THREE

Torments of you

It is said that monsoon brings with it new beginnings. The delicate raindrops would mellow the harsh ground left dry and yearning by the summer, until it yields to the new greens to grow.  But the monsoon also brought with it storms, whirls of harsh winds and clouds that hid away the glitter of stars. The thought crossed his mind as he watched the first droplets of the season caress the neatly cropped front lawns of the Oberoi mansion.

Omkara had taken a little break from his sculpting after completing the center show piece of his upcoming exhibition. He chose to idle on the comfy plush cushions by his window sill and scrawl on one of his spare sketch pads. Once in a while he took his eyes off the lazy dark gray lines on his paper, which had suspiciously arranged themselves into a silhouette of a woman with long hair falling into her heart shaped face, to admire the drizzle now slowly developing into a shower. An odd sense of peace prevailed  over his heart. He hadn't felt so in a long time. Most recently he had been stressing over the lost few months of his life, the memories which had vanished without a trace. For some reason he found it no longer mattered to him. The most particular thing was, all it took was that one word from his wife, to assure him, to grant him that most sought out peace. She was truly, in every sense that mattered, a wonderful woman.

The rain pattered against the window, breaking his trance with a sprinkle of drizzle and Omkara stood up startled. How could it just slip his mind?

It hadn't been raining when Gauri left for the temple. He was sure she had not taken an umbrella with her. He cursed under his breath, at her for not taking the car...giving thousand excuses of a certain vow she had taken while he was in coma to do this special veneration after reaching the temple bear footed. She would soon drive him crazy, he thought, shaking his head at the glimpse of his untidy reflection he caught from the mirror in the hallway.

She stood in the relative shelter of the temple and stared up  ahead at the pouring clouds, a hand covering her eyes as droplets of rain made her blink continuously. There was still a handful of oil lamps left for her to light, and the breeze made it an impossible task. Sending a silent prayer to her Shankar ji, Gauri wrapped her pallu more tightly around her shoulders, and set about to complete her task. No storm could hinder her worship, no rain could wash away her devotion. The lamp flickered in the wind and she cupped it to ensure the breeze did not extinguish its light. Gauri had had her fair share of bad omens in life, now that everything was finally falling into place, she could hardly offer anymore warnings of approaching misfortune. Rain drops tapped heavily against her scalp, soaking into the thick sheet of her dark hair, and soaking into her pale green saree; she did not care. Her sole focus had been the lamps, the hundred and eight lamps she was supposed to light around the temple.

He did not criticize her mission, in fact her devotion sometimes rendered him speechless. Omkara liked to call himself a atheist, but as Shivay had once told him, there were no men without ideals. Perhaps his ideal was not a divine one. He had laughed at that, throwing back his thick mane of hair, rolling his eyes at his usually systematic brother's philosophical thesis. But now, he found himself agreeing. There were no men without faith, a point of  gravity to their universe. Perhaps he had just found his, for the many years to come. Without speaking a word that would disturb her prayer, he held out the umbrella he brought over her head, shielding her petite frame, crouched against the tiny lamp  from the downpour. He had no faith in her god, but in her faith...he was finding his.

She looked up at his startled, suddenly realizing she was no longer subjected to the harsh storm.

"Omkara ji aap? Her voice held a mild surprise, the same reflected in her eyes. He simply nodded.

"Wrap it up quickly, we're leaving in ten minutes. He tried to sound stern, but ended up gently chastising her. She smiled at him happily, coming to stand underneath the umbrella and much closer to him than she was before. He could clearly see each of the droplets that hung from her eyelashes, or the stray locks of wet hair curled on her forehead.

"I was wondering how I'm going to make you accompany me, and here you are! She exclaimed, hands clasped in what he suspected was a prayer.

"Haan, Shankar ji ki kripa se, he said sarcastically. She missed his sarcasm and nodded her agreement solemnly.

Omkara sighed, having left with no choice but to follow her with his umbrella as she circled the temple, lighting many, many lamps in the corners. The silence between them was a comfortable one, he mused as they walked. Her eyes remained on her god, and his on her. It was like seeing her all over again, a new color to her already rainbow like personality. He watched how her eyes glitter like liquid gold in the glow of the lamps, their orange light casting a yellowish aura to her complexion.

