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Heads dropped. It was true. I couldn't give everyone the same pep talk I'd given Taehyung and Jin, even though I knew that hadn't fixed everything. They'd set a dark mood and hurt the spirits of every member, stirring up emotions they didn't want to deal with at such a stressful time.

"I think we need to know when to back off sometimes. That doesn't mean you're losing. It's for the sake of the team."

A few more members echoed their leader's words in agreement.

"We can talk about the choreography tomorrow," Namjoon concluded. "It's a good thing you guys fought about the choreography," he added in a laugh as he got up from his spot.

Yoongi also rose, agreeing, "yeah, it's a good thing you guys fought about the choreography. Imagine if it was about food." We all laughed.

That was the cue for all of us to gather our things and let the two boys talk it out themselves, as the mood was lighter and the group agreements had been established.

Jimin and I took seats at the bar counter where he handed me a banana. He was scrolling on his phone, but I couldn't help but listen to what Jin and Taehyung were saying to each other. It made my heart happy.

"I understand now," Taehyung started, "Now I know what ticks you off. I get it. I'll really try to change that.

"So if I'm feeling down and you make a joke and I can't take it as a joke, I hope you can understand that."

If I was being completely honest, I wasn't sure where the joke was. Part of me wanted to claim it as an excuse for Taehyung's emotions towards something deeper. Another part of me wondered if it really was how Taehyung saw Jin's dismissal of changing the choreography. I was honestly confused.

Then it was Jin's turn.

"If you can accept that and try to change..." He paused before finishing. "I'll be very thankful. I also get hurt."

"Right."

"If that's how you felt, I'll be more careful. And I understand because you see the bright and funny side of me, but I also get depressed very often."

Woah. Despite Jin's slow and monotone voice that reminded me of a shoe dragging in gravel, his words continued to sound defensive, however I did know it was true. Not wanting to judge too harshly, I continued to listen. I had been looking back towards the room and Jimin had taken notice. He got up and started pacing around the entryway, making it clear he was listening in. I thought that was okay. The boys knew we were all here, learning, and loving them just the same.

"I'm just trying to stay positive for you guys. People say we should forget about it, but no one can be so chill. I do have my dark side too."

Before I knew it, Jimin was standing directly in the entryway to the living room. He spoke to the two boys, "Each of us has challenges. But because we do, we get along well with each other."

The two boys nodded. Taehyung turned back to Jin. "Let's get some food. Let's have a drink later on."

Jin agreed, "Yeah, have a drink together and talk about it."

I had found my way to the living room as well, and smiled as I watched. Maybe it wouldn't all be fixed today, but they could always try again tomorrow.

"Let's get some rest," Jimin suggested as he finished grabbing trash from our previous meal. "You promised each other."

"Stop butting in," Jin half whined, grabbing his things. The three of us laughed.

"Let's go!" Jimin continued. "It's already too late. It's two!"

"What? It's nine past one. You can't even read the clock," Jin joked back. He gave Tae a pat on the back as the younger stood. "Let's go."

________

It was the night after a day of interviews in New York. We had a filmed dinner in the schedule, but the cameras were being held for a schedule the next day so we decided to take it off and enjoy it. I wanted to go to bed.

The boys were content chatting in the way they sometimes did, their previous bonding as trainees and as artists before I came into the picture holding their interest. I was too tired for that. I sat back in the booth I was, deciding to be done with my food and surf the Internet for news about me.

A text notification lit up the top of my screen. Suho.

You see this? Suho's text read.

There was a link to a Twitter post. I opened it to find an article with one of my headshots attached.

New trending hashtag alludes to potential suitors for Bangtan's little sister...

Trending hashtag #wewantsujin has been found across platforms as one of the many responses to the Bangtan Boys' little sister's relationship with Suho, fighting for the young woman themselves.

A second text appeared, and I clicked on its article.

Kim Sujin is fighting demons, and fans of the K-Pop sensation BTS are concerned...

... Health concerns?...

........ causing her to pass out....

Medical attention always required...

I rolled my eyes. I wasn't surprised, but I also was annoyed. Media hooked onto everything these days, and there wasn't usually much we could do about it, so I'd learned to shrug and not care.

And with that, the night went on. We got back to the hotel as a group, with plans to prepare for the next day. Jimin had found something inside himself to be extra close to me that evening as we traveled home, even though he wouldn't speak a word to me, as the rest of the group had been doing in response to my quietness. I'd seen him on his phone during dinner, though, and I had a feeling he was getting some of the news that was going around. All of the boys would at some point, but I hoped they wouldn't get to asking me about it. It happened to all of us.

Once back in my room alone, I opened my Suho and my text thread.

Sujin: Pretty funny, isn't it?

I got a quick reply. Suho: For real. They make this stuff up with their heads on backwards.

After a second of thought, I wrote back, Sujin: Maybe it'll at least take off some of the pressure when we end it.

Suho: Sure. I was wondering if we should send out any updates this week.

Yeah, we should. I was getting so tired of lying. It seemed like everything was calming down and there was no point anymore. The fans didn't care.

Sujin: maybe it's time to rip off the bandaid, then

Suho: ??

Sujin: They're going to make a fuss whatever we do, and it's been a while now. It's getting hard to keep pretending.

Suho: Let's talk about it. Walk?

