12| No Hard Feelings

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** Trigger warning for suicide mention and some spicy 🌶️ content. This one is super long, thank you for reading!!**

You'd think she'd fucking murdered someone by the way her family overreacted to the news that she was seeing a boy.

Although most family discussions were about the local creepies, creatures, or crawlies, tonight's tough conversation was much more lively. Both Victor and Hughes were talking about the young man in question. Merida stood silently, observing their daughter and ready to swoop in if needed. Hollis's future was with their family, her place was by their side, and her fate was helping the less fortunate with anything that went bump in the night. Hollis disassociated momentarily as their voices rose, thinking about where John was and if he was ready never to see her again. She honestly didn't believe she was worth the trouble.

" He's not a bad kid Hughes, he's not. Merida and I looked into him and his family. As far as we can see, they're ordinary hardworking folks, maybe a bit bland even, as far as we're concerned. "

Victor's unusually calm demeanor caused Hollis to snap back to reality and the kitchen she was sitting in. Currently she was surrounded by people who didn't understand her. Her eyes were red and swollen, and she clutched a crumpled napkin that she'd used to dab quickly at her face.

" Hollis, look at me. " Victor spoke sullenly, trying his best to pull any emotion to his surface.

Hollis was frozen up. She barely moved. Only her eyes went to her father.

" You are allowed to love whomever you wish. Your mother and I both trust your judgment, " Victor walked from his son's side to Hollis. Kneeling next to her, he took her hand from the table.

Merida and Hughes were uncharacteristically quiet, both glancing at one another as if anticipating the opposite from the patron of the Balfour household. Victor held Hollis's hand and looked at her at eye level.

" You're nearly an adult, and your mother and I, we would be open to letting John get to know you and us. " He didn't smile, but Hollis could see the softness in her father's face. It caused her to take his words more seriously.

" This is insane. John's not normal. He's a psychic. I can feel the energy radiating off of him, " Hughes ran a hard hand through his curled hair, his dark eyes zeroing in on Hollis.

" So is your sister, and so am I, " Merida paced past Hughes and Victor, placing an affirming hold on Hollis's shoulders.

" -and we cannot wait to get to know him. I wish you would have told us sooner, but better late than never. "

Merida and Victor's approval pushed Hughes over. The customarily composed Pastor rushed forward, his body out of breath as he looked at his family feverishly. His hair stuck to his face as he'd sunk into a cold sweat, and if Hollis hadn't been drowning in so much despair, she would have noticed why Huey was so rattled.

Hughes opened his mouth to protest. Instead, Victor rose to his feet and stood silently looking at his son. Huey scrunched his face as his jaw tightened. Victor cleared his throat and took a breath.

" Enough malice Hughes, "

" Honey, we know you care, but this is a bit much, "

Merida chimed in after her husband, and Hollis watched, still not uttering a word as her brother nearly choked out an audible growl as he stormed past them, slamming the door on his exit.

Merida and Victor deemed it appropriate that Hollis not contact John for a few days, and they would have him over on Sunday for dinner, or more like interrogate him over a meal. Hollis protested, but her parents didn't waver. They left Hollis optimistic but still frustrated. She wanted to talk things out with John, not rot in her room.

So, she decided to do just that.

Hollis had a few unread messages from John, and she threw herself down on her bed, aggressively going through them. She responded.

ᴊᴏʜɴ: ʜᴇʏ ʜᴏᴘᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ɢᴏ ꜱᴍᴏᴏᴛʜ.

: ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴀʟᴋ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ʟᴇᴛ ᴍᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪꜰ ᴜʀ ᴀʟʀɪɢʜᴛ

Hollis wiped the tears from her face and quickly messaged him back. The moment she sent the message, she rolled off her bed, grabbed her sweatshirt, and crawled out of her window.

ʜᴏʟʟɪꜱ: ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ɪɴ 10

ᴊᴏʜɴ: ʏᴏᴜ ᴏᴋᴀʏ, ᴀʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴜʀᴛ?

ᴊᴏʜɴ: ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ

Hollis was out the window and on the ground before he could message her back, heading to the sidewalk. Less than ten minutes passed, and Hollis could see John's headlights.

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He didn't hesitate to get her. John was already in his car when Hollis texted him, and immediately he put his car in drive and rushed to get on the road.

Hollis quickly paced across her lawn, zipping up her sweatshirt and pulling the hood over her head. She reached the sidewalk just as John's car arrived. Hollis ran in front of John's car just before it could stop, whipping around the hood and opening the passenger door as the vehicle finally came to a halt.

