Chapter 41   FWP

Payton

Deep in the world of a book, I'm suddenly pulled out by a tap on the shoulder. A shadow blocks the sun, then a large figure descends and crouches in front of me. I'm sitting cross-legged on the bench and soon a face is only a few feet in front of me. It takes a few seconds for my brain to catch up as I look forward in confusion. Then I look around, I guess for Tommy. Slowly the synapses in my head start to work again and I realize that the large man before me with the beautiful flawless dark skin tone, warm brown eyes and soft smile is more than just familiar. It's a face that's been haunting my dreams, both at night and during the day when I allow myself. For months. A face I've missed, not that I would admit that to anyone, but I've missed it so much that sometimes it hurts. Bad. So bad I've had to find as many ways to distract myself as possible. Not all of them necessarily positive distractions.

I'm still confused though and I look around yet again wondering where Tommy is.

"Hi Payton."

His voice is killer. Deep...and rich...like molasses. Molasses? Can you compare a voice to molasses? Maybe it's more like rich chocolate fudge that you pour on ice cream. I'll go with that, it tastes better. All I know is that it flows inside me and touches all these deep hidden parts of my soul. It draws my attention back like a lighthouse beacon.

"Hi Remy...err, Master Remington," I say and he chuckles.

"You can call me Remy, I like it better actually."

"What are you doing here Si...Remy? I was waiting for Tommy to pick me up."

"He's not coming. He couldn't make it so I offered to come get you. I hope that's alright?"

"Um. Yeah. It's fine. I mean, thank you. I appreciate it, but you didn't have to. I could have taken a shuttle or something."

"I wanted to and it's no trouble."

"I'm sure you had better things to do."

"Nope. I'm doing just what I want to do."

How does one reply to that, I wonder. Having no good comeback I just blush and look down.

"I'm very sorry about your Aunt, Payton, I hope Tommy passed on my condolences."

"He did, um, thanks. She was my great Aunt and I didn't know her too well, so it's okay...I mean, it was sad, but she was really old and living in a nursing home and that couldn't be much of a life, so I guess she's probably in a better place now, or that's what we're supposed to think, so it's okay, you don't have to be sor..."

Two fingers press lightly onto my lips stopping my ramble.

I blush even more.

The last time we spoke, when he came to the library and we got ice cream...I felt off. I guess part of me felt angry, but I feel none of that now. I don't know why. Maybe I'm just numb after the craziness of the last few weeks and then having to rush off to my parents' out of the blue.

He moves his fingers off my mouth and smiles again.

"Thanks," I whisper.

"How was your trip otherwise?"

I think about the last several days. My parents fighting like they so often do. My dad's lectures and constant disapproval which worsened the more cocktails he had throughout the day. My brother's snide remarks. The tension that always seems to permeate my home. No, house. It's not really a home.

"It sucked," I finally say, my voice sounds raw and suddenly it's like the floor collapses from under me and a wave of fatigue, sorrow, anxiety and self-loathing hits me like a freight train. I feel like I'm falling, but it's on the inside, yet on the outside strong arms wrap around me and I'm pulled into a large, firm chest.

Every wall I've been holding up seems to be cracking and I'm powerless to hold it in anymore. Every emotion that I've been stuffing down, deep inside seems to be surfacing all at once and I fall apart in his arms. Tears dripping onto his shoulder and I don't have the strength to care.

"Shhhh, it's okay Payton. I've got you. I've got you little fox, I'm here, just let it out." His voice is so soothing, repeating those words softly as I let myself lean into him like a rag doll, Remy's arms and chest taking all of my body weight. Remy not being so nice would have probably been better because then I could have gotten myself under control faster, but with him holding me, rubbing my back, being so sweet, it's like the dam is broken and it takes me a good several minutes before I'm blinking away the last few tears and sniffling to clear my nose.

"I'm so sorry," I say as embarrassment sets in. I try to pull back, but his arms around me are like vice grips.

