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I groaned. It'd be so embarrassing when the boys saw it, and no doubt, they would. Daehyun would rub it in my face again, and I remembered what Suho had said. Had he really told the public we were dating?

I thought about it some more. Why had he been so willing to do that? And did it mean something?

On the other hand, he'd just made that decision himself, and it was a big one to make. I didn't want to date. Not now. And pretending to date my best friend?

Did I even like Suho? I liked to think I did sometimes, but I still had been trying to not do anything because of Jiho. Suho was my best option, but then again. What did it mean now that he had brought it up himself?

It sounded like such a big bother.... What would we have to do to keep this up? And how long?

I opened my conversation with Suho and let out a long breath as I typed it out.

Sujin: How long?

Suho: Huh?

Sujin: How long do we have to pretend?

Suho: Can you call me?

I bit my lip as I realized 'have' wasn't quite the word I'd intended. I also didn't know how to reject his offer to call him. I didn't want him to make this sound like a good idea to me. If he liked me, couldn't he just say it?

Didn't he know I wasn't ready? Pretending would just push things...

Sujin: I don't want to call.

Suho: Okay

Suho: I get it, you're mad at me

Suho: Just a few weeks, we won't even see each other since you're on tour

Suho: You don't have to call me anymore either because it's not like they'll know if you do

Suho: We can break up, easy as that, because of the distance and say we're going to remain friends

Suho: We don't even have to be friends once this is over, not if you don't want to be. People would understand if we didn't want to be friends after

Suho: I would understand

Sujin: For real? Is that what you want?

Suho: Is what what I want?

Sujin: To not be friends when this is over?

Sujin: Are you using this as an excuse to exit our friendship again or are you letting the media do that for you?

Suho: No, I don't want to stop being friends but I've clearly messed up again

Suho: You have to look at this from my point of view though

Suho: Dae's in a public band, Sujin. He's not allowed to date in public.

Suho: The only way to kill the rumor is to give them something to bite on

Suho: What would you do if it was your brother in this situation? I'm only trying to clear up the fallout of this for all of us

Sujin: Well if it were my brothers, I certainly wouldn't be the one pretending to date them. That'd create more problems

Suho: Sujin, that's not what I was implying. I'm Dae's brother and I have to look out for him, and you, because the media is already twisting this

Suho: It's been blowing up for hours over here, I didn't get back to sleep like I said I would be because Dae and I kept getting called by both companies

Suho: We had to do something, and I'm sorry we couldn't consult you on this, I really am, but what else were we supposed to do?

Sujin: So you already told the media?

Suho: Yeah I told you that I told them

Suho: I got the read receipt so you can't say you didn't see it

Suho: They probably haven't released the articles yet it was only a few hours ago which is why you'll only see the ones of Dae and you right now

Suho: They had the 'cute' thing for almost a day before they released anything, the articles with what I said will come soon, it's not immediate

Sujin: Then I guess there's no changing the decision

Sujin: And there's no changing the consequences

Suho: Sujin you're being downright nasty, don't text me until you sort through your own issues unless its an emergency

Suho: Go talk to your brothers and see if they could do any better than what we, and a PR team, could do on short notice

Suho: Have a good day, Sujin. Bye

I raised my eyebrows at the message but then shut my phone, shaking my head. Really? What about Jiho?

I turned on my phone screen once again to read his second to last message. He was darn right, I'd go to my brothers, even though I knew he'd only say that to explain his efforts. I had more faith in BigHit... or at least I hoped.

I figured it was time to get up and going for the day, so I got my things put together and took a shower. As usual, it was the perfect time for me to overthink, admittedly, more than I should have.

It just puzzled me. Had Suho been wanting more in or out of the relationship? One thing was said and then the actions seemed to go the other way. I was well aware that the media, however real or fake it actually was, could, and would change the things that happen to those involved.

So then what would be worse? If I took his offer, his advice, his decision and put myself all into it?

Or if I lowkey rejected it? Told the media it wasn't real either, broke up with him the next day? What would that look like?

Me dumping Suho wouldn't do any good to him. Fans would be pointing fingers, and I knew I'd get the backlash for making a decision like that publicly. Things never went well when idols dated, we all knew this. But then again, that's why it was a problem when I said those stupid words about Daehyun.

That part was my fault, I couldn't deny. It was part of my responsibility to fix that, I knew.

Suho was right, it would be easier if it was a mutual decision that started and ended with no hurt feelings to the public eye. I wasn't even sure why I was so against it. Maybe because it'd ruin the chance of me ever being able to do it again with Suho... but for real?

But then again, Suho knew almost as well as I did that two public figures like us two dating was a bad idea. That's why it was a problem when it sounded like Dae and I were. So how could changing it to Suho fix it? Just because he wasn't in a boy band like his brother?

Agh.

That was it. I was done with thinking for the day. And it'd barely started.

I stepped out of the shower, hardly wringing the conditioner out of my hair and hoping one of the stylists noonas would be able to do something about it later. I really didn't care at the moment.

Stumbling towards a towel, I jumped when a knock came directly at the bathroom door. How had they gotten into my room? The thought made me panic until I heard a voice.

"Sujin, are you okay in there?"

Immediately, I scowled before huffing. "I was taking a shower Yoongi!"

"Ooh. Oh."

I rolled my eyes, wrapping a towel around myself and walking to the door so he could hear me easily. "Thanks for almost giving me a heart attack, what do you want?"

