Klaia Batellia

Today

Avala, Crecana

Smoke wisped across Klaia's hair, though she was oblivious to its clinging. Quickly she shuffled across her room, shedding her clothes of the day's activities, slipping on a more acceptable dress for dinner. She pinned her hair up amongst the braids, snapped a line of pearls amongst the nape of her neck, before smoothing out the frocks of her dress, fingers running among the triangular patterns woven into it.

She righted herself, taking a deep breath before standing straight into the mirror. Klaia could barely recognize her face, bright blue eyes of a stranger staring back at her. Her lips were drawn tight into the face of a princess, chin raised, stern eyes gazing out over a face of freckles.

The woman in the mirror wasn't Klaia.

But she was the woman Klaia was, in this place.

As Klaia went to head to dinner with her mother, the door breezed open, sweeping inside Queen Varja in glimmering glory. The crown of Crecana sat atop her head, shimmering in the evening light, a rich blue dress shimmering with every step. Every movement screamed queen.

"Mama," Klaia murmured, bowing slightly.

"Darling," Varja said, sweeping past her, deepening into her room. "The servant said you'd just come in from the gardens, so I figured I'd find you here."

"Naturally Mama," Klaia said, standing tall in her mother's presence.

Varja turned away from Klaia, slowly making her way around Klaia's room. "You did finish the book I gave you, correct?"

"Yes, Mama."

Varja hummed. "Good, good. In a month the palace will be filled with acceptable men for you to meet. I expect you to make a decision then."

Klaia stared at her mother, "Mama, isn't it a little early."

Varja turned, eyebrows raised, "Early? Klaia you're 17, it's perfect timing."

Klaia stared, "Mama, Inan died two months ago. How can we go from his death to my engagement so fast? It would be improper."

Varja rolled her eyes, "Klaia don't you see this is exactly why? The country needs something new, happy, good. We can not mourn forever."

"Mama! He's your son! How can you just move on so fast?"

Varja moved slowly across the room, fingers brushing the dresser, "Klaia, death all comes for us. Sodes came for Inan at his time, no matter how early." She turned back towards Klaia, rubbing dust between her fingers. "It's time you learn that."

Varja crossed back across towards Klaia, reaching forwards and gripping her shoulders, voice lowered. Klaia stiffened, ever so slowly. "You will marry someone from that ball. Or we will pick. Be happy we're giving you a choice." Suddenly her demeanor changed, a smile slipping back onto her face. Slowly, she pressed a soft kiss to Klaia's head, lips brushing her braids.

For a moment, everything was still, Klaia relaxing into her mother's embrace, only slightly.

"You smell like smoke," Varja said, voice deep, dripping with venom. "Why do you smell like smoke?"

Fear shot into Klaia's veins, "Oh really? Must have been too close to a fire in the palace."

Varja stepped back, eyes boring into Klaia skull, blue iced over. "It's nearly summer. There are no fires in the palace. In fact, there were no fires except one today."

Klaia stepped backward, eyes wide, hands clenched in her skirts. Before she could respond, Varja was advancing on her, hands gripping her wrists tightly, bruising the skin. "You were down in the market today, by that rebellion hideout. You traitor!" she seethed.

"Mama I promise I wasn't!" Klaia cried, attempting to pull her hand away.

Varja just pulled harder, grip tightening, "I knew you've been up to something," she murmured, voice dark, "aiding the rebellion though, that is unforgivable."

At that moment, all care flew out the window for Klaia. She was already dead, what's one more nail in the coffin?

She stood, chest buffing outwards, eyes narrowing at her mother. "At least I'm not the one who has to live with the horrors you inflict. I know Papa killed Inan, I know this family is hiding something. You can not stop the damage that's been done."

Varja glared, and for a moment, only a tense silence permeated the air, the gaze of an uncaring mother and an independent daughter boring into each other.

It was Klaia who broke the silence, "And I'll have you know, I will never marry a man."

Varja took a step back, shock deep in her features. Klaia felt a small smidge of glee, to have truly caught her mother unaware. She took the chance, twisting the handle of the dagger deeper.

"I'm a lesbian Varja. No matter how much you try to erase us, here we are, even amongst your own children," Klaia spat.

The storm swam around them, the eye of the storm placed in her mother's eyes. Varja turned and swiftly left the room, slamming the door behind her. The clicking of the knob confirmed what Klaia knew, she was locked in, awaiting her fate.

All the fight left Klaia at once, the horror of what she had just done crashing over her. She staggered over to the wall, sliding down, sucking in shaky breaths. Hiccups erupted out of her throat as she cried, curling in on herself, begging for the world to disappear.

She had dreamed of this moment, the time in which she came out to her mother. Perhaps the far-fetched reality, where her mother and father swept her up into a hug, holding her tight despite their beliefs. Or the more pressing reality, the consequences of her actions. The anger, the hatred, the spitting slurs, the reality of banishment, or worse, death.

