Night falls fast.
Today is in the past.

Blown from the dark hill hither to my door
Three flakes, then four
Arrive, then many more.

-Excerpted from "Not So Far as the Forest" by Edna St. Vincent Millay

===

How's the new song coming?

Mariana groaned as her phone rang, notifying her of Katrina's message and interrupting the mindless rhythm that she had been tapping in an attempt to find a hook.

Picking it up, she quickly typed out a response.

Great. :-)

You know that doesn't fool me, right?

A moment later:

Mar. We've been roommates for two years, writing partners for six. You can tell me.

Mariana let out a long sigh, and instead of typing out another message, hit the green call button instead.

"Glad you've finally decided to acknowledge my existence," Katrina said without preamble. "Now, spill. What's going on?"

Nearly wishing that she had chosen to continue the conversation via text, Mariana shrugged. "Nothing. Songwriter's block. You know how it is."

"I do. And I know that you never have blocks. You wrote three number-one hits in as many weeks."

Less. "This is different."

"The heck it is. You haven't written anything in three months."

"Not true-"

"Anything decent. Anything record-worthy," Katrina amended. "You know what I mean, Mar. What's going on?"

Mariana stared out her window at the gathering darkness, wondering what to say.

Wondering what she could say.

"Mar?"

"I'm here."

It looked like it was going to snow soon.

"Well?" Katrina prompted. "Mar, come on. We both know the best way to work through a block is to-"

"-talk it out," they said together, and a slight smirk found its way onto Mariana's face. "I was never fond of Dr. Khaled's mantras."

"There is truth to this one, though."

"Have you tried it?"

"Yes, actually. It works. Talk to me, Mariana."

Talk to her.

If only she could.

"I wouldn't even know where to start."

"Try the beginning." Mariana heard static on the other end as Katrina settled herself. "We have all the time in the world."

The beginning.

Where had it all begun?

"I suppose it started back home."

"Rockport?"

"Rockport," Mariana agreed. "It was such a normal morning..."

♪♪♪

"You have soccer tonight, and Mar-"

"I have guitar!"

"We know," Catalina added. "Just get going, would you?"

"Just... No te olvides, mis hermanas. You are always so overconfident."

"Because we've heard it all before," Mariana said, nodding at Catalina, who picked up their older sister's brown backpack and thrust it into her hand. "Now get going, would you? You're driving Catalina crazy."

"Me?" her twin protested. "You're the one who-"

Elena let out a long sigh, and Mariana could just catch a muttered, "Y ustedes locas se preguntan por qué nunca vuelvo a casa," as her sister turned away.

"We know why you come home," she teased. "And it has nothing to do with us."

Before her older sister could retaliate, Mamá hurried down the stairs. "Elena, mijita, you are going to be late!"

"For Lucas," Catalina sang out.

Elena drew breath to retort, but the doorknob turned behind her. He gave a smile of greeting to the twins and a murmured, "Hola, Señora," to their mother before turning to Elena. "Everything ready to go, querida?"

"To escape from these crazies?" she said with a fleeting smile. "Always."

"Te quiero, mijita," Mamá said with a prod to her two younger daughters.

Mariana sighed, all joking gone. "Te quiero, hermana."

Catalina, always one to outdo her twin whenever possible, stepped forward and wrapped her arms around their sister. "Te quiero. I'll miss you."

"And I will miss you." Elena squeezed her sister's shoulders in a return embrace. Glancing over the top of Catalina's head, she said, "All of you."

She locked eyes with Mariana, and the younger girl read the clear, but silent, message there. Take care of them.

I will. Mariana inclined her head ever so slightly in acknowledgment.

With that, Elena gave Catalina one last hug before releasing her, turning, and following Luke out the door without looking back.

She never did.

♪♪♪

"I'm not seeing the problem," Katrina said. "Your family seems pretty happy. Are you homesick?"

"Not exactly."

"Then what is it?"

"Well... It wasn't normal for Luke to take Elena to the train station for university. Papá usually did that. And it wasn't normal for Mamá to nearly miss Elena leaving either..."

