chapter twelve. Fourth of July, the day that I died

I remember thinking I had you

A whirlwind of emotions churned within Katherine's mind when she saw Sebastian again. Her thoughts immediately shifted to that kiss they had shared, a moment so sweet and lovely it made her heart flutter. Yet, in the very next heartbeat, her mind veered toward Conrad. It was almost automatic, a conditioned response that had been ingrained in her over the years. Conrad had always been her Prince Charming, the one she thought about when she thought about romance. Conrad and Katherine. Always and forever.

But not anymore, she sternly reminded herself. Sebastian was here now, an incredible, sweet, and cute boy who liked her and wanted to spend time with her. A boy who didn't bring complications, a contrast to the tangle of feelings Conrad always seemed to evoke. Who wouldn't confuse her, who would keep falling in love simple.

Stop thinking, Katherine! Oh the troubles of being an over thinker.

"What are you thinking about?" Sebastian questioned.

Oh, just another guy. Katherine's internal dialogue felt like a whirlwind. She had to rein in her overthinking tendencies.

"Nothing, really. Just random stuff," she answered, shaking her head slightly, hoping her internal musings didn't show on her face. Was it cheating to think about another guy while spending time with Sebastian? But then again, were she and Sebastian even officially dating? The lines were blurry, and Katherine wished she could just shut off the torrent of questions swirling in her head.

But then, as if fate had other plans, her gaze wandered over to the pool area. There was Conrad, and he was laughingly close to Nicole, engaged in a conversation that seemed a bit too comfortable for Katherine's liking. A pang of jealousy struck her, her heart squeezing at the sight. The world had a funny way of putting things in front of her that she wished to ignore.

"Hey, let's go to the kitchen for a moment," Katherine suddenly suggested to Sebastian, her voice betraying a hint of urgency.

Sebastian looked a bit confused but complied, following her into the kitchen. Once they were alone, Katherine let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. She turned to Sebastian, her eyes searching his face for some sort of reassurance.

"Is everything okay, Katherine?" Sebastian asked, his concern evident.

"Yeah, it's just..." she trailed off, unsure how to voice her sudden bout of jealousy and insecurity.

Sebastian waited patiently, his gaze steady on her.

Katherine took a deep breath, her fingers playing with the hem of her dress nervously. "I just think there's going to be some drama today. Just a feeling."

Sebastian smiled at her, "Well, you need to let things happen as they will. If you are going to be anxious, how will you enjoy the drama?"

Katherine rolled her eyes, though she felt much better, "How does one enjoy drama?"

"By having fun, Katherine," the boy grinned at her, his smiling filling up his entire face. "Loosen up a little. I am going to go outside see if there are any lemon tarts, okay?"

The girl nodded, "Sure."

Just as Sebastian left the kitchen, Conrad came in and Katherine, willing her mind to stop romanticizing the boy, followed him to the kitchen counter where Belly and Jeremiah– well, they were up to something.

"What are you guys up to?" Katherine's voice cut through the lively atmosphere, drawing everyone's attention.

"Pomegranate margaritas with a little twist," Belly grinned mischievously as she poured a packet of Kool-Aid powder into the blender.

Katherine's mind took a sudden trip down memory lane, back to the days when blenders were a source of endless fascination and countertop disasters.

"Isn't that the blender that made the counters sticky?" She asked, her mind flashing years back. Oh, how childish they had been (Adam Fisher's fault entirely, he had never actually told the kids they weren't allowed to touch the blender).

"Indeed it is. Indeed it is," Jeremiah chimed in with a chuckle, confirming the blender's notorious history.

Conrad joined in, pouring ice into the blender with a grin that seemed to be genuine, a rare sight lately. He seemed happy, especially ever since Susannah noted that their dad won't be coming. Katherine found that strange because Conrad used to worship his dad.

"We don't need another debacle." Jeremiah playfully warned Conrad. Meanwhile, Belly continued her mixology by adding the alcoholic component to the blender.

"Wow, that's a lot." Katherine couldn't help but widen her eyes as she observed the generous pouring of tequila. "Bells, sweetheart, this is not going to end well."

"Yeah. Stop it, stop." Belly told Conrad as he too added more alcohol.

"A lot more, a lot more tequila." Jeremiah laughed.

"That is way too much and I want to be the responsible one but I can't." Katherine laughed. Conrad gave her a look, his blue eyes twinkling as they met hers and there it was... that feeling again. Yearning, it was called.

It was hard to know what to make of Conrad. Sometimes he was him, the boy she had known, who laughed and bossed everyone around. Who could light up the room when he smiled. The shy, nervous boy who stole her heart. And then a mask would fall over his face, taking away the light and leaving this... this damaged soul that was hurting but refused to tell anyone why he was hurting. It was like looking at a puzzle piece that once fit perfectly and still held a hint of its former shape.

