I sit here in my room
'Whilst the vehicles rush by.
Music is playing in the background
In my Ears,
Yet it can't seems to reach me.

I'm a boat that has been crashed upon
Rocks again ,
It has broken wooden-ribs.
The waves are dragging me in ;
Drowning me again.
I scream for help
The words don't reach out , in the open - the real world.
They're stuck in my world of : Fantasy , imaginary characters ,
Dark-waters , little comfort and more pain.

These words provide no comfort.

The Ghosts of Water ,
Shriek in my face :
"Let me in. Let us in. Let us make you feel miserable - the maroon blood on the knife please"
I acknowledge.
And shut the door even tighter ;
Laying my head on my lap ,
Looking like a mourning - faded -
Deteriorating white daisy now ;
My head is bowed low like that of
Flowers dying away slowly in the
Vase.
They have everything -
The water , the salt ; And
So do I.

Fading away into the darkness ,
The mask is breaking ; getting old .
The orchestra & the birds have
Stopped playing.
Darkness is dancing around me , like
A Ballerina performing.
She calls to me :
"Come dance with me , let me show you the dance of us"
I nod & shut her out.
This time fading away like
Mourning Roses.

I cut the music off
Slam my book shut,
Put on my mask - and slip into
Reality again.
The waters follow,
This time slowly -
They know , they don't have my Attention now.

I'm back in my room after incoherent
Chatter.
Tell her to take care & I
Enter the palace of -
Light and Darkness again.

Music starts replaying ,
This time I don't mind.
Wish I had someone to call mine.
Then again , I'm scared of -
Committing to people.
Hearing about love songs,
Makes me feel nothing.
They do nothing to rub away the
Void.
Instead they make me ponder and
Write about love , I haven't experienced , nor want to.
I'm scared of my walls being
Broken down.
I'm scared of letting in -
It always backfires ; making me feel
Like a fool.
I cuss myself and kick the imaginary
Sand.
Laying down , I wait for the waters to
Come ;
The Waves ,
I wait for them to come and drown
Me In.
I want to dance , they don't come.
The void increases -
The soothing voices , no - longer
Pacify me.
This Sea is worthless now and
So are the words.
There's no tranquility left anymore.
Only , Unblinking - Voidful - Grey Clouds.
I'm under the clouds -
This time : Rainy - Precipitation ,
Grey ones ,
And I don't mind.

I tap on the door.
I call on to anger
'Let me in' , I say.
No reply.
I knock again , this time harder.
'Vendetta let me in'
No reply.
I feel a hand on my shoulder ,
I look behind and find -
Serene Vendetta.
"Why do you want to speak to fire?
When I'm here" , she asks.
" I don't know " I shrug.
"No good , let me guide you
Come" , says Serene Vendetta.
I nod and follow.

Pluck , Pluck , Pluck.
I tore the roses one by one.
Letting them bleed on the ground ,
Creating a new , beautiful shade of
Maroon-Red Hue.

...

(Incomplete and unedited )

-Ridhima Joshi