*Lan XiChen's Jingshin*

"Lan Zhan, if you don't look at me, I won't tell you what's on my mind." Wei Ying states matter-of-factly, and finally, the latter obliges. "Lan Zhan, I need you to answer me before I tell you who I am in love with." Wei Ying continues.

'So there is someone in Wei Ying's heart, after all.' Lan Zhan concludes and nods, "Mn."

"After Jin Ling stabbed me, and for the first time I came to know your heart, when we kissed, touched me, let me touch you, why did you do that? If you knew that I could never accept you wholeheartedly, why did you do such things?"

"I... " Lan Zhan starts and pauses, "I am sorry, Wei Ying."

"Don't apologize. Just answer me!" Wei Ying demands.

"I was weak. You were there. You let me touch you, hold you, kiss you. You did not push me away. I had been waiting for you for so long- I wanted to believe that I could make you happy. That as long as... "

"So you thought that as long as you could give me pleasure, I would not leave you!?" Wei Ying asks; his voice drips with disappointment.

"Wei Ying... "

"Lan Zhan, when you activated this body's core, did you also do it so that I wouldn't leave you?"

Lan Zhan's eyes widen, and he shakes his head, "Wei Ya..." He tries to hold the latter's hand, but he pulls away, "Lan Zhan, you have been doing me favors, risking your life for me, taking care of me, satisfying my needs all because you were scared that I would leave you. Didn't you!?" Wei Ying's voice becomes louder, his brows crease.

"No... Wei... "

"You knew I wasn't a cut sleeve, and yet you married me. Lan Zhan, how could you!?"

Tears stream down the light bearer's face, and he buries his face in his hands, "I never. I love- I... "

"The day to almost lost your core just to heal my wounds, when your mouth left bruises on my skin, when you kneeled in between my legs and pleasured me, when you asked me what I wanted, when your fingers entered... "

"Stop. Please stop. I was wrong! I am sorry!" Lan Zhan covers his ears, "What have I done!? What have I done... "

"Lan Zhan, tell me, why did you do it? Before I died, why did you want to bring me to Gusu? Why did you stand up for me when the world was against me? Why did you bleed for me, sully your reputation for me? Answer me!"

When Lan Zhan finally looks up, his eyes hold anguish, pain, and loathing. "I didn't do any of it because I wanted you to feel obligated to me. I believed in you then, I believe in you now. I stood by you because I wanted to, not because I wanted you to owe me. Wei Ying, please believe me. If I had known that you loved another, I would have let you go to her. I had vowed long ago that I would never hurt you, wouldn't let anyone hurt you. But I see now that I was in the wrong. I sullied you just- I was weak. I have always been weak."

"Why did you decide to let me go now?"

"Because I saw what I made you do, how selfish I was. I was a coward. I had already done enough to harm you. I would not be able to live with myself if I was to stop you now."

"After all this while, after all, that you have done to me, which self-respecting girl will accept me, Lan Zhan?"

"Mn?" Lan Zhan blinks. "I will... "

"Lan Zhan, you even told everyone that we are cultivation partners. Do you think Elder Bao will be able to keep the fact that I share your core a secret? Even if I go to her now, will she be able to accept a mediocre man? Will she be ready to stay with and love a tainted man, a man who can't be hers because the part she would want most could never be hers?"

"Wei Ying, I... "

"She wouldn't, Lan Zhan. You made sure of it. Now take responsibility!"

"I don't... "

Wei Ying takes the latter's hand in his, "Lan Zhan, once, long ago, you called me yours. Do you remember?"

"Mn." Lan Zhan nods, recalling the time Wei Ying had gotten him drunk.

"Do you remember how I had responded?"

"Not yours." Lan Zhan answers.

"Lan Zhan, in my two lifetimes, I have never once done something and said something I did not mean. No one, not even you, can make me do something against my will." Wei Ying pauses and cups his husband's face, "Do you remember how I responded when you asked me if I was yours, the night you awakened this body's core?"

"You told me that you were mine." Lan Zhan's replies, the tips of his ears turn scarlet.

"Hanguang Jun, you stupid man, now think about what the innkeeper had told you." Wei Ying suggests, and Lan Zhan's brows crease, "Why are you... "

"Think about what he had told you about the enchantment again. Think about how it affected people, what it made them do."

Lan Zhan turns the words in his mind. 'Only lost their inhibitions. Headband and the ones who were already in love- Only lost their inhibitions... '

Lan Zhan's cheeks heat up, and his heart starts to pound. The words, 'I am yours; touch me; make me cum.' come back to him. "You... "

"Say it, Hanguang Jun. Say it out loud so you may hear the answers to the question you had asked me." Wei Ying urges, bringing the latter's hand to his chest.

"You only lost your inhibitions. That- you wanted to- You- " Lan Zhan's breaths become heavy, and all of a sudden, he removes himself from Wei Ying's grasp and leaves the bed.

"Lan Zhan?" Wei Ying asks, surprised and confused, "Please don't tell me you still haven't got it."

Lan Zhan moves his hand over his thundering chest. "You were in love with me, back... then?"

"Mn." Wei Ying smiles.

"You are in love with me now?"

"Mn." Wei Ying nods.

"There is no one else."

"No, there isn't."

"There has never been anyone else."