"It's okay, it's been a tough week, I understand, you don't have to be embarrassed."

I don't know what to do or say so I just sit still, I can feel myself tense just because I'm so unsure. Remy must feel it too because he lets me go and I sit back on the bench.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.

"Um, not..." I look around, remembering we're surrounded by people at the busy airport. "Not here, not right now. Is it okay if we go?"

"Of course, come on. My car's in a tow away zone anyway," he laughs.

"Oh my god, really?" I look around with a worried look on my face. I don't want to be the cause of his car getting towed.

"Don't worry, I gave the guy twenty bucks to give me ten minutes. Come on, it's just over there."

Remy stands up and I follow him, picking up my knapsack. The Dom in him tries to take it from me, but I shake my head and sling it over my shoulders.

He points over to a late model Land Rover Discovery. I don't know what year it is because generally, I don't know a lot about cars, but I know these since my grampa had one for years and I used to love tooling around in it with him. I learned to drive in that car. Grampa's was bright red and he literally drove it until it started falling apart. Remy's is a dark olive green and it's immaculate. It looks brand new and the only reason I know it isn't is that they haven't been made in several years.

"You have a Disco?"

"Mhm. You like it?"

"I love them! It's my favorite car. I learned to drive on one. It's not at all what I expected you would drive."

Remy chuckles. "What did you expect?"

"I don't know, something new, black, sleek, fast...like an Audi or maybe a Mustang if you don't do foreign."

"Nah, not my style. I like to sit high up, especially when driving in the city, and the Disco is the perfect combination of Form and Function. Do you want to drive it?"

"You would let me drive your car?"

"Of course. Especially if you appreciate a Land Rover the way I do. Here." He goes to hand me the keys, but I shake my head.

"No, it's alright, at least not now. With all the airport traffic, and I'm kind of wiped out. But I'd like to another time."

He gave me a broad smile. "I'll hold you to that."

Remy opens the passenger door for me and takes my backpack, this time I let him since he's putting it in the backseat. I reach up to the grab bar and launch myself into the seat. I notice two McDonald's cups in the center console. Remy closes the door and jogs around to the driver's side and gets in.

"I stopped and got us chocolate milkshakes," he says, flashing me a smile.

"Really?"

"Yup. I know you like them." He picks one up and hands it to me so I take a big sip.

"That's awesome, thanks!"

Remy starts up the car and maneuvers us through all of the airport traffic until we're out on the highway. I sit back and sip my shake. We don't talk for a while since I can tell he's concentrating on getting us on the right route, but it's a comfortable quiet and since I'm not good at small talk, I'm perfectly fine.

When we're well on our way, he picks up his shake and takes a big sip from the straw.

"I really appreciate you coming to get me," I say.

"It's not a problem. Like I said, I wanted to. And, it's an hour and a half where you can't run away from me," he chuckles.

"Sorry about that."

"You don't have to be, I don't blame you. How about," he starts, then has to change lanes to pass a slow moving car. "How about we start over, from scratch. A clean slate, if you can forgive me, I'd really like another chance. Do you think that's possible Payton?"

"What do you mean exactly? Like...do you...what are you asking?"

"Nothing like what you're thinking. I'd like us to get to know each other as friends. Start from there."

"Friends?" I ask, "not as like...a Dom and sub?"

"Just friends for now. Friends with Possibilities."

"Friends with Possibilities?"

"Yes, I'd like, well I hope, that at some point we can try something more than friends, but I think we need to start out as friends..."

"Friends with Possibilities," I say and he lets out a deep chuckle.

"Yes, start out as friends with possibilities, I think I need to earn your trust before we can try anything else and then if I do, well, that's where the possibilities come in. We'll figure out what those are when the time comes."

I look at Remy, his eyes forward watching the road give me a chance just to look at him as we drive along. There's something about him that seems to make my heart tighten in a weird way I've never experienced before. It's not just his looks, though he's incredibly handsome. You can see a family resemblance with Master Matthias, but Remy's features are rounder, softer, and something about them always makes me smile. Before I think much more my mouth opens and words spill out that I didn't 100% plan to say. I don't think.