♪♪♪

"Mami!" Mariana's hand trembled on the phone as she knelt next to the writhing figure at the bottom of the stairs. "I'm here, Papi, I'm here..."

Mamá answered immediately. "Qué pasó?"

"It's Papi, I don't know what happened, but I think he fell-"

"Estoy en mi camino. Get your sister, and call the doctor. No lo dejes, you hear me? Do not leave him, Mariana."

"I won't, I won't, I promise-"

There was a sharp click! as Mamá hung up, and Mariana found her voice breaking as she yelled for her twin. "Catalina!"

"Estoy aquí," Catalina's voice drifted from their shared room upstairs, the strains of guitar still dying away even as she reached her sister. Then, as she caught sight of the situation... "Dios mío! What hap-"

"Don't ask questions," Mariana snapped. "Just get the da-"

"I've got it!"

"It's okay, Papi, it's okay," she repeated, all the time hoping that it was true.

Hoping that she was right.

Hoping that she wasn't lying through her teeth.

♪♪♪

"So what happened?"

"He broke his leg. We all expected that. And when Mamá was upstairs, she was helping him bathe himself. Normally, he took Elena to the station, but he couldn't even make it downstairs once we had him up."

Katrina fell silent, and Mariana swallowed.

"But that wasn't the only thing..."

♪♪♪

"Papi what?"

"Fell. Again. But Mami says that it will be fine-"

A pause. Then, in the background, Mariana heard, "Hannah! When is the next train out of Grand Central?" Elena's voice grew louder as she moved closer to the phone. "What did the doctor say?"

"No, hermana. Mami said-"

"No me importa, I am coming home. If something is wrong-"

"-nothing is-"

"-then I need to be there-"

"-you need to finish this semester-"

"-and you cannot be alone with him, you have school-"

"-Mami's taking off work, and Catalina and I switch nights-"

"Mariana!" Elena snapped. "No está bien, I am coming home, hermanita, and that is that. Luke can pick me up from the train station, you and Catalina can go to school, Mami can go to work-"

"-and you can miss out on university?"

"Qué?"

"Mami, Elena deja la universidad," Mariana said, "y-"

"Ella lo que?"

"-y ella quiere estar en casa contigo," Elena interrupted. "Mami, listen to me-"

Mamá pulled the phone out of Mariana's hand, sending her a warning look. "Mijita, no puedes volver a casa. Your papi did not give up half of his life for you to drop out now."

"I am a quarter of the way into my junior year," Elena said, "and I can afford to take some time-"

"No, mija. Estás terminando la universidad."

"Pero-"

"Elena Nicole Castellanos."

"Mami-"

"Enough! No discutas conmigo. You are staying at Columbia. En Nueva York. Me entiendes?"

There was a long pause, and Mariana leaned closer, straining to hear her sister.

"Entiendo, Mami."

"Bueno," Mamá said. "Te quiero, mijita."

"Te quiero, Mami." A wry pause. "And you too, hermanita."

"Te quiero, Elena." The phone went dark as Elena hung up, and Mariana rolled her eyes at Mamá. "She always thinks that she's going to swoop in and save the day."

Mamá just patted her middle daughter on the cheek. "You will understand one day, mijita." She gave her a brief smile. "Now, did I hear from Catalina that you have... Cómo te dices... los exámenes parciales?"

"Midterms," Mariana said, "but they aren't until next week."

"Necesitas estudiar, mijita," Mamá shook her head as she moved to the stairs. "You need good grades."

"And I'll have them. Not that I'll need them."

"Algo que le gustaría compartir?"

"Nothing, Mamá!"

"That's what I thought."

♪♪♪

"So... He fell again. I'm sensing that's not it?"

Mariana could picture her friend with a hip cocked and her eyebrow raised.

"No. It's not. That's where... I'm not sure."

"Not sure of what?"

"Mamá was right. Nothing was wrong with Papá, other than a large bump on the head and a broken right arm."