Katherine blinked, pulling herself out of her thoughts as Conrad capped the blender and switched it on. They all leaned in, waiting with anticipation for the drink to be ready. Conrad took his hands off of it for two seconds, "No, keep your hands on it." Jeremiah smiled as he put his hands on top of Conrad's making sure he kept it on the lid.

Conrad stopped the blender's whirring, a wistful smile touching his lips. "You know what I miss?"

Jeremiah's curiosity piqued. "Huh?"

"Watching Laurel put Dad in his place," Conrad reminisced, a fondness in his voice. "You know, she'd walk in and be like, 'Adam'."

As if on cue, they heard Laurel's voice from the other room, her tone slightly exasperated as she addressed Adam. Who actually made it. Oh shit.

"Happy Fourth!" Adam's smile illuminated the room as he walked in, a burst of energy entering with him. Katherine's gaze inadvertently flickered to Conrad, noticing a subtle shift in his expressions upon Adam's arrival.

"Hey, Dad, you made it!" Jeremiah's excitement was palpable as he pulled his father into a tight hug.

"Hey, guys. Hey, Connie," Adam smiled at his oldest son. "I'll have a little of what you're mixing up there." He continued.

"Yeah, sure." Belly grabbed a margarita glass and she poured some of the concoction into it, handing it to Adam.

Adam took the glass with a grateful smile.

"Oh, you're gonna love the firework show this year. It's gonna be the best one yet," Jeremiah beamed with pride.

Adam's smile widened, his gaze shifting from Jeremiah to the others. "I believe it."

Just then, Susannah entered the kitchen, her presence adding a layer of calm to the lively atmosphere.

An almost electric stillness settled over the room, the only sound the soft click of Susannah's heels against the hardwood floor. Susannah walked into the kitchen, "Where'd everyone go?"

Adam's attention immediately turned to her. "Hey."

"Adam." She stood there, a steely expression on her face. "You managed to get off work." She continued, slightly smiling at him, as if forced.

"Yeah, I couldn't miss the Fourth with my family." Adam chuckled.

"All right, well, let's get back to the party," Susannah spoke.

"Okay, let's go, kids." Laurel smiled at the kids.

As the group started to make their way toward the backyard to join the festivities, Conrad paused and turned to them. "Do you guys wanna go to the beach?"

Everyone smiled.

"Sure, let's do it." Katherine grinned. "I'll go get Sebastian."

As Katherine stepped outside to find Sebastian, she spotted him engaged in conversation with Uncle John near the porch. They seemed to be discussing something very seriously, and for a moment, she hesitated. But she couldn't let anything interrupt their plans for the beach, not even Uncle John's charming conversations.

"Seb!" Katherine called out, making her way over to them with determination.

"Hey, Katherine," Sebastian greeted her with a warm smile. "We were just talking about some hiking trails around here."

"That sounds cool," Katherine replied, trying to keep her 'excitement' in check. "But, um, there's somewhere we really have to be right now. Could I steal Sebastian for a moment?"

Uncle John laughed heartily. "Of course, go ahead, young love waits for no one."

"Uncle John!" Katherine blushed a little at the comment, feeling the weight of his words as she took Sebastian's hand and led him away from the porch.

They walked towards the beach, a pleasant breeze rustled through the trees but then the atmosphere grew tense, the waves crashing against the shore in rhythm with the birds that chirped ahead. Just before they reached their destination, Sebastian abruptly stopped, causing Katherine to halt and turn to face him with confusion.

"Hey, wait a minute," he said, his voice tinged with frustration. "I can't just let this slide. There's something bothering me."

Katherine's heart skipped a beat, caught off guard by the sudden change in his tone. "What is it, Sebastian?"

Sebastian's gaze was searching, his eyes unwavering as he studied her. "I don't want to assume anything, but is there something between you and Conrad?"

Katherine's heart skipped a beat, caught off guard by his question. "Conrad? No, we're just friends. Why would you think that?"

"I've noticed the way you and Conrad interact. It's not just friendship, Katherine. There's a history there."

Katherine's mind raced, her heart pounding in her chest. She hadn't expected the conversation to take such a serious turn, especially not out here by the beach. "Sebastian, it's not what you think. Conrad and I used to date, yes, but we're not together anymore. We're just friends now."

Sebastian's looked away. "Are you sure about that?" He exhaled, his shoulders relaxing a little. "I really, really like you, Katherine. But I can't ignore that there's still something... visible between you and Conrad. I don't want to be the 'other guy' who comes between that because every time I see you two together, there's something more."

Katherine bit her lip, trying to find the right words. "Sebastian, I care about Conrad, yes, but things have changed between us. I like spending time with you, and I don't want to mess that up."

Sebastian's expression softened, but there was still a hint of turmoil in his eyes. "I want to believe you, Katherine. But I can't shake off this feeling that I might be stepping into something more complicated than I thought."