" Shit, wait till I stop the car- " John left his foot on the brake and put all of his attention on Hollis.

Hollis came in like a whirlwind, slamming the door behind her.

" Whoah-whoah, Hollis " John parked his car and leaned over to comfort her.

Hollis's somber static hold dissolved the moment she felt John's touch. Her body sprawled, and she fell forward, sobbing into John's shoulder.

The initial shock wore off fast. John pushed himself up in his seat and wrapped his arms around her. He let his fingers tangle through her hair, pulling her so tight against him that he panicked he might hurt her. When he tried to pull away, however, Hollis pushed forward.

" Breathe, talk to me. "

John fell back, one hand in her hair while the other cupped her chin. John's intense eyes pulled Hollis in, and she continued to cry while her cheek rested on his palm. John saw how distraught she was, his eyes reading every detail of her face before letting her go. He reached around her, pulling her seatbelt over her chest and buckling her in before taking off into the night.

The drive was relatively short, and John seemed focused and determined, getting them to wherever the hell he was going in just under fifteen minutes. He pulled onto a dirt road, accelerating up a dark hill and through an overhead of trees. Hollis remained silent, still calming herself as she bobbed up and down, swaying in the seat as John abruptly stopped. Dust and sand consumed the car as John put the car in park and turned off the engine.

He exited the vehicle quickly, rushing to his passenger door. He opened it for Hollis and led her away from the safety of the car's cabin.

Under different circumstances, Hollis would have been floored. Private excursion with a cute boy? Top of her fucking list. But like this? She was almost too exhausted to function. From the crying and stress, she was starting to come off her adrenaline-induced anxiety attack. Stumbling through the dark, John led Hollis through some shrubbery and into an opening that led to a grassy hill overlooking a valley.

Hollis's eyes adjusted, catching the heavy lights from the city in the distance. She looked around to see a secluded little spot for them to rest. John held Hollis hand, walking further, helping her sit on a downed log. He peddled forward, pulled a lighter from his pocket, and started a fire.

When a fire caught, John pulled back, his full weight landing next to her as he sat down. The warmth of the fire and John's presence brought out a new light in her. Hollis leaned forward, briefly rubbing her hands at the flames, before sinking back into herself and crossing her arms.

" Wanna talk about what happened? " John was a little winded as he rested his forearms on his knees, leaning toward the flames. His head was bowed slightly, ear length hair falling forward into his eyes as he waited for her reply.

Hollis paused, her eyes darting between him and the fire. She was ashamed that she couldn't keep it together and had melted into him just a few minutes ago.

" It's a lot. "

" A lot of what? Try me, Balfour. "

Hollis's head tilted some as he addressed her so formally. She fought off a small smile.

" My family is just really intrusive. They're loud and protective. It's-it's a lot. "

Hollis unloaded, and John stayed silent. He was not offering any quips or sassy remarks. No solutions or sane reasoning either. Instead, he got up, grabbed wood from a neatly stacked pile, and fed the fire before sitting next to her again.

" What else. "

" Um, just. It's not like I was expecting this wave of support, but, like. I don't know. Maybe I'm overreacting. "

"You are reacting the way you feel. Hollis, it's okay to be resentful or doubt yourself. That's like the first hour of my day. "

John flashed Hollis a hearty grin, his lips pursing some as he fought a full-blown smile. Hollis's shoulders sunk a little as she brought one of her knees to her chest.

" Stop, I'm serious. I have to be careful, I have these paranormal outbursts sometimes, and my parents are super paranoid about it. I don't want to hurt anyone. "

" You keep doubting yourself. Hollis, did you ever think that maybe you worry about being a villain so much that it causes you to feel this way? It means you're a good person. You wouldn't ever intentionally hurt anyone. Give yourself some space. "

John chuckled to himself, running a hand through his hair as he adjusted to face the fire. John's face was highlighted with the warmth of the flames, his honey-brown eyes illuminating as each speck of gold caught some light.

" I'm not a good person. I do good things because my family needs me to do it. If they didn't push me, I don't know if I would go out of the way- I wouldn't put my life on the line for strangers. "

John sat next to her quietly. He digested what she had to say and let the silence linger on for nearly a minute. Honestly, Hollis wanted to say anything to fill the quiet space between them. It was making her want to vomit.

" You know I fucked up a few years ago. "

John's voice was low and barely broke the thickening air between them.

" I've been seeing little demonic friends since I was a kid, and while everyone else saw other people, I could see what they were. I tried ignoring them initially, but that made them more eager. "

John's eyes caught Hollis's gaze for a few seconds before returning to the fire. He shuffled his feet some and cleared some anxiety from his throat.

