Fuck them.

They never let me see her. They never let me check on her to see if she's okay. To see if she's breathing- to even see if she's fucking alive!

I've been visiting this damn hospital for the past three weeks and the nurses still won't let me in to see her. I just want to climb in a hole sometimes and never come out.

I just-I just want to know. I need to know she's going to be okay. I need to make sure for myself that she'll be alright. I don't trust her in the hands of anyone else but mine. And I don't think she does either.

I just couldn't wait any longer. I was going to see her and today was going to be the day- the first day in nearly a month. I needed to see her. She couldn't be missing out of my life for any longer. I don't think I could physically handle it.

No one was waiting along with me in the waiting room. The room was a boring and the depressing color of beige with black and white pictures on the walls -which I was assuming was supposed to add inspiration and something for people, who's family or friends were pain, to look at and just ignore all of the terror that invaded their life.

One was of a rainbow. But it had no color. They let you see the happiness but didn't allow you to enjoy it. That was the evilness of it all.

I looked around this hospital waiting room once again. There was nothing. So I made my move.

I stood up and walked over to the door where the nurses came and went. I figured it had to be where they kept all the patients.

As I walked down more beige hallways with white tiled flooring, I had began to observe. The last names of the patients and their first initial was written in their hospital room door. Upon whiteboards read a whole bunches of names but I was only in search of one.

I had been walking for about five minutes mindlessly on the look out for her name.

When I had thought it'd be forever until I found it, there it was.

E. Monroe

I stood before the room where I believe the girl that I loved with my entire body was to be. Behind this door, I would be granted with the beauty of her face and pleasance of her presence. The only difference- I wouldn't be able to hear her voice or see the ocean in her blue eyes. Everly wouldn't really be there.

I twisted the doorknob and opened the door slowly. My stomach dropped in anticipation. Then, I laid eyes on her. She lay there motionless under white sheets. Her body was dressed in a hospital gown instead of her usual hoodie-and-jeans style- which I had begun to take an major liking to.

Her eyes were closed and her skin was pale from being in this boring ass hospital room for a month.

Everly was just so different. Finally getting to see her after so long felt strange. It wasn't a feeling I liked. I wanted to be around her all the time. I liked to be around her all the time.

She was so different. Being around her felt so different. It wasn't happy, delicate and sentimental, it was sad and lonely. I missed the way she made me feel. She needed to wake up.

I walked into the hospital room and closed the door, flinching at the noise it made, hoping no one heard it. I sat myself the doctor's rolling stool and rolled over to the bed where she slept. I could hear her innocent breathing. She was so simple and lovely. I wanted to hear her voice again, but could only hear the air come in and out of her body- the air going from oxygen to carbon dioxide.

"Hey, Evs" I began to talk to her.

She couldn't hear me and I felt kind of stupid but I got over it.

"You should wake up soon." There was, of course, no response. I wasn't expecting one. "I miss you."

"The doctors said it's up to you to wake up, now. You're only sleeping- it shouldn't be too hard, right? I mean, take your time but don't take too long."

The silence in the room was deafening. I felt like I was talking to an inanimate object. It felt like she wasn't even there. I was losing hope that I would actually see her again and hear her laugh. It physically hurt to think of it.

"Remember all the fun we used to have? Even though it's only been a few months since we've known each other, we've been through a lot together." I sighed.

"I promise I won't hurt you again. I'm trying my hardest to keep you out of everything. There's just things you don't know about me and things I don't want you to know. You wouldn't like me anymore. I surprised you still do with all the shit I put you through."

I frowned and brought my head down to look at my folded hands rest in my lap. The lighting was weird and the room was dim, causing me to become tired.

I wanted to stay forever but if I stayed any longer, I might be arrested- again.

After a short while, I had begun to hear Everly's breathing quicken. It sounded like it was difficult for her to breathe.

As a reaction, I quickly stood up out of my chair and rested my hand against the side if her face. She began to cough. Everly's eyes shot open and her hand jerked up and grabbed my wrist. Her breathing was strained like as if she was begging for air.

"Ev-Everly?" I shockingly exclaimed.

She just gasped for air.

"Nurse!" I screamed.

I let go of her and sprinted for the door. I opened it and yelled through the halls: "I need a nurse, now!"

Down the hallway, I had already saw two men in blue scrub suits on their way here.

Two security guards had begun an their way, too, and I knew I had to go. I ran back to where Everly was and placed a kiss on her cold forehead.

"They'll take care of you," I said before hustling out the door.

"Hey, boy! You're not supposed to be in here!" One of the security guards had yelled as they chased after me down the beige hallways.

I ran down hallways and didn't even know where I was going, but I couldn't get arrested again. They wouldn't go easy on me this time, I was 18 this time. I wasn't a kid anymore.

I eventually reached a dead end in the building and had nowhere to go. As I turned around, the guards had turned the corner and caught me. It was too late.

The men ran up to me and grabbed each of my arms. I tried to fight them off of me but they were too strong. I was no match.

"Let me go!" I yelled, attempting to jerk my arms out of their grip. I've been in a worse situation than this, I should be able to get out of it.

Maybe this is what I deserve and maybe my mind knows that, too.

People like me don't deserve second chances.
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Hey guys!!

finally an update, i know.

just so y'all know, school just started as it did for many of you.

not only is school in the way of my writing time but my sports are too

the updates for a while are going to take a few weeks. it'll be a while

hopefully towards the winter season, i'll have more time to write with school and sports breaks then.

but please me patient and kind with the long waits !

and don't think that i don't write nor think of it all the time because i always try to make time but there just isn't any

i write for y'all whenever i get the chance

and those of u who have been here for a while know i have personal issues that are on and off. so please don't be mean !

and i don't mind when y'all ask for updates because it motivates me to  update like now so thank u guys for being on my tail to write i guess ! haha

anywho , i'll see y'all in my next update ! love u guys sm !

-BlackMidnights