'Grian? I made dinner?' Mumbo says as he enters my room where I'm been huddled since the news report came out:

'A black market know as 'The Blindfold' has been found and eradicated earlier today. The leader of the Watcher Lions, the ground troops who handled the situation, expresses his sympathy to friends and family of the departed and his dismay that so many weren't advised against pursuing this illegal trade, or to remain calm instead of causing even more chaos,'

Jimmy sent me pictures. Where there wasn't ash or embers on the ground, there was blood. Bodies. People.

'Grian? Dinner?' Mumbo repeats. 'You've been here for ages... you haven't eaten anything in a day...'

'Not hungry,' I reply. 'Not moving.' Mumbo sits next to me.

'I know you blame yourself but... you did the right thing, right?' I can't fight a cold laugh.

'Do you even know the final death count?'

'...no?'

'Yeah. Exactly. There were too many to count. There are stories about the survivors being denied healthcare, that anyone who tries to get help is being questioned for involvement... it's horrible, Mumbo. And it's all because of me.'

'Grian...' Mumbo puts his arm around my shoulder. 'There was nothing you could've done... and the news said they were only killed if...'

'You really believe that f***ing propaganda, Mumbo?'

'Or maybe... maybe Jimmy was...'

'I know what happened!' I snap. Mumbo falls silent. 'It was the same as Southern Tower. Which I did see. Some conspiracy, or attempt to stop something or... something that just caused more suffering and...' I start sobbing, burying my head in Mumbo's shirt as he hugs me. The images run through my mind again. The truth.

'It's ok, Grian. Just rest here as long as you...'

'I have to go in tomorrow,' I mumble.

'Really?!'

'Yep.'

'But...'

'I know, Mumbo. I know.'

He doesn't speak, just hugging me. I hug him back, thinking again about everything. The tiredness of the last day washes over me; I didn't sleep well last night; and the world fades into nothing as I rest in Mumbo's arms.

Mumbo screams. 

I open my eyes. I'm in a street of bustling market stores, full of people running the opposite direction to Mumbo's scream. They're all screaming. There's fire. This is the Blindfold. Which means...

'NO! HE'S NOT PART OF THIS! I DIDN'T MEAN TO- I DIDN'T WANT HIM TO...' I sprint against the tide of people, shoving me away from him. Mumbo. Their eyes burn with hate, spitting curses and threats and blame in my direction. I hear the crackle of flames. I hear gunshot. Constant gunshot. Killing person after person, indiscriminate except the bullets pass through me without damage. I don't die. I don't lose anything.

'Traitor! Murderer!' The voices shout in my face. But it's not strangers, it's Scar, and it's Jimmy, and it's Martyn, and it's my fellow Hawk Officers... Officer Hypno, Officer Pearl, Officer Cub, screaming threats at me, calling me a traitor, a murderer, a monster, a snitch, a spy, the crowds never thinning but the blood and bodies rising beneath my feet.

Mumbo screams again. 

'NO! NO! MUMBO! MUMBO!'

'You only care because he's your friend.'

'No- no I don't! Of course I care!'

And that's when I realise the only person with a gun is me, shooting a path for myself of innocent people to get to Mumbo, to save Mumbo, until suddenly Mumbo's there, on the ground, bleeding, and the Watcher leaders stand over him and-

'MUMBO!'

I wake up in a pitch black room, tangled in blankets. Sweat drenches me, the images branded in my mind forever. I can still see Mumbo lying, almost dead. I can still see the Watchers, smell the blood, taste the fear, hear the whispering.

'Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up...' I mutter back, hands covering my ears, but it doesn't work. 'I didn't want to do it! I didn't- I didn't want to..' I start sobbing, curled up there in the dark, covered in sweat and strangling blankets, wishing that I'd died in the massacre instead.

I don't get to sleep again, so I'm completely exhausted as I trudge into the Hawk base the next morning. Most of the Hawks (the Fledglings), are just chatting excitedly as always, but some are muttering, in mourning, hungry or hurting. I'm on time, but I wish I wasn't. Every single person I see suffering is another molten lump of guilt I have to live with.

'Grian.'

Scar.

I enter reception, just as Scar arrives behind me. And I know that he knows. I know that he'll hate me for everything. I try to hide amongst the crowds, but I can't hide from him I can't...

I hit the ground. The room goes silent. I try to move away, scrambling onto my front to see Scar stepping closer, the Hawks watching, shocked, excited.

'Scar, look I...' Scar reaches me, dragging me up and pinning me against the wall. Tears shine in his eyes, fury. I don't struggle.

'What the F*** HAVE YOU DONE?!' he yells. 'YOU- YOU...'

'SCAR I CAN EXPLAIN PLEASE!' I can't. There's no way I can explain. 'PLEASE!' He lets go. But before I can run, he's punched me. The wide-eyed Hawks surround us as I gain my balance, facing Scar. 'Scar, please...' He doesn't move, catching his breath before going for me again. I dodge out the way. 

'You killed Mom, Grian,' Scar spits. 'You killed Cleo.'

'Scar...'

'You KILLED HER!' Scar shoves me again.

'SCAR! STOP THIS! There are CAMERAS in here?!'

'And?'

'Elex can see everything! He'll ARREST OR KILL YOU!'

'THEY KILLED MOM! RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! I WATCHED HER DIE! IMPULSE DIED! BDUBS'S BEST FRIEND! Oh- oh Notch...' Scar pauses, backing away. I see him swallow back either a sob or a scream. 'Oh Notch...'

 'Scar, I know you hate me. I hate me too. I never expected... I never thought they'd do something like this.'

'They- they killed so many people, Grian. They burnt down everything. We haven't heard from Etho or Beef since the attack...'

'I know, just... just...'

'They HELPED PEOPLE, Grian! They had people who helped you for FREE! And now those people are either DEAD or being TORTURED for information!'

'I know! Just... just shut up about it here, ok?'

'Don't you UNDERSTAND, GRIAN? Don't you UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE?'

'Scar, I understand!'

 'I don't care how illegal it was, the Blindfold-'

'SHUT UP!' I punch Scar back, years of Hawk training causing the taller, stronger, Fledgling to fall back, nose bleeding. 'I told the Watcher Leaders you just stumbled across it... if it wasn't for me, you'd be GONE. I know where you live. I know what you care about. Why? Because you're so F***ING NAIVE YOU TOLD ME EVERYTHING! YOU caused this, Scar! NOT. ME!'

He punches me again, even harder. I crash to the ground.

'I thought Hawks were meant to be good people, Grian.'

'You were wrong.'

'I thought you were supposed to HELP people!'

'You were wrong!'

'Officer Cub would NEVER do something like this! Officer Cub CARES for people! I wish HE was my mentor!'

'Well TOUGH! He can't be your mentor!' I should stop talking. I should stop talking right now. 'Do you know why?'

'Why?'

'Because he's DEAD!'

:)