" Like most parents, mine overreacted. I was institutionalized on and off for years. I finally realized that it was me. I was fucked up in the head. I couldn't do it anymore. I needed a break from the fucking nightmare I was living every day. " John paused. " So, I ended it. " His eyes didn't leave the fire this time as he sunk deeper into himself.

Hollis was engrossed in what John was saying, following along on each word as she finally realized what he'd meant. He'd tried to kill himself.

" Y-you tried to kill yourself? "

Hollis's voice was cracked, worn down. She had never anticipated saying the words that had come out of her mouth.

" I didn't try anything. " John maintained his eyesight with the fire, unable to bring himself to look to his side at Hollis.

" I was only dead for three minutes, but when I crossed over, it was a lifetime. When they brought me back, I realized everything I had been seeing was real. "

Hollis stayed silent now. She'd been through so much tragic shit that she'd wanted to end her life. She was taunted by demons, ghouls, and spirits daily. How much worse could hell be? At some point, she pushed over that hill, still unsure at what point she'd decided not to end her life. John had been there and back. He knew what was waiting for him when he did finally cross over. No amount of repenting could fix what he'd done.

" I'm fucked. "

John grinned, still staring at the fire as he took in a heavy breath of chilled December air. He hadn't told anyone what he'd done, and up to some point, he hadn't wanted to say it to her. But the closer they grew, he knew he needed to get it out. Hollis deserved to know the man she was spending so much time with would eventually be condemned to an eternal life in the pit.

John reached into his jacket and pulled out a small metal flask. He took a swig, and his face soured for a second or two. He continued smiling into the flames. He'd accepted his fate.

" Hey, " John remained just a few feet from Hollis. His arms hung in front of him as his back hunched slightly. Some of his hair fell into his face as he shook his head softly and finished his train of thought.

"I think that if I'd met someone like you a little sooner, I'd have had something to live for. "

John was submerged in his guilt an shame, too self-conscious to realize how deeply Hollis was looking at him. He said something so personal and vulnerable that Hollis was having trouble processing all of it to understand what he'd just said. When it finally hit her, she didn't have time to overthink. Hollis pushed herself up and forward, sitting right next to him, and just as John turned to face her, she kissed him.

It was brief but so intimate. John and Hollis's lips touched for just a few moments. Hollis was terrified. She kept her eyes closed, too afraid that she'd made a mistake, fearful that she might have ruined their relationship. John's eyes, however, immediately fluttered open. He stared at her, his eyebrows knitting together as he took in all of the details of her face. Hollis swallowed hard, her bottom lip trembling as she anticipated the worst.

But the worst did not happen.

John brought up a hand, delicately running his fingertips against her jawline and into her hair, and just as Hollis's eyes cracked open, he leaned in and kissed her. The fire warming against them, Hollis and John remained in place, both too consumed with the other to notice the minutes turn to hours and the sun's eventual return.

The fire ran low, but neither of them noticed. Slow and anxious moves became more comfortable, and they slipped and became needier. Hastily grabbing at each other, kissing switching to soft panting as they fell from their seats onto the grass next to the fire. Hollis rolled, hitting the ground hard with John right behind her.

Flushed and raw, Hollis's face managed a wide grin and short laugh, cackling to herself as she and John had fallen over.

" Maybe you should be more careful. " John's words dripped with sarcasm.

" You know what, you're right. I think I should just head home, " Hollis pushed herself up onto her forearms, her palms pressing hard against grass and rocks as she attempted a fake escape.

" You're stuck with me now, Balfour. "

John abruptly reached out and grabbed Hollis's arm, pulling her back to him. John tugged her down as she fumbled up, pulling her on top of him.

" I think it's the other way around. "

Hollis relaxed down to John, letting their lips touch again. There was something so forgiving about spending time with John. It was like her intense feelings were finally validated and reciprocated. That longing look and butterflies in her gut were right, and it made her feel a little less crazy.

Hollis's body was on fire as John's bare hands swept under her shirt, his fingertips pressing into the small of her back as she carelessly unzipped her sweatshirt and let it fall. She followed his touch, falling onto his body as his fingers pressed harder against her back. John plunged his lips into the nape of her neck, causing Hollis to moan into him softly. His soft lips warmed and slid against her sensitive skin, trying his best not to eat her alive entirely. John sat up, getting a better angle as Hollis straddled his lap. His hands were still pulling at her eagerly, his body consuming every inch of hers as she tried her best to remain quiet and keep her clothes on. But with each minute that passed, Hollis's moral compass dipped further until she was sure she'd break right here. Jon's erect body fully lined along one of his legs, and as Hollis's hips and buttocks rhythmically rubbed against him, he shifted with precision, not trying to end their evening too soon.

