“It takes strength to make your way through grief, to grab hold of life and let it pull you forward.”
- Patti Davis

~~~~
New

In the midst of all this chaos and while making peace with Tay, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten a major thing - and I am dealing with it right now. Let me make it clear. "Earth..."

"Okay, explain," he said sternly.

Despite his babyish appearance, I kept my composure, pausing only when Earth glared at me. "Listen carefully," I strode closer to him and firmly grasped his hand. "Whatever I say next, I need you to stay calm and focused."

With a firm shake of his head, he interrupted me mid-sentence. His tone was pleading as he said, "No, baby, please don't–" It was clear that he had a good reason for cutting me off and I knew I needed to listen to him.

"Earth, don't worry. We're okay," I lied, fighting back my tears.

Earth's eyes welled up with tears as he spoke firmly, "Things are not okay, Newwiee. I can't let you go off with someone you just met a few days ago. I won't allow it."

"I will return and I recall you promising to wait for me. I promise not to let you down, and I will come back to you––"

"Newwie, I would like to see you when I return to Paris in six months. Can we arrange to meet? I understand that marriage is a significant responsibility, but I hope we can make time for each other–"

I nodded, interrupting him. "Earth, I will always make time for you."

"Forever?" He asked, drawing me closer and kissing my forehead.

"Forever," I affirmed.

In the afternoon breeze at the park, Earth and I embraced each other by the lake, as our usual bench was taken by an elderly couple. Sitting on the grass felt as lovely, if not even more so, than our usual spot. "I prefer it here."

"We should have discovered this place earlier... It's beautiful," Earth remarked, gazing at me instead of the lake.

Blushing, I lightly hit his arm. "Shut up."

"Enough with the cuteness! Both of you are cringing me out. Shut the fuck up!" Inn exclaimed, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

Inn, I forgot he was also present. I felt embarrassed and blushed.

"Why is this monkey here again?" Earth asked, rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out at Inn. Inn responded in kind.

"I am here to help you both meet, remember? Is it for the project with me? and Uncle Pong? Does it ring a bell now, Earth? Or should I hit your head to jog your memory?" Inn said, glaring.

"Don't be sarcastic. Let's not spoil the moment for us... We may not have the chance to be together again for a long time..." I choked up unintentionally at the thought of marrying another man, fearing the idea of leaving Earth.

If there existed another universe where Earth and I could reunite, I wish to be with him once more without the burden of apprehension about my father or any other hindrance.

I desire to be free from these circumstances. However, I acknowledge that the responsibility lies with me. If only I dared to defy my father and claim Earth as my own. If only...

"What exactly are you thinking about?" Inn demanded, locking eyes with me.

I shook my head, trying to stay calm. "I'm feeling overwhelmed, Inn. There's so much happening in such a short period, and I'm not sure if I can handle everything. I need some time to prepare and get ready for what's coming."

Inn took a deep breath, and Earth's hold on me grew firmer as his hands circled my waist. Rising from the ground, Inn remarked, "I'll fetch a drink. It's quite hot in here. Some orange juice, perhaps? New?"

"Yes," I laughed, while Inn disregarded Earth.

Whenever Inn and Earth cross paths, they never fail to engage in a heated argument, just like cats and dogs. That being said, it's all in good spirits, as Inn regards Earth as a beloved older brother. I find their quarrels positively hilarious, and they serve as a great source of energy for me.

I am grateful for the people in my life, but I am preparing to depart from them. While they may not be readily available to assist me in my future endeavors, I am contemplating potential challenges ahead.

Although Tay appears virtuous, there is a lingering uncertainty regarding whether his intentions are genuine. I am apprehensive about the possibility of being mistreated by him and fear the potential repercussions, similar to those experienced with my father. I question my ability to navigate such situations and if I possess the strength to confront such adversity. In the event of an error on my part, I wonder if there will be individuals willing to offer assistance––

"Newwiee, please stop overthinking. I apologize for my previous reaction. When you told me you were getting married in four days... I," Earth gasped as I held onto him tightly, tears streaming down my face.