She'd thought a million times what she would say, whether there would be tears or a quiet revelation or fighting. Hundreds of rehearsed speeches, explanations, begging for acceptance. Yet, despite all her preparations, she hadn't been ready.

Everything shook, the deep fear seeping into her bones, replacing the fight that had been there. A million responses played over in her head, how she could have done better, or perhaps, not come out at all.

Stupid stupid stupid, she thought, hands digging into her smoke-riddled hair. A stone had settled into her stomach, making her want to puke.

Slowly, she pulled herself up, grabbing the pre-stored bag stashed under her bed. Though her body felt disoriented, aching from sobbing, weighed down by the stone of fear and regret, she moved with tremors of hope. Klaia tried the knob, to no avail, then moved to the window. The need to survive ran high, higher than her emotional exhaustion.

The window was locked.

As quickly as that little flame of hope had started, it was quenched. Klaia leaned over, gripping the windowsill like a lifeline, taking deep shuddering breaths. She melted, the stone in her stomach spreading like wildfire, overtaking her. It was an unthinkable feeling, it was ineffable.

***

The sun was low in the sky, slim fingers of light poking out before the clouds. Klaia gazed out the window, eyes glimmering in the sunset light. She soaked up the image, perhaps the last time she may ever see it.

The door creaked open. Klaia's head snapped up. In the hours she's been left alone, she imaged the door slamming open, the face of her father, backed by guards, making some grand splendor of it. Instead, only the face of Keku was there, shyly poking inside.

"What, they've come to make you finish the job?" Klaia snarked.

Keku slipped in silently, clicking the door shut behind him. For a moment, they stared, Klaia leaning against the wall, slumped over, Keku wringing his hands by the door.

"I heard Mama talking about what they're going to do to you, make a spectacle of it," Keku said, nerves lilting through his voice.

Klaia sighed, "I figured they would, after all the things I am."

Keku sat down next to Klaia, sighing deeply. "Why'd you do it Klaia?"

Klaia rolled her eyes, "Keku, you would never understand."

"Then tell me!" Keku cried, grabbing her hands, "You're the only one I have left after Inan and no one tells me anything!"

Klaia stared at her older brother, eyes sad, "Keku, that's why I did it. I don't know everything yet, but something happened during the war. Everything has changed since."

"I don't understand."

"I don't expect you to," Klaia said before suddenly straightening. "Keku, there is so much more going on that you don't understand. Inan knew something, too adventurous and curious for his own good, but for the good of this nation."

"Are you saying Papa and Mama got rid of Inan?" Keku whispered horror in his words.

"That's exactly what I'm saying," Klaia said, urgency in her tone. "Haven't you noticed we only learn what they want, that holes exist in every book?"

"Papa wouldn't do that."

"Oh my goodness of course he would!" Klaia cried, her voice at a whisper. "You can't see it because he wraps you around his finger. You're his favorite, his golden son. He's making you like him, and I miss my older brother."

The confession was followed by silence, Keku staring at his hands in his lap. Klaia twisted away, back to her brother.

After several minutes of silence, Keku spoke up. "Is it true what Mama said about you?"

"What Keku."

"That you're gay."

There it was, the confession that Klaia was dreading.

"So what if I am."

"Klaia," Keku whispered.

"Save it Keku, I don't want to hear it," Klaia grumbled. "I've already heard and thought everything you can say to me, I don't need to hear it from my brother as well. I know Sodes is disappointed in me, that I've turned my back on him. And I've tried Keku, I've tried so hard but no matter how much I ask for this desire to be taken away, it persists."

Keku was upon her, suddenly, causing her to flinch backward. Keku paused momentarily, before sweeping her into a hug. "I can't lose you too Klaia," he murmured into her hair. "After Inan, I can't lose you, not my baby sister."

Klaia clenched his shirt tightly, holding on, soaking up the moments with her brother. It felt like a fever dream.

Keku continued, "I don't get it, I don't understand but please Klaia, I can't lose you. I don't know how to go from here, but Inan said the same thing and now he's gone."

"I have to leave."

"I know 'Lia, I know, that's why I'm here."

"Wait what?" Klaia pulled back, staring up at her brother. "That's why you are here? To jailbreak me?"

Keku nodded, "I've had to bury one sibling, I have no intention of doing it to a second. Come on, we have until sunset before they come for you."

Klaia nodded, scrabbling upwards, grasping the bag tightly. "What's the plan?"

"Illia will be here soon, with a load of laundry. You get in there, she'll take you down to the basement. I'll meet you there to get you down to the docks."

Klaia nodded, before sweeping around the room, grabbing clothing, money, and various other items, stuffing them into another bag, next to the necessities. The door creaked open, revealing Illia. Wordlessly, Klaia raced forward, sliding into the laundry cart as Keku and Illia covered her. Darkness encased her before the cart started moving.