It was nearly four am when the city began to thrive again. The dark sky hinted at a soft pink and orange in the distance, and the quiet hill they were on was filled with the trolling sounds of city buses and morning traffic. Hollis was uncomfortably wet, well, almost. One quick unzip and caress from John, and she'd be done, but if they did much more, she was unsure if she would be able to stop anything from escalating.

She was sure John must have read her mind. How else would he have decided to move one of his rough hands down from her back and against the fabric of her jeans? His hand slid along her pant button and down past her zipper. Just past the seam, two fingers firmly glided along the material that pressed against her, and the moment she felt her body begin to scream for him, she shivered.

" No-no, John, "

Hollis panted against his ear, her body pressed into his hand, and her muscles tensed. John only stroked against the hot wet fabric one more time before pulling away, confused by her saying one thing but doing another.

" Do you want me to stop? "

She wasn't sure if he was being serious or sarcastic, but judging by his breathless reply, she assumed he was taking her request seriously. Hollis's lips pressed against John's in response, and he smiled against her lips, unsure what she wanted. Neither did she.

" I'll take that as a no? "

John's hands gripped her thighs tightly, involuntarily groaning into their kiss as Hollis's body moved again against his groin.

" Careful, please. "

John choked out quietly, and Hollis realized he was in the same position as her, close to the end but unsure how far to go.

" You have to bring me home. "

Hollis pulled her face from his, her hot breath condensing in a cloud around them as the last of the fire had finally gone out. It would be daylight soon. Her parents might try to check on her early. That and if she waited any longer, Hollis was ashamed to admit she might completely abandon her self-control and indulge in all of her impulses.

John audibly grumbled, his body relaxing some as he sighed. His face was as flushed as hers, and he smiled briefly. Hollis pulled her legs and body from him, sitting on the damp ground as the night passed and a light dew settled on the area around them. She felt incredibly insecure, like she'd dangled something before him and pulled it away last minute. John noticed the strain on her face and tried to lighten the mood.

" You're good walking home, right? "

Hollis's head turned so fast her hair nearly whipped John in the face. Her brows nitted together, and her mouth hung open just slightly like she was in shock. When she saw his expression, she playfully slapped his arm and released a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Hollis held out a hand for him to help him up, but he waved her offer away.

" I need a minute, " John paused, looking up at Hollis as she dropped her hand back to her side. His brows perked up once as he shot her a cheeky retort.

" Maybe two. "

Hollis picked up her sweatshirt and pulled it on. She looked out beyond the hill. The sun hadn't quite peaked over the horizon and into the valley, but the twilight was enough for her to see where they were. The grassy hill overlooked a busier part of the city. Hollis noticed that a little further down the mountain, she could see the drive-in movie theatre out in the distance. They were in was small but clean enclosed area. John, or maybe someone else, had stacked wood by the fire pit, which was cleaned of any litter. It was a nice, private spot she never would think existed in this manic, grimy city.

John stood up, also picking up his jacket and off the ground. He brushed it off before pulling it on. Hollis's attention was still out in the distance, admiring the sky, the smell of the earth, and wet plants. It made her miss her old home in New York.

" Ready? "

John spoke just behind her, touching her lower back with a warm, comforting hand. She turned to him, looking up at him with a soft expression. John's jaw and face had caught a dark stubble, and his hair was a bit of a mess. His sharp eyes found hers, and almost immediately after he spoke, she leaned in, pulled him down to her level, and kissed him. The chilly air and their warm bodies caused their lips to melt into each other momentarily. Sticking together slightly as they pulled away from each other. Hollis pursed her lips together and nodded. She didn't want this moment to end. The comfort of the fire on them as they gave in to each other, the smell of his body, or the feel of his lips against her neck. All of it.

" I-I'm going to need another minute. "

John spoke breathlessly. He swallowed hard as his head hung slightly, ashamed that he was just fine and now he wasn't. Hollis grinned and reached out, but John avoided her advances, he retreated, sitting again and focusing on something besides her.

Hollis checked her phone one last time before they left. No calls or messages. Either everyone had decided to leave her alone, or she would be walking back into a fucking nightmare. She tucked the phone into her pocket and hugged her sweatshirt against her body. A small benevolent smile crept across her face as she kept her eyes on John.

Fucking worth it.