"I'm deeply sorry, Earth," I said through sobs.

Earth, also in tears, reassured me, "This is not your fault, Newwie. I thought we had more time together. I will always love you and never move on from you. I promise to love you until my last breath, Newwiee."

Tears continued to fall as I expressed my fear, "I love you, Earth. But I'm hesitant about the consequences."

Earth attempted to alleviate my worries, "That message was likely insignificant," as he proceeded to read the text on his phone.

Dear Earth Pirapat,

It would be wise for you to leave before I take action. Maybe, you should run away? New Thitipoom is not yours to claim. Remember this.

From Your Rival ;)

Taking a deep breath, Earth deleted the unknown message and blocked it decisively. "That's taken care of. It's likely a prank, as you suggested. We'll be just fine, Newwiee."

He smiled at me, and I managed a forced smile in return. I couldn't guess who sent that message, but I sensed danger. What did they mean by taking action? Would they harm Earth? That must not happen.

"New," Earth's voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Yes?" I met his gaze.

"You know... If something happens to me––"

"I can't live without you," tears welled up in my eyes.

His expression showed pain, but he remained strong. "No, Newwiee. You will live, with or without me. If something does happen to me, can you promise me one thing?"

"Don't talk like that, Earth, please," I wiped away the tears streaking my cheeks, which were already starting to ache.

"New, listen to me," Earth said, shaking his head and his face turning serious. "If anything were to happen to me, I want you to show them what you're capable of. Show them how strong and smart you are. I know you don't like being sassy, but if someone says something offensive, stand up for yourself. Once you get married and start living with them, not everyone will be by your side. So, you have to stand up for yourself. Don't let them put you down. Don't let them hurt you."

"Why are you speaking as if we may never meet again?" he said solemnly.

"Perhaps we won't," he paused, deeply breathed in, then continued. "Promise me, New."

"I won't leave you. I will return to you," I asserted.

Earth glanced back briefly before meeting my gaze again. "You must return. Fight for me, Newwiee," he said, touching my cheeks tenderly before drawing me close, our noses almost touching.

"Earth," I murmured.

He silenced me with a fervent kiss, then pulled back. Blushing like teenagers amidst sorrow and fear, we exchanged promises. "I promise," I whispered, and Earth nodded, a melancholic smile on his face.

As I turned, I noticed Inn approaching. I greeted him with a smile as he handed me my orange juice and another to Earth. Inn teased Earth, "You're so ugly Globe."

Earth glared and responded with a smile, "It's Earth, not Globe!"

"In essence, the same thing," Inn smirked.

I couldn't help but laugh at their immature behavior, and with a firm resolve, I offered up a silent prayer to God.

Grant happiness to those I love and strength against wrongdoers.

"I have to go now, Newwiee," Earth declared firmly as he rose from the ground and brushed the dust off himself.

"I would appreciate it if you could stay a little longer," I implored, reluctant to part ways so quickly.

Earth sighed, explaining, "I need to accompany my mother to the hospital. Her stomach ache is worsening. I will return to you later, alright?"

I grimaced but nodded, feeling sympathy for his mother's pain.

Earth chuckled gently, "I will text you when I am back home. Please do not sulk and go home with Inn."

I agreed, standing up to give him a final kiss. Inn patted him farewell, and Earth reciprocated, teasingly harder. This earned a scowl from Inn and a sad smile from me as Earth began to walk away.

A surge of longing gripped my chest, urging me to ask Earth to stay. However, I knew it was unreasonable. Although Earth was only leaving temporarily, it felt like a permanent separation.

Lately, watching Earth walk away had become unbearable.

∆∆∆

Inn and I confidently strolled and triumphantly strutted back home with our popsicles in hand. Despite the chilly weather, we indulged in our sweet and delicious treats, paying no mind to the curious stares of onlookers.

"They think we're crazy," I told Inn as he happily sucked on his ice pop while walking beside me.

