I rip open the latch and rush to Lenox. I drop to my knees by his head and put my hands on his neck. I look down at his body. His chest isn't moving. I stare at the bandage wrapped around his wings and pray that it will rise, but it's taking too long.

"Please breathe," I whisper.

Nothing. His eyes don't blink as I stroke his forelock.

"Please."

His chest moves ever so slightly. The breath I'd been holding comes out in a broken moan. I fold over and touch my head to his, and my tears fall to his cheek.

"I'm sorry," I whisper through sobs, repeating it frequently and hoping my grief makes him better. "I love you. I'm so sorry."

I cry well after my tears dry out and exhaustion kicks in. I lie down in his stall and keep my shaking hand on his neck. I have never had to comfort anyone before. I hope I'm doing it right. I watch him breathe and gently stroke his neck with my fingertips until I can no longer keep my eyes open.

Auntie's sarcastic laugh wakes me from a deep sleep. I blink my eyes open to see her leaning on the half-door of Lenox's stall. "Look, Paul, she sleeps in a barn now."

Uncle pops his head around through the opening and looks at me with a condescending smile. "You should've never left. You killed your only friend."

I look down and see Lenox's dead body covered in blood and gore. I hold up my red-glazed hands and scream.

My eyes fly open, but other than my heart pounding in my chest, all is quiet. The stall is empty. There's no blood and no Lenox. I jump to my feet and spin around, searching the tiny stall and find the door open. I run out into the aisle and see him resting peacefully on the crossties.

Levise is tending to his wounds. He's beat up, but he no longer looks on the brink of death. I give him a big hug.

"He's doing much better," Levise says.

I circle him, examining every injury. His wing is tied down, and there's a fresh bandage on his shoulder. Levise is on a stepladder changing the dressing on his rump. There's a poultice on his knee and a splint on his toe. My beautiful boy will be badly scarred.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "He doesn't look good."

"I have him heavily sedated. He'll be sleeping for the next few days."

I stay by his side and whisper words of encouragement until Levise finishes. Then I take him slowly back to his stall. He keeps his head low and doesn't look around or smell things the way he normally does. He just walks back to his stall and lies down.

I never should've thrown a temper tantrum and left the castle. Everything is my fault, and I'm the only one who didn't suffer any serious injuries. 

When I leave the stall, Levise is waiting. "If you would have someone bring me my clothes, I'll be ready in a few minutes," I say.

"Are you sure you're up to it?"

"Yes," I say as I walk in my bare feet to the barn where Stryder is kept. I groom him in my nightgown until my clothes arrive.

I work harder than I ever have and complete an entire jumping course that's well over four and a half feet tall, which is a foot higher than I've ever done before. I ride all six unicorns, and when I'm done, I wordlessly put the last unicorn away and head to the training area.

"Oh, there you are," Trelix says, standing up from his desk. "Wasn't sure you'd show up today." He motions for me to sit as he unpacks the picnic basket.

"I got some good stuff. I waited just in case you decided to come. Cheeseburgers, as promised," he says, with a flourish as he puts one on my plate. "Sodonco chips. They're like potato chips, but we didn't have any potatoes. Salad—gotta have veggies at every meal. And salf. I don't know how you can drink that stuff."

Trelix is too friendly. It's annoying. I don't want anyone to be nice to me, especially him. I ignore him and concentrate on the food. The thought of eating makes me want to vomit.

"I haven't been in my room, so I don't have my stuff on my person."

"I'll take care of that," he says with a mouth full of food. He walks out and yells to someone. When he comes back, he notices that I haven't eaten anything.

"I know what you're going through," he says. "It'll get easier. You'll start feeling better. Everyone will recover, and life will go on."

I'll never feel better. My best friend and a complete stranger are both seriously injured because of my self-absorption.

"How's Solara?" I ask.

"Ah, well...she's hurting. She's pretty banged up. Broke a good number of bones and lost a lot of blood. I saw her this morning; she's talking. So that's always a good sign."

"That elf was female?" I ask. "I saw her fight. I thought it was a man. How can a petite little woman like that fight three giant gryphons?"

Trelix is genuinely confused by my questions. "What does gender..." he starts and then stops himself. "I was told about this—about the gender thing humans have. I didn't think an actual female would believe it. Huh."

He shrugs his shoulders. "Maybe that's what's been holding you back, the gender thing. Well then, I guess it was good for you to see Solara fight. She's good, right?"

"Yeah. She's amazing. I've never seen anyone fight like that."

"Solara is gifted with the bow. Maybe you'll be that good one day."

"Can I see her?"

