Jeno's been hell, he felt like he had lost himself just because of a guy who used him for sex. To which he had fallen for.

He sighed and throws the cigarette away after he finishes it, he stomps on it and rushes back inside the house without any suspicious acts.

He obviously knew about his weak lungs, but sometimes the things you gotta do to relieve yourself is the worst ones.

His friends knows about him starting to smoke these days, he started after three days since the incident and now has become a bit of an addict to it.

He has weak lungs, he can't breathe properly at times, his friends knows that, they're all worried for him and his health. But that didn't stop him.

Smoking felt like he was calm again, it was his stress reliever or something he does to keep himself sane. It was stupid really, he knows that too.

Being the class president in one of the top sections and supposedly role model student in his own grandpa's school yet doing the most idiotic ideas isn't really fitting for his image, no one knows except his friends.

He felt calm when he smoked, he didn't scream or anything. But that still doesn't mean he didn't cry at the end.

Every time he smokes, after he does it and puts it out, he doesn't notice the tears on his cheeks.

Everytime he smokes, he felt calm yet weak. He started coughing every now and then and struggled with breathing even if he just took a nap.

His grandpa, Donghae, had noticed the changes and asked everytime if he's okay or if there was something wrong. He just shook his head and said, "no, I'm fine." With a bitter smile.

Donghae was worried for his grandson, Jeno is a remarkable boy, but since a few weeks ago after the basketball match, his grandson had changed into a different person.

Jeno noticed his worried gaze but reassured him that nothing was wrong, Donghae kept an eye out for him and didn't ask when Jeno said to excuse him from school. He thinks the boy just needed rest.

Renjun was the most concerned and once yelled making him feel like he disappointed yet another person in his life. The Chinese soon realized and apologized to him as he just shrugged and waved it off.

Donghyuck was there with them any time he can, after basketball practice he'll walk with them instead of being with Jaemin, he goes to his locker to greet and often gives him a sympathetic look at the halls with Jaemin beside him.

Mark was the least verbal about it, he thinks that talking about it all the time and bringing the topic up will just make it worst for Jeno. So he keeps quiet yet doesn't fail to be concerned for his friend.

He gives him a warm smile and whenever Jeno wants to rant, he'd be there ignoring Renjun's whines on the two ditching him.

Jeno still felt lost and crazy just because of a boy that he fell in love with. He felt like it was pathetic and he's just being dramatic.

Mark had reassured him that feelings are feelings, they won't go away for a long time. Emotions are normal, dramatic or not, your feelings matter.

If it makes you happy, it's a precious thing to keep. If it hurts you, it's sometimes better to back away. But if it's both, then the choice is up to you, because that something or someone must be important.

Jeno kept those words in mind, he doesn't hesitate to agree with the latter. Jaemin makes him happy, but at the same time he had hurt him, he must be someone special.

Sadly, Jeno isn't in the right mind right now. He has ditched school two times saying he's sick, he skipped class sometimes to go to the roof, he has fallen asleep in a few lectures, and also has failed French once.

He has never done those things before, that's not how he was raised and definitely not what he'd do. That's not the Jeno everyone knew, he has completely lost himself.

Yet here he is, tucked in bed after he has just finished smoking a cigarette right outside of their own house. Hoping he'd find himself soon.

☘︎

Jeno rushes in to the classroom and apologizes to the teacher with a bow, the elder lets him be excused with a warning as he sits down on his seat with his hair messy.

"He was late," three words that echoed in everyone's head.

"He was late, again". Four words that echoed in Jaemin's head from across the room.

He stares at Jeno's hair, to his face, scans his body and back to his face. He was utterly worried for the past four weeks.

Yes, it's been four weeks since what happened in the locker room. They were lucky enough that word didn't spread like wildfire in the school. No one knew about it except them.

The pink haired has been trying to catch the brunet since day one, but to no avail. He tried trapping him, asking Donghyuck for help, find any way possible just to talk to Jeno and fix this.

But it all failed, Jeno was quickly out of his grasp and nowhere to be seen, disappeared in thin air like he wasn't there in the first place.

He'd see him in one place and approach, but whenever he does, Jeno beats him to it and dashes off to God knows where without a single breath.

It wasn't even Renjun who stopped him to coming near Jeno, it was actually the brunet himself.

☘︎

Jaemin sighed when after class ended he tried to catch Jeno again, but as like always, the boy disappears without a glance back at him.

"Fucking hell," he muttered and fixed his backpack strap before leaving to basketball practice.

Usually after practice, he'd go to the library with Jeno to have his tutoring session along with Dokyeom and Vernon.

But since what happened between them, he doesn't step a foot at the library anymore. It's no use anyway, Jeno isn't even there like he usually does.

Right after practice ended with all of them sweaty and smelly. Donghyuck waits for him at his locker with a look that made him anxious.

"I know that look," Jaemin calls him out and wipes a towel before grabbing his bag and both boys heads out the locker room, "better tell me now hyuck," he said.

The tanned boy was fumbling with his phone and kept quiet, "Hyuck, if this is about Jeno–" he starts with a worried tone thinking something wrong happened to the brunet.

Donghyuck lets out a shaky breath and looks at him, "Jaem," he mumbles and looks so worried as he shakes a bit.

Jaemin raised a brow as the boy continued with the words he never wanted to hear ever in his life as it made him pale, "Jeno's in the hospital."