"Of course, there hasn't. You are the only one who I have ever held in my heart. You are the only one who I want. Lan Zhan, Lan Wangji, Hanguang Jun, Lan er gege, I love you."

The thump of his heart and Wei Ying's words are the only things that the light bearer hears. His breath falters, and he turns away from Wei Ying. 'He loves me, only me. He wants me because he loves me. He loves me- Do I deserve him? Do I deserve happiness? Mother died because of me- Can I dare to be happy? He loves me. Can we be together? Can I be with him, Mother?'

Bitchen appears in his palm, and his fingers close around its hilt, anchoring him, his emotions. "Wei Ying, I will send Jiang Cheng to you."

"Lan Zhan!" Wei Ying calls, but the light bearer doesn't stop. He exits the room, closing the door behind him.

"What the fuck!? Did I scare him?" Wei Ying mutters under his breath, he tries to sit up, but the pain in his abdomen stops him, "Fuck!" He winces and lies back down, "Lan Wangji, Lan Wangji, what are you up to now?"

Wei Ying leaves a deep breath and recalls the look of utter bewilderment on his husband's face a second before he had turned away and the tips of his lips turn up. He closes his eyes and falls asleep.

A few moments after that, Jiang Cheng enters the room and takes a seat next to his slumbering senior brother, 'He looks fine. Why did Lan Wangji want me to keep him company? And why did he look like that?' He wonders, recalling the light bearer's flustered face and almost dazed eyes.

*Cloud Recesses: Council Hall*

Lan XiChen enters the council room and finds Lan Qiren waiting for him. A cup of tea sits cooling in front of him, untouched. "Uncle, I am here," The older Jade announces and bows, bringing the older man out of his reprieve.

"XiChen, come." The older man orders, and once XiChen has taken a seat in front of him, he starts, "I hear that the Yiling patriarch has regained consciousness."

"Yes, uncle."

"Bao tells me that his internal injuries will take about two weeks to heal and that Wangji needs to keep him company throughout the recuperation period."

"I was not aware." The older Jade answers sincerely.

"He tells me that they are cultivation partners. Did you know about this?"

Lan XiChen hesitates, "Wangji mentioned it to me recently."

Lan Qiren closes his eyes and shakes his head in resignation, "That inconsiderate boy! How could he have taken such a decision without discussing it with anyone?" Lan Qiren looks at his nephew for support but gets a rude shock when he sees a disappointed look directed towards him.

"Uncle, Wangji is free to choose his partner, cultivation or otherwise. Haven't we punished him enough?"

"XiChen!" The old man reprimands, "What is wrong with you? It seems like the temporary core merging has affected you."

"I can assure you, uncle, that I am in my senses. Master Wei was doing the right thing back then. And Wangji was the only one who stood by him. And for that, we punished him. The marks on my Wangji's back are a testament to the injustice he suffered at our hands. The mark on his chest that he gave himself was also because none of us stood by him." XiChen's temper rises, "As the clan leader and as an elder brother, it's time I protect my brother and his heart. Uncle, if not for Master Wei risking his life, I would have died yesterday, I would have probably killed Wangji too. It was because of him that both your nephews are alive, can't you see that? Why do you hate him so much? Why have you always been hard on him!?"

Qiren fumes. He fists his fingers and bangs it on the table, sending the jade cup and its contents spiraling to the floor, "He is untamed. He is a notorious rule-breaker; always does what she shouldn't; she chose someone else!" Only after the words have left his mouth that he realizes what he had said.

Realization dawns on XiChen's face as the room falls silent.

"Uncle, where you perhaps... "

"Get out! Get out now!"

"Master Wei..." XiChen starts, but Qiren doesn't let him continue, "I don't want to talk about him. I don't want to see him; I don't want to see either of them! He can stay here. Make sure that I don't see them."

XiChen rises and bows, "Thank you, uncle. As soon as Master- I will move them to a secluded place. You would not have to cross paths with them." With that, the older Jade leaves the council hall and makes his way towards his mother's Jingshin.

He meets Elder Bao on his way, and the physician fills him in on Wei Ying's condition and the next steps in Yiling patriarch's treatment.

As he bids the physician adieu, his mind in turmoil, he recalls the words his uncle had spoken without meaning to. He wonders if it was his unrequited love for Wei WuXian's mother that had turned him this bitter. At the thought of love, his mind wanders to the moments of pure, unadulterated pleasure he had felt while holding Jiang Cheng just an hour or so ago.

'I am a clan leader, and so is he. We have responsibilities. Our brothers have already chosen their path, so that leaves us to take responsibility.' He feels conflicted but decides that now was not the time to think about himself. He needed to make sure that Wangji was happy. For 'If anyone deserves happiness, it is my brother, my Wangji.' He resolves. Not a moment later, he hears footsteps and the rustling of robes.

"Brother?" He hears a familiar voice and turns towards it, "Wangji? What are you doing here?" The older man enquires, running towards the younger, who is drenched in water from head to toe, "What happened!?"

{Note :- That's it for this update. The last piece of puzzle about why Lan Zhan always undermines himself and his worth, will be reveled in the next update.

Please Vote on this update if you have enjoyed it. It motivates me to update faster.

Thank you for reading.
Have a nice day.}