*Cloud Recesses - Physician's waiting Chamber*

Jiang Cheng's eyes fall on his forearms, the place Zewu Jun's hands are holding on to him tight and steady, "Please, go ahead, Clan leader." The younger man replies. It is then Zewu Jun realizes how close he had let himself get to the man in front of him. He lets go and steps away.

He takes in Jiang Cheng's low cast eyes and misinterprets it. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have." He says solemnly before pressing on, "I was not myself when you found me in the library pavilion. A Yao- " He starts but shakes his head and continues, "I was thinking about what we saw in the in-between realm."

"All I can do is apologize, Zewu Jun. It wasn't real- It was in our minds." Jiang Cheng's face colors; his heart begins to pound. He feels like what he has feared would happen any moment now. He feels completely unprepared to face the consequences of his actions.

Zewu Jun, being the pure man he is, once again misses the meaning behind Jiang Cheng's words, "Yes, it was in our mind. But it was also what we wanted to hide and held precious. Jiang Cheng, what we saw..." Zewu Jun wanted to clarify the things they had witnessed concerning Meng Yao. He was feeling guilty, for he knew Jiang Cheng's feelings towards his sworn brother, but the older Jade doesn't get to voice his thoughts, for at that very moment Jiang Cheng blurts out, "Zewu Jun, please, forget about the kiss. I did it because I wanted to stop you from witnessing something shameful. I respect you, Zewu Jun. My intention was not to hurt you. If you want, once Wei WuXian is up to it, I will request him to take away that memory."

Realization dawns on Zewu Jun, 'He was talking about the kiss all along.' His mind wanders to the incident. 'What was Jiang Cheng so ashamed of that he kis...that he did that!?'

 "No." The older Jade blurts out, "I want to keep it." He hesitates before adding, "I don't want to lose any of my memories." He takes a deep breath and decides to come clean, "Jiang Wanyin," He speaks softly, making the younger man's heart pound, "I don't love Meng Yao... I never did. And he didn't either. If he did, he would never have done the things he did. He might have had feelings for me, but they were not unconditional."

"I don't understand... "

"When you kissed me," Only after the words leave his mouth does XiChen realize what he had said, but he doesn't take them back. Instead, he walks closer and catches Jiang Cheng's eyes, "I don't know if I love you, but when you kissed me, I did not hate it or feel uncomfortable. If anything, I wanted- " He trails off, 'I wanted it to continue- I wanted to know what the feeling was.' Zewu Jun finishes in his mind, lowering his gaze.

Jiang Cheng is speechless; he continues to stare at the man in front of him. Meanwhile, Zewu Jun recalls Jiang Cheng's words, "The thing you did not want me to see, was it very embarrassing?"

Jiang Cheng nods, keeping his eyes glued to the floor, 'Please don't ask me what it was, Zewu Jun.'

"What was it?" He demands, "Before our cores mingled, I thought you told me everything about you. Then what was it that was so embarrassing that you had to keep from me..." He stops abruptly, recalling the desperate-sounding words he had heard before Jiang Cheng's lips had touched his.

'Was he... Did he- I must have imagined it- There is no way he was...' Innumerable questions assault his mind; none he can bring himself to finish. Each one more scandalous than the last. He feels like a grain of sand, fighting against the fierce waves that pull him deeper, closer to the realization. 'Jiang Cheng desires me... Why?'

Zewu Jun had never seen himself as someone who could; would be desired. Out of all the beautiful people in the cultivation realm, why would anyone chose him, the older Jade wonders? His hand moves to his heart; he feels his heart, "It's so loud." He mutters under his breath and catches Jiang Cheng's eyes once more, "What is this feeling?"

*Lan XiChen's Jingshin*

Once the physician leaves, the two fall into an awkward silence. It has never happened to them before. Both think about what they want to talk about, but words fail them.

Finally, like always, Wei Ying speaks, "How long have we been out?"

"A day."

"Jiang Cheng is here; A Yuan is alone at Lotus cove."

"Mn."

"I mean, he not alone... alone. Jin Ling and Wen Ning are keeping him company."

"Mn."

"A Yuan is a good boy. He is just like you. Strong and righteous. But he is like me too. Isn't he?"

"Mn."

"He is good with people and selfless."

"Mn."

"I really want you to fuck me right now."

"Mn... WHAT!?" Lan Zhan's eyes snap up. His cheeks heat up, and his eyes blaze, "Shameless!" He scolds lightheartedly, making Wei Ying smile, "That's more like it. Lan Zhan, are you feeling guilty again?"

"Mn."

"Aaand we are back to one-syllable answers." Wei Ying chuckles, shaking his head, "Lan Zhan, nothing happened. I am fine. I knew I would be."

"Wei Ying, stop lying. I can tell when you are lying." The light bearer admits taking the latter's hand in his, "I love you. Please put yourself first, for my sake. I was so worried. I thought I lost you again."

It's time for Wei Ying to go silent.

"The things that I did when we were younger haunt me. Things that you said then, I can't erase them from my mind either." Lan Zhan whispers, tears roll down his face, "Consent is important."

