River O'riley

"Fuck.. you can have it mmmh--"

Her lips on mine send stupid thoughts falling out of my head and into reality..

She is sweet like cinnamon spice and palm sugar, sticky and syrupy.. When my tongue hungrily lashes over her bottom lip, seeking to deepen the kiss, she squeaks in surprise.. "Mmh!"

Christ.. That sound could make me into a monster.. Awakening a primitive animal.. Starved for sustenance..

Her lips part and finally, I taste her curious tongue.. The hot, wet friction feeds those most primal urges in me as she carefully wraps her arms around my neck..

Her body trembles as we break a part for breath.. Shivering in fear or anticipation, I'm none too sure which..

Hey listen, I know what you're thinking.. Because I am thinking it too.

I shouldn't do this.. I don't deserve her.

The blurring of lines between right and wrong disrupts a deep-seeded conflict in my soul. There is a balance I have tried to keep.. A penance I have tried to pay for the wretched things I have done and have yet to do..

I try to be a decent person, despite knowing with absolute certainty that I am not.
Even if judgement day comes and redemption is unlikely, my mother was a good catholic woman, and she would've wanted me to at least try to atone for some of my misdeeds..

But there just aren't enough Hail Mary's to buy me a ticket through the pearly gates..

I fucked whores..
I killed Beckett..
I torture Ronan..

And these are only the most recent transgressions..

I am not a good man.. Lilly's stolen innocence forces me to confront the glaring truth of who I really am.. There are seven deadly sins, and sitting here on the floor, seeing the beautiful Wallflower's secrets laid bare, I commit them all..

Pride.. Bullshitting myself into believing I could be good enough for her..

Greed.. Desiring to make her mine, Lilly, with her alabaster glow and tempting sincerity..

Lust.. Longing to touch her in the most corrupting of ways, and to worship her most sacred flesh..

Gluttony.. Aching to keep her to myself..

Wrath.. Wanting to kill the man who taught her of cruelty and tried to extinguish her ethereal light..

Sloth.. Sherking other duties, just to be here.. With her.

Humility, charity, chastity, gratitude, temperance, patience and diligence.. These virtues are how one atones for each of the deadly sins, but right now I don't see how I am going to be able to achieve any one of them..

"D-Did I do bad?" Her mysterious brown eyes search mine for approval when I say nothing, too dumbstruck to form a sentence to sum up the way I feel..

Really.. I shouldn't need a whole sentence.. I only need two words to describe it..

'Fucked up'.. That's how I feel.

"No.. I--I did, Lilly.." I don't know what drives me so deliberately, compelling me to tell her the truth.. Call it selfishness, or maybe it's the Catholic Guilt.. Either way, I can't stop myself from confessing.. I don't want to stop it.. "I'm not who you think I am.. I'm a bad man.. Do you understand?"

She shakes her head.. "Don't think so--"

I can't look into those almond-espresso eyes and lie anymore.. "While you were asleep, I took pictures of your tattoo.. I know where it came from."

She rubs at her ink.. "Oh.."

"Beckett's life wasn't the first one I've taken, won't be the last either.. I need you to believe me when I say there are some things worse than death.. These are the things I do."

"Why do you say this?" She withdraws her hands from my shoulders, but I can't tear my touch away from her..

I hold her shaking hand in mine.. "'Cause it is true.. And 'cause there is somebody I have treated as terribly as Li Jun treated you... I am no better than the son'of'a'bitch you're hidin' from.."

She pulls her hands free and crawls away from me.. For a second, I think I have convinced her of who I am..

Until she reaches under the sofa and retrieves the biography Qing Shan had written a few years back about my early career and many recovery expeditions..

"You read that?" I squint at her suspiciously..

She turns her bashful cheek.. "Umm yes.."

"You're a lot smarter than you let on.. Huh?" I scoff in amazement as I take the book from her hands, setting it aside.. "And sneaky.."

She shrugs her petite, pixie-like shoulders.. "You lie too.."

Lilly makes a fair argument.. So I can add hypocrisy to my list of flaws..

"Aye.. I lied too.." I admit..

"You went back." She points to the book..

I nod.. "To recover the bodies? Aye, I went back.. Qing Shan's mother was one of the scientists.. It was important for Qing to give her a proper burial.. It was important to all the families.. They deserved that much.."

"A bad man wouldn't go back." She states with an impressive amount of clarity.. "A bad man wouldn't have been there at all.."

"I don't want to be bad, Lilly.." I sigh..

Her eyes shine with optimism as she scooches forward on her knees.. "Then be good.."

"It's not that simple." I shake my head.. Goddamn.. How can she be so sweet and naive?

"Why?" Her delicate features twist in confusion..

"Because there are things I have to do." I reason lamely..

"Things?"

"Aye.. For example.. I have to go back to Chinatown.. The man who gave you that ink is gonna tell me where I can find Li Jun--"

"No! He won't tell--" She gasps in quiet horror..

"He'll talk if he wants to live.." With a huff I lay out flat on my aching back to close my eyes.. I just have to get through this.. Keep Lovey safe.. Clean up Beckett's mess.. Dispose of the predator Li Jun.. And then, set Lilly free.. Oh yeah and try not to die in the process.. "It's already been decided, Wallflower.. I'm gonna kill Li Jun.. I have to.."

"Please-- No--" She lifts up my arm to work her chirapsia miracles, pressing down hard between the tendons in my wrist so that a warm wash of relief pours through my veins, traveling up to my chest where it melts away the hurt.. I swear I can actually breathe easier when her hands are on me..

"Hmmm.. Why?.. Do you love him?" I mumble stupidly..

She roils in revolt.. "NO!"

It wouldn't matter if she thought she did.. I'd kill him anyway.. After I've made him feel the way she felt. "Then why would ye' want the bastard to live?"

"Mountain Master!" She sputters..

"What?!" My eyes snap open and I sit bolt upright.. The panic painted across her porcelain face is plain as day, desperate insistence in her feline amber eyes.. "Li Jun is a Mountain Master! You can't kill him.. River.. The Red Dragon will drink your blood."

I frown at her, confirming the shitty suspicions Zoey had given me.. "Li Jun is a Triad?"

She nods.. "The deputy to Red Dragon.. If you kill him, you will die.."

I have stolen his ten-year-trained submissive.. I'm sure I'm already dead in his mind, even if he doesn't know who I am.. It's only a matter of time until he finds us..

"How do ye' know?" My head cocks to one side as I inspect her with guarded interest..

She chews the inside of her cheek.. "If I say, you send me back.."

I shift on the spot to face her.. "I won't.. I promise, I won't."

She swallows.. "M-My name is not Lilly.."

I shrug, unbothered.. "I figured."

"It's.. Frankie.." The cogs click in my head as she exhales the name, one I have heard before, over and over again, the stuff of rumour and long forgotten history.. "Frankie Xiao."