Chapter Twenty
The Past
Tiaraoluwa

They say there are two reasons why an individual would divulge something about yourself that others are scared to. One of which is they are your true friends, or they hate your guts. I'd say Kainye is my friend, but I'm not really sure what Jayden was to me because we were not enemies.

That Wednesday in particular and the day after that was filled with too many events and emotions for me. Kainye did say some hurtful stuff to me because Clarisse made us discuss his self-harm and he felt targeted. I hated how what he said about me was true and I hated that he was not the only one who told me that. The next day, I heard very similar words from Jayden.

I started to attend an after-school lesson, in a plaza directly beside the Badore local government primary school the day Clarissa had brought up the issue of Kainye's self-harm.

Ivie could not contain her excitement, telling me about the fun they had during breaks; the games of truth or dare they played in secret etc. I had been anticipating it (since Ivie's mom had encouraged my mom to pay for the lessons) and was thrilled to finally have a life after school— other than washing plates at home and being forced to read because even though I went to the after school tutorials for my studies. I was also grateful not to be at home with my dad. I thought that it was going to be a fun experience and it would take my mind off Clarisse that day, but it didn't because my mind kept replaying the conversation we had in the library during break. Although I was irritated with Kainye for asking if the mark on my neck was from attempted suicide, I kind of wished we proceeded with the conversation because I wanted to know what bothered Clarisse. If not for Rita...

Kainye had said her aunt was starving her. It was one way to justify her drastic weight loss. What didn't add up though was how she never ate the fancy meals she brought to school but always permitted either Nekpen or Ugonna to do so. Whenever she visited the tuck shop, she would purchase snacks for a show, take a bite or a sip— depending on what it was then fake that the snack wasn't to her liking and dash them out.

"Where's your mind girl?" Nekpen asked. I turned to look at him, Jayden, the male Kamsi. Chikamara and Daniel walked ahead of us to the plaza. Ivie's mom had dropped her off and the rest of us strolled down. I wasn't talking to any of them because I didn't feel like talking— especially since I'd ignored Jayden's message and still refused to unblock Kamsi. The only reason I walked with them was because I'd never been there.

"Shebi you guys were having your own conversation," I shrugged. "How far is this place sef?"

"It's not that far," Kamsi rolled his eyes.

"My legs are burning," I shrugged.

"Eeyah," Jayden said patting my head. He looked at Kamsi's annoyed face.

"Doing that to me is weird because you're shorter than me," I remarked. "And why do you look like you're high on coke or something?"

"Ment?" He questioned, laughing nervously. "Wait do I look like I'm on drugs?"

"Yes," I laughed. "Or maybe you haven't slept for a while."

"Hmm. I've been awake all night reading."

We were walking ahead of everyone else then he pointed at a building painted in creative colours. "We are here."

We walked into the lesson centre. Ivie waved at me excitedly, her mom had picked her up from school and dropped her off— too scared to leave her by herself. There were a few students from our school — the SS1 and 2 pupils I never related with and the JS3 students I always punished for misbehaving in the library. Then there were students from other schools who gaped at me.

I took a seat between Ivie and Ọlálékan— an SS2 student who was quite famous for troublemaking. He had two sisters, one in JSS2 and the other in JS3.

"So you didn't allow me to sit there because of Olu?" He asked Ivie who had only just removed her bag from where I sat. I was taken by surprise that he knew my name and called me "Olu". A lot of people had disregarded my dislike for the nickname 'Tiara'.

"Yes," she chuckled in response. "Unlike you, she won't disturb me."

"I don't disturb nau," he pouted. "I just need your guidance."

"Or you just want to be copying my work?" Ivie smirked.

I zoned out of the banter, getting out a brand-new notebook and pen. I placed my head on the table and closed my eyes, letting my mind wander towards Clarisse again. I had this feeling nagging me that she had an eating disorder— something I had once struggled with. Not that I was ever fat, I just wasn't satisfied with the slight bump and shape of my stomach and waistline so I starved myself and worked out excessively. For me, starving wasn't really hard because the food at home did not satisfy my palate.

I tried shrugging it off but something in me wouldn't allow it.

"So we have a new person joining us," A raspy voice announced, snapping me out of my thoughts. "Actually, her mom and I went to the same primary and secondary school so when Ivie's mom introduced us, I was very surprised."

