Ethan, Fri Jun 26th 2015

I feel so empty. I haven't been able to think about anything else than my missing boy since yesterday, when I discovered he was captured. I have barely slept a few hours. I can't eat. I can't focus. I can't work. When Zach and Aiden got out of their room later in the morning, Zach with red puffy eyes, they didn't seem in better shape than myself. They went back to their place after a quick breakfast, Aiden pulling me in a tight hug and ordering me to be strong, while his Baby just wished me good luck in a sad broken voice.

Tanner called me to detail how he managed to start an official investigation, which means that Anthony is now in the missing persons database. His picture has been distributed to check he is not in a nearby hospital or – God forbids! – a morgue. Otherwise, he sent some of Glenn's trusted men to try and find persons who could better describe the guys in black suits that took him away from Central Park. Sadly he can't wait for policemen to do this on a small case like this. It's a bit far-stretched anyway, since most people who witnessed it are probably far away now. In the meantime he is investigating the whereabouts of my father's men with the help of Glenn and his not-too-legal contacts to find out where my boy could be detained.

I wish I could help more but for one, Tanner won't let me, then, I wouldn't even know what to do since I don't seem to be able to concentrate on anything. I feel so helpless I can't seem to do anything but arranging things in the flat precisely and neatly. I keep picturing scenarios all worse than the other, alternating between anger and sadness. Besides, the certainty I have that my father is behind all of this prevents me from having any coherent idea on a lead. Deep inside I'm hoping Anthony is still alive. I try not to let my imagination run wild as to what he must endure... Poor boy must be so scared!

Aiden sent me a text to remind me to eat something for lunch, but I'm just not hungry. Once I manage to motivate myself to go in the kitchen, I just rearrange the contents of the cupboards, cooking something is just out of the question.

My phone vibrates again, with the ping saying I received a new text. Probably my friend telling me if I don't reply he is going to come over and kick my ass. I don't even have the energy to reach for the device in the living room to look at it. Besides I can't leave the kitchen without reorganizing the mess. Tanner would have called if it was important. If it's not Aiden it's probably something work-related and I can't deal with that right now. I just feel too numb.

It's only when I have tidied everything that I head in the next room and take a peek at the screen of my phone. Strange, the message comes from a number that isn't in my contacts! So much for Aiden or work then... Until it hits me it could be from one of the captors! I instantly sit down and unlock my device with shaking hands to look at the message.

It is a good thing I didn't hold my phone in my hand but had left it laying on the coffee table or it would have flown on the other side of the living room. Instead, my fist connects with the wooden piece of furniture, leaving a big crack. Fuck! That hurt! While I massage my hand hoping I didn't break any of my knuckles, I keep on staring at the message I received.

It is a picture of Anthony naked, on his knees, with a dick in his mouth. The photograph is taken by the person being sucked, my boy is between his legs, looking at the camera. It is sent with the following text in French: "Your bitch is mine now! You trained him well."

This starts a new fire inside my head and rage like I never felt before consumes me. My angel's back wears multiple belt marks, his hands are tied behind his back. How dare they hurt him like this! How dare they abuse him! When I get a hold of the man responsible for this I am going to slowly torture him to death. And teach him the hard way how it feels to be abused!

Then all this anger turns toward me. While my boy was being raped and whipped, what was I doing? Cuddling with my friend, lazing on the couch, whining about feeling helpless and uselessly reorganizing things... I wasn't doing anything to find him! Whereas it's my fault he was kidnapped in the first place! I suddenly feel so disgusted with myself I throw up on the other side of the coffee table. Since I haven't eaten any solid food since yesterday evening, it's mostly bile and it hurts like hell.

Get a grip on yourself! When I look at the picture again, I'm drawn by Anthony's eyes. His gorgeous golden hazel globes don't show a hint sadness or anxiety. Only resolve. Such a good boy! He is managing to fight even in those dreadful circumstances. Hold tight, Pet! I think to myself. I haven't done a great job at finding you for now but this stops now. If you can resist like this, I certainly can do better than I have.

Time to act now! This huge kick in my ass wakes up the Dominant in me. My boy is alive and he needs help. First things first, I go grab the landline phone and dial Tanner's number.

"I told you to let me do my job!" he answers exasperated.

"I got a message with a picture from the bastard who has Anthony," I immediately reply. "It's graphic..."

"Transfer it to me," he says, his voice morphing into a business tone. I quickly do so, then wait for his answer. "What does the thing in French mean?" he asks after a long silence.

"Something along the line of your bitch is mine now! You trained him well."

"Classy..." he replies sternly. "I have to check something. I'll call you back in a few minutes. Don't do anything stupid!"

