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eleven. we can be better

I loved you, oh how I loved you

Fourth of July was the most cherished holiday for the Fisher-Conklin bunch, and it held a special place in Katherine's heart, all because of Susannah. Every year, Susannah went all out to celebrate the occasion, making it a grand and joyous event for everyone.For Katherine, it wasn't just about the fireworks, the food, or the festivities. It was about the way Susannah's eyes would light up with excitement as she planned the day's events. It was about the warmth and love that emanated from her, making everyone feel like they were part of one big, happy family.

Katherine loved the Fourth of July because it brought everyone together, and she cherished the moments spent in Cousins ever more. She admired the way Susannah effortlessly hosted the clam bake, making sure everyone had their favorite dishes and that the atmosphere was filled with laughter and love.

Susannah's love for the holiday was contagious, and it filled Katherine's heart with joy to see how much happiness she brought to everyone around her. The beach gatherings, the games, the laughter, and the shared stories.

The kitchen was abuzz with activity as Katherine walked downstairs and helped herself to a bowl of fruit loops. Jeremiah turned to her and asked, "Can I have your milk when you finish?"

Katherine chuckled, "What is your addiction to milk?"

Steven, her cousin, entered the kitchen and then inquired, "Are we done with the portrait yet?" He referred to the painting Susannah had been working on outside. Katherine was next in line and she would have dreaded if it was anyone but Susannah.

"Yeah, for today. But you do look good in a dress shirt, Steven. Uh, which makes me think if Belly doesn't hurry up and ask Cam to that ball, you should take her. And Katherine, do you have someone to take to the ball?" Susannah teased before turning to the brunette. "I can tell Conrad to take you again, this year."

"No, that's not necessary. At all. and I am sorryI haven't really been thinking about the ball but I'll ask Seb today, after the party," Katherine sighed. With everything that had been happening lately, with Conrad and then the kiss with Sebastian she had ignored the deb ball more than she had planned to. She had refused to go to the club with Belly for preparation, which Susannah had told her to do repeatedly.

"Ew. No way," Belly plastered a disgusted look on her face at what Susannah had suggested for her.

"No, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm already going with Shayla," Steven explained to Susannah.

"To the debutante ball?" Laurel raised her eyebrows as walked into the kitchen.

"Yes."

"As an escort?"

"Wrap your head around it, Mom, all right? Shayla's coming today with Nicole and Gigi, so you'll meet her."

"That's wonderful. Oh, and don't forget, Ms. Covington's first dance rehearsal is tomorrow, so, uh, tick-tock," Susannah reminded them. "Katherine you can't get out of going tomorrow. You know how she is."

Katherine groaned, "Fine but I am doing it only for you. And I'll ask Seb."

"I'm asking Cam today," Belly shared her plan too.

"I don't know my kids anymore," Laurel laughed, wrapping her arm around Katherine.

"Wait, are you wearing makeup? Yeah, she's wearing makeup," Susannah pointed out.

"Oh, my... She definitely is," Steven began to smile.

Katherine gasped.

"So what? We're having a party," Laurel explained.

"I'm sure it has nothing to do with John coming to the clam bake?" Susannah glanced at Laurel with a smile.

"Oh, please. The husbands always come for the Fourth," Laurel clarified.

"Uncle John is not your husband anymore," Katherine noted.

"Oops. Yeah. Ex-husband," Laurel chuckled.

"You know, I still don't understand why you invited Dad's girlfriend," Steven looked at Laurel.

"Yeah, isn't that going to be a little weird for you?" Belly furrowed her brows.

Jeremiah patiently waited for Katherine to finish her cereal.

"Are you almost done?" He mouthed to Katherine. She shook her head.

"Her name is Victoria, and your father wanted all of us to meet her. Oh, Katherine, I need you to make up the guest bed," Laurel instructed her.

"Oh, come on," Katherine whined. "I thought this was a vacation."

"Wait, Dad and Victoria are staying here? In the room next to mine?" Belly complained.

"Yeah," Laurel confirmed, trying to change the subject.