I rolled my eyes discreetly annoyed by the introduction. Lekan nudged me and smiled knowingly. He was behaving too familiar with me.

"So Tiaraoluwa," the teacher said. He sounded so Yoruba. "Introduce yourself."

"I'm Olu," I said pointedly, looking around both the senior and junior students. "I'm in SS3."

"Is that how you talk?" The man looked fascinated.

It was a question I was used to— the moment I opened my mouth to talk to anyone for the first time, they always asked that question— only Clarisse had been different and not questioned it. "Yeah."

"Wow, are you in the choir?"

"No."

"Your voice is tiny, you should be a singer."

"Hmm," I mumbled inaudibly. "May I sit?"

"Yes yes, by the way, I'm Mr. Sola," he yawned. "Oya, JS one, two, three and SS1 you know your classes and timetable." He sounded more like he was saying gee hes wan.

"This is the first time I've heard your voice up close."

I turned to Lekan, furrowing my brow. I shrugged and gave him a stiff smile.

"You're mean," he said to me.

I glanced at him one more time, arching my brows.

"And quiet as they say."

I ignored him and wrote down the topic on the board— The Periodic Table.

"This is the first topic on the scheme of work for SS2 chemistry. I'm teaching SS2 and 3 together because you guys are writing GCE and I have to revise all the topics."

"Where's Nekpen?" I whispered to Ivie.

"Account class."

"Tiaraoluwa," Mr. Sola called out. "What did I say about ionization energy?"

"The lowest amount of energy to remove a loosely bound electron from a gaseous atom or molecule."

"Good, I thought you weren't listening."

"You're smart." Lekan was talking to me again, with his fingers drumming the table. "I know you weren't listening."

"This is what I mean by disturbance," Ivie cut in before I could respond. "Lekan, what's your own?"

He gave a sheepish smile and shot me an apologetic glance. He was still drumming his fingers on the table.

"Who's that person?" Mr. Sola was aggravated but gave a resigned smile when he realized it was Lekan. "Of course it's you."

I turned to my left, smiling at the boy— for the first time, noticing his appearance. He was short and skinny and I could see that even though he was seated. His eyes were wide— quite bold on his face, complimented with a small nose and naturally lined lips. Something about him was endearing.

The lessons were over faster than I expected. The students rushed out— eager to breathe fresh air. Jayden patted my head one more time and said his goodbye, Lekan gave me another of his smiles then walked out with his younger sisters, Kamsi bumped my shoulders and walked out. Mr. Sola had asked Ivie and me to wait behind so she could explain in detail how the lesson worked and the topics they had done the previous week.

Once Ivie's mom had come to pick her up, I walked downstairs— annoyed that I'd have to walk back all by myself but the sound of argument between two people excited me. The first voice was Jayden and the second one sounded like Nekpen a little bit.

I rounded the corner and walked to the back of what seemed to be a shed— only that it was filled with generators that looked in need of repair. Jayden was there with someone I'd never seen before. He handed a small white pharmacy nylon filled with a powdery substance to the boy who ran off after handing him some naira notes.

He was also holding a cigarette, taking casual puffs from it— the smoke billowing into the air.

"Jayden," I gasped, revealing my presence.

"Jesus." He jumped quickly throwing his cigarette on the floor, alarmed by my presence. "What are you doing here?" the smoke was still pouring out of his nostrils,

"The question is what are you doing here?" I coughed a little and when he was a bit clear of cigarette fumes, I stepped closer, using my hands to cover my nose. "What..."

He looked at me for a while then gently pushed my hands, attempting to walk away. "Forget it."

"How can I forget... You're obviously dealing drugs. I saw that exchange but..."

"But what?"

"I..."

"Please leave me alone."

*+*+*+*+*+*+*

I woke up around four o'clock the next day to the unmistakable sound of rain beating against the aluminium roofs, the angry voice of thunder and blinding bolts of lightning which was unusual. No matter how heavy the rain was, I always slept through.

I stepped out of bed, trying not to disturb my mother who slept on a mattress beside me and walked to the bathroom, noticing that there was water on the way. There was a bucket of water which was ice cold but knowing that my father normally roamed the house around that time of the morning, I could not risk boiling water to bathe— that would attract a lecture on gas prices.

