I'm on the clock right now. But what am I doing instead?

Staring at Tapas' ranking charts, my Patreon revenue, and all the websites that the God of Love is a Deadbeat was ever posted on and SULKING because for as insecure as I am, I am really cocky.

It upsets me that my book isn't more popular. Like, I know it shouldn't. I should just write and thank the people that enjoy it. But also, why isn't it more popular? Like, it deserves popularity. It should totally be more popular. 

Do I think it's perfect?

No.

Do I think the top-ranking books are perfect? 

No. 

Why won't websites advertise me? Why won't they put me in featured lists? Why did coronavirus have to come and ruin my publishing date for these Chinese web novel websites that would've actually maybe given me a shot at popularity and money? 

Damn, coronavirus.

This book was supposed to be intellectual, but this is clearly just a pathetic rant. 

Is it shameful to ask a website, "Hey, I know that I'm not a top-selling author and that this book I have is free, but can you put me on a featured or editor's choice list? Thank you"?

'Cause... I mean, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to promote for a book like The God of Love except for the place where the suitable audiences are. My cover is beautiful. I spent $50 on it because my own drawing was crap. Why is there not a rabid crowd of people foaming at the mouth to read it? Why is it not in the top 10 of Tapas? Why is Tapas not begging me to let them adapt it into a comic? 

I don't know. This happens every so often. Most of the time, I'm just writing and having fun and glad people are reading and liking. Other times, I just look at The God of Love and it should appeal to that audience yet.... yet.... Why isn't it more popular? Is it because there's no sex scenes? Is it because it's LGBT and not BL? Like, I just... *wipes tear* 

I won't stoop to that level, though. I won't put something sexy on the cover or change it back to BL. I have my integrity. 

Still.

Even without those aspects, I am sure that it should be more popular. 

Is it because it's a novel and it'd be better as a comic? BUT HOW CAN IT BECOME A COMIC UNLESS IT BECOMES A POPULAR NOVEL FIRST? 

*deep sigh*

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I just want a comic adaptation.

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Like, part of me doesn't even care about money. I just want to see it as a comic and have people love it. 

Why do I crave validation so badly? It's really pathetic.

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It doesn't even have to be The God of Love (even though it's PERFECT for a comic adaptation). It can be This is Not a Tragedy. Or The Music Between Us once I get further in it. Or Our Strange Love. Not When Best Friends Kiss. I'm so sick of that book. 

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If the government gives us money because of this coronavirus, I'm using it all to pay an artist. 

If you'd like to see me be ridiculous on a regular basis and give me validation because I'm a selfish bitch who thinks she's way more funny than she probably is, follow me on twitter at LenaMano.