Fear

"I'll survive somehow, I always do"

• Nala •

I woke up... alone
God knows where Finn went. But he'd left me feeling... shit.
Did I do something wrong?
Is he not as into me as I thought he was?

"Oi, rise and shine" Polly said, swinging the door open
"Pol" I groaned, I didn't want to get up
I felt so hungover and worried
"I think I ruined everything" I muttered, sitting up.

"Oh no... you sit down, tell me what happened, do you want some tea?" She asked in a concerned voice, sitting down next to me
I gave her a look, one that told her I wasn't in the mood for her sarcasm.

"Pol" I deadpanned
"Well what do you expect? This isn't a tea party or a little girls sleepover. You're a grown woman now Nala, you handle your own" she said, standing up
"But what if I handled it wrong?" I asked, shielding my eyes with a groan as she threw the curtains open.

She sighed
"What's happened?" She asked pointedly
"I... well I... me and Finn-" I began nervously, looking down and playing with my hair.

She sighed again, interrupting me
"You had sex didn't you?" She asked, but it was more like a statement, one made out of exhaustion
"No" I said immediately
"No... we just... well I think we were going to" I mumbled embarrassed.

"And?" She pressed
"And... he ran out on me" I said
"He what?" She asked
"He left, I don't know where he is, he just said he couldn't do it and he went" I explained.

She paused for a moment
"So you didn't have sex?" She asked
I shook my head
"There's no chance of another baby any time soon?" She quizzed
"No" I said louder than expected.

She blew out a breath
"Good. Seems it does well having at least one scared little virgin in the family" she muttered
"Polly" I exclaimed, looking at her shocked
"Oh hush, you think it's easy raising 3 boys that'll fuck anything with a pulse?" She replied, rolling her eyes.

"Look, Finn... Finn's shy, he always has been, you'd know better than anyone" she said
I nodded
He was. Unless someone was out right disrespecting us or he was off his head... he'd stay low, keep his head down and listen
He was good at that. Listening.

Often times they'd forget he was there. But he was clued up on everything going on
Sometimes it pays to be quiet.
Because then they don't suspect you. Don't expect what you're capable of.

"Talk to him. I'm sure it's just first time jitters" she said, heading for the door
"First time jitters?" I asked.
She nodded
"That boys probably been dreaming of this day ever since he was 14 and discovered his right hand" I heard John's voice intervene.

Before he appeared in the doorway, hands in his pockets, cap firmly on his head and a toothpick hanging from his mouth
"John!" I glared at him
"What?" He laughed
"He probably has! Ya know when I was his age, your sister was the dream I'd wan-"

"No! Nope... no" I shouted, hiding under the covers, covering my ears from his filthy words
I heard his laugh echo around the room when I eventually stopped, before he began retreating downstairs
"I'm telling you Nala, the boys just scared" he called out.

I sighed, lying in defeat
Was he scared? Of us... doing stuff?

Me and Finn had always been close. Shouldn't it be easier now we've admitted how we feel?

• Finn •

"You know if you keep coming to me for advice, people are going to start calling me a preacher too?" Isaiah chuckled
I rolled my eyes at him, picking up another crate
Tommy had us unloading crates of alcohol from the truck, his charity event was in a few days, and Grace was driving him up the wall about it.

She needed everything to be perfect
So I'm guessing she won't appreciate the two crates Isaiah dropped earlier
Now there was glass and wine all over the courtyard
"Shut up, I just... I don't know what to do" I said simply.

Was she expecting... sex?
Did she want us to fuck this early on in our... relationship?
It felt weird even thinking about it
Relationship. Nala fucking Cortéz loves me.

"Well it's easily solved. Fuck her" he shrugged, jumping down from the truck.
"What?"
"Fuck. Her. It's what she wants. So give it to her" he said.

"You're right. I shouldn't keep coming to you for advice" I grumbled
"How you getting on?" Arthur asked, strolling down the cobble to us
"Probably get on a bit faster if he stopped bitching" Isaiah chuckled.

"Probably get on a bit faster if you stopped dropping them" I said

"About Nala?" John's voice rang out
I sighed, shutting my eyes for a moment and praying this wasn't going to be another chance to just make fun of me.

