| CHAPTER NINE
| a collection of anti-love songs

ᴏᴀᴋʟᴇʏ ᴄᴀʀʀɪʟʟᴏ

"What have you got for me?" Mason asked, sitting across from me in his chair.

"I've got a concept," I told him.

"Awesome!" Mason smiled. I wasn't sure for what though. He hadn't even heard it yet. "You said you couldn't write love songs because you had never been in love. Have you finally gotten over that?"

"Actually, I did exactly the opposite of what you told me to."

Mason laughed as though I'd told him something hilarious. I could see why. Looking back, I'd never gone against his wishes before. I'd followed him blindly for five years, so why would I quit now?

I decided to ignore him. I wasn't going to let him make me doubt myself again.

"The EP is gonna be about how love is overrated. I've written two songs for it so far. And because it's about not falling in love, it'll be called 'A Collection of Anti-Love songs'."

"'A Collection of Anti-Love Songs'?"

"Yeah. I could tell you the context behind it. I can pitch it for you."

He sighed and crossed his fingers on his desk. "Fine. Pitch it. How are you going to sell me these anti-love songs?"

"The first song is about seeing everyone around me get girlfriends and boyfriends. It's about growing up and growing apart. It also talks about the fear I had about growing up. The idea of settling down with someone scared me. I'm not sure about the title yet, but I'm thinking 'Everyone Around Me' because of the chorus. It would be memorable and identifiable."

"Alright," he said, nodding.

"The second and third songs are about trying to find love. It's basically how I felt about every girl I've dated so far. About how I was so confused and can't tell platonic from romantic feelings. It's about figuring myself out.

"And then there's the last one. It's about... acceptance, I guess. If I never fall in love, that's fine. If I ever do, that's alright too."

Mason nodded, quiet for a few seconds before he took a deep breath. "You're not gay, are you?"

I physically felt myself sit straighter in my chair. "What?"

"Because that's what they're gonna think. I wanted girls to get the feeling you were attainable for them. I want them to feel like they could one day be your girlfriend. This is going to do the exact opposite."

"Even if I were..." if I were what, exactly? Normal? "I'd never date a fan."

"But they don't have to know that."

"I'm not writing a song that does not come from the heart."

"Stop being dramatic. You're almost twenty years old."

"I'm not being dramatic!" I was maybe a little loud, and a little too defensive. I wasn't getting my point across, so I took a deep breath, and I reiterated. "Okay, let's compromise. How about I don't end it with acceptance? How about leaving it open? I can write a song about still looking for love, and how I imagine being in love can be."

Mason nodded slowly once again, but he wasn't saying anything yet.

"That could work."

"But the title sticks," I said.

"I'll contact the label about it," he said. "Send me what you've already written. I'll check with the label if it's good."

"Great," I said. "Thank you, Mason." I got up from the chair and was just about to leave until he called me again.

"I'll need the rest done by next week, okay?"

"Cool. I'll see you next week," I said. I checked my phone as I walked out of the office.

Nolan:
Lmk how it went

You:
I'm still alive, need to write some more songs but he's gonna check out the ones I wrote already

I waited for a reply as I walked down the stairs, but it almost went wrong as I bumped into someone.

"Sorry," I said, right as a new message popped up.

Nolan:
Are we still getting ice cream?

"Oakley?"

I looked up, a little taken aback by my name being called.

"Hanna? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Just signed with Stellar," she said, beaming as she spoke. I didn't want to ruin her spirit with a bunch of warnings right now.

"Congrats," I said. But honestly I was a little confused. "Since when do you do music?"

"We dated for half a year. You know I write." She rolled her eyes, but her smile made it playful.

"Oh, yeah! You wrote poetry, right?"

"Yeah, and we used to sing together, remember?"

I did in fact not remember. But I could vaguely recall telling someone about how I sang with all my ex girlfriends.

"I guess so."

"Yeah. So, uhm, good to see you again," she said. "Maybe we should hang out again sometime."

My phone vibrated once again.

Nolan:
Oh, right. Sure, I'll be paying. That's clearly what you wanted to hear

"Oakley?"

I looked up at Hanna. She almost said something, but changed her mind.

"I'm sorry. I'm being rude," I said, putting my phone away in my back pocket.

"It's fine," she said, her smile slightly lopsided as she looked at me. "How are you?"

"I'm good," I said. "You?"

"I'm great," she said.

"Right, just got signed. I'm happy for you."

"Do you maybe... do you have time to get some coffee?"

"Right now?" I grabbed my phone again to check the time, but got distracted as I noticed Nolan had added another message.

Nolan:
What else do you want from me? You want me to pick you up and drop you off? You're asking for quite a lot there

"Who's that?" Hanna asked me, reminding me that I was once again being rude.

"A friend," I said, this fine actually checking the time on my phone. It was still only morning. Maybe a coffee could get my creativity flowing before I went for ice cream with Nolan. "I think I'm gonna have to pass on that coffee. Maybe some other time?"

"I'll text you."

"Cool," I said.

You:
How about we get some lunch first?

| AUTHOR'S NOTE

very short chapter, but it is what it is😌

I saw Harry Styles last weekend and I still haven't recovered. Someone please save me. I also dreamt Sabrina Carpenter thanked me for something and threw me a party, and when I woke up she had released a new album. Life is great when there's music istg.

Okay, imma go, bye 🤩