"I am so glad I don't share a room with you, Bells," Katherine laughed nervously, finally finishing her cereal. She handed the bowl of milk to Jeremiah.

"Oh, speaking of dads, yours called. He's closing a deal, so he can't come," Susannah informed Jeremiah, looking down.

"What?" Jeremiah looked surprised.

"Did you say Dad's not coming?" Conrad entered the kitchen, his eyes locking with Katherine's for a moment before she looked away.

Katherine sighed, feeling a mix of emotions swirling inside her. Last night's conversation took over her mind, eating away at her heart. She told him to leave her alone but did she really want that?

"But I got some serious fireworks for the show this year," Jeremiah frowned, trying to bring back the cheerful atmosphere.

"We'll take a video," Susannah suggested, trying to ease the tension.

"It's not the same," Jeremiah mumbled, disappointed.

"I know," Susannah empathized.

Katherine excused herself, feeling the need to escape the awkwardness and give herself some space to sort out her feelings. She went upstairs to put the sheets onto the guest bed, hoping the task would distract her from the turmoil inside.

She struggled to tuck in one side as the other popped right back up. "Ugh," she let out, frustrated. It felt like a metaphor for her emotions—every time she tried to suppress her feelings for Conrad, they resurfaced, refusing to be ignored.

"Do you need help?" Speak of the devil. Conrad leaned on the wall, surprising her.

Katherine closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to steady her racing heart. "Conrad, what do you want?"

"Nothing." He paused, "I just want to help you because you seem to be failing miserably."

"You know, if you're so smart, you should just do it yourself." She stood up, crossing her arms as she looked at him, trying to keep a distance.

"Can we just talk?" He sighed, closing the door behind him.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she found herself alone with him in the confined space. The memories flooded back—late-night talks, stolen glances, and that one unforgettable summer.

"What is there to talk about? We have already talked. I told you that I need you to stop confusing me and you said you will." Katherine leaned her back against the wall, trying to maintain some distance from him.

"So then why are you still mad at me?" He asked as he began to fix the sheet, trying to keep busy.

"Are you actually asking me that?" She tried to hide the hurt in her voice, but it was hard to deny the pain she felt.

"Okay, fine. I know I have acted so, so shitty with you. I didn't mean for that to happen. For any of this to happen, Kath. But I can't just cut you out of my life. We are here in the same house, I see you everywhere, my mom talks about you all the time. It's hard to fucking ignore you and just let you go," Conrad stopped tucking the sheets and looked at Katherine with hopeful eyes.

"What are you saying, Conrad?"

"Katherine, I don't want to confuse and hold you back. I don't but it's killing me, literally hurting my chest to not tell you the things I want to." He looked away from her, as if unable to hold her gaze. "But you deserve better than someone like that. You were my best friend. I want that back."

Her heart ached at his words. A part of her wanted to give in, to forget everything and be his best friend again.

"I want to have you in my life too, Con. I always will. You're my best friend." She nodded. "But you can't question my relationships with people and expect me to be okay with it. Sebastian really likes me and you made it very clear to me that you don't want me."

"It's not that I don't–" Conrad stopped himself and then spoke again, "Okay. I won't say anything to your life-guarding boyfriend, okay?"

"Thank you," she said, feeling a bit relaxed. Conrad and her could be mature about this. "And he is not my boyfriend."

"Sure." he snorted. Katherine didn't notice it then but it was Conrad's heart that was the one shattering into pieces at that moment. He carried a heavy secret, one that weighed on him like a ton of bricks. Knowing that Susannah had cancer would crush Katherine. She had always been so close to her. The knowledge of her illness nearly destroyed Conrad, but he couldn't bear the thought of burdening Katherine with this painful truth. She had already endured so much tragedy in her life, and he couldn't let her carry the weight of this additional sorrow.

Breaking up with her when he did was for the best, so she could be able to look Susannah in the eyes and not think of it as the last time she ever did. Katherine deserved that much. He knew that if he kept this from her and they continued to date, she would have forced him somehow to fess up. Conrad always found it hard to hide stuff from her.

All that he did, he did for her. That's what he told himself, for two of the four most important women in his life.