Wait! What? Is he kidding me? Is that all he is going to say? I almost break something in anger. Get a grip, Ethan! He knows what he is doing, I try to calm myself. He has thought of something, perhaps he has found a new lead, this is a good thing. He will call you back. While I take deep breaths and try to relax, the throbbing pain in my right hand begins to become a bit too bothersome, so I go fetch an ice pack.

Then I come back with all what's needed to mope the floor around the coffee table and light a scented candle to get rid of the retching smell. Sadly, it's only by focusing on tidying things like this that I can calm myself. I wish I could do something helpful instead!

You need to get a grip on yourself first! The Dominant in me tries to order my body. You need a shower and a proper meal. Since I don't want to miss Tanner's call, I head to the kitchen and fix me some simple lunch. I'm in the middle of slicing a tomato when my phone rings.

"Please tell me you have news!" I beg.

"You are not going to like this," my friend replies sternly. "Please sit down." I drop the knife I'm holding and lean against the wall, bracing myself for what will happen next. "The guy who has Anthony is one of his former rapists." How is that even possible? I thought the three assholes were rotting in jail!

"If you look at the picture you sent me, he has a small light brown birthmark on his inner thigh. In the photograph that was posted everywhere at the French high school, the guy who is behind Anthony has the exact same spot on his thigh. Birthmarks are unique so this is definitely the same guy. I have checked with the French police. I didn't even have to go through the whole administrative process, one of the three guys who raped your boy was released four months ago because of a procedural technicality. They were quite pissed! His name is Martin Lécuyer."

"That explains how he could be here then," I answer. My poor boy. Having to be abused again by one of the guys who gave him all those nightmares in the first place. I almost fall in to tears but manage to hold on... barely... You saw how well he is holding up! I scold myself. So you better honor the way he is fighting by doing your best!

"What's weird is that when I typed his name in the alien database, it didn't show anything. So option one is he got through customs with a false passport, option two, your boy has already been shipped to France." Oh please no! Not that! "I would lean toward option number one since your boy didn't have any ID on him, so they would need to get him some proper documents before making him travel. But even if it's option two, don't worry too much. The guy won't be able to hide for too long and I'm in the process of having a warrant against him here and in France!"

"In any case," he keeps on, "I have sent his pictures to the team interviewing people in Central Park and see if our bastard was with the two guys in black suits. The fact he got help to kidnap Anthony still makes me think your father is behind this. My theory is that the two suits were hired by Billy Geig, his henchman. He found this Martin back in France, provided him with a fake passport in exchange for the picture that was leaked everywhere in the French high school. Then he was very happy to get revenge on Anthony, who is the reason he was in jail after all."

"That's a great theory, Tanner, but this doesn't tell us where the fuck he is! Anthony is being raped as we talk!" I growl.

"Calm down Ethan!" his voice booms in the phone. "All of those are great leads! I know your boy is having a hard time right now, but the guy holding him isn't a professional. He will make mistakes. The first one was sending you this picture, he will make others and I will find him. A message like this can't be traced so sadly, it won't give us his location. I'm pretty sure he bought a burner phone but I have run the number you gave me just in case, and I'm waiting for the results. I've also sent the picture to our technical team so that they can analyze its metadata. We may get some intel on the phone that was used to take it that way."

"I'm sorry, I see you are doing all you can, I'm just on edge," I reply. "You're right those are great results in such a short time... I just wish we had found him already..." It's really hard to keep calm when I know the fucker is abusing my boy, but I can't let my anger rule me. It doesn't help. "Please tell me how I can help. I need to do something!" I tell him.

"The first thing is to keep the line of communication open. The bastard sent you the picture to get to you, that makes him feel powerful. Reply to the message. Something angry, possessive, to show him you're hurting. You should also forbid him to touch your boy again, that should excite him and it will encourage him to send you more of those photographs. I know it will be hard on you, but each of those could contain a clue that will eventually lead us to where your boy is being held."

"Won't that encourage him to rape him more?" I ask, scared. The mere thought of this asshole laying hands on my boy is enough to almost make me vomit again.

"I'm sorry Ethan. He will abuse Anthony whatever we do. This is just going to push him to take more pictures and send them to you. And see how much information I got just with this one? I can't promise the next one will be as useful, but it could be."

"I will do it," I sigh, defeated. "Please give me something else to do! Even if it's dull stupid work! I just need to feel like I'm helping and keep my mind occupied..." I almost sob the last part. Get a grip, Ethan! I tell myself for the umpteenth time. I'm so pathetic when my boy is so strong!

"Are you sure you are in any state to help?" he answers. "Did you sleep or eat?"

