Starsong Productions

The Pirate Chronicles

Episode 1

Fink, Ruby

2/28/2014

Contact information: [email protected]

SFX:    FIRE CRACKLES, A ROCKING CHAIR CREAKS

OLD MARY: Add another log to the fire Jimmy; my old bones aren’t quite what they used to be.

JIMMY: Yes Granny.

SFX: A LOG IS THROWN ON THE FIRE. RAIN FALLS HEAVILY

JIMMY: Boy, this sure is some storm outside! I just wish I didn’t have to stay cooped up inside all day.

OLD MARY: (chuckles) Have patience my dear, I always did enjoy a good storm myself. It was a time for stories, and tales of the dread Pirate Queen, Captain Mary, Banshee of the North Seas.

JIMMY: Captain Mary? I’ve never heard of her before.

OLD MARY: Oh she was the fiercest pirate in the world; no one could match her skill with fist, sword, dagger, or pistol. But the thing she was known for, was her battle cry.

JIMMY: Her...battle cry?

OLD MARY: Yes, every time there was a brawl, or fight to be had, she would let out a cry before jumping into the thick of things. It was said to chill your very veins, and she was always the first to run into the thick of a fight.

JIMMY: Tell me about it Granny! Pleeeeease!

OLD MARY: Oh all right, make yourself comfortable; it was on a stormy night, very much like tonight, on the ship The Conquest.(VOICEOVER)  A navy vessel had been chasing them since they robbed an army post and the crew had finally turned around to do battle.

 SFX: FIRE CRACKLING FADES AWAY AS THE SOUNDS OF OCEAN WAVES TAKE OVER. THEN SWORDS CLASHING CAN BE HEARD AND MEN SHOUTING. OCCASSIONAL GUN SHOTS AND GRUNTS OF PAIN.

 A PRIMARY SWORD BATTLE IS EMPHASIZED, CAPTAIN EARL PETOCK, AN IMPERIOUS BRITISH OFFICER VS. 1ST MATE JENKS OF THE CONQUEST. JENKS SPEAKS WITH A LOWER CLASS BROUGE, WHILE PETOCK’S IS VERY POSH 

PETOCK: Give it up swine! My superior forces have all but defeated you to a man, and you’re tiring under my attack!

JENKS: (breathing hard) Well maybe-that’s because-h’I ‘ad to fight through-your nursemaids-to get to you-PEACOCK.

PETOCK: It’s PETOCK! (breath) and they weren’t my nursemaids, they’re my guards-that’s not the point! I’ve defeated you now, just admit I won and give up!

JENKS: Afraid o’ getting your lace ruff dirty? Or being late for afternoon tea?

PETOCK: Your childish insults have no effect on me! Just surrender!

JENKS: Only the Cap’n can surrender, and h’I’m not the Cap’n. She is 

(OFF MIKE A SHRILL CRY HAS BEEN BUILDING, SLOWLY AT FIRST BUT GROWING IN VOLUME).

 SFX: A KITE SOUND.

PETOCK: She? Who is...oh butterbrisket.

MARY: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaa!! 

SFX:  SOUND OF BOOTS LANDING FOLLOWED BY A SWORD BEING DRAWN AND SWORDS CLASHING, MIXED WITH PUNCHES AND MEN GRUNTING IN PAIN 

 MARY SPEAKS IN A VOICE THAT IS HALF SASS, HALF SARCASM.

MARY: Well, well, Captain Earl Peacock. Trying to kill my first mate, are you?

PETOCK: Captain Mary? No! I heard you’d been captured by the French!

MARY: As you can see, I got out. It pays to keep a few tricks up your sleeve. That saber is clashing with your outfit by the way, silver filigree handle against gold braid? Tut-tut.

PETOCK: Well, when in Rome…

JENKS: (quietly) Where ‘ave you been?

MARY: (cavalier) Dear me, was that sass towards your captain? I was leaving a nice little surprise for our guests here, if you must know. In three...two...one...