"So your block is something else, then."

Mariana frowned, casting her memory back and searching. "I... Oh my gosh."

"What?"

"Mami..."

♪♪♪

"That is it, I am coming home. Hannah can take me to the station tonight."

"Mami wouldn't want that-"

"-I do not care-"

"-well, you should-"

"-I am not missing another chance-"

"-to what, ruin your relationship with Mami?"

"No, to save it." Mariana could hear the slam of a dresser drawer in the background. "Escúchame, hermanita. I have already lost..." Elena's breath fell to a mutter before she raised her voice again. "...and I will not lose anyone else."

Mariana was silent for a few moments. "Elena, you know that what happened with L-"

"No digas su nombre!"

"-that boy," Mariana switched halfway into the sentence, "it was not your fault. It was difficult to have you here and then gone."

♪♪♪

"Wait a second," Katrina interrupted. "What happened to Luke?"

"I'll get there. Just wait..."

♪♪♪

The whistling of a sigh sounded over the speaker. "Tal vez lo fue, tal vez no lo fue. Either way, I am not taking that same chance. We never..." Elena's voice trailed off into the quiet. When she spoke again, her voice was stronger. Firmer. "I am coming home, Mariana. It is a week away from Thanksgiving. I will take that time, attend my classes remotely, and spend the two weeks with you."

"And then go back?"

Silence.

"Elena?"

"Quizás."

"Elena..."

"Do not start in on me, Mariana. It will be fine."

Mariana shifted in her position on the steps, her head falling to rest against the wall. "If you say so, hermana."

"I do, thanks." A pause. "The train leaves at three-forty, I will be there early Saturday morning."

"Catalina can take the car and meet you."

"Bueno."

"For what it's worth... I still think this is a terrible idea."

"What is?" Catalina had come down the stairs, sneaking up behind Mariana. Almost as soon as the question had left her mouth, she uttered a silent oath as she sat next to her twin. "Ay, Dios. She can't come home."

"Try telling her that," Mariana muttered. "See? Even Catalina agrees."

"And Catalinita is not the final say."

Catalina shrugged. "Maybe not. But Mami is. And I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like it."

"Well, we are already on the way to Grand Central."

"Su funeral."

"Escuché eso, Catalina."

She leaned closer to the phone, over Mariana's shoulder. "You were supposed to."

"Goodbye," came Elena's clipped response.

"Adiós!"

"I will see you in two days."

The phone clicked, and the two sisters turned to look at each other, accusation sparking in Catalina's dark eyes. "You didn't tell her."

"What could I say?" Mariana allowed the phone to fall. "'You should abandon your schooling because Mami had a minor heart attack so we've been cutting school during our senior year to take care of her?' I'm artistically inclined, not idiotically intentioned."

Catalina stood, glancing down at her twin. The accusation was gone, replaced by a resigned sense of acceptance. "I hope you know what you're doing." Without waiting for a response, she retreated upstairs, to their parents' bedroom.

"Me too, hermanita," Mariana murmured, bending to scoop up the phone before following her sister. "Me too."

♪♪♪

"You never said what happened to Luke."

"I was getting there. Elena came home, found out about Mamá..."

"...completely freaked out?"

"Something like that," Mariana agreed with a light snort of dry amusement. "Catalina and I went back to school. Elena stayed home with our parents."

She paused, casting a glance out the window. The snow was falling now, thick flakes that landed and held to the ground.

"And Luke?"

"Gone."

The word was flat.

"What?"

"With Elena at school..." Mariana shrugged. "There was nothing to stop him from picking up some extra deliveries for his uncle, earn a little more cash for his family. He was merging onto the highway. There was a drunk driver." She hesitated. "They say he didn't feel anything." Another pause. "But when Elena found out..."

"I can get how she would have been upset."

"Yeah. Upset, angry, confused," Mariana said. "It was all of it. Then, two days before Thanksgiving, when Catalina and I were on break, we managed to persuade Elena to take a day off. She went to meet up with a friend..."