"Finished? He asked her finally and she nodded, a self satisfied smile curling her lips. Exhaling in relief he placed his palm on the small of her back and pushed her forward. "Then let's go! The skin to skin contact send a tingle down her spine, he felt the same spark as she turned her elegant head and met his gaze. They stood under the rain for a moment, barely sheltered by the umbrella he had brought and lost each other's eyes.

"What are you thinking of? She asked him slowly, her words a carefully chosen whisper that did not break the spell of monsoon.

"I'm not sure if it has a name, that thought... he told her, honestly.

**

She fall ill. All thanks to that stupid prayer conducted amidst the downpour. In the end it was all because of him, one way or the other. Omkara shook his head to himself, pursing his lips as he checked her temperature again. She had fallen into an uneasy sleep and he had shooed other concerned family members away and locked the door. Sometimes, his wife's popularity among his family was annoying. This was one such case. They were all fawning over her, not leaving enough room for air to circulate or  heat to subside. It had taken a few of mincing threats to finally disperse the crowd, even then Rudra had refused to move and Shivay lingered at the threshold, a call to Bhavya had solved the problem in the end. Looking around the silent room, Omkara sighed to himself. He wasn't used to see her so pale and frail, it was an uncomfortable sight for unexplainable reasons. Gauri shivered in her sleep, clutching the blanket closer to her chin and his heart wrenched painfully.

He stood up to bring more cold  water and stopped, his eyes noting the unconscious grip she had on his wrist.

"Omkara ji... Her voice was throaty as she took his name from her feverish lips. "I'm telling the truth...please believe me. Her eyes rolled beneath their soft lids, as she sank into that nightmare. He sat heavily by her side, her hand in his and his other hand stroking her hair. When had he refused to believe her? "I had no choice but to keep up the Chulbul act, I had no wrong intentions. So Chulbul was an act? Someone she pretended to be? She muttered some more incoherent words and rolled over, tears soaking into her pillow. "I know you don't accept this marriage...this is a matter of few  days, after which we'll go our separate ways. Par hamare liye toh, shaadi sirf ek hi baar hoti hai...

He didn't know what to say. He had no idea what she was talking about. Omkara remembered that she had a pill due at the moment and he stretched out an arm to take the tray of medicine from the bedside cabinet. It fell down, with an echoing clatter in the silence. Sighing he bent down to collect the scattered cards of pills and something caught his eye.

It was a folder, tucked under the cabinet away from everyone's eyes. Placing the tray back in its original place, he pulled the folder out and flipped it open. It was some official looking document and his eyes skimmed  over the content. His hands shook and his grip faltered. The folder landed on the marble floor with a thud.

"I don't want anything...nor your money, nor your name. Just a few good memories, jinke sahare baaki ke zindagi kaat loon... That's what I asked from Shankar ji, a few memories to take along where you weren't so disgusted of me. And he...he changed you. Did it happen because of me? Shouldn't I have prayed for something so selfish? Ab aap itne achche ho...jaane ki mann nahi kar raha...perhaps you were right, I'm a despicable woman, a selfish, self centered, greedy woman...but I'm greedy of love, it's not that bad huh? Itni pyaar humein kissi ne nahi kiya...

Fisting his hands Omkara stood up, picked up the documents he had dropped and went out, in search of his brother, he needed some answers and he needed them now, before the anticipation drove him insane.

"Shivay! He marched into the study, to find his brother staring at some paper curling into ashes with a mincing glint to his eyes. He was jerked out of his cold thoughts by Omkara's voice. He placed the folder in his brother's hands and looked into his eyes. "What is the meaning of this?

"Wh...what? Shivay flipped open the content and read through. He was a fast reader and his face darkened with each line his eyes moved across.

"It's a marriage contract. To be precise it is the marriage contract I made Gauri sign, have you read it, of cause you might have, our lawyer had prepared it. When did I turn into this person Shivay, and why did it happen? Look what it says, look at the clauses! It's a damn enslavement bond, where she won't even have a right over our children...her children Shivay, the babies she would bear! And why the hell did she sign it? Should have thrown it at my face!

"You paid her, Shivay said slowly. To the incredulous look Omkara gave him, he sighed in reply. "Her mother is being treated for cancer Om, she needed a lot of money.