When I had finished with my bath, I wrapped a cotton cloth around my body and took my Nivea Pearl Beauty roll-on from inside a "Ghana must go" bag I kept my house clothes in. After applying it generously to my armpits, I put on my underwear and tied the wrapper back around my chest.

The kitchen was a mess, with dirty plates from the previous day piled in the sink, I wasn't able to wash them because I had come back from my after-school tutorials very late. I started by fishing out a pot to cook rice for my brother to take to school then continued washing the plates, shivering and sneezing anytime I touched the water.

As I put a smaller pot on the cooker to fry stew for the rice which had already boiled, Jayden's face flashed through my mind. A boy I had known since nursery school. He always had that tough look— of people who life had dealt with severely. He was a bit handsome— with a ripped body, he just had the misfortune of being short. I thought about the years we had spent together since primary school. We never really talked much but when we did, it was all laughter, smiles and teasing except for the few times we angered each other and fought— physically.

I knew Jayden had a stepmom. Sometime around JS2, his mother passed away— he never seemed bothered by it and no one asked. No one pried into his life because they knew he was terrifying if he got angry. However, I knew his father had married a new wife simply because my mom knew his parents well enough and had attended the wedding. The only things. I knew about his stepmom were that she ran a pharmacy and was always on his neck about his academic performance.

For a second, I considered that his stepmother might be using him to deal drugs— after all, there was more money in coke and Molly than regular medications but remembering her face— she didn't strike me as the type.

The question that plagued me the most was why he was dealing with and using drugs and I forgot about Clarisse's possible struggle with eating.

The rain subsided around six o'clock, the morning was still dark with the after effect of rain. My mother had woken up from sleep and shouted at my brother to get ready for school while I was dishing out rice and stew into lunch plates. She walked into the kitchen just then, a ragged towel hanging from her bosom. "Why am I seeing only two plates of food?"

"For you and Sijuade."

"What do you mean by that?" She raised her voice. "Why won't you take food to school? You have lesson after school. The snacks you buy at lesson won't be enough to hold your stomach."

"Mummy leave me alone," I mumbled, getting irritated.

"Ti mo ba gba ẹ loju, you will dish that food."

"I'll eat it before I go to school," I said, taking a flat plate.

"Better."

I did eat the food— seated on the battered chair in the living room and staring at the blank wall, getting irritated and tired of eating rice and stew almost everyday. "Mummy, when are you going to the market?" I asked her.

"I've not seen the money he said he sent." She was dressed up for work already, in a purple chiffon blouse and white skirt.

"When is he going back to Port Harcourt sef?"

"He left this morning. You were still sleeping."

"I woke up by four," I deadpanned. "You were still sleeping. Who locked the door for him?"

"He left after three."

"Oh,"

"Sijuwade!" She called out, wearing her shoes at the door. "Let us pray. I'm leaving for work."

We said a short prayer when he came out— still in his night clothes.

"Siju what is your problem?" I asked. "You've not baff since? Kilode?" I hissed, stomping away. I brought my uniforms down from the hangar and changed into them swiftly.

My brother was still standing where I left him in the living room. "Siju nau. The rain still wants to fall. Let's leave on time. You know the umbrellas aren't strong enough to withstand the wind."

"I'm coming," he yawned.

*+*+*+*+*+*

My brother finished dressing up the moment the rain started pouring buckets again. I shot him an annoyed glance. "You know I'm a prefect. I'll now be coming late because of you."

"Daddy bought raincoat," he said. "Lemme go and bring it."

"This is seven-fifty Sijuwade. If we walk what time will we get to school? Sha be fast."

He brought out the coloured rubber raincoats and handed me one. "Do you want the blue or pink?"

"I want black," I hissed, grabbing the blue one. "Carry your lunch bag o."

"Mummy already carried it."

I opened the door, the key jiggling on my pinky and stared at the heavy drops of water from the sky. "Siju, better remove your socks."

He did as I asked him to and put it in his bag, then wore the raincoat over his bag just like I had done. "Oya let's go."

We walked slowly to school, the wind trying its best to uproot me from my stance, the thunder scaring the life out of me but not as much as the lightning that flashed across the sky.