"What do you think?" I reply bitterly. "I was preparing some veggies when you called and force myself to swallow something."

"Then eat properly, take a shower, send your text then I will give you some financial reports to look at. It should be right up in your alley, and I need to figure out how some money was moved. How does that sound?"

"Better than nothing," I answer.

"Good! Remember you have a whole team of men doing everything they can to find Anthony. He won't be going through this hell for very long!" he concludes before hanging up.

After this I do everything he asked. I force myself to eat the light lunch I prepared, hoping not to throw it up later. Then I take a much needed shower and change clothes. I don't feel any better but at least I am presentable. After checking it was okay with Tanner, I send my angry reply to the bastard holding my boy: "I don't know who you are but when I find you I am going to kill you, you little piece of shit. Don't lay a hand on my boy again or I swear I will do to you what you did to him, only tenfold!"

That doesn't make me feel any better, I am still nauseous and angry each time I think of my boy. Aiden calls a bit later to comfort me and hear the news. This time I break into sobs when I describe the picture I received. He is the one to suggest I should call Paul, and even offers to do it himself. I decline though, this is my fault Anthony was captured, so I will do it myself. His first reaction is to yell at me, of course, but we are soon sobbing and comforting each other. He tells me he will pass the new to Jonathan and thanks me for informing him.

After this, I am glad to bury myself in the financial accounts Tanner sent me. I am not sure how useful it could be to find Anthony, but at least it prevents me from thinking of him too much. Sadly my text gets an answer just when I was thinking of going to bed.

Martin – 23:17 "Sleep well. I just came buried deep inside my little whore!"

I throw a plate across the room just to prevent me from breaking my phone before collapsing on the floor, sobbing. Get a grip, Ethan! It still takes me a long time before I manage to get up. I throw the pieces of the broken plate in the garbage and go lay down on our bed after transferring the text to Tanner. Even if I rearranged the whole room, the little control I managed to gather here doesn't prevent me from remembering all the things I did with my boy in this room.

After trying for an hour, I move to the guest bedroom, to be in a place without those memories. Of course I have to tidy it completely before I can even think of going to sleep.

The night is very long. Each time I close my eyes I see my boy being raped by this bastard. I hear his pleas, his screams. I see him having one of his panic attacks, panting and shaking uncontrollably. Or I see the piece of shit whipping him with his belt, Anthony begging him to stop. And when he does, I see more horrible pictures, the scumbag making my angel blow him or fucking his face. I still manage to sleep one hour here or there. Each time I do though, a nightmare wakes me up drenched in sweat.

The next day goes by the same way as the last one. Tanner sends me a reply for the son of a bitch that I type mechanically, trying not to think about the answer I will get. Then I focus only on the financing reports once again, trying to follow how my dear father manages to pay for his illegal activities or find hidden properties where Anthony could be detained. My friend calls me to update me on the investigation around lunch, and tells me there is now an arrest warrant against the bastard abusing my boy.

His presence was confirmed with the two guys in a black suit in Central Park by several witnesses, so we know he is in the US for now. The phone he uses is a burner, like Tanner expected, and the messages he sent me can't give away his location sadly. Another set down is that no one was able to give us a proper description of the guys in a suit. Other than that, my friend assures me they do everything they can to follow up on every lead.

In the middle of the afternoon, I receive another picture that makes me throw up. This time, it shows my boy bent over a desk and the same bastard with his cock inside him, one of his hands pulling my boy hair. It has a landscape orientation, so I can see the piece of furniture seems pretty old, even if my main focus is for my boy. I forward it to Tanner and, with his approval, sends a reply promising to the piece of shit I would cut off his dick and feed it to him.

Aiden and Zach visit me once again. Poor Zach is a mess! He is missing his best friend and spends the whole time at our apartment crying. It forces me to put on a good face and comfort him, so in the end, this is a nice distraction from my horrible thoughts. They don't stay too long though.

In the evening, Tanner informs me they found the identity the bastard used to get in the US after running his face in the database of pictures they take of every alien at customs. He arrived just three days before the abduction with a commercial flight and has a return ticket scheduled in two weeks. Tanner doesn't think he will use it and just bought it to avoid unwanted questions at customs about the length of his stay in the US. In any case, he will be well received, should he choose to try to catch this plane. Let's just hope that by then he and Anthony will have been found!

I don't sleep very well this night again. At least I know my boy is alive even if he is abused. Please try to hold on Anthony, I whisper as a prayer all night long.

Published on August 11th 2017

So the investigation is advancing! I know you all want Anthony to be saved as soon as possible but it will take a bit more time! Next chapter focuses on Anthony once again and its title (Fighting through submission) says it all.