"I'd like that, and I do forgive you. I would like to be friends..."

"With possibilities," we both say together and he glances over at me with his big smile. The one that melts my heart.

All seems good, but then a wave of panic hits me. Those suppressed and repressed fears.

"Remy..."

"What is it Payton? You okay?"

"I'm...scared and nervous."

"Why?"

"I'm not really sure."

"We'll take things slowly, I promise."

"Okay."

Remy asks me about Florida and I remember to thank him for his contribution to the trip before telling him about all of our crazy antics.

"Yeah, and I think I'm not going to drink alcohol for a while," I say after thinking again about how hard we partied, especially that last night, but I keep that story for another time.

"Probably a good idea Payton. You guys are lucky nothing bad happened. I remember my Sophomore year during Spring break one of the guys from my fraternity fell off the balcony of the hotel he was staying at and ended up paralyzed."

"Oh shit, that sucks." I'm not religious at all, but after hearing that I send up a small prayer to whatever god or higher power is up there, thanking them that none of us got hurt. Being more careful with alcohol is definitely high on my priority list.

When we get off the highway Remy asks me if I'm hungry and we end up stopping at that Italian restaurant that's close to campus. We have a nice easy going dinner like two normal friends or FWP's.

"Thanks again for the ride, dinner and Spring break too," I say when he drops me off near my dorm. "Oh, and thanks for these," I pull the sunglasses out of my backpack. "Lane picked them out and bought them for me with the money you gave him...he kind of tricked me...I wouldn't have spent so much money on sunglasses." I blush, but Remy just grins.

"Put them on for me."

I pop the sunglasses on my face.

"I'll have to thank Lane, they look great on you."

"I'll take really good care of them," I promise.

"So...how was the ride?" Tommy asks when I get back to the room and he's given me a long hug. At least he has the good graces to look sheepish, but I'm not going to give him a hard time about it.

"Before or after I had a mental breakdown all over him?"

"Why? What happened? What did he do?"

"It wasn't him at all, it was...everything building up and then he was there and...I don't know. It's really stupid, I guess I was at my breaking point and he was lucky enough to be the first person I came across that..."

"That you felt safe with?"

Not knowing how to answer that I just say nothing. Sometimes that's the easiest answer. I lay down on my bed and close my eyes.

"So, were going to start fresh as friends," I tell him.

"Friends? That's great Payton."

"FWP's," I add. "Friends with Possibilities."

I hear Tommy chuckle. "What?" I ask.

"FWP's now, maybe FWB's later."

"Shaddup," I growl.

"Shaddup shuttin' up," Tommy says and I open my eyes long enough to roll them at him.

Ashton

"YOU'RE SO FUCKING STUPID! OH MY FUCKING GOD, HOW CAN YOU BE SO FUCKING STUPID?! Ashton, be happy I'm not there cause I would fuck you up!" he shouts and I hold the phone away from my ear with a wince.

"Stop yelling at me," I whisper sadly.

"NO! I won't stop yelling at you! Do you know how horribly this can turn out? You can get sick Ashton, all because you got wasted off your ass and slept with two strange guys. Not only in one night, but at the same fucking time! How can you be so fucking stupid?!" he questions angrily and I sigh.

"Listen, I know I fucked up. I don't need you shouting at me for me to realize that," I tell him making him inhale deeply. "I'm going to get checked later today, I already made an appointment. No point in stressing yet."

"Yet," he repeats with a scoff, "do you want me to take the drive down there? I can go with you to the appointment."

"Nah, don't worry about that. Honestly, it's not worth the trip. I'll call you later, okay?" I mumble, really just wanting to hang up.

"Fine, but if you need anything just call me. Got it?" he asks and I nod.

"I got it. I'll talk to you later Sean," I say before hanging up once he's said bye.