It felt like ages, every stop sending ice into her veins. The floor rattled the cart, causing her tailbone to ache as Illia wove her way through the castle. Finally, the cart came to a stop, the lines moved above her to reveal Illia's face.

"Quickly now princess, we don't have a lot of time."

Klaia scrambled out, both bags hoisted over her shoulders. Keku stood at the creaky old door, eyes more serious than she had ever seen them.

This was the leader her father was crafting.

Illia grabbed her, resting her forehead against her own, before kissing it goodbye. "Be safe princess, for all of us."

Klaia nodded, before turning to her brother, who silently opened up the door.

"I've arranged a boat to transfer you out of here, wherever that may be," Keku said, closing the door to the castle behind him. "You have to wait until tomorrow morning, they have to make preparations to get out of here."

"Won't they notice my absence before then?" Klaia questioned.

Keku sighed, "I hope not. Do you remember the cave, settled on the other side of the mountain?"

A small smile broke out on Klaia's face, "Yeah, our hideout from Mama and Papa."

Keku chuckled, "Yeah, that one. There's a dock down that side that Papa doesn't know about, it's not in any of his official reports. That's where the boat will be. Stay in that cave tonight, they say a storm is going to hit."

Klaia nodded, grasping her bags tighter. For a moment, Keku stood awkwardly by the door, anxiety in every crease. Suddenly, he swept her up into a hug, every inch of his six-foot frame clutching her tightly, head burrowed into her shoulder.

"I don't understand and I don't get it but Klaia I can't lose you too," he whispered, sucking in deep, shuddering breaths. "Why can't you just stay here and choose a man and-"

Klaia pulled back, clutching at his hands, "Keku, if it was just that easy to choose a man I would have done it long again." She stared down at their hands, his gripping hers tightly. "We all deserve to love who we love. It's not a choice, no matter how much I wish it was."

Keku took a deep breath, tears glistening in his eyes. "Please be safe 'Lia."

Klaia smiled softly at that, "Naturally Kay." She went to move away before pausing, staring at Keku with an intensity long lost from the scene. "Keku, you can't let them win."

Keku startled at that, whiplash from the change in tone, "Klaia, what do you mean?"

She shook her head, "Mama and Papa, they're lying. This whole damn nation is a lie. Do not sacrifice your heart for Papa's teachings, do you hear me?"

"I hear you."

"You have to promise."

"I promise."

Klaia nodded, satisfied she had gotten through to him. "I will always love you Keku, you and Inan mean more to me than anything in the world."

Keku smiled, resting his forehead against Klaia's, "I love you 'Lia. You and Inan, always."

And with that, the new heir to the throne twisted away, disappearing back inside the castle. And Klaia set off down the mountain.

***

By the time Klaia had reached the cave, the sun was far gone into the ocean, the last rays dipping out ages ago. Only the flickering lamp Keku had gifted her remained. The wind howled amongst the mountain, foretelling only coldness.

A late winter storm. Even the land was angry at this nation, bringing in snow and ice deep into spring and snowmelt. Klaia huddled against the old linens that remained in the hideout from their more childish adventures as a kid. Back when Inan was not pressured with the burden of Crecana, back when Keku was free from her father's grasps, back before her mother's jealousy ran rampant.

She huddled, chill seeping into her bones, wrapping herself tightly in whatever she had to ward off the freeze. The rock of the cave did little to warm, only sinking in the latent chill faster and faster. After the long, exhausting day, sleep came easily, despite the raging storm settling in amongst the city.

The first gasps of daybreak glimmered off the surface of the snow, blinding Klaia as she stepped out of the cave. Thick snowdrifts made up the mountainside, impeding her speed and freezing her hands as she climbed out.

Klaia thanked her lucky stars she had actually packed for a trip. She might not make it through this snow without the gear she had. Down below, a small dock glimmered, boatless. The sun had not yet peaked over the Tamsum Range, the long line of mountains stretching across Crecana for as far as she could see.

As she climbed out, the formidable face of Dawnton Castle towered over her. Slowly, she moved down the mountain, cutting switchbacks soon covered by the oppressive northern wind, sweeping ice and snow up the side of the fjord and over her tracks. Everything felt numb, but her blood pumped hot, the desperate need to survive ripe in her veins.

As she came out across a finger of the mountain, about halfway down, she stopped to stare at the castle, looming over the side of the mountain. The world was silent, only the wind howling around her.

The snow settled around Klaia's boots and frosted her hair. The deep winter howled as if it harbored all the anger in her bones. The updraft from the mountainside blasted against her face, chilled by the frozen fjord from which it came. The castle seemed to loom overhead, and Klaia shivered, watching the ice melt glint off the sides as if it too knew the blood was leaking from the wall.

It was time to leave.