"And I exploited her need? The words left his own mouth, leaving their disgustingly bitter taste behind. His mind was reeling, and images of that deer caught in headlights kind of look she used to give him resurfaced in his memories. He had been nothing less a monster to her, why wouldn't she be afraid?

"It's not like that... Shivay tried to reason.  "You needed a wife, there was no way out. And gradually Shivay narrated the entire Svetlana fiasco, of the prenup he was forced to sign, of its loophole and then about their ultimate solution. "Your wife would have been the sole owner of your properties, so it was natural that you made her sign a counter contract, restricting her rights as Mrs. Oberoi.

Omkara stumbled backwards, collapsing to his knees on the expensive Persian carpet. He looked at his brother through bloodshot eyes and a groan left his mouth.

"Why? He asked in agony. "Why does she love me in spite of all that? How can she love me, when I've been nothing but a demon? Or does she, Shivay? Is she staying here because she signed this...damn contract? Is she a prisoner of sorts?

"Do you love her Om? His brother questioned slowly. Omkara took a rattling breath, his face covered with his hands. He shook his head, vehemently.

"I can't! I shan't! She doesn't deserve this...! She doesn't deserve a life like Mom's.

"Om! Shivay sounded alarmed as Omkara got up.

"No, no no! He continued to mutter as he left the study uncaring of his brother's worried tone calling him back, or the curious glances the guards gave him. In his mind the single thought had taken root, he should not curse her into accepting his sudden feelings, he should not take something that he did not deserve. Her love was too pious for a sinner like him.

**

He did not leave, the promise he had made to her had stopped him. But Gauri, who woke up cured from her fever realized that something had fallen apart during those two nights.  Her memories were hazy, clouded with feverish confusions, she did not know what went wrong...or why he behaved like a plagued man, distancing himself from everybody, including his brothers. It was like waking up into a nightmare, where everything went wrong once more and she could do nothing but watch from the sidelines as they continued to drift apart for unexplained reasons.

The hours he spent at the studio turned longer and longer; their conversations shorter. He would hardly spare her a look over the dining table, where he sat only long enough to stuff his mouth with food. She refused to give in, to the impending doom of their relationship, but her hopes diminished with each new day, until finally one day he handed her what he called "freedom.

The dark poolside was home to wicked shadows, there was no better place to hide your tears or give into your fears. Shivay found her there, curled in the corner, very much like he had  once been, soon after Annika left him. He had a very good idea what the paper clutched in her hand was, and he shook his head offering her his hand to get up. She looked up at him with kohl smudged puffed eyes.

"You said everything would be alright, her voice was soft. "Why did you lie bade Bhaiyya? Nothing can go right with me, I'm cursed aren't I? Something broke inside Shivay at her words. He should have known this was happening...but no, he had chosen these very days to get busy with his past. He had failed both his brother and this soul sister again.

"Shh! He placed his hand on her head, shaking his head gently at her bitter words. "He found that marriage contract. Her eyes widened with understanding and she slowly moved backwards, staring at him in disbelief. "My brother feels he doesn't deserve you Gauri. He isn't punishing you, he is punishing his own foolishness. Throwing her hands in the air, Gauri groaned exasperatedly. Why did he have to be so...so good? Would a little selfishness hurt anyone? Why does he have to be the one taking the decision of their fate all the time? Unable to help himself Shivay chuckled at her reaction and folded his arms. "I know some wretched man had said, set free the thing you love. But if your love doesn't know any better letting go is the most foolish thing to do.

She gave a dry chuckle and looked at him gratefully.

"Hum kuch kahe toh aap maanenge bhaiyya?

"Kya?

"There's a certain CCTV footage you must watch, please do watch it. After that, I'm sure you'll have many questions. I have answers to them, in fact everyone in this house do. You only need to ask them the right question.

"What do you mean Gauri?

"Watch it, ask the right question, you'll get the answer you want.

With that she walked off, a determined glint in her eyes and her jaw set in a firm line. He watched her march away and the next minute his mobile beeped as it received the said video clip. Shivay hit the play button and found the footage from their back lawn CCTV.

**

She did not linger to switch on the lights, or admire the tiny details of his studio that she has never visited before. Gauri had eyes only for her husband, seated in the dark corner in the far end, his elbows resting on his bend knees and head dropped out of her sight. For a moment she was afraid for him, all those narrations of his rather dark youth resurfaced in her mind. Had he found his way back to those dark pits from which Shivay had dragged him back?