♪♪♪

"Are you sure that you two will be alright on your own?" Elena asked for what Mariana thought might easily have been the thousandth time in the last hour.

"Sí, hermana." Catalina rolled her eyes at her twin in mutual commiseration over their elder sister's micro-management.

Mariana, picking up on Catalina's line of defense, piped up. "We're perfectly capable of taking care of Mami and Papi for the next six hours while you go with Daniela to catch the newest psychological thriller and some coffee at Romano's."

"Now go." Catalina shoved their sister toward the door. "Or you'll be late!"

"Okay, okay. No need to be pushy." Elena swung her purse across her left shoulder and reached for the doorknob. With one last glance back at the twins, who nodded impatiently, she pulled the door open and slipped outside.

Mariana fell back against the wall near the stairs. "I thought she'd never leave."

"Well, it is a big thing," Catalina pointed out, "seeing as it's the first time in almost a week that she's done anything but take care of us."

"I guess." With a sigh, Mariana peeled herself off of the wall. "I'm going to work on that song. Call me if you need me."

"But I have lessons on Friday!"

"And I promised this song to Sofía by tomorrow! Mi prioridad!"

"Not fair!"

But Mariana made it to their room first, smirking at her sister before slamming the door in her face. Catalina let out a dramatic groan before yelling, "Una hora! Then it's my turn!"

Mariana didn't bother to respond, immersed within her song. It was just her...and the guitar...and the music...

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Someone was pounding on the door. She shot to her feet, whipping it open to see her sister's shell-shocked face. "Qué pasó? Catalina?"

"Mami," was all she said before Mariana was running to the little bedroom back the hall, Catalina hard at her heels.

Papá was leaning over to the left side of the bed, repeating the same name in varying degrees of terror. "Lídia. Lídia."

"Call nine-one-one," Mariana tossed over her shoulder, "and then get Elena."

"Got it!"

She knelt at the bedside. "Papi, when did this start?"

"No sé," he whispered, horror-stricken as he slid into his native language. "Ella estaba hablando y luego..." He made a helpless gesture with his left hand. "No sé, Mariana."

"How long ago was this?"

"Veinte minutos? Treinta?"

"And you waited that long to call us?"

"Pensé que estaba cansada."

She just nodded, only half listening as she reached for the bare pulse point on Mamá's neck, only...

There wasn't one.

Her vision constricted, tunneling to a single point, a single word.

No.

No.

There had to be something.

Anything.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard Elena telling her that CPR was the next step, but she had never taken the course: only Elena went.

Elena.

It seemed like hours ago that they had told Elena to go with Daniela, to go enjoy herself.

She had lost Luke half a year ago.

They couldn't lose Mamá too.

♪♪♪

"They said she was gone before they even got there. A combination of the stress from taking care of Papá and biological conditions stemming from the heart attack she suffered earlier."

Mariana stopped talking for a moment, her mind distant, the room around her dissolving in favor of that little back bedroom.

From somewhere beyond, blue lights.

Then the screaming sirens.

Papá still muttering under his breath.

Catalina murmuring over the phone.

Elena arriving home...

♪♪♪

"Me prometiste! You said that if I left, it would be fine!"

"I know what we said-"

Elena pushed past Catalina.

"Mami?"

There was a voice, delayed by distance.

"Mami? Mami, no."

Mariana was aware of a dull thud as her sister dropped to her knees beside their mother's bedside, taking her lifeless hand...

"No, God, please, not again."

To Mariana, it was meaningless muttering, cries to a being who never existed...

"Please!"

Words wouldn't bring Mamá back.

"No..."

Nothing would.

♪♪♪

"Mar?" A voice from a dream. "Mariana?"

She blinked, and the vision disappeared. "Qué?" The voice registered. "Oh... Katrina. Yeah, yeah, I'm here."

"Hey, are you okay?"

Okay.

What a simple word.

But nothing ever would be.

"I..."

"We don't have to continue," Katrina said as Mariana drew breath to resume. "We could...take a break, or something-"

"No," she said, "no. I need to finish this."

