I must be an idiot. Maybe Yo-Chan would erase my memories for me? Because yes, I do know about that. I may not excel, but I'm not exactly dumb, either.

We got to the Ferris Wheel after waiting in line for waaaayyyyy tooooooo looooonnngggg. The weather was perfect and the sky was clear, streaked with pink and violet, and Eli had just bowed out. He had given me The Look, a cross between 'Do it', and 'I'm going to puke from all the cotton candy'. Also, I'm pretty sure he saw her in the crowd, so go chase that dream, buddy. 

What I had intended to tell Kyoyo Zloto was this: "You are so beautiful and funny and I like you so much, so can we please stay like this no matter what happens? And your memory taking ability is wicked cool".  And yeah, I know I've only known her for like a week, but I am not the kind of person who hesitates to tell someone how they feel. I make my feelings known, because I feel like if I didn't, they would be worthless.

What instead tumbled out of my defective mouth while we made our third round on the wheel is this: "You know what I realized."

"What's that?" She replied in her soft, shy voice, peeking out from behind her cotton candy.

"The guys that are carefree and cheerful are always overshadowed by the guys who are 'pretty boys' or 'cool jerks'." 

She looked at me carefully and I was so freaking worried that I had come across as shallow. "Overshadowed how?"

Crap. Well, I can't turn back now. "They end up liking a girl," I say slowly. "But they never get to tell her how much they like her because she falls in love with somebody that's tougher or smarter or cooler. So now they just have to deal with those unresolved feelings for the rest of their lives."

She looked confused then, and I should have just shut up. But of course, I didn't. 

"You mean like the guys at school who are jerks and try to have a different girlfriend every week, and they get away with it?" She asked softly, staring out the window. 

"Kind of... I just think it's sad, like there's that stupid saying 'Nice guys finish last'? It's more like they don't finish at all." 

"I'm sorry... I don't understand boy problems. Do you have an example? Is there a race?"

"Uh-Ah-Well. Not exactly. Like, say I liked this girl because she's talented and funny and so smart. But before I even got a chance to tell her, she fell in love with my best friend who's way cooler." That's when I kind of remembered myself and realized what I was talking about and leaned back quickly (I don't honestly know which one of us started leaning closer first.) 

"Ah- Forget I said anything." I was blushing hard by that point. 

But she didn't forget. She looked at me strangely the whole ride down, and then bolted away as soon as the ride stopped. 

So I was alone. One tiny water molecule in an ocean of people. And for the first time in my life, I was the first one to leave the gathering. I didn't bother telling either one of them where I was, I just took the bus home. I might have just ruined our friendship. I just took the map and spilled my stupid idiot coffee aaaaaaalllll over it. Because that's what I do. I mess things up. 

Once I get back, I walk straight to the grand piano. I let my long fingers flex over the keys and let my soul pour out in a solemn song. I think that I'll call this one 'Mess'. 

Hey hey! It's been so long since I updated and for that I am sorry. School is a beast, ya know? Please continue to enjoy this story, but I'm sorry that my writing is not at its peak for this story. I am having a hard time articulating my thoughts into stories this time around. Love yas!!