She stepped into the pool of light created by the single bulb hanging low from the ceiling and her gaze shifted from his, to the surrounding. There were canvas after canvas of brilliant vivid paintings...all of them, somehow resembling her. Even the half finished sculpture he was sitting at the foot of, had her features. This was the hell he had created for himself?

"Omkara ji?

"Leave Gauri, you're free now, he didn't even look up to meet her gaze, his tone was empty and defeated. "If possible, please forgive me for whatever I did.

"Oh, do you think it's easy? She asked dryly. "To pull my heart together every time you break it? What do you think I am huh? I don't feel? Who do you think you are? Who are you to decide everything, every damn time? Anger surged inside her, for this unreasonable behavior, for his adamant gaze that refused to meet hers.

"I'm sorry Gauri.

"For what? What exactly are you sorry for? For the months you can't remember or for the months you do? Do you have any idea what hurt me more?

Finally he raised his head and looked up at her, his dull gaze sparkling with curiosity for a fraction of a moment.

"If you had to leave me, why did you make me feel all those things? What was the need of making me hope and dream? Making me fall for you? She drew in a breath and he chose the moment to interject a statement.

"You cannot possibly love me.

"I didn't love you before, she admitted slowly. "It was respect and a bit of awe. You saved my life after all. But since then, you didn't give me a chance to get any closer to form an emotional attachment. But, you're not that person anymore, are you? he did not reply and she continued after a pause. "You gave me a chance to explain, you listened, you believed...you gave me all that I yearned for. I know it's kind of wrong, selfish and wicked...but I...I fall in love.

"Can you forget everything I did? His voice was rough, he wiped the wetness off his eyes with a careless palm. "No, right? How can you forget what I was?

She knelt before him, her wide brown orbs peering into his dark gaze. Her cold fingers took his hand in them, holding it closer to her heart, she exhaled softly.

"If your memories return tomorrow, will you start hating me again? Her question was mild and her gaze hopeful. "Will we go back to those bitter, childish misunderstandings?

"I know the truth now Gauri. About Kaali, about Bua Ma, about everything. Although I don't remember how I acted then, I know what is there to know.

"And?

"And I love you so much that it hurts, he confessed finally. "That every time I think about what you had to go through because of me, my heart bleeds. I can only imagine how excruciating it must have been and I don't deserve you after all that.

"And what about me? Don't I deserve my love? Don't I deserve to be loved?

"It's not like that, you can find someone wh...

She touched her fingers to his lips, silencing him and that wretched thought.

"You, or no one else. I've loved you so much, for so long that it has became a habit, an addiction. It will remain with me till I die, you or no one else.

His large hands brushed her hair back from her face, his dark eyes gazing at her hungrily.

"Itni mohabbat karti ho?

"Test it for yourself, she muttered, inching closer. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, exhaling the intoxicating smell of her dark hair. She gathered him closer, her cold palms caressing his earlobes and jaw. "Humari aankon mein naap lo. Her eyes were brimming with love and he had never seen prettier eyes before. He was sure even without his memories backing him up. When he did not reply, she touched her lips to his forehead, and his eyelids. He yielded, just like the desert surrendering to the monsoon, he let the stream of emotions to wash away the remaining insecurities. He let him overpower her with her restrained passion finally flowing free. She kissed the traces of tears away from his cheeks and then retreated, suddenly too shy to touch his lips. Omkara opened his eyes and found her staring at him through hooded eyes, her bottom lip between her teeth, a nervous red coloring her cheeks.

Her innocence had always been his undoing and he found himself powerless against that charm. With a growl he pulled her closer, taking her lips into a searing kiss, wrapping his arms around her petite frame and holding her crushed against him. She moaned softly, giving into the moment, her cold palms cupping his jaw and caressing his stubble as their lips molded against one another.

Outside the rain started to pour once more, the monsoon returning to battle with the winds. The two souls who had finally found their shelter for each and every storm did not pay heed to the whispering breeze. There was a lot to be said and explained, but the words will have to wait...until hearts were done with their melodies and souls their eternal dance.

**

Thanks for reading!

Open to your views.

Sorry if anyone's not happy with the ending.

Love,

Sakura