"Hey, is it weird to think your uncle will be going about it with his new girlfriend on this bed?" he joked, hoping to keep the spirits up.

Katherine threw a pillow at him. "Conrad!"

The five teenagers were huddled by the door, peering through the window with curiosity and anticipation. They watched as John walked up with his girlfriend.

"She's hot." Jeremiah let out, causing Katherine to hit him in the arm.

"Dude," Steven furrowed his brows, clearly disapproving of Jeremiah's comment.

"What? I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking," Jeremiah defended himself, earning an eye-roll from Katherine.

"I wasn't thinking that," Belly chimed in, glancing over at Jeremiah.

"Me neither," Katherine groaned. Uncle John had always been Laurel's. It was weird seeing him with someone else.

"Yo, that could be their future stepmom," Conrad teased with a mischievous smile.

"Dude, what the hell?" Steven pushed Conrad's shoulder, not appreciating his comment.

"Don't push me," Conrad smirked, ready to retaliate.

"Guys, they're coming, they're coming. Ah!" Jeremiah yelled, and everyone quickly stepped away from the door, except for Steven, Katherine, and Belly.

"Hey," Steven and Katherine smiled as the moms walked in, followed by John and his girlfriend.

"Be nice," Laurel whispered to them, reminding them to keep their composure.

"Hey. Come give your old man a hug, huh?" John smiled as he approached them, and Katherine couldn't help but feel a mix of warmth and awkwardness. Steven and Belly first hugged their dad together followed by Katherine, all trying to act as normal as possible.

"Oh, my gosh! Um... This is Victoria," John introduced his girlfriend.

"Hi, guys. It's-it's really great to meet you. I've heard nothing but five-star reviews," Victoria said with a friendly smile.

"Here, let's put this in the kitchen," John said to Victoria as they walked to the kitchen.

"There is no way she's 27. We have to grab her wallet and check her ID," Belly insisted.

"She's in grad school. Chill," Steven told Belly, trying to calm her down.

"We should do it," Katherine added, feeling a mix of amusement and discomfort at the same time.

"I can't calm down or chill. I mean, knock-off Dakota Johnson has her claws in our dad," Belly vented, not hiding her skepticism. "Katherine, agree with me."

Katherine shrugged as Steven chuckled, "Yeah."

"But she seems nice. Give her a chance," Katherine interjected, squeezing Belly's arm in a reassuring gesture.

Belly, Steven, and Katherine walked into the kitchen, their minds still preoccupied with the recent encounter. "Steven, can you get your dad's bags and put them upstairs, please?" Laurel asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I-I just need your keys to pop the trunk, then," Steven replied, looking a bit distracted.

"Actually, Vic and I decided to stay in town this weekend. Figured you guys had a packed house," John explained, his gaze shifting between the children.

"Oh, that sounds fun," Belly smiled, trying her best to be supportive despite her initial reservations about her dad's girlfriend.

"Aww but I fixed up the guest room for you," Katherine groaned, feeling a bit awkward standing there amidst the grown-up conversation.

"Well, are you sure?" Susannah asked John and Victoria, trying to gauge their plans.

"Whatever you think is best," Laurel told them with a hint of hesitation.

"So... I convinced John to stop at a fruit stand on the way over, and I figured I could make some pomegranate margaritas later," Victoria explained, trying to break the tension with a light-hearted comment.

"Oh, how thoughtful of you," Susannah thanked her, offering a small smile.

The three teenagers stood there, not knowing quite what to do or say in the midst of the adult conversation. They exchanged glances, silently communicating their shared feeling of awkwardness.

Just then, there was a ring at the door. "Oh, I'll get it," Belly volunteered, eager to break away from the tension in the kitchen. Katherine and Steven followed behind, grateful for the distraction.

As Belly opened the door, they were greeted by Nicole, Gigi, and a few other friends who had arrived for the Fourth of July celebration. Excited voices filled the air as the house quickly filled with laughter and chatter, easing some of the awkwardness that had lingered moments before.

Katherine took a deep breath. She had a weird feeling about this day.