TBPAP: SIMULA

They say when you're in love you'll be blind from the truth. In love, you must know that sacrificing is part of it... letting go and goodbyes are necessary. Am I that blind to see the truth? He can't love me but I choose to stay and endure everything. Even if it means, I'll hurt my expectations. I was always there for him through his lowest but he couldn't even notice that. Blinded by his love of his late greatest love.

That's his past, I'm already his present. The alive and living one. But why does he keep looking and stuck to that old love that has been buried for a long time?

Dahan-dahan ang naging yapak nang aking mga paa habang tinutungo ang silid kung saan ko naririnig ang kanyang mga hikbi. Nakabukas iyon ng maliit, saktong tanaw kung ano ang kanyang ginagawa. He was sitting on the floor-side of his bed, sobbing and crying... holding that picture frame again.

My tears started to fall to my cheeks. I heard him mumbling something but I didn't hear the first sentence until he said the last phrase.

"I miss you," he painfully whispered.

Hanggang ngayon. Hanggang ngayon siya pa rin. Siya pa rin ang nakikita niya. Ako na ang bago ngayon pero hindi ko man lang magawang makita ang mga mata niya na sa akin nakatingin.

"Tita Mommy, why 're you here?" Napalingon ako sa tinig na aking narinig.

Lumingon muli ako at sinugurado na hindi niya kami naririnig. Bahagya akong umupo upang magpantay kami ng tingin.

"Good Morning, My Dawn Hope!" I greeted his daughter who is also my daughter, I mean step-daughter.

Anak si Dawn ng namayapang si Lara, Jace late fiance. Sa lahat ng maaari ko pang makapangalan ay ang fiance pa niya. My parents used to call me Lara when I was young. Fix marriage ang naging dahilan kung bakit kami nagkakilala ni Jace. His family believes in that old-fashioned tradition.

"Tita Mommy, why don't you answer me?"

I pinched her pointed nose. "I was about to call your dad. Breakfast is ready!"

"Hayaan mo na po si Daddy, Tita Mommy, tayo na po mauna na kumain. I'm sure susunod po siya sa atin mamaya," she sweetly smiled.

Hindi ko nakita ang kahit anong picture ni Lara ang mommy ni Dawn pero base sa itsura ng bata mukhang maganda ito. With her cream soft skin, medyo mahabang pilik-mata, pinkish lips, two cute dimples on her cheeks, ang kanyang mga mata na kulay brown, curly-straight hair at mga ngiti na mahuhulog ka... tipong hindi ka makakatanggi kapag itong batang 'to ang kausap mo.

Umupo siya sa mesa at nakangiti sa akin habang nilalagyan ko ng palaman ang paborito niyang pandesal. Dawn born that everything on her side is perfect pero heto siya at walang kaarte-arte. Favorite niyang kinakain t'wing agahan ay tuyo, sunny-side up na itlog, sinangag na kanin, hotdog and hindi maaaring wala sa mesa ang paborito niyang pandesal.

"Here you go, baby." Inabot ko sa kanya iyon at kinuha ang isang plato na nasa kanyang harapan. "You'll be late on your first day of school. Sino ang gusto mong maghatid sa 'yo? si Daddy? si Mang Tony? si Yaya Mende? or ako na?"

"Let's take Dawn to school together, Thala," napalingon naman ako sa sumingit na boses.

It's Jace. Parang walang bakas sa kanyang mga mata na umiiyak siya. I really feel sorry for Lara that I couldn't even comfort him. Ayoko kasi siyang pakialaman kahit gusto ko. When it comes to Lara and him... I'm out of the picture.

"Is that okay with Dawn?" Napatingin ako sandali sa kanya bago ibinaling sa bata ang aking atensyon. "It's okay, Dawn, if you won't want me to accomply you. I fully understand."

"No, Tita Mommy, you'll come with us. 'Tsaka minsan lang po kayo lumabas ng house. Tita Mommy, kayo po ni Daddy susundo sa akin mamaya, ha? Magtatampo po ako kung wala kayo," sagot ni Dawn at muling itinuon ang tingin sa kinakain na pandesal.

Napatingin ako saglit kay Jace na nakatitig pala sa akin. Mabilis siyang nag-iwas ng tingin nang mahuli ko. What does it mean? We've been married for almost two years. Sa loob ng dalawang taon, Jace never hurt me physically kahit na may hindi kami pagkakaintindihan minsan. He usually wants to fix it calmly.

"Tita Mommy, could you make me more peanut-pandesal, please?" Dawn pouted at me.

"Malalate ka na-but sige, baunin mo na lang." Nagpalaman akong muli at inilagay sa lunch box niya.

"Palamanan mo rin ako, Thala." Jace said.

Akala ko nagbibiro siya pero upon looking into his eyes, seryoso siya. He wanted me to make peanut-pandesal for him.

"Babaunin ko sa office," he added.

"Okay."

Ginawan ko ang mag-ama ng peanut-pandesal. While on our way sending Dawn to school, nakikinig lang ako sa asaran nilang dalawa. Kung buhay pa si Lara at siya ang nasa posisyon ko, ang saya nila. And it brokes me that I have to be the substitute one to complete their family.

Huminto ang sasakyan kaya akala ko nasa school na kami ni Dawn pero hindi pa kaya nagtataka ako na nakatingin sa kanya.

"Why are you crying?" he calmly asked me.

"Yeah, Tita Mommy, why are you crying? May sakit ka po ba? Does your head hurt?" I saw worried faces.

"I'm okay, may nakita lang ako kanina online, naalala ko lang kaya naiyak ako. Tara na at late na si Dawn, Jace." Pag-iiba ko ng usapan.

Even Jace couldn't love me the way he loves Lara but the way he was so concerned every time he noticed that I'm not feeling positive. Lalo na si Dawn, she always asks me kung masakit ba ang ulo ko kaya ako umiiyak minsan or may masakit ba sa akin. I love how Dawn and Jace took care of me, na kung akalain mo ay ako ang totoong mommy ni Dawn at totoong mahal ni Jace.

"Tita Mommy, you call Daddy if may masakit po sa inyo, ha? Huwag po kayong mag-worry na maubos ang money natin, basta safe ka po. Ayaw ko po na nakikitang may sakit ka, Tita Mommy. I love you po." Dawn sweetly smiled at me. Buhat-buhat siya ni Jace. Lumapit ako at pinatakan siya ng halik sa pisngi.

"I love you too, My Dawn Hope. Behave ka dito, hm?"

"You heard our daughter, Thala, kahit may meeting ako kung may problema, please tell me? Are you sure na magta-taxi ka? Iuwi na kita." Jace said.

"Huwag na. May meeting ka pa ngayon. Tatawag ako kung nakauwi na ako. Ingat kayo." I gave him a kiss on his cheeks.

I heard Dawn gigled. Nagpaalam na ako sa dalawa. Negative thoughts eat me. Lara is so blessed to have Jace and Dawn. Sobrang mapagmahal ng dalawa sa akin. They always take care of me. Pero kahit gano'n alam ko na hinding-hindi ko mapapalitan si Lara sa buhay ni Jace lalong-lalo na sa buhay ni Dawn. His past and present might be his greatest love... that's Lara. And I can't be her.