With a glance around, he confidently winked at me and stated, "They're staring at us because we're two hot and sexy best friends."

I outright scoffed and firmly declared, "As if!"

"Let's go get some ice cream and cake from the new dessert shop nearby! Screw the naysayers, I'm feeling hungry and in need of some therapy. No one can stop us!"

I chuckled, "You promised Earth that you'd take me out for a proper dinner."

Inn grinned, "Oh, poor him. He doesn't know what a proper dinner means to us! Cake and more ice cream, perhaps?"

I pouted, "That's it? I want pudding, macarons, and tarts..."

"Anything else?" Inn asked, giving me a scrutinizing look.

"And brownies, muffins, and cheesecakes," I said, excited about the feast ahead.

"Are we in for heart disease?" Inn joked as we arrived at the shop.

I shook my head, "Not just that. Obesity, diabetes, and liver disease too."

"Oh, did you look that up?" Inn chuckled, drawing a glance from the workers at the counter.

"No, Te mentioned it to me."

Inn and I exchanged surprised glances as I became aware of my slip of words. Expecting Inn to jest, I was taken aback when he stayed silent, leaving me in a state of unease. Despite my initial apprehension, I was relieved by his discretion. Inn simply offered a fleeting awkward smile before addressing the waitress to request our proper dinner.

∆∆∆

"P'New? P'New!! Wake up!!"

I gasped and woke up abruptly, noticing the time on my nightstand: 11:30 p.m. Phuwin stood in front of me, visibly distressed with tears running down his face.

Startled, I reassured him, "What's wrong, Phu? Come here," embracing him tightly as he struggled to compose himself.

He urgently explained, "Phi, we need to leave... Everyone is downstairs, hurry!" His voice quivered with anxiety.

Concerned, I inquired, "What happened?"

"We need to go to the hospital, P'Earth. He- he was in an accident and we need to go," he managed to explain through his stuttering.

My heart raced as I processed the news, trying to remain composed. I took Phuwin's hand, dashing downstairs despite stumbling in my haste.

My worst fears were realized. The nightmare I had feared had come true, with Earth as the unfortunate victim. The unanswered message we had received now seemed ominous, a forewarning of tragedy.

Everyone else was gathered near the front door, except Dad and Aunt Ann. P'Gawin confirmed they had already left.

P'Mook gave me a reassuring hug and said, "Don't worry, Newwiee. He's going to be fine."

We shared a group hug before heading to the parking lot. P'Gawin locked the door, and we all boarded the waiting cab.

On the way to the hospital, I tried to remain calm despite my tears and fear. I prayed silently, struggling to accept the situation. My heart raced, and I fought to push down the overwhelming emotions, wishing it was all just a bad dream. But the pain in my chest reminded me that it was all too real.

"Earth... He's got to be fine... He promised and - I'll go back to him and he will stay and he promised," I kept muttering.

"Newwiee, stop right now! Nothing will happen to Earth!" P'Mook exclaimed firmly. I continued to mutter to myself, struggling to comprehend what was happening.

"Where is his medicine, Phuwin?" P'Gawin demanded. Phuwin handed over the packet and a bottle of mineral water, but despite their insistence, I refused to take it.

I could feel my heart racing and my breathing becoming shallow. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't shake off the feeling. It was as if the world was closing in on me. I wanted to scream out loud, but instead, I bit my lip and tried to stay calm.

"I'm fine," I said, wiping away tears.

"Please, it will calm you down, Neww. Take it," P'Mook whispered, resting my head on her shoulder. Reluctantly, I took the medicine, knowing it would make me dizzy and sleepy, but it did help to calm me.

We hurried to the hospital, checked in at the registration booth, and headed to the left wing of the ER. Earth's parents were already there, his mother in tears and his father looking lost, comforting her.

My dad and Aunt Ann were nearby, talking with a nurse about medication. The nurse explained that Earth had lost a lot of blood and had a rare blood type, AB negative. No family member could donate, and the blood bank was empty.

