Chapter 13
The Past
Clarisse

TW: SEXUAL ABUSE

I didn't have to guess twice that it was Dele's doing and while I stared at the door in anger, it opened- revealing a sinister-faced cousin. He was bare-chested, the only clothing item he had on was his grey pajama trousers. He stared at me for a moment too long, the tension in the air was as thick as the morning fog during harmattan. I wanted to beat him up then and there but I was frozen in place by my fear.

"You knew but you didn't stop me," he said, leering at me. His right hand was on my shoulder. "Why?"

"Get out!" I whispered harshly, finally melting away from my position. I slapped his hand off my shoulder and gathered all the strength I had to push him— but he was too strong for me. His muscles weren't just there for fancy.

He held onto my hands tightly and placed them against his chest. "It means you liked it but you don't like that we are related." His eyes as dark as Luna's searched mine relentlessly. I couldn't hold his gaze so I looked at my feet.

"It meant nothing!" I spat, trying to come out of his grip. "Let go or else I'll scream."

"Why didn't you scream that night?" He smirked. "You know aunty Tobi would blame you and not me."

"Just stop," I sighed. I was this close to crying— I could feel liquid sitting on my. lower lids ready to drop. He finally let go of my hands only to place them on my face.

"I don't like that we are cousins either," he whispered- his breath which smelled like Oral B fanned my face. "But you can't deny the chemistry we have. It's like a book- we hate each other but there's so much unreleased sexual tension."

"Dele stop!" I cried pushing him back against the door but all he did was misinterpret it and grabbed onto my waist tightly- placing his lips on mine while I struggled against his grip.

"Stop fighting it," he said, finally letting go. He gave me one last glance with his lip between his teeth and walked out of my room.

I fell by the door and cried.

*+*+*+*+*

The next day my morning was a contrast to the bright blue sky. The sun stood proudly in the endless blue mass. I stared at it through my window and wished I felt like that. My morning was cloudy— overcast by sorrow. My sun didn't show up, maybe it was an eclipse. I didn't go down for breakfast, I feigned sickness so my aunt left me and said she was going to bring me breakfast and I should be sure to finish everything or else. It was a threat that meant not eating the food had severe consequences.

Dele was the one who brought my breakfast and as soon as I saw his face through the door, I wished I had gone down for breakfast. I turned to face the wall which had a family photograph. I stared at my fathers face and the tears of mourning finally fell. I had no idea why I hadn't thought of my deceased family members all the while I had been living with aunt Tobi. The pain just hit in, maybe it was because I wish my dad was here and I could talk to him about school and what happened with Dele.

My eyes suddenly caught a glimpse of the clock. It was very late in the morning— 10:13 p.m.

My fathers beaming countenance in the photograph suddenly morphed into a frown. He looked at me disapprovingly and I could swear I heard his baritone voice say, "It's your fault. Your fault."

The remaining faces on the picture turned into a frown.

It's your fault! They chanted relentlessly, in the background a faint voice was calling my name. I held my ears trying to put a barricade between me and the voices but the only seemed to become louder each second. "Please," I begged. "Stop it. I'm truly sorry."

Clarisse.

My name was a very faint whisper. I heard the soft clatter of cutlery. A hand touched my shoulder.

Clarisse.

The voice called out again, it was louder this time, while the voices of my family members tried to compete with it. A hand touched my shoulder and I shot up in fear. My heart rate went up as I saw my fathers face. He looked... Worried? Sad? Broken? "Are you okay?" he whispered. He had been the voice calling me... But how had he been chanting "It's your fault!"

It was getting too complicated for my brain to process so I closed my eyes for a second, hoping it was just a dream but when I opened my eyes, I was confronted with a nightmare.

Dele stood at my bed, his eyes held irritation. "What's doing you?"

*+*+*+*+*

Classes were off to a terrible start once school resumed. The teachers never failed to remind us that we were going to be writing numerous external exams while we were in SS3 so they shunned all distracting behaviours and gave tons of assignments everyday. It was suffocating, but also a good way to keep busy and keep my mind off things.

