Chapter Twenty-Four
The Past
Kainyechukwuekene

The next day, my mom made a meal of akara and pap for dinner; knowing that akara was my dad's favourite snack. When he got home around seven o'clock in the evening; she took his suitcase from him; and had a bath ready— she doted on him.

He took three akara from the bowl she set on the dining without paying attention to her and walked out of the house. He returned home hours later— she stayed up waiting for him to be back just to welcome him but her presence seemed to irritate him, he pushed her in his drunken state and stumbled away.

In the morning, there was a meal waiting for him and a lunch packed for him for work. I stared at all of it with irritation at how he did not acknowledge or appreciate her actions. It seemed to annoy him more than when she nagged about his coming home late.

By the third day of her doting— on Monday morning before I left for school, there was a divorce paper on the dining table.

"I'm tired of this marriage," he said without emotion in his voice.

She looked at her stomach and a tear slid down her cheek. "I would abort it if you want. Daniel please," she begged.

As I stared at them, I could not help but think he was right that day. Maybe Kainene truly wasn't his and I was angry because he called her an abomination and maybe this baby wasn't his either. Her pregnancy could not have been possible with his absence.

It was that or she still loved him despite his abusive behaviour.

For some reason, guilt ate me up.

Tiaraoluwa

"Hey."

Jayden visited the library on Friday, in the guise of an innocent research quest for chemistry homework. The school building was quiet as everyone had gone to the field to have fun for the last three hours of school; I was seated on the librarian's chair, also doing research for the chemistry homework.

"What's up?" He asked when I didn't reply.

"Nothing really, just came here to research for chemistry."

"Me too." He pulled out a chair opposite me and sat down. "Can I just copy from you?"

"Jayden, make an effort." I stood up from where I sat and scanned the shelf nearest to where I was.

"Right now I can't." He walked over to me and leaned on the shelf.

"So why'd you come here?"

"You said there are better ways to distract myself than drugs."

There are not enough words to explain what I felt making out with Jayden but I can boldly say it was different. Somehow it did not seem like he was new to any sexual experience or did not watch porn because the way he caressed my body felt too intimate. I told him to bring a condom next time. He made me feel ready to lose my virginity.

Kainye met up with me just a few minutes after Jayden left to apologize for how he spoke to me the other day but I brushed it off because I could not find it within me to get angry with him. He hung out in the library a bit, reading a play by Shakespeare and asking me questions about it but I could tell it was just to start a conversation with me. There was something he wanted to talk about but did not know how or where to start.

"What's going on with you?" I asked as we left the library together.

"My parents are getting a divorce."

Normally, I always knew what to say when people talked about their problems; not that many people did but most of the time they were insignificant and princess problems compared to what I faced so it was often easy to tell them how to navigate it.

I thought about it for a while, but could not come up with words other than, "I'm sorry."

It seemed inconsiderate of me to say, "Won't it be better than them fighting all the time?"

I thought about my parents too and wondered what my reaction would be if my dad should suddenly drop divorce papers for my mom— although it was highly unlikely. He seemed to take pride in himself for putting up with my mom for as long as the twenty years. Like he'd always say, "If not for the holy spirit I would have abandoned you all but I can't do such a wicked thing."

A lot of times I wish he'd actually abandon us. Yes it would be hard for us to find our feet— my mom would have to think of rent, she'd work more hours without an increase in her pay, and look for extra jobs. It would hurt my pride if people found out but I knew I'd be happy without him in my life.

Sometimes I'd think it was selfish of me to hold my dad in contempt because he was poor. Would the story be different if he were rich? I'd ask myself and then day to myself that it would be because he'd be too busy to talk about his conspiracy theories or preach to us to follow his footsteps in Christianity.

"I don't know what to say to that, to be honest," I said after a long beat of silence.

"It's okay." A sad smile was etched on his face. "There's something you want to say abi?"

"It's insensitive."

"Just say it."

"Do you think it would be better for you guys? He won't be able to abuse her anymore."

"He's abusive but I think my mom still loves him. It's crazy," he chuckled looking at his feet. "She's been making an effort to please him even after accusing her that Kainene wasn't his child. I think it would break her. She's also ..." He trailed off and took a deep breath. "She's pregnant, my dad says it's not his and I can't help but think he's right. I feel guilty.