River O’riley

I follow Lexi into the kitchen, trying to ignore every instinct in me that wail like warning sirens, screaming inside my head that every move I make is wrong.. It’s obvious to me that it's a terrible idea to leave Amberley alone with Lilly and Lovey, even for a minute.. But The Wallflower had insisted I be on my beat behaviour and I trust in her strength of character.. She is capable of more empathy than I have ever allowed myself to feel.. She is a better person than I will ever be.. 

If anybody could get through to Amberley, it would be Frankie..

I have to allow myself to entertain the possibility that things will work out, just the way she had promised me they would.. And I have no reason to doubt her abilities.. After all, she is more often right.. She has answers to questions I couldn't explain beyond believing that she really does have a gift.. Some kind of insightful magic that lights the way.. 

So I will follow her, wherever she tells me to go.. All of my faith belongs in Frankie.. 

"Ye' sure we should be leavin' them alone together?" I grumble, slightly nauseated to let Lovey out of my sight..

“Oh, they'll be fine!.. Conner is still breathing, isn't he?.. She's not going to hurt anybody.." Lexi makes light of the whole situation in the darkest way, her morbid humour somewhat easing my guilty tension.. 

"Rite' ye' are.." I accept that she is probably right.. Amberley isn't the violent type.. Though, that was never my concern.. It's her shit-talking mouth and bad attitude that worry me.. 

Fuck..

I wonder what she is saying to Frankie right now.. No doubt something cruel.. Maybe something to undermine me or diminish what The Wallflower and I have.. 

"Lilly seems great!” Lexi chatters happily as she fills a stainless steel kettle beneath the kitchen tap.. “I wish I had somebody to help with Connor.. I mean don't get me wrong-- Danny is a good man and he does his best, but he is absolutely useless in the baby department..”

“O'Aye, she’s an angel..” I hum, looking over my shoulder back towards the door.. “Where is Danny, anyways?”

Lexi turns the stove top on.. “He’s down at the garage.. He works so hard it scares me.. Like honestly, I think he might be due for a heart attack if he doesn't slow down.. Hey, can I ask you something?”

I nod.. “O’course ye’ can..”

“Do you think-- Do you think he would be upset if I went back to work? I mean.. If it were you, would you be okay with it?” She turns to me with a tormented grimace to ask the genuine and unexpected question..

I lean against the counter.. “What, ye’ mean at the Foxxy?”

Lexi nods.. “Yeah.. It’s just, I put my life on hold when Connor was born.. Nursing school and work and socialising.. Everything.. And Danny is killing himself to support us but-- I just want to get back to some kind of life outside this apartment.. Is that selfish of me?”

I scratch at the back of my neck, uncomfortable and awkward.. “I don’ae think it’s selfish to want a life, Lex.. But uh-- I dunno if I’m really the guy to ask about this stuff..”

“You’re the only guy besides Danny that I don’t hate, so who else should I ask?” She laughs to hide her anxiety..

I chuckle at her bluntness while a sympathetic surge spills from my mouth.. “Ah, fair enough.. Uh.. I guess.. It shouldn’t really matter, lass.. He loves ye’ and if that’s what ye’ wanna to do, I’d think he’d find a way to accept it.. Might be hard on the old fella at first, but if ye’ honest about it, explain to him why ye’ feelin’ the way ye’ are, ye’ll be fine..”

"I never had a man like him before.. I'm just shit scared I'll mess it up, one way or another.." She hops up onto the counter to sit, crossing one leg over the other as we wait for the kettle to boil.. “Relationships are hard, huh?”

I nod.. “Aye, That they are..”

“So, do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive her?” Lexi turns the topic back to Amberley, searching for answers I don't have..

“Amby?” I ask..

“Yeah.. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.. These last few months must have been rough..”

I shrug.. “I dunno.. Maybe.. But I’m not there yet..”

Lexi twists around to pull four mugs down from the cupboard behind her head.. “You know she has postpartum depression.. Don’t you? It’s not entirely her fault, River..”

I nod.. “I kinda figured.. But.. She was fuckin’ with me long before Lovey was born.. I’m tryin’ to be fair to her, I am.. I just can’ae do it at the cost of Lovey’s safety.. Ye’ gotta see where I’m comin’ from..”

“Oh, I totally do.. And you haven’t done anything wrong, I’m not trying to lecture you.. I just think it's important that you understand she can't control it, those feelings that make her run, they come from a dark place.. She knows how she is supposed to feel, but it isn't there and that only makes it worse.. It adda to the guilt..”

"Yer' really think she feels guilty?" It hurts me to think of Amberley trapped in the darkness, hating herself.. 

Lexi smiles sadly.. "I know she does, sweetie.. And I know you do too.. But, she’s finally starting to accept that she needs help.. I think she’s even coming around to the idea of rehab.. Just, don’t give up on her..

I sigh in defeat, my irritation softening and relenting to something more forgiving.. “Aye, that’s some good advice..”

“So we’re even then..” She winks, dropping teabags into each of the mugs..

“I dunno about that, I think I still probably owe ye’, for lookin’ out..”

She waves me off.. “Don’t be silly.. She's lucky to have you.. You're probably the only guy who'd stick with her through all this, and I think she knows it.. That's why she came back..”

"Maybe.." She pours the tea as a restless sensation and the sound of Lovey's cries urge me back towards the kitchen door.. "I gotta check on that.."

Lexi smiles at me.. "Sure sure, go.. I got this.."

I stride across the kitchen and step back out into the living room, just in time to see the stuff of nightmares.. 

Amberley and Frankie sit on the floor so close their chests press together, their arms around each other and their lips locked..

My brain struggles to comprehend what is happening or how it's even possible and my stomach twists into furious knots.. "What the fuck?!"