A/N: Picture above is of Waikiki (again) (taken by my sister @prestesfilm on IG) except from the top of Diamond Head, which is where our characters are heading next :P 

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The next morning, I convinced Talia and Anika to take a bus with me to Diamond Head, where we hiked up the crater along with a crowd of morning tourists. At the top, Talia took pictures of the ocean views that would never get old. From here, the whole island looked like it could fit in my hand. Clouds shrouded the mountains toward the center. Anika watched, calm as ever while I doubled over in exhaustion, panting—definitely a reminder that I needed to get more active.

On the way down, my phone buzzed.

From Seth:

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE MOTHERFUCKERS

Seth had added me to a group chat along with Eli and Jack.

From Eli:

Good morning to you too, Seth.

And even Jack chimed in by sending a picture of a Christmas card. It had the words Season's Greetings... right next to a cartoon of Santa Claus flashing his ass.

I laughed so hard I almost went rolling down the trail. It was an obvious reference to the time Jack and I witnessed Seth pressing his ass against a bus window and flashing his frat boy friends on the street. Jack truly must've been scarred by the memory.

From Seth:

oh duck u i kno exactly wut that's supposed 2 mean

From Eli:

What did I miss here? 😂

From Jackass:

you really don't want to know.

I sent a text into the chat: So, Jack, how do you feel about coming to Hawai'i with these two for company?

From Jackass:

terrified. but you showed me that chaos is what i need sometimes.

From Seth:

yuhhh nothing 2 b worried about bro

From Eli:

Let's hope so.

If it weren't for the texts, I would've completely forgotten about Christmas Eve. Yesterday Grace mentioned that there'd be a banquet at the resort, but all I pictured were the screaming children again—no thanks.

Talia and I decided to scour Waikiki for presents. I got Anika an amethyst bead bracelet, figuring she might like its supposed spiritual benefits. For Talia, I got a new disposable film camera. And Grace, well... I was already gracing her with my presence here.

"What are you getting for Jack?" Talia asked me as we went down the sunny sidewalk.

"I don't know," I admitted. "It would be cool to give him some lava rocks or something. Not sure I'll find that here on O'ahu, though. And I heard that Madame Pele curses anyone who takes rocks or sand from the islands. But maybe that was just a myth invented so tourists wouldn't take shit from natural parks."

"I'll challenge her wrath," Anika joked.

Talia laughed. "I wouldn't! That's so scary. I have too much bad luck as it is."

"Are you just saying that because your car broke down last week?" I asked. "Come on, that wasn't bad luck—it was about time."

"My luck would change if you bought me a new one. You owe me, remember?

"Don't worry. Once I'm rich, I'll buy you ten.

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People sang Christmas carols and threw around fake snow. The occasional homeless guy wearing a Santa hat came up to us and asked for money. You could hear Jingle Bells from every shop still open. Waikiki never sleeps, I thought. Grace took us to a restaurant for dinner, which I had to admit was decent of her to do. I'd gotten a little tired of eating ramen three days in a row—Talia's favorite. At the restaurant, she made a big spectacle of FaceTiming her whole family, which was when I got to say hi to Dad and Greta.

Later, we walked along the beach. The waves crashed against the shore, illuminated only by streetlights.

"Can I talk to you?" Grace asked me.

Hopefully about my inheritance. I glanced at Talia and Anika, who were fifteen minutes into a heated debate about religion—"How can you call yourself a follower of Jesus if you haven't read the New Testament?" Anika was asking—so might as well leave them to it.

"We'll be right back," Grace told them.

My stomach sank as we went toward the sand. I stared out at dark, glittering ocean. There were still people swimming, but not nearly as many as the daytime crowds—the first time I found quiet in Waikiki beach.

"I apologized to Greta," Grace began. "She understood. She's one of the best people I've ever met."

I wrapped my arms around myself, shuddering in the Hawaiian winter breeze. "She's a pushover; that's the problem."

"I don't expect you to forgive me. But I still owe you an apology."

"Okay."

"I wanted to be part of the family. Your family. The family I neglected."

"Only because yours cut you off?"

Ignoring my comment, Grace continued: "Spending so much time locked away changed me. Before, money controlled me. Almost like an addiction, and I couldn't be there for you because of it."

"I don't think money is to blame," I said.

"I know. I'm to blame. Not even Caio knew how bad it was until my arrest."

"Yeah, I didn't either until I had to show up in divorce court, and all the other kids were there because of normal shit like infidelity, but I was there because my mom was about to get locked away for fraud. Why are we talking about this now anyway?"

"I needed to clear my conscience," Grace said.