I sighed. What was it with getting myself involved in late-night walks? But this was important, and I wanted to get it off my chest.

Sujin: sure.

We met up in the hallway and climbed in the elevator, bathing in a comfortable silence. It was so nice to have Suho here, even if it felt like uncomfortable conversations had to be made and issues worked out. Suho was often on my side these days, no matter what.

Well, for the most part.

We entered the hotel lobby just in time to find Sejin and a few other BigHit staff gathered. As Suho and I walked into it, I noticed official-looking people disembarking from a black van outside of the hotel, bringing their luggage with them. Sejin greeted them. They were staff members switching out for the next leg of the tour for whoever had to drop out early. Tour wasn't for everyone, at least for this long.

As soon as we were outside, Suho started, "You know, sometimes I think about that time you were literally kidnapped by your father and the chemicals he used to abuse you while you were there."

I was quiet. Suho was right, but how does one reply to that? Most days, I liked to forget my past. I enjoyed being swept back into the modern world with the boys and traveling and touring and comfort and safety.

"The thought has crossed my mind, too," I finally admitted. "The doctors haven't found anything suspicious about it, though." My foot kicked a rock and it slid a few feet in front of me. "And that's okay. I'll be okay. It's low iron or something."

"Mhm." There was a silence as Suho and I kept walking along the streets of

New York. "I'm exhausted, as I'm sure you are. We made our point with the dating thing, and maybe it was reckless, but it's time for it to be done."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Yeah. I agree." For some reason, it hurt to agree. For some reason, it hurt when he said it. It reminded me of how someone would truly break up with someone, the way he was saying it. Was pretending to date me really that bad? I knew he only ever did it to help me, but a part of me wanted to be offended. It was a fake breakup, but something felt real about deciding to end it. "I'm just... not exactly sure where to go from here, is all." I sucked in a breath. "But that's okay, I'll figure it out for sure."

"Have you talked to the boys about it?"

I nodded. "Of course. Just not recently."

"Hm."

Silence again.

"I- I know I should, Suho. It's just so hard because... At some point I'm so frustrated with myself!" I sent a rock flying in front of me. "Like, gosh, when am I going to stop being a problem for myself and those around me. And I've taken advantage of the boys' kindness for so freaking long now and if they aren't tired of it, I am. I am. So now I don't know where to go from here."

"I can do it."

I paused. "Do what, exactly, Suho?"

"I'll break it off. You're free, I'm free, the thing is in the past and no one will talk about it anymore."

"You just mean... you'll be the one to send out the Tweet."

"Pretty much, yeah." he shrugged. "But... isn't that the hardest part?" He put his hands in his pockets and tilted his head to look at me. He looked so sincere, like he actually cared about how this was going to affect me.

"Um... yeah, I suppose you're right." I watched the concrete below as I walked.

The thing was, I didn't really care about being in charge of it, or what happened. There was so much going on, and yeah. I didn't care about what happened next. The boys trusted Suho and had put our situation to his mercy before. They'd let him do it. And a part of me wanted him to do it there and then. After all, it started to cover up a stupid thing I said in English by accident, and I did always fear lying for too long would bring up more problems.

"Can you? Right now?"

He stopped walking. "Right now?"

"Yeah, why not? They don't know we didn't just break up right now. Teenagers are weird."

"True. Um, sure."

It was funny seeing Suho a little uncertain, or uncomfortable. He pulled his phone from his pocket and started walking again, so I followed.

"Cool. Done."

I leaned towards his phone as if he'd want to show me, but he turned it off and put it back into his pocket before I could.

I told myself it didn't really matter what he said. That really would be a weight off my chest. It was the plan to end it anyways, as embarrassing as that concept itself seemed. I knew, however, it'd set me on the right path and at the end of the day, I was thankful Suho was someone I could trust enough to do it for and with me while it lasted. Completely honestly, I wanted to move on without worrying if what we'd done had created any other permanent issues. So I let him bring up any other topic he felt was right in the moment, and I fell asleep peacefully when I returned to the hotel.

However, the rest didn't last long. I woke up, used the bathroom, and found quickly it was the type of awake that was kind of permanent.

Hey Yoongi, can I stop by your room for a bit? I sent off the text, quickly following with another one. I'm sure you're the only one awake right now.

I waited to see if I got a response, sitting on the edge of my hotel bed playing a game to pass the time. It was nice to have a distraction from the overly quiet city for a moment. California was bustling with sound and people no matter the time of day, so the more subdued city was quite a change from what I was used to.

A wave of homesickness washed over me again. No matter how great it was to travel with the boys on the tour, it did get tiring going from place to place with only small breaks.

Yoongi: Come

Yoongi: You know my room number, right?

I liked his message, then ran a hand through my hair a few times. I grabbed my keycard and phone charger just in case, as well as my computer. Since it was Yoongi who I was visiting, I hoped to get help with my current project if I could. I unhooked my MIDI and synth from my computer before heading out into the cold hallway with it in hand. That was a weird thing about hotels. The hallways were always cold for no real reason I could think of.

I knocked quietly on the door, acutely aware of how silent hotels were at night, and waited for it to open. Luckily it didn't take long since he was expecting me.

He let me into the room and took his seat at the room's desk, where he had set up his laptop and travel recording studio. I was just about to round the entryway corner when a voice made me freeze.