There was a talk about writing the GCE, an external examination mostly written by those who hadn't passed their WASSCE and/or NECO exam and needed a second chance. A lot of my classmates said they were going to write the exam even though they hadn't written WAEC and NECO let alone fail the examination.

"My mom says I have to write GCE," Tiara groaned one Friday morning during a short break. Kainye and I were seated on a lab stool while she chose to settle herself on the worktop in the biology lab. "I already wrote NECO in SS2 and that was stressful."

"I feel you," Kainye said, patting her back. "How was the result though?"

"Good, I failed further maths though."

I laughed, "You don't need further maths, do you?"

"Kind of," she shrugged, jumping down from the stool when she sighted the principal. "As an architect or forensic scientist I don't, but as a programmer then I do."

"Oh cool," I muttered. "You're still undecided?" I asked, remembering she once told me she wasn't sure what to study in the future.

"I want to do architecture," she said. "It's not something I get bored of even when it's tiring. I mean, Mr. Derele's class is horrible but I'm still eager as long as we're learning something."

"And what happened to your psychotic side that wants to do forensics?" Kainye laughed. "I feel like you'd do a much better job as a regular detective than doing lab tests to find a murderer."

"That's not the only thing forensic pathologists do," she chuckled. "But... I think I'd rather be the murderer."

"Yeah?" Kainye raised his eyebrows. "No shit."

"I feel bad for anyone you hate," I muttered.

"I actually don't hate anyone. I just don't like people." Tiara said, her eyebrows furrowing together. "Apart from Chimankpa and the other new guy, yeah I don't hate anyone."

"You don't know his name?" Kainye asked in exclamation the same time I asked, "How about Feyishayo?"

"I don't," she grinned. "Funny story, I sort of like Feyi..." She didn't complete her sentence before Kainye cut her off.

"Yeah? And I'm in love with Kim K."

"You're not," she scoffed. "Here's the thing. She's got a really nice vibe and she's fun to be around and shit, but she gets nasty sometimes. Like in her mannerisms, speech and she can be petty. Like fucken petty."

"She's fake," I rolled my eyes. "She might be fun, but she's fake as fuck. She literally turns her back on people so easily, like they mean nothing. I remember when we were good friends. Up until the Obinna incident."

"I'm not gonna say fake," Tiara argued. "She's just fickle. I think it's the pressure of tryna be friends with everyone- apart from those who are just... Y'know, like Chimankpa? But yeah, do you get?"

"No?" I laughed. "But if you say so."

"I can't believe you're saying this," Kainye said. "Y'all have betrayed each other several times since JS1."

"Each other," she pointed out. "So she's not the only one at fault. All the same, even if you're not friends with her. Be chill with her. You might be surprised."

"Okay?" I laughed nervously. "I don't see that happening though."

Tiara only raised her eyebrows and smirked. "I'll remind you of this conversation."

I rolled my eyes and said nothing.

The shrill sound of the bell interrupted us. Tiaraoluwa groaned, "I have Mr. Derele's class."

"I thought you liked technical drawing even though the teacher is shit?"

"Tch," she tsked. "I hate you."

"Love you too," I told her blowing air kisses.

"Euw," she said then pretended like she was going to throw up. "Yeah, I don't believe in that shit anymore."

"Hm," I raised my eyebrows. "And your love for Trevor Noah?"

"It's admiration and also an infatuation," she said with hard eyes. "Love? Love is?" She trailed off and heaved a sigh of frustration. "It's a mirage, something we wish existed."

"It's not, but if we argue you'll probably be late for your TD class so off you go," I said standing up and walking towards the biology lab exit.

"You're not worried I'll be late for TD, you're worried I'll win this argument," she smirked. "You know I always do."

"Take your proud ass away from here joor," Kainye said watching her walk out. He had this hidden smile.

"Hey," Kainye cleared his throat. "You're leaving? I thought you were having a free period?"

"Yeah," I looked at my shoes.

"You've got something to do?" He asked.

"Uh, yeah," I lied.

"Oh okay, cool. Wanna hang out today?" He inquired. "At the park? Or we'll just walk somewhere. Yeah?"

"The park." I said. It was the safest and most public space I knew.