Tossing my phone on the bed, I get up and wince. My back is still killing me even after taking pain meds and soaking in an ice bath at the club. I stretch, deciding to start getting dressed. I'm sure taking a ride will help me relax. I pull on black jeans and grab my jacket before grabbing my keys and helmet. Tucking my phone into my pocket, I leave my dorm room while putting my earbuds in. It helps me ignore the lingering eyes of the people in the hallways. With my eyes focused on the exit, I make it down the hall and push open the door. The sun is beating down on everything and I put on my shades while walking across the courtyard towards the parking lot. The music blasts in my ears, canceling out everything else. Someone grabs my arm and I swing around to see Payton standing there, his hands now on his knees. I pull the earbuds out and frown as he pants slightly.

"Running has never been my thing Ash, please don't make me do it again," he chuckles while standing up and smiling up at me.

"Why were you running?" I ask confused.

"Cause I was calling your name, but the earbuds were louder I guess." He sighs and I look towards the parking lot. "I have to talk to you about something." He seems to be fidgeting, kicking at the ground with a toe, nervous.

"Okay," I say while looking back at him and he looks around.

"Um, maybe in a more private setting? It's kind of...I don't know, it's weird to speak of out in the open," he mumbles so I raise a brow. "We can go to your dorm room?"

"I was just going to take a ride, want to come?" I ask while holding out my helmet.

"Yes!" He shouts excitedly and snatches the helmet. "I've been waiting for this moment since forever!"

"Okay," I chuckle before leading him to my motorcycle.

"Wait, you don't have a helmet." He frowns as I climb on.

"It's fine, I'll stop by the shop and borrow one. Get on," I tell him and he puts the helmet on before swinging his leg over the seat. "Hold on okay?"

He nods quickly, his arms wrapping around my torso before his hands clutch at my shirt. I turn on the motorcycle and hear him giggle slightly. A smirk tugs at my lips as I back out of the parking space slowly. Navigating through the parking lot with a lot of people coming and going is a slow process. I can feel Payton's hands shaking slightly, either in nerves or excitement. Maybe even both. I look towards my left when I reach the stop to enter the main road. Cars zoom past and my eyes narrow, spotting a break in the traffic coming up.

"Hold on tight, okay?" I shout as I rev the engine.

"Okay!" he shouts back and when the last car zooms past, I crank back the throttle while turning.

The back tire skids over the street as I turn, making the bike tilt closer to the ground. Payton screams, his arms tightening around me to the point of pain. It doesn't freak me out, I'm used to it. The motorcycle levels out and I speed down the street. Payton's grip is still tight, but slowly loosens up as I weave through the cars. The shop isn't far away and after a quick stop to borrow a helmet, I speed off again to the park so we can talk about whatever Payton wants to speak about. He's whooping and laughing as we zoom between cars and it makes me smile. It's been a while since I've taken someone on a ride for their first time. I swerve off the main road and enter the parking lot for the park. Taking the first parking spot I find, I shut off the motorcycle and pull the helmet off.

"You have to get off first Payton," I say when he doesn't move.

"Oh! Okay," he chuckles before he gets off and pulls the helmet off his head. "That was totally amazing and terrifying! I thought I was going to die and it was so cool!"

"You weren't going to die." I roll my eyes while shoving the keys in my pocket after I get off.

"I know! You're such a skilled motorcyclist Ash, it felt like we were flying!" He beams and I smirk.

"Come on, I know just the spot for us to talk." I nod my head for him to follow before heading into the park.

It's a quiet walk with Payton and I appreciate it. If it were Chris, Tai or Tommy, they'd be talking my ear off. We walk up the hill and over to the large tree that's casting a large shadow. We sit against the tree and I put the helmet down next to me as Payton does the same. My eyes scan the park before drifting over to the playground. There aren't that many kids since they're probably still in school, only kids too young to be in school are here with parents or babysitters. Payton pulls out his phone making me frown. He peeks at me and I raise a questioning brow so he turns the phone and motions me to take it.