"Course it's about Nala. Is he interested in anything else?" Isaiah laughed
"Hm, I know what he's not interested in" John teased, smirking up at me as I stood on the back of the truck
Fuck. He knew.

"What?" Arthur asked confused
"I've been round the house this morning, saw Nala" John began
"And?" Isaiah asked, a smile on his face. Traitor

"And she was all alone in that big bed of yours..." he frowned at me
I groaned, sitting down on the edge of the truck
"So... what happened? Couldn't get it up?" John asked
"Shut up" I snapped.

"What?" Arthur laughed
"Ole finny here ran out on our girl last night, left her alone and unsatisfied" he teased
"Fuck off John" I mumbled
He just carried on laughing at me.

I jumped off the edge, walking away from them
"Oh come on Finn" Isaiah called out after me
I ignored them
They can fuck off
I hate them.

I shut myself in the living room, none of them understood
I wasn't... scared
I wasn't incapable of it. I just... I just wasn't... ready for it yet.

"Yes... I'll tell them Grace for fuck sake" Tommy spoke up, muttering the end to himself as he strolled through the door and slammed it straight after him
"Trouble in paradise?" I grumbled
"Never mind you" he said, finally noticing me.

He sat down opposite me, staring at me intently
"What?" I asked
"Polly's been in my ear all morning about you" he started
For fuck sake
"Me?" I asked.

"Yeah. So, what do you want Finn?" He asked
"What do I want?" I repeated confused
"Yeah, are you going to man up and get Polly to stop whinging, or do I have to arrange for your manhood?" He asked simply, as if a talk about my sex life was nothing to him.

"What do you mean? Arrange it for me?" I asked
He sighed, pulling out a cigarette, his arms leant on his knees tiredly
"A whore Finn. We'll get you a whore if you want to... practice" he said.

"No" I said quickly
"No?" He echoed
I shook my head. I didn't want a whore. I didn't want practice. I wanted Nala
"Right. Settled then. Fuck her" he said simply, taking a drag and leaning back in his chair
"Tommy I-"
"Women are difficult as it is Finn. You want less hassle? Fuck her" he said disinterested.

I sighed. Why do none of them ever actually help?

• Nala •

"Maybe you came on too strong" Lizzie chuckled
"Shut up" I grumbled, throwing my pen down boredly
I didn't want to work whilst the Finn stuff was worrying me.

And everyone around me wouldn't stop banging on about it
"What?" She chuckled
"Just... leave it Lizzie eh?" Pol spoke up from the office doorway, leaning with her arms crossed and eyes narrowed on me.

I hated that look. The one that saw right through you and read your mind.
"Nala, a word?" She said, heading off in the direction of the office
I sighed, getting out of my seat
"Off for the talk?" Lizzie smirked.

"Lizzie" Pol sighed, turning back around to look at us
"Just because your past behaviour was the reasoning for 'the talk' ever existing does not mean it is your place to comment" she said
"Pol" I said appalled.

She held a hand up to me, effectively silencing me
"Now, get back to work" she said simply, before shutting the office door behind her
I sat down opposite the desk
"I really have a lot of work to d-"

"Every time I think you two have finally bashed your heads together, you surprise us all with another problem" she started, leaning back in her chair
I looked down, squirming under her gaze
"Have you got you dress yet?" She asked.

I shook my head
"Me and Daisy are going to go today" I said, Tommy's charity gala was fast approaching and I still didn't have a dress
Me and Finn had planned to match. Like we always do. I doubt that would be happening now.

"Okay, I'll get you some money after work" she said
I shook my head again
"I can buy my own dress Pol" I said
She nodded
"I know. But when a Shelby fucks you over, it's nice to take back" she said.

I offered her a small smile
"You'll work things out you know" she said, I did know. I knew eventually me and Finn would have to talk.
Whether it would be resolved with a happy ending was something I wasn't sure of.

"It's one for the books" she said, dismissing me of her attention and sorting through her paperwork.
"What is?" I asked
"A Shelby afraid of sex" she said simply, her tone so casual I almost didn't catch the words themselves.

"Polly!" I said shocked.

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