SFX: LARGE EXPLOSSION, THEN CROWD EXCLAMATIONS OF HORROR

BRIT CREW #1: Our ship! She’s takin’ in water!

BRIT CREW #2: Hurry mates, save the ship!

SFX: SOUNDS OF STAMPED 

PETOCK: Wait, no! Come back!

SFX: A GUN COCKS

MARY: Well Peacock, you’re all alone now. What should we do with you?

PETOCK: Mercy, please 

MARY: You’ve been a thorn in my side for the last month and you were perfectly willing to string up my crew just a few minutes ago. The shoe’s on the other foot now, you pampered popinjay.

PETOCK: Please spare me! I can make you rich 

MARY: Ha! Well, this is a novel line. Care to elucidate 

PETOCK: I was on the track of a merchant ship, The Falcon that evaded taxes at the last port. She’s supposed to be filled with a sizable fortune.  Spare me, and I’ll tell you where she was last spotted.

MARY: No one knows these waters like I do, pond scum. How about I just kill you and find her without your help?

JENKS: (quietly) Cap’n, a word.

SFX: BOOTS WALKING

MARY: Think he’s telling the truth? Maybe I should just shoot him and toss him over board 

JENKS: Cap’n h’I h’ain’t against giving ‘im the ‘eave-o , ‘e’s been a regular burr, no mistake. But the crew h’is low on rations, h’and we’re wanted in h’a few towns farther down the coast. The less time we spend sailing ‘round looking, the sooner we can stock h’up in port.

MARY: (sighs) You’re turning me soft Jenks. (pause) All right Peacock, impress me.

PETOCK: S-s-she was spotted sailing west.  The guards on duty fired a warning shot, she may have been hit near the water line. She’d have to stop somewhere for repairs 

MARY: Is that it? Why you miserable little…Turn around Peacock, towards the water!

PEACOCK: (Whimper) Please, don’t shoot me.

MARY: In case you haven’t noticed, this is my ship! And if I can’t do what I please on my ship, then I ain’t Captain! Now turn around!

PETOCK SNIVILING.

SFX:  KICK SOUND,

 PETOCK GRUNT 

SFX: A LARGE SPLASH.

MARY: Don’t look at me like that, I wasn’t about to waste a bullet.

JENKS: H’I’m not h’arguing, ‘e seems to be getting more grief from ‘is silk trousers being wet then dying Cap’n.

MARY: (pause)  Have the men prepare a course due west. We’re going after that ship.

MUSIC STING

SFX: STORM SOUNDS COMTINUE, HEAVY WAVES CRASHING, WIND ROARING.

 MEN SHOUT.

JENKS: ‘oist that sail men! Come on, put your backs into h’it! We need the extra speed to make h’it to safety.

BAILEY, A TOUGH, HORSE SOUNDING PIRATE:

BAILEY: These waves are as high as mountains, Sir! How do you know where we are?

JENKS: There h’is a cluster of small islands two points South of ‘ere h’I found when h’I was running from a Privateer ship last spring! They’re too sparse to be wanted for ‘abitation, but h’it does well if you need to be scarce for a few days!

BAILEY: But the Cap’n ordered we sail west-Sir.

JENKS: You let me worry h‘about the Cap’n-

BAILEY: But Sir!

MARY: Are you deaf man? When a superior officer gives you orders, you hop to it!

BAILEY: I- Cap’n! I didn’t 

MARY: Don’t stand there gawping! Steer this bucket to Mr. Jenk’s Islands and hope they haven’t been washed into the sea by now! Scragg! Morris! Up the masts with me and trim those sails! This old girl can’t keep going without our help! Move!

 OLD MARY: (VOICEOVER) Far into the night the wind howled like a pack of demons, helping and hindering the crew as they fought to keep the ship afloat. Rain poured down in sheets, while wave after wave crashed down on the deck, like a vengeful spirit trying to hammer the vessel to matchwood. The Conquest dove and bucked in the churning waters like a wild horse, each towering wave seemed destined to push the craft to the bottom of the ocean, while others lifted the tiny boat to great heights, before plunging it down, down into the deep trough of dark water and foam.