There was silence for a few moments, and then Katrina gently prompted, "So... What happened next?"

"The funeral. It was a quiet affair. She...never wanted...anything big. She was Catholic," Mariana explained. "She believed in something bigger."

"And the rest of you?"

"Papá barely moved for the next two weeks. Catalina was the glue that held us all together, I don't think I said two words to anyone." She sighed. "But Elena... Elena refused to attend the funeral and left for school the day after it happened."

A stunned silence at the other end of the line.

"We all begged her to stay. But she just kept saying..."

♪♪♪

"I can't do this." Mariana thought she heard the undertone to Elena's vehement refusal. Not again. Never again. She had her back to the twins, haphazardly repacking her bags. "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

"But-"

"No!" She whirled around, a textbook clutched tightly in her hand. "No, Mariana. No. You cannot possibly understand."

Mariana shrank back, unable to say anything else.

"Mami wanted me to finish school, so that's what I'm going to do. I'm going back. Like she wanted."

"She never would have wanted it to happen like this," Catalina said. "She would have wanted the family together-"

"You have no right to say what she would have wanted." Elena's words, snapped off as they were, sounded almost like soundbites or newspaper clippings. "So do not start now."

"What about Luke?" Mariana ventured.

Elena stiffened at the sound of the name.

"Yes," Catalina said, picking up on her twin's new reasoning. "Luke. He was just like Mami-"

"You're right. They are alike," Elena spat. "They are both gone, dead, not coming back."

"I know that they both would have said. They would have said, Familia primero siempre."

"'Family first always?'" As Elena repeated the sentiment, her knuckles whitened on the textbook's spine.

"Yes, that's what she lived by," Catalina said, "and so did-"

"They lived by it, and they died for it!" Compressed as they were by the walls of the small third bedroom, the explosion seemed much larger for it, expanding to fill the entire space. Both Mariana and Catalina took involuntary half-steps back into the hall. Elena gave an angry snort as they did so. "Maybe if they would have put themselves first, just once, they would both still be here!"

"That's not fair to either Mami or Lu-"

"And why not?" Elena was shaking now. "You heard the doctors. 'A combination of the stress and biological conditions.' If Mami would have stopped only for a moment, examined herself for a minute, maybe she would still be here. And L-" She cut herself off, unable to say it. "He would not have been driving that night. Never would have been on the road that night."

"Family meant everything to them."

"Then they should have thought about it before they left us all."

"Just like you're about to?"

"Don't you dare compare me to them."

Elena turned her back on them, giving the book a vicious toss into her bag.

"Please," Mariana whispered, "Elena, hermana..." A final appeal. "You can't."

"Verás."

The word somehow seemed harsher in their second language.

Final.

Done.

♪♪♪

"We haven't seen her since."

"But hasn't it been..."

"...two years?" Mariana finished. "Yes. It has been." A pause. "Catalina went up to Columbia for Elena's graduation, but apparently, she never showed."

"What about her roommate?"

"Said she had no idea where Elena went. Claimed she moved out after finals."

"And the rest of your family?"

"Catalina gave up on college to take care of Papá. After Mamá died... He lost the will to live. Catalina was the only reason he kept going. She's still back in Rockport."

"So you came out west."

"Yes. Catalina knew..." She paused. "She knew that I had a dream, and...well... She did what she had to so I could be here. It's something that...I will never...be able to pay back."

A thoughtful silence fell until Katrina's next question.

"Have you ever tried to find Elena?"

"Catalina was clear on that point with Elena's roommate. When she doesn't want to be found... She doesn't want to be found."

"Have you ever tried the internet? Everyone leaves a digital footprint." Mariana heard a keyboard in the background. "What was she into?"

The answers came almost immediately. "Astronomy. Anything to do with the stars and the science behind them." A bittersweet note crept into her voice at the memory. "It always drove her crazy when Catalina put the emphasis on the old myths rather than the existent matter."