I removed my raincoat at the security entrance when I got to school and folded it, asking the gateman for nylon. After he put the coat in the nylon, I put on my socks and then walked under the shaded walkway till I entered the secondary building. The bell had just rung for the second period. I used the alternative staircase when I saw my physics teacher using the main one.

He got to the class before I did— I heard his voice saying. "You guys are not complete o. Tiaraoluwa and Adesuwa are not in school. Me I can't wait for them."

Just then, I felt a presence behind me— it was Adesuwa. I rolled my eyes subtly— a terrible way to start the morning. She opened the door; a gust of cold air hit my face so hard that I flinched.

"Who is the mad human being that turned on A.C. in this rain?" She asked, disregarding the presence of Mr. Denrele who by the way was also my T.D. teacher.

"Come and beat me," Adeolu challenged.

I ignored their banter, Clarisse who was one seat away from the door— where Kamsi sat, had her arms outstretched.

"Tiara baby," she drawled, pulling me into a hug.

"Hey," I sniffed. "How far?"

"Guy, your body is so hot. Jesus Christ Tiara, are you sick?"

"No?"

"What's wrong with you people?" Mr. Denrele shouted. "You came into my class to disturb the peace. Settle down at once. This is why I hate latecomers. You people don't know the essence of time. Time is very important. Time is very key..." He rambled on and on, into one of his long speeches about time.

"But sir," Clarisse said innocently, still holding my hand. "You're wasting time talking about time."

The class erupted into fits of laughter and Mr. Denrele sighed. "You people should behave."

"Tiara," Kamsi who was seated by the door, turned to face Clarisse and me. He raised his hand in a high-five motion, I locked my free hand with his. "This one that you and Adesuwa came together, have you people settled?" He said.

"No," I sighed. "And why are you talking to me? I thought you were mad for not unblocking you?"

"You too, I put my hand out and you locked yours with it," he retorted. "Why?"

I was going to smile but I didn't. I was just glad he was not mad at me anymore— not that I cared if he stayed angry. "Your hand is very hot o." He said lacing his second hand on mine.

"Abi?" Clarisse concurred. "Maybe you should go to the sick bay."

"I'm fine jore," I said but I was not. As I got to my seat, I waved to Ivie who was seated far away.

"Babe gist dey o," she whispered loudly. "Later sha."

As Mr. Denrele chattered on how time found its way into everything— including physics, my chest constricted painfully. I grimaced slightly, trying not to let it show because Adesuwa who was seated beside me kept staring at me.

My head was pounding aggressively, a wave of nausea hit me and my nose felt suddenly blocked. I took a piece of tissue paper from my bag and then excused myself from the class. I tried blowing my nose into the paper, to relieve the tension I felt in my nose and my chest but it didn't work.

I walked back into the class only to make more excuses about three times. By the fourth time, Mary came outside. "Olu are you okay?"

"I'm okay," I wheezed. The pain was getting suffocating with each passing minute. Somehow it felt like my head was being forced inside water or like all the oxygen in the air vanished completely. She was rubbing circles on my back, whispering something I couldn't decipher. After a while, I coughed out, "Check my bag for Ventolin."

I don't remember much from that moment on but I knew I was gently pushed onto a chair and I could feel warm hands on my face and something strange there were voices everywhere but someone was talking to me in Adesuwa's voice.

My breathing started to become stable after about five minutes and I was just a little bit conscious of what was happening around me, I could hear Feyishayo shout to someone. "Ask my cousin to borrow me his inhaler."

I became completely conscious of everything suddenly. Clarisse, Ivie and Adesuwa were shouting at people to give me breathing space, the male Kamsi was running to meet my mom who was shouting instructions at the school nurse and Mr. Denrele was holding my shoulders.

"I'm okay," I coughed, trying to stand up.

"Relax," Adesuwa said, holding my hand. Feyishayo returned with her cousin and his inhaler.

"Babe Oya use—"

"I'm fine," I told her.

"You don't look fine," she said, thrusting it into my hands.

"I can't just use anyone's inhaler," I coughed. "Thank you though."

The rest of the class was looking at me through the windows, I shot some of them a glare then stood up and walked back into the class. I had barely sat down when the school nurse returned and asked me to follow her to the sick bay.