"Yeah, your conscience," I scoffed. The only reason I wasn't being snappier with her was because she'd already bribed me into submission with the whole luxury resort thing. Grace's classic trick, and I'd let myself fall for it again.

She stopped walking. "I need to prevent you from making the same mistakes I did."

"Don't worry, I won't. I'll make a fortune of my own—the legal way. I'll be a billionaire someday, mommy. Sure, everyone at the top did something controversial to get there. But you just weren't smart enough not to get caught."

Grace went silent. I scrutinized her—everything from her straight black hair to the floral maxi dress she wore. This woman is really coming for my floral aesthetic, huh, I thought.

But more than that, with the ocean as its backdrop, I remembered... childhood. When I'd finish a drawing for school or get a perfect grade on a 1st grade math quiz, and I'd run up to show my mom, wanting her to be as proud of me as I was. When I woke from nightmares screaming, she would come in, sleepy and caffeinated from late nights answering her work e-mails. She would sit on the edge of my bed and hug me and tell me that the monsters I was dreaming about didn't matter. Because one day, I would go on to do great things. One day, I'd have a way better job than those lowlife monsters hiding under the bed.

Grace, despite everything, was still my mother. It took such a long time to convince myself that she wasn't. That I didn't want or need her stamp of approval for every good thing I did. Years.

"You've grown up so well," she said now. "I understand if you don't want me to be part of your life anymore. But you're still my daughter, and I love you."

A pathetic part of me lit up at her words, but I pushed it down. I stared at the silhouette of Diamond Head, letting its enormity inspire me to protect myself from Grace's calculated vulnerability, to prevent it from messing with my head, giving me that tiny hope I'd been fooled by too many times before—Will she change?

Even now I had an argument to make: "If I was still in juvie, you wouldn't be saying that. You would still be calling me an insufferable little girl. You would still be saying things like, maybe it's not that I was a bad mother; maybe it's that you were a bad child."

Grace didn't say anything. Even she couldn't deny it.

"You think what you did was okay just because I've grown up well?" I asked. "I grew up well in spite of you, not because of you. But I'm so glad you got to clear your conscience."

"That's not what—"

"They thought I was a sociopath, mommy. I've been so blissfully cold. I've done way too much stupid shit that could've gotten me killed. And the whole time, I felt nothing. But you know what? Maybe like you, I'm growing. Realizing that the way I was before wasn't cutting it anymore."

Whatever emotions I was learning to feel now... in that moment, I didn't want to spare a single one to Grace. She didn't deserve how much I used to look up to her as a kid.

She didn't deserve the tears now welling in the corners of my eyes.

She didn't deserve how much I used to love her too.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice soft.

"Don't ask me that," I snapped. I was fuming. Shaking. Too much like before, like her coming into my room after the nightmares. I pressed my palms to my eyes until I saw colors. "I'm just fine," I said, but my voice came out shaky. I put my hands down, and shapes blurred my vision.

"I hope that one day we don't need to be strangers," Grace said quietly. "I'm not sure how to make anything okay."

"Maybe by not focusing on how you feel for once," I suggested. "I don't care about your fleeting guilt. The real question is, are you even trying to change? Or is this all empty words like before?"

"Sometimes I'm not sure what's the difference," she admitted.

And that was the most honest thing she'd said so far.

Sociopath #0 finally learning the error of her ways. If only.

Grace placed her hand on my shoulder. "Let's go back."

I moved away, not even wanting her eyes on me. I felt a tear on my cheek, but I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't cry. Not for Grace. Not for anyone. I'd rather detach, grow colder until I felt invincible. I'd rather hate her instead.

But when did I start hating her? When did I successfully convince myself of it after years drilling it into my head that she was terrible? But what if I didn't actually hate her?

Admitting that to myself made the whole fucking world feel like a massive monster under the bed. It'd swallow me any second now.

What happened? Was it her words that changed what I felt?

No. This wasn't about anything she did or said. This was about me.

Because now, I understood her. And because of that, even though I might not ever agree with her... 

I didn't hate her at all.

I didn't hate her because she was just like me. 

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Original A/N from 2015!

A/N: I really wanted to make this chapter emotional, and I think I've actually done a pretty decent job at showcasing Romy's feelings about Grace. Has your opinion of Grace changed at all? Was she telling the truth? Will Grace show up in the story again, or do you think this is it?

I am also curious about something: what do you think of Romy? How do you think she has changed throughout the novel? Has she grown as a character in your opinion? How has your opinion of her changed from the beginning of the story until now? I'm really curious, and my view of her has changed a lot, so I would love to know what you guys think.