"Anything else? Anywhere specific she said she wanted to work?"

"She always said she wanted a research assistantship on Fulbright before getting in with NASA or something of the kind."

"And you said Columbia, right? Columbia in New York?"

"Ye-es," Mariana said, "but I don't see how-"

"Got it! Elena Castellanos, class of '15?"

"What?" Mariana's email dinged on the laptop in front of her. She tapped once on the touchpad, directing the little notification to expand into a window. Surely enough, it was her older sister, smiling up at her from a plain white wall. She recognized the photo: it was the one they had taken for her admissions packet. Mariana shook her head to clear it. "It doesn't matter. That was a year ago. She could be anywhere-" Her laptop dinged again with another email. She opened it to find a single Facebook link. "Katrina..."

"I'm not saying that you have to look at it right now," Katrina said. "I just thought you might like to have it for further reference."

Even as Katrina said it, Mariana saw the cursor moving, almost of its own accord, to the blue hyperlink.

She clicked it.

The instant the page loaded, she knew.

At her sharp intake of breath, Katrina said, "Is everything okay?"

"I..." Mariana shook her head. "I don't know. Katrina, what am I supposed to do with this? I can't just send her a message." And I don't even know what I would say if I did. "She wanted to get away from us." She closed her laptop, sending it to sleep. "I'm not countering that."

"But at least you have it."

"I guess so."

And despite her protests, she had to admit that something about it at least made her question.

Made her wonder...

♪♪♪

"You have that huge biology exam on Monday, and Mar-"

"I have piano!"

"We know, we know," Catalina said.

"We've heard it all before," Mariana added. "Now get going. You don't want to miss the train."

At that moment, Mamá hurried out of the kitchen, brandishing a paper. "Elena, mijita, do not forget this!"

"A list of recipes? Mami..."

"You need to remember your home while you are gone," Mamá said with an affectionate smile. "It is easy to get lost in the big city."

"I won't forget, Mami. Prometo." She kissed their mother on the cheek before turning to leave, but as she did, Mariana slipped up behind her and pressed a hard, square disk into her hand. She glanced down. "What is this?"

"It's a new song," Catalina explained. "And a playlist of a few of your favorites."

"Just a little something," Mariana smiled, "so you don't forget."

Elena shook her head, an answering smirk playing at her lips. "How could I?" She gave each of her sisters a hug in turn. "Gracias, mis hermanitas. Te quiero. Both of you." With a final wave, she headed out the door.

"Do you think she'll actually listen to it?"

"When has she ever not?"

The twins looked at each other and grinned before turning and racing each other up the stairs while Mamá called after them to slow down.

Just another ordinary day in the Castellanos household.

♪♪♪

As the snow continued falling, blanketing the slopes outside of the window, Mariana stared moodily out at the swirl of white as a flash drive flipped between her fingers.

What would she think?

Would she even listen to it?

It wasn't even an authentic track, really, merely a demo.

Mariana glanced down at the drive, and then, making up her mind, she slid it into the computer, uploaded it, typed out a quick message, and hit send.

Three thousand miles to the southeast, in the heart of Central America, in a capital city called Tegucigalpa, a laptop vibrated. Elena, busy mapping a star chart in a design program, gave it little more than a cursory glance before recognizing the message.

Familia primero siempre.

It gave her pause.

Enough pause that she minimized the program to click on the notification.

Enough pause that, when she saw the audio file, she forced herself to turn up the volume on her laptop.

Enough pause that she took a deep breath and opened the attachment.

They say you can't go home,

But I know there's no need.

Because I know that you,

You're all here with me.

No te olvidaré,

No te olvidaré,

No te olvidaré,

Mi hermana, te quiero.

As the song struck its last, soft chord, Elena found herself blinking back the tears.

It was as if someone else had reached for her phone.

Had found the old contact.

Had dialed the number.

Had said...

"Why?"

Mariana's response was simple, matter-of-fact, as if it was an established truth.

"Siempre te querré, hermana. I love you."

"Para siempre?"

"Para siempre."