"Suho called me-"

"Suho?" I thought for a second. "Excuse me, Suho?"

Seriously? So he'd gone to my brothers before I could get a chance. "Yoongi, now's not a good time. Don't we have all day free?"

It was a moment before he replied. "Yeah?"

"Then can we talk about it later?"

Another moment. "No? Sujin look, I wanted to talk to you about it-"

"About what, Yoongi? The hashtag? Want to give me 'the talk' again about how I'm supposed to handle my fame with our PR's? Yoongi, I'm sick and tired of that. I don't care and I don't want to talk about it right now." My eyes were wet, and not from the lingering shower water.

"You don't care that your friend came to me in tears?" Yoongi asked softly. "That sounds like a tough one.

I wanted to scream. I took a second to ensure my next words didn't break my vocal chords before telling my brother, "Let me get dressed. I'll be there in a minute."

-------

When I walked out of the bathroom with a towel and hairbrush to keep the back of my shirt from taking too much moisture, I found Yoongi sitting at the small table in the corner of my room by the window.

"How the heck did he even get your number?" I asked, slumping onto my bed and starting to work on drying my hair. Eye contact was suddenly my biggest enemy.

Yoongi sighed, and then thought for a moment. "You know that day when we went to the Han river after we had the company meeting about the tour trailer being released?"

"Yeah?"

"And you saw Suho?"

"Yeah?"

"Sujin, chill, getting mad isn't going to help anyone." I went quiet and Yoongi came to sit on the same side of the bed I was on, just a few feet away. "And while you and the others walked back to the car because he didn't stop to talk to you, and I left? No, I didn't forget my phone there like I'd said.

"My family has paid our respects to more than enough people at the Han River for me to not know what he was doing. After my family situation worsened, I found myself going alone quite often." The corner of his lips lifted. "It was something I wanted to do by myself anyways, so I didn't mind. It was just that after a while, it became a long walk to take alone, and there was that hot dog cart down the road that I thought would be fun to bring someone to sometime," he chuckled. "So when I saw Suho, and the roses, I knew what he was doing. After all I saw him do for you earlier that year... it was just right."

I looked up at my brother, my eyes a little wide. Suho had been the one of my friend's he'd connected with. It wasn't very surprising, though. I saw the resemblances that could hold hands for them.

"He explained to me how the first was for his sister," Yoongi continued. Sinae, I thought. Jungkook had done that for her before.

"And the other?" I asked.

His lips formed a thin frown. "I think that one's for him to tell you."

"Right, because he's very good at telling me everything."

Yoongi went silent for a moment. "I saw the article. Not just the hashtag, but the one with Suho's words too. Sujin, I know you may not like this, but he is minimizing the damage this is causing." Yoongi said, "And no matter how much it sounds like he's in control of the situation via text, he's really not."

"Is that why he called you crying?" I scoffed. "Cause he's not in control?"

"Suho's got a PR team breathing down his neck. Dae too. They're telling him what to say and how to say it. Blaming him for saying what he did won't do any good, and your refusal to call him and sort out what you're going to do isn't helping either of you in the slightest."

I had nothing to say. "I want what's best for the situation, you know I do-"

"I know you do, and Suho already did that. It's not going to work unless you comply and work with him. Don't you see he's doing his for everyone's good? His brother, you, and he's ready to put himself in the trash for a few heartbeats so whoever you 'don't end up with' doesn't involve ending his brother's career that you know he worked very hard for."

"I know, but it feels wrong."

"What does?"

I shrugged and tied my hair up. It was going to be frizzy later. "We all know what happened in my last relationship," my hands dropped to my lap and I ran my fingers over each other, "and I know Suho's had many relationships, sometimes in rapid succession." I thought about Yumeko. "I just thought you would know how important something like this is to me. You're my brother, Yoongi..."

"Think about it, then. I can't force you to fake something for the public, but I hope you really think about it and consider your options. I've been an idol for four years. I've been through enough of this to know, Sujin, so I hope you take that into consideration too." He stood, giving me a small smile as he headed towards the door. Normally I'd stop him. That wasn't how I'd wanted the conversation to go. But I didn't, I didn't stop him. He left the room, leaving me feeling even more screwed up and lost than before, and that wasn't supposed to happen with my brothers.

Trying to resume my somewhat restful morning without a schedule, I found myself on Twitter trying to see what was going on with the hashtag the article said was now trending. Tags to my account were just as common.

existential crisis who? @btsstanparty : replying to @KoreanDailyGossip

It totally wasn't cool of Suho to speak for her, @SujinieOffical I'm going to stand by you!

I'm such a stan @heeeyybts : replying to @KoreanDailyGossip

Did he need to come out and say this? Where is @SujinieOffical? I don't think she knew this was happening since the lack of response, but either way I trust her more than this new guy

BTS fangirl @bestbandbts4472 : replying to @KoreanDailyGossip

@SujinieOffical just know that me, and many other stans, are on your side with this! Suho didn't have the right to come out and expose your relationship even if you are dating. Stay strong.

Taekookies @korrieakake : replying to @KoreanDailyGossip

Okay, I think the biggest fans here know what's needed. Sujin, dating already? @SujinieOfficial I'd like to support you, tell us more about this. I think some of us just need some sort of confirmation from you... but really, congrats ig

So the fans were on my side. ARMY was. I hoped that when the time came to bring it up to my brothers, if they didn't listen to me, they'd at least listen to their fans.

I didn't even have to wait very long for the chance to present itself.