And yet, the sight that was enough to make the crew pause from their work stations for moments on end, was the sight of Captain Mary balancing easily on the foremast, while the wind and rain whipped her hair into a tangled mess as she howled her challenge to the skies above.

MARY: YEEEEEEEEEEHA! Is that the best you’ve got? I was born on the night of the darkest storm! My mother is the wind and my father is the lighting. YIP YEEEEEEHA! So do your worst! This drizzle of rain is nothing! My ship and my crew will still be here, no matter what you throw at us, for I am Captain Mary, BANSHEE OF THE NORTH SEAS! YEEEEEHA 

SFX: CALMER WAVE SOUNDS, FOOTSTEPS SLOSHING THROUGH WATER 

DIGGS: We made it! Ah sweet sand, I could kiss you!

MARY: Up you get Diggs, unless you want my boot in your behind. I need you and four men to go search for fresh water, stock up the barrels we have in the hold. Scragg! Walsh! Take a few men and try to roust us up some grub.  Jenks, take Pete and Smith with you to get some firewood, the rest of you come with me, lets do a little reconnaissance.

A FEW GROANS FRM THE CREW

MARY: I’m sorry, did I phrase that as a request? Get moving!

SFX: FIRES PISTOL SHOT

JENKS: Aye aye Cap’n. Should we bring over h’anything from the ship when we’re done?

MARY: (Sarcastically) Yes, my big feather bed and my tent if you please. No Jenks, just get some fires burning and set up a watch. I don’t want to find any unpleasant surprises when I least expect it.

JENKS: H’As you wish, Cap’n.

SCRAGG/ WALSH: (quietly mocking) H’As you wish, Cap’n.

MARY: Scragg, Walsh, when you are done, dig the latrine trench.  Jenks, if they give you any more lip, they can do it with their hands. Is that understood?

SCRAGG: (sullen) Yes Cap’n 

WALSH: (sullen) Yes Cap’n.

MARY: Good. Let’s go men.

MUSIC STING

SFX: BIRDS CHIRP, SOUNDS OF TRAMPING FEET.

BAILEY: Everything seems peaceful so far Cap’n, maybe we should turn and head back?

MARY: Bailey, do you remember the last time you said in the Amazon? Just before we almost walked through the river full of piranhas?

BAILEY: You want me to stay alert?

MARY: Yes, Bailey, I want you to stay alert. It’s too quiet for my liking. Morris, you’re agile, climb that tree and tell me what you see 

MORRIS: Right away Cap’n.

SFX: SCRAMBLING SOUNDS.

MARY: Well Morris? What do you see?

MORRIS: looks clear Cap’n. I can see our ship, she’s sittin’ pretty in the bay, and I can see the crews comin’ back. The way to the North and South also looks clear….Wait! I see faint smoke rising in the West, about three miles from our position. Must be a small village.

MARY: Let’s check it out. They might have food we can…borrow.

CHUCKLES FROM THE MEN

MARY: Soon as Morris climbs down we can…Ow! What in bleedin’ heck?

I tripped over a…rock…

BAILEY: Cap’n? What’s wrong? You look like someone walked over your grave.

MARY: Look at what I just tripped over…

BAILEY: A stone? Wait…no…It’s a skull…A human skull

PIRATE #1: So somebody died here, what’s the problem? It’s not like you haven’t seen a skull before, Cap’n. 

BAILEY: Get some eyes in that head of yours! You see these markings here? Those are teeth marks! Human ones… 

MORRIS: Cap’n! I see natives movin’ towards our camp! And they look like they’re wearin’ war paint!

MARY: We have to get back to camp, quickly. The crew doesn’t know it, but we’re about to become the next thing on the menu!