"This is what I wanted to talk to you about," he mumbles so I take the phone and stare at the picture of me, shirtless on a table in between the two guys I slept with, holding two bottles of rum.

"Where did you get this?" I ask quietly.

"It was sent to me, by some random number. I'm not the only one Ashton and it's not the only picture," he says while swiping and I sigh at picture after picture of me making out with one of the guys, me drinking, me half naked, me dancing on a table.

"Who else?" I look at him and he shrugs.

"Tommy and I got them at the same time, but on my way to your dorm I heard a lot of people talking about it. Ash, I think it's been sent out to everyone," he says glumly before taking his phone and scrolling through a few things. "Then there is this."

"A video?" I mumble and hit play.

"This party is fucking amazing!" Whoever is holding the camera shouts before they turn and I see myself on the screen. "Charlie, what are you doing and what's up with this guy?"

"I found him outside on the grass. He's totally trashed, I was going to put him in one of the bedrooms to rest," a soft voice replies and I frown, not remembering this at all.

"Charlotte, you think you can get this guy up the stairs? He's like twice your size," the guy chuckles and I lift my head.

"Did you bite my finger yet?" My drunken self asks nervously and the guy laughs.

"Ah, he's awake so just leave him Charlie," the guy says suggestively.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Charlie asks and I nod while waving her away.

"I'm fine, I'm gonna find my friends," I slur so she leaves as the camera comes closer.

"Need help getting downstairs?" he asks and I nod slowly.

"Come on buddy," he chuckles before draping my arm over his shoulder. "My name is Dave, I doubt you'll remember it though."

"I'm Ashton," I reply before burping loudly.

"NICE!" Someone shouts before the camera turns and Miller and Barnes come into view. "Ash, we were looking for you."

"These your friends?" Dave asks and I nod so he hands me off to them, but they're also drunk so we all stumble into the wall.

"Let's go upstairs Ashton," Barnes suggests as he runs his hands up my chest.

"Yeah, we can have some fun," Miller adds as he kisses my neck from behind.

"I just want you both to fuck me, hard and fast. At the same time," I say and then the camera follows our drunken journey up the stairs.

"Oh shit, they're really doing this," Dave whispers to the camera as we push open a door and stumble into an empty bedroom.

"Sorry, no cameras!" Barnes says before pushing Dave out and slamming the door in his face.

"I don't need to see it, my imagination is enough!" Dave laughs before turning the camera onto himself. "This is fucking gold!"

"At least I now know we were all willing," I sigh as the video ends.

"I've never seen you like that Ashton," Payton whispers and I look at him noticing just how worried he looks, he's almost tearing up. "I know since the split between you and Gideon you've been just trying to have fun and not think about it. I'm worried though, your picture and that video are all over campus. Everyone knows what happened and I know you value your privacy. So I just wanted you to hear from someone you know and not just find out by a text messaged picture or people whispering rumors."

"I appreciate that Payton, I really do," I reply with a small smile. "It's difficult, you know? If I'm being honest with myself, I just want to curl into a ball under the blankets and never get up. It's not who I am though. I always get up and I've never really had a problem getting up, but I'm struggling this time. It took me by surprise. I thought I was doing good."

"Don't blame yourself Ashton!" he says quickly and I shake my head as my eyes begin to burn with tears.

"It's whatever." I shrug then give him a smile that obviously doesn't convince him of my happiness. "Um, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Anything," he replies without hesitation.

"I have to go in to take an HIV test. Mind coming with me? I just, I don't know...I don't wanna go alone," I admit and he nods slowly.

"Of course," he grabs my hand, "I'm here for you Ashton, we all are. Just give us the chance to be there and don't push us away. We're The Sub Club, we got each other's backs no matter what!" He smiles brightly, his eyes shining with honesty and a gentle kindness that makes me smile.

"Thank you," I whisper before resting my head on his shoulder.