Katherine's heart sank as his anger washed over her. She hadn't anticipated that this conversation would escalate to this level. "Sebastian, please don't be like this. I care about you, and I want us to be together."

"I am not looking for a summer fling or a short-term girlfriend, Katherine. I want something serious." Sebastian's jaw tightened even further, his voice strained as he responded. "And- And I can't be with someone who's still tied to their past, who's still tangled up in their ex-boyfriend's life."

"Conrad will always be a part of my life."

"Katherine," His eyes softened, looking at her calmly. "You are very beautiful and kind and smart and it seems very easy to me... falling in love with you. But I don't want half a version of you that is in love with Conrad. I want you to be all in but I don't think you can do that. So we should end this before it begins."

As Sebastian walked away, Katherine stood there on the beach, her heart heavy with a different kind of ache. It wasn't a heartbreak for Sebastian; it was a heartbreak for the possibility that might have been. She watched his retreating figure, a knot forming in her chest, realizing that she might have let something wonderful slip through her fingers.

Her heart was tangled in a web of emotions, aching not because she was losing Sebastian, but because she was losing the chance to finally let go of her past with Conrad. It was a bittersweet realization, a moment of clarity that cut through her confusion like a knife. She had been given a chance to move forward, to explore something new and genuine with Sebastian, but her lingering feelings for Conrad had cast a shadow over everything.

The contrast between this heartbreak and the one she had felt with Conrad was stark. With Conrad, it had been a tumultuous journey, a rollercoaster of emotions that had left her shattered and questioning her worth. Their breakup had been painful, their history marred by secrets and unresolved issues. But this heartbreak with Sebastian was different. It was a heartbreak born out of missed opportunities, out of her own inability to fully let go and embrace the present.

Katherine decided to take a walk along the beach. The soothing sound of waves crashing against the shore gave her a sense of calm, allowing her thoughts to slowly settle.

As the sun began to dip towards the horizon, casting a warm, golden hue over the sand, Katherine eventually made her way back into the beach house. She had hoped the solitude of the beach would help her sort through her emotions, but as she stepped inside, her gaze fell upon Conrad in the outdoor shower, washing off the dirt from a day of beach activities.

Taking a deep breath, Katherine approached the outdoor shower area. "Conrad," she called out, her voice tinged with bitterness she couldn't quite conceal.

Conrad turned off the shower and looked at her, his face a mixture of surprise and something she couldn't quite decipher. "Kath," he responded cautiously.

She crossed her arms, trying to steel herself against the turmoil of emotions bubbling within her. "We need to talk."

The sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in warm hues of orange and pink. The tranquil sound of the waves served as a backdrop to the emotions that surged between two figures standing on the beach. Their unspoken words hung in the air, a heavy tension that refused to dissipate.

His brows furrowed slightly, his eyes a mixture of apprehension and curiosity. "Alright."

Sebastian's question lingered, and Katherine's gaze shifted, uncertainty in her eyes. "Sebastian and I broke up. I mean, we weren't officially dating, so it's not exactly a breakup. But we're done."

A simple "Oh" was Conrad's response, though his eyes held a hint of intrigue.

She continued, her voice carrying a tinge of sadness. "Yeah, he thinks I'm still in love with you."

The weight of those words settled around them, the ocean breeze carrying the gravity of the situation. Conrad's next question held a touch of vulnerability. "Are you?"

Katherine's gaze shifted to the horizon, as if seeking solace in the distance. "I don't want to be. Conrad, nothing good ever came out of me being in love with you."

A note of annoyance crept into Conrad's tone. "Kath, you can't keep doing this. You can't tell me to forget your feelings, to just be friends, and then come the next day talking about how I am the reason your boyfriend broke up with you. It's not fair."

Katherine's frustration began to bubble over, her words sharp and laden with hurt. "It's not fair? Did you seriously just say that to me? Conrad, you broke up with me over the phone and then called me a summer fling. You told me you cared about me, and then you continued to act like we were a mistake. That is what is not fair."

Conrad's expression shifted, his pain mingling with regret. "There are things that I can't tell you."

The vulnerability in Katherine's voice was palpable as she pleaded with him. "I am begging you, Con. Just tell me. Whatever it is that's been haunting you, whatever's tearing us apart. Let me help you."

Conrad's silence spoke volumes, a barrier between them that seemed insurmountable.

"Please," Katherine's voice cracked, her desperation laid bare.

Their gazes held, a silent plea passing between them.

"Fine," Conrad finally relented, his voice heavy with the weight of their shared history. "Okay wait just a few, I'll come find you, and we will talk. But, Katherine, you're not gonna like what I have to say."

Her response was a whisper, a mixture of acceptance and determination. "Then it's my burden to bear."

