and even in defence he slayed none in sin. He perposely weilded a spear of gold cross, imbued with his faith. Thy faith gave spear not the ability to kill. Every one that fell before him rose again, thus causing the blue Paladin to not kill a single man. None died in his name... remember that prince, for you will have to live in his shoes some day. Those words haunt my every dream not abrupted by Malek. Especially the last sentence the Gold priest spoke. Every night, every dream. I always thought to hide it away as if it never existed, but today was the last straw. I was no Paladin! I was no Knight! Hell, I am but a Periah... an outcast. I drowned in sin I only dreamed my father would touch. I could never live up to such a praised name. Back when father returned from his visit with king James, a small part of me wished for him to stay... to show cowardess... to show any kind of falter! But in all that is holy he could not! He was perfect! Untainted in every way! Never showing a single flaw even as his death drew so close! A shock went through me, of many a kind. I stopped my terrible thoughts to breathe... How could I still feel these hidden thoughts for father? How... How?! Why am I so evil?! Why can't I just throw the pain away! "Isahia, are you feeling okay?" I hear a female voice, and open my eyes to see Emylia standing above me. Was... Was I showing my pain? "Do I show so?" "Not really... You were wincing in pain. As if you were having a bad dream." Sol shown behind her, standing just above me to cause an eclipse. She smiles at me, so I smile back. On impulse I say something rather unusual of me. "Thank you." She raises an eyebrow. "For what?" I chuckle in thought... simply because nothing came to mind. "I... I actually don't know." She goes back into smile, eyes going crude. She reaches a hand out to me. "Get up, your absency." "Hey! All because I gave you permission to talk to me as a being doesn't mean you can insult me willy nilly." She openly laughs, taking her hand back to her waist. "Get yourself up, Isahia. I'm losing my patience." She walks away and Sol beams back to me. I get up anyway. I must have been down longer than I thought, but I was definitely happier. I at least still reflect pain, which means I'm not quite a monster. She proved it. With a newfound confidence I push my more hidden pains aside and go to help Jayce with the tent. I suppose we were leaving, because we were already halfway prepared to go. Shaw readied the Budds when Emylia was supposed to help. But instead she stayed a safe distance away, carrying my helm with both hands. Jayce and I folded the tent up, other objects once inside in the back of the caravan. I placed it on the back of the caravan without Jayces help. Emylia went into the caravans interior on her favorite side, the left. Shaw was about to follow after, but Jayce grabs his shoulder. Shaw looks to him, and in Jayces serious face he nodded in disproval. Shaw understood. No words were needed. Shaw wen't to the head, and Jayce joined him. His once obvious trust in Shaw was now gone. He wouldn't even allow Shaw to drive. I walk to my usual side, mirroring the way we sat a while before. Then I hear Jayce. "Everyone ready?" "Yes!" Emylia and I say in unison. Jayce speaks again. "Very well! Next stop, the city of Quar!" I felt nervous to the words as we drive off, knowing many Pepal lie there. The worst part being that most would be citizens of Copper country. I felt a swell of stress as the Restless Shrine disappeared in the distance. Jayce blows a kiss to it as it fades. "Here." Emylia says quietly, handing my helm to me, Hint still asleep inside. "Thanks." I also say quietly. Awkward silence follows... and the hidden pain returned to mind. For once on this journey, I was tired of the eventfulness... I wanted to be back home in my peaceful solice. A sudden chill flows over me when I realize a dark thought. That may never happen... Shut up Isahia! You have a job to do! You can't just flow on your chains of the past pulling you back! Suck it up! Your fathers words should be enough to push you forward! Stiffen up little soldier. You know better than to cry in front of me. No! Stop Isahia! STOP!!! "Isahia!" Emylia grabs my hand, trying to stop something I couldn't control. "Why are you shaking?!" She screamed as we clunked down the forest. I was shaking? What the hell? Stop Isahia, stop! "I-I'm fine..." I stop, regaining my control. Something was calming me, and I soon figured out what. It was her hand. It and it alone. "No your not!" She said, upset. Tears welled in her eyes. She removed her hand and placed her arm in front of her eyes. As if it would hide her tears. Damn it! Why could I not be stronger... I looked to her. She was pushing me away. She wanted me gone. I pushed myself against the wall of the caravan. Only one more thought came to me. "As you wish." Memories... I wanted them gone so I wouldn't feel the way this journeys made me feel... I knew I felt. But if my memories were gone, then I also wouldn't be able to recall such words as my fathers to help me through this cursed life. Curse it all... Father, bid me your strength.