I close my eyes, enjoying the weather and comfortable silence between us. The pictures filter through my mind making me squeeze my eyes shut. If those pictures get to my parents, I'll die. They'll kill me. If that video gets to them, I'll dig my own grave cause I know my father will murder me in cold blood. I sigh heavily and Payton starts to run his hand through my hair. It helps me relax again and I chew on the inside of my cheek while ignoring the discomfort in my back from sitting on the hard ground. My eyes open and I look at my watch, we've been here for over an hour already.

"We should go, my appointment is soon," I mumble as I sit up and Payton nods.

"Everything will be fine," he reassures and I keep repeating that in my head as we arrive at the clinic and get led into an examination room.

"The results will be in within the next week. You can come in then or get a call," the nurse says as I look down at my finger where they drew blood.

"I'll come by in a week," I reply so she nods and jots it down.

"See you in a week, be careful boys," she tells us while smiling.

"We will be," Payton says as I just turn and walk away. He got tested too so I wouldn't feel alone. Cute little fucker.

"The waiting game begins," I mutter while sitting on my motorcycle.

"Well, we can kill some time by doing stuff this week," he suggests and I frown.

"Like what?" I ask with a raised brow.

"Well besides class and work, we can um...go to lunch and um...well..." He trails off and taps his finger against his lip making me chuckle. "I'll think on it on the way to lunch. My treat!"

"I'm not really hungry right now Pay, I just want to get back to my dorm," I tell him and he stares at me.

"You're not hungry?" he asks before pressing his hand against my forehead. "Hmm, you're not warm."

"I'm not sick," I sigh while pulling his hand down, "I'm just not hungry. Want to watch a movie in my dorm room?"

"Sure!" He smiles so we put the helmets on and get back to my dorm.

"Gonna fuck him too Ashton?" Someone shouts as I lead Payton towards my room and I look over to see a group of guys by the rec-room laughing.

"Will it be a problem if he is? We're both adults so if we do fuck, it's none of your business!" Payton shouts back making my eyes widen as he grabs my wrist and drags me along. "Sorry, he just annoyed me."

"It's fine," I mumble as I unlock my door and motion him in first.

I look down the hall and shake my head at the guys who are all thrusting in the air before following Payton into the room.

Tommy

I unlock the door and walk into my dorm room only to find Payton sitting on his bed crying.

"What's the matter Pay? Did that fucker already screw up?"

"Who?" he replies, grabbing a tissue and blowing his red nose.

"Remy!"

"Oh, no. It's nothing like that."

"Then what's the matter?"

I sit down on the bed next to him, if it's not Master Remy, maybe he's still upset about the visit with his parents.

"I hung out with Ashton this afternoon, I showed him the pictures we got and the video."

"Oh," I say, now I get it. I let out a sigh and feel my shoulders slump just thinking about what Ash is going through. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to talk to him with you, how is he?"

"He's hanging in there, I mean, you know Ash...but he's upset. Worried. I went with him to be tested, I got tested too, one can never be too careful and I just wanted to be there for him every step of the way."

"You're a good friend Payton," I say as I throw an arm over his shoulders.

"I love him so much," he says with a sniffle as fresh tears roll down his cheeks. "If anything bad happens to him..."

"He's going to be fine Pay. We'll all stick by him no matter what, and anyway...not that it's going to happen, but there are lots of people living long and healthy lives with HIV. There's that professor in the Art department who's always advocating for the LGBT, I read an article in the paper about him and he's been living with HIV for the last 30 years and for the last 10 years they haven't even been able to detect the virus. The drugs available these days are amazing."

"But it doesn't matter because he's going to test negative," Payton objects stubbornly.

"That's right. In a week he can just put it all behind him."

"I feel so bad though, he really cared about Master Gideon." Payton sighs and rolls onto his side so I lean back against the wall and just rub his back.

"Did you tell him about your ride back from the airport?" I ask.

"No. It didn't seem like the right time and besides, I don't know what's going to happen with Remy anyway. What if I fall for him like Ashton fell for Gideon only to have him pull the rug out from under my feet too!"