Wei Ying's breath hitches in his chest. 'Does he mean what I did to him back at the temple? I took advantage of him; sullied him! But he had feelings for me by that time. The time when I got him drunk.... '

"Wei Ying, I love you, but there are questions that have been plaguing my mind. I haven't been honest with you either. I have hidden things from you." He brings their foreheads together, "I don't want to keep things from you. Wei Ying, my love for you, I can't put it into words, but I don't want you to do something you don't want to; I don't want you to think that you owe me. All I want is your happiness. And if your happiness lies elsewhere, I will move out of the way."

"Lan Zhan.... " Wei Ying's eyes well up, "Why are you saying these things?"

"Please hear me out." Lan Zhan takes a deep breath, "The reason I am here next to you is because I am irrevocably in love with you. But I think you are here because you think that that's the right thing to do. Because I helped you; stood by you. I feel like... Wei Ying when you told me that you loved me, I was weak; I wanted to believe you, and I convinced myself that you love me, just like I love you. But deep down, I knew that there was a chance that you did not mean it. Yet, I was like a thirsty man, lapping at every drop of water the heavens could spare for me. But now, after I almost lost you, I realized that what I want most is not your love. Wei Ying, what I want most is your happiness." Lan Zhan buries his face in his hands; silent sobs rock his body.

"Since when did you start thinking like that?" Wei Ying enquires, trying to keep his voice steady as he tries to recall their every moment together since having returned.

"Years ago. Before the Wens attacked."

"So, all this time.... "

"Always." Lan Zhan answers, finally looking up.

Wei Ying couldn't take it anymore. He cups Lan Zhan's face, "Hanguang Jun, all this time, you carried this pain all by yourself." Wiping his face, Wei Ying asks, "Tell me why you feel this way, my love. Tell me why you don't believe that I don't love you, that being with you is not what I want. Tell me."

*Physician's waiting room*

"I... I- " Jiang Cheng tries to form words but fails.

"Do you desire me?" Zewu Jun questions.

Jiang Cheng nods.

"Why?"

Jiang Cheng's eyes widen. He asks hesitantly, "You want to know why I desire you?"

"Yes." Zewu Jun nods resolutely.

"Because in my eyes, you are perfect."

 Zewu Jun steps back, "I am not. I am flawed."

"And yet, all I can see is perfection. Zewu Jun, I told you already, I love you, but I am not going to push you to accept me. I am not charming or good with words, so I am going to be straightforward. I love you; I love your heart...."

"I am anything but desirable." Zewu Jun sighs; Jiang Cheng feels frustrated. If it were his nephew, he would have threatened him ten times already, but he couldn't do that now. So he takes a deep breath and huffs before pulling the older Jade closer by his waist.

Zewu Jun yelps but doesn't push him away. "Jiang Cheng, what are... "

"Do you want me to show you how desirable you are? Will you let me show you?" Jiang Cheng's eyes hold an expression that sends shivers down Zewu Jun's spine, and before he knows what he is doing, he nods.

Jiang Cheng closes the remaining distance between them and places his lips on the latter's. The touch of lips is enough to make Zewu Jun gasp. He closes his eyes. He feels how he had when Jiang Cheng had kissed him in the in-between realm: Warm, soft, and moist. He leans away only to lean back in a second later and kisses the older man's brows and cheek before lightly nipping at his angular jaw.

"Wanyin..." Zewu Jun's voice deepens his fingers fist in the lapels of Jiang Cheng's robes.

Misinterpreting XiChen's actions, Jiang Cheng wonders if he had crossed a line, gone too far. Feeling guilty and mentally reprimanding himself, the Jiang clan leader leans away.

Once again, Zewu Jun misses the warmth. He opens his eyes and looks into Jiang Cheng's dark orbs, and before he can second guess himself, he leans in and brings their lips together again.

It's Jiang Cheng's turn to gasp. As the two break apart once again, Zewu Jun speaks, "I like it."

"What do you like?"

"I like that you desire me. I like how this feels." He smiles; it's the one Jiang Cheng loves the most. He decides to tell him, but before he can, the smile vanishes; sadness replaces it. 

 "Zewu Jun?"

'Uncle will never understand. It's different for Wangji; he is not a clan leader; he can get away from getting married and have children. But we can't. Both of us represent our clans.' Zewu Jun realizes, but when he looks back into Jiang Cheng's worried eyes, all reason disappears.

"Wanyin... " The older Jade calls again; the two pairs of heated gazes lock. The next moment, Zewu Jun does what he never thought he would do in this lifetime: he thinks only about himself and brings their lips together, in an unrefined, yet heated, urgent kiss.

Zidian sparks in the younger man's palm; he strikes the spiritual weapon. Sparks fly, landing on the door of the chamber and morph into twines.

 The bright purple glare distracts the older Jade; he breaks the kiss, "What..."

"I don't want us to be disturbed." Jiang Cheng smirks.

'Pretty.' Zewu Jun's mind supplies, and his eyes fall on the latter's lips. A need to taste them again fills him, and he does precisely that.

{Note :- Ok, hope my XiCheng shippers liked this turn of events.

Will there be more? 🤔🤔🤔😅 *cough*

The next book I will update will be Mine.

Reminder that Chapter 1 of my RanWan fan fiction Chu Wanning's Second Chance (CWSC) is up.

If you have enjoyed this update, please Vote to show your support.

Thank you for reading.
Have a nice day.}