"Sure, give her a day or so to recover, and I'll take you over there. Now eat. I know you don't want to, but you have to. Don't think about it like you need to enjoy your food. Just eat like you're putting energy in your body. What you went through yesterday probably took five pounds off you."

I pick up my burger and take a bite. Once I start eating, I eat everything except for the chips that Trelix keeps stealing off my plate. When we finish, an elf brings me my wand and sword. I put them on and clean off the table.

Trelix sits back down and studies me. "What were you doing out there?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to be by myself," I say lamely. "I've been alone my entire life. And then I'm brought here, and everybody's always...right here." I put my hand in front of my face. "You know. Right here. I can't get away."

"We're in such a rush to get you up to speed; I guess no one took the time to find out what you want," Trelix says.

"No, it's not that," I respond. "I want to do this. I just didn't expect it to be so hard. There's so much all the time, and there's nothing familiar. Everything has to be learned, and it hurts."

"Eventually, it will stop hurting. You may actually even enjoy it."

"I know, you keep saying that. But what I know is this," I say with force as I look him in the eye. "That gryphon walked slowly toward me. I knew it was going to kill me, and we both knew there was nothing I could do about it. I watched Solara almost get killed because I didn't know what to do. I don't ever want that to happen again. I don't ever want other people to die because I can't take care of myself."

"You can't control what happens. Others will probably get hurt or worse when they join you out there. Everyone knows the risks. Their mission is you and your safety."

"No one else gets hurt because of me," I say as I stalk out the door. I make a light and throw it over my head. I run a lap for forgetting my stuff. I push myself hard and run the entire way as fast as I can.

Trelix gives me a quizzical look, but he doesn't comment. I shoot at targets for a good portion of the day, but I get frustrated when most of them are nowhere near the middle. I'm just not good at anything.

"You need to punch something," Trelix says, taking my bow away.

We walk back to the office, and he retrieves a pair of boxing gloves. At least, I think they're boxing gloves; I've never seen a pair up close before. These had to have belonged to an elf because they're bright yellow. The only thing that keeps them from looking ridiculous is the fact that they're well-worn, so they have hints of a mustard color.

He helps me put my gloves on. I've never thrown a punch in my life, but my heart is racing with excitement. He's right. I want to hit something.

"Okay, let's see what you got," he says with a pat to his stomach.

"You want me to hit you?"

"Yes. Don't worry. Swing."

Then I do. I don't want to hurt him, so I hold back and barely touch him.

"That was pathetic...even for a girl."

I get back into position, and this time I try to hit him with everything I've got.

"Ohhh," he moans, grabbing his side. Just as I move to help him, he laughs and stands up straight. "Just kidding. I thought maybe a bug landed on me or something."

I smile. It's a small one, but I never thought I'd do that again.

"Let's show you how to do it. First, the jab. That's straight at me," he says, demonstrating the punch. It's much more impressive when he does it.

"Now if you cross over your body like this," he says, again giving me the demonstration, this time slower. "It's called a cross. It's a right cross with your right hand, and with your left, a left cross. Try to keep up; this language is very technical."

I smile, a little bigger this time.

"And lastly," he continues. "The uppercut." He finishes his demonstration and holds his hand up. "Now jab."

I punch his hand and wait for more instructions. He was right, though; punching him is releasing a lot of the tension in my skull.

"Why'd you stop?"

I hit his hand again. He encourages me to keep punching him, which I do a few more times before I get winded and have to take a break. Trelix lets me catch my breath, then makes me start again. This time he's calling out the punches he wants. He's changing things fast, and a few times I mess up and throw the wrong punch, but he's quick enough to catch it. By the time I finish, I'm wiped out.

I have to bend over to catch my breath. I had no idea that just moving my arms could wear me out like this. I walk around in small circles until my wind returns.

"Your light went out," he says as soon as my breathing returns to normal.

I hold up my hands for Trelix to take my gloves off. Once free, I take out my wand and make the light. I run without complaint. I know I need this. If I'd been able to run better, I might have been able to escape the gryphons.

I move pretty fast around the entire field. My lungs scream for air, but I ignore it and push forward. I imagine the gryphon chasing me, and it helps to keep my feet moving. As I round the last turn, my lungs are on fire. Can you rupture a lung running?

"Keep going," he says. "Don't quit at the end. Stop when you decide to stop, but don't quit."

I force myself to run to Trelix. My heart is racing so fast; I'm afraid it'll cramp up. I can't get enough air to my burning lungs, no matter how deep of a breath I take. Sweat is pouring down my forehead, but I make it.

"Okay, we're done for the day. Bring this Agatha with you tomorrow. I like her," he says with a poke to my shoulder. "Let me find your guards. I saw them go around the back."

My heart stops. "I have guards?"