"Where'd all the kids go?" Susannah's voice carried a festive tone as she appeared on the backyard porch, a towering cake displayed on a glass stand. Katherine walked over to her, her gaze sweeping across the scene, noting the holiday cheer that Susannah still held onto.

"More for us!" Katherine replied with a grin, appreciating Susannah's enthusiasm for the celebration. Her eyes caught Belly behind the glass door, swaying slightly and clearly intoxicated. She mentally cursed Steven for not keeping a closer eye on the youngest Conklin.

"That's the spirit, Kathy!" Susannah's laughter resonated in the air.

Uncle John and his girlfriend engaged in lively conversation at the food table, while Adam Fisher tried to engage Conrad in some football throws. However, Conrad's lack of interest was palpable, as if his mind was far away from the present moment.

Behind Susannah, Laurel and Belly emerged from the house, their presence adding to the festive atmosphere.

"Oh, I want the piece with the strawberries!" Belly's voice rang out, eager and slightly slurred as she rushed down the steps. But her excitement turned to calamity as she tripped and fell, taking Susannah and the cake down with her. The chaos unfolded in an instant, and Katherine found herself falling in the fray.

"Belly, are you okay?" Laurel's concern was immediate as she rushed to her daughter's side, while Adam joined his wife and Conrad hurried to assist Katherine.

"Honey, are you okay?" Adam's hands reached out, his worry evident in his expression.

Katherine brushed off the dust from her dress, as Susannah's voice determined. "Adam, I'm fine."

"Come on, please," he pleaded, concern etched on his face.

"Got it, I got it. Stop it!" The older Fisher woman's frustration tinged her voice as she pulled away from Adam's attempt to help her up.

This. This right here had something to do with what Conrad had to say to her. Anxiety rippled inside her. She needed to know.

Conrad stood there, his back to her, lost in his thoughts. The night sky was calm, a dark hue of things she didn't know yet.

"Conrad?" Katherine's voice trembled slightly as she approached him, a mix of uncertainty and longing in her tone.

He turned to face her, a faint smile tugging at his lips as he held up a delicate necklace, a pendant shimmering in the fading light. "I didn't forget to get you a gift."

Katherine's eyes widened in surprise as she took the necklace from his outstretched hand. The pendant was a delicate seashell, intricate and beautiful. She couldn't help but admire it, her fingers tracing its contours as she looked back at Conrad.

He shifted slightly, his expression serious as he continued, "I need to tell you something, Katherine. I've been distant, and you deserve to know why."

She nodded, her gaze fixed on him, a mixture of curiosity and concern evident in her eyes.

"My mom- my mom has cancer," Conrad's voice held a weight of sadness and worry, the words hanging heavily in the air between them. "I found out a while ago, and I haven't been able to bring myself to tell you or anyone. She has no clue that I know."

Katherine's heart started to break. Confusion filled her thoughts, vivid questions making their way. Because it wasn't possible. Susannah was the strongest person she knew. She was a force of nature. If she was sick, they would all know, right?

"Jeremiah doesn't know," Conrad continued, his voice catching slightly. "And I couldn't keep on pretending that everything was fine. I-I found out something else too. While she was going through chemo, my dad, um he was cheating on her."

Tears welled up in Katherine's eyes, her heart aching. Susannah didn't deserve this. She could only imagine the turmoil that Conrad had been carrying.

"I had to keep this from you, Katherine," Conrad's voice trembled with emotion. "I wanted you to have good last memories with her, not tainted ones. You have already lost so much. So, we broke up. Because I can't be sad in front of my mom because of her so I let myself be sad because of you."

What Conrad said barely made sense but somewhere in her mind, she understood. He was just a boy and he took so much responsibility. He did his best to keep everyone happy. Katherine's voice was soft, laced with understanding, "You didn't want to add to her burden."

Conrad nodded, his gaze unwavering as it met hers. "I miss you, Katherine. More than I can put into words. And I regret hurting you, pushing you away but... But I didn't want you to look at my mom knowing it might be the last time you see her."

Emotions surged within her. The first time she met Susannah. Dress shopping with Susannah. Cooking with Susannah. Being happy and finding another mother in Susannah. She stepped closer to him, the distance between them closing.

"Conrad," her voice was barely a whisper, filled with the raw honesty of her feelings. "I am so sorry."

Their faces were inches apart, the tension between them palpable. The world seemed to slow, and in that moment, it felt like they were the only two people on the planet.

"Katherine!" Belly's voice broke through the quiet moment, calling from a distance.

Startled, Katherine pulled away from Conrad, her breath catching as she turned toward the sound. Her heart still beat rapidly. Susannah, it kept crying out.

Conrad's eyes held a mix of longing and resignation as he stepped back slightly. "We should go see what Belly wants."

A/N this chapter had SO much happening. SO MUCH. sorry for the late update loves but tell me what you think!! remember to vote <333