"You can't keep living in fear Pay. Aren't you the one who always tells me you've got to take risks to get rewards? I think you can give him a chance while still protecting yourself. Just take it slowly. FWP, remember?" I guess the situation with Ashton has really rattled Payton, I just hope he's not backtracking again.

"Tommy, you know better than anyone I don't have a slow speed. I always jump into things without thinking. I'm actually trying to act like an adult and not do that for once."

"Being an adult is over-rated. I like you just the way you are, Peter Pan to my Wendy," I laugh since we used to joke about our relationship being just like that. That makes him smile. I used to get mad when he called me Wendy, so he probably feels a little triumphant now that I've admitted it.

"How's Casey?" he asks.

"Is it stupid to feel guilty at how amazing he is?"

"Why would you feel guilty?"

"Just because of the problems you've been having and now Ash."

"You don't have to feel guilty because things are going your way. I'm happy for you and I know that Ashton is too. You deserve every ounce of happiness you get. You're like the best person I know, no matter what happens I'll always be happy for you and I hope you're happy forever."

"Awwww, thanks Pay." I let out a chuckle as my eyes get teary too. It's funny, if one of us cries the other always ends up crying too.

"So what should we do about Ashton? Should we go see him, bring him some dinner or something?"

"No, I just left him a little while ago. We watched a movie and had some snacks. I think he needed some alone time. He looked tired and I wouldn't be surprised if he went to bed early."

"What about you Pay? I had dinner at Casey's, but I can go with you to the dining hall if you're hungry."

"I'm okay, I ate too many Munchos and Mike and Ike's," he admits with a silly grin. "Eh eh!" he says as I open my mouth, "No comment from Wendy. I promise I'll eat something healthy tomorrow."

I let out a laugh and change the subject. "So, did you hear from Remy yet?"

"No, he asked me if he could call me and I told him I'd unblock his phone number, but I needed a few days just to digest everything, he had to go out of town anyway for a business meeting and I have the classes I missed to make up and I just need to get my head straight again. But I'll text him tomorrow when he gets back, maybe we can meet up for lunch or something casual."

"He stopped by the club Friday night. He didn't directly ask where you were, but I could tell he was itching to so I told him you were staying on campus for the weekend to study and write a paper."

Payton looks at me like he wants to ask me something, but keeps his lips firmly closed.

"No, he didn't hook up with a sub. He thanked me, stopped by Master Matthias and Lane and talked to them for a while and then I watched him go to the coat check, grab his jacket and leave...and he didn't show up Saturday night."

"Well aren't you Harriet the Spy," Payton chuckles.

"Nah, just looking out for my peeps." I pat his shoulder before standing up to change out of my clothes. "That should make you feel good though, right? That he hasn't been hooking up with anyone?"

Payton shrugs his shoulders. "It kind of feels like a lot of pressure, what if I can't live up to his expectations? And besides that, that's only at the Red Door, who knows what he's been up to anyplace else?"

"You don't really believe that, do you? Not after seeing him and talking to him? Especially when he said he wants to start fresh."

"Well, he has every right to, I'm just saying if he's been holding out for me, that's a lot of pressure. I don't know if I'm ready for something...serious."

"I bet he'll take it as slowly as you want to Pay, you just have to tell him what you want."

"Yeah, I guess."

Payton closes his eyes and I take that as my cue to stop talking. He's been more emotional the last few days than I've ever seen him, so I don't want to push too hard. I decide to take a hot shower before I do some studying in bed so I grab my bathrobe and shower stuff. "I'll be back in a few minutes Pay," I tell him and he nods.

Before I leave the room I walk over, lean down and give him a kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" he asks.

"For being such a sweet and considerate friend. Ashton was lucky to have you today."

Payton blushes and turns away. "Oh Pshaw," he says, hiding his embarrassment. I let out a laugh as I head off to the bathroom making plans to definitely find Ashton tomorrow to see how he is, or just give him a big hug if he'll let me.