"The blood may take up half an hour to arrive," the nurse stated firmly, her voice conveying a sense of urgency.

I sat on the chair as P'Mook comforted Earth's mother, falsely assuring her that everything would be fine.

The hours of pain, suffering, and uncertainty that followed were harrowing, as we held on to hope, fervently wishing for Earth's recovery and longing for the moment when he would wake up.

After a lengthy operation, where the blood flow was restored in time, Dad and Aunt Ann departed with Earth's parents. P'Mook and P'Gawin assured them that we would manage everything at the hospital and update them once Earth regained consciousness.

At last, there came a glimmer of relief when we were assured that our dear Earth was out of immediate danger. The chance to share a fleeting moment of connection and conversation with him would be a precious gift, a bittersweet respite from the turmoil of the situation.

P'Gawin left to update Earth's parents on the situation. The doctor suggested that we should give Earth some rest for an hour before we could meet him and have a conversation. We all nodded in agreement, our eyes almost dried up by now. After two hours, the same nurse who had attended to Earth earlier emerged from the ward and asked, "Who's New? The patient is calling for them... If New is here, please come in." She then walked back into the ward.

I noticed Earth's mother looking at me, with a nod and a smile, gesturing for me to enter.

I followed the nurse into the ward, where the smell of medicines was strong.

The nurse advised me in a hushed tone not to upset the patient, then left with a tray of equipment. I acknowledged her guidance with a respectful nod.

As I approached Earth lying in the hospital bed, appearing fragile and helpless, I reminded myself not to cry. Taking a deep breath, I sat on the stool next to his bed.

Earth attempted a smile, albeit with evident discomfort. I struggled to form words as I inquired, "How..."

"I'm sorry, Newwiee," he murmured. "Please, try not to panic, but I may have been in a minor accident."

"A minor accident? Are you joking, Earth?! Look at yourself... You're– why- Earth, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I apologize," I sobbed, at a loss for words. There were numerous questions I wanted to ask, but ultimately, I could not articulate them.

"I- I believe the truck intentionally hit my car. It seemed to have been following me," Earth said wearily.

I wiped away his tears, held his hand, and intertwined our fingers. "Try to rest, don't move too much."

Earth chuckled, "You were right, Newwiee. The message was serious."

I nodded, "I will report it to the police," I stated, glaring at the ceiling as I recalled the text message.

"No, Newwiee. You may end up getting hurt. That person seems to have significant power–"

"No, Earth. I won't overlook this. I made a promise, and I intend to keep it... I will fight for us. You're resilient, Earth. You will recover soon... Then we can meet before you return to Paris," I sniffed.

Earth chuckled, "You're changing the subject."

"Stop laughing, you're unwell... You need to rest. I'll step out now... We can continue our conversation tomorrow," I said as I rose from the stool. However, Earth exerted effort to tighten his grip on my hand, saying, "Don't leave. I want to talk."

"We can talk more tomorrow, Earth. It's important that you rest," I said, gently kissing his forehead with care.

With a soft voice, he reminded me, "Remember, Newwiee, you'll thrive whether I'm there or not."

His words hit me hard, tears welled up in my eyes uncontrollably. "You promised to text me once you're home. Do you understand how worried I was when I heard what happened?" I managed to stammer amidst the tears.

"New, I apologize. But whatever we discussed earlier... always bear that in mind. And don't hesitate to say no when needed," Earth uttered, closing his eyes slowly.

"Earth, you know I can't do that," I whispered shakily. "I love you, Earth."

"I love you too, Newwiee," Earth responded.

Earth never includes 'too' in such expressions. He dislikes the phrase 'I love you too' instead of just 'I love you.'

"New, I have something for you," Earth gestured towards the chain around his neck, a symbol of our past bond. I was heartbroken upon realizing that Tay had broken our half of the couple chain. Despite this, Earth still wore his around his neck, deepening my affection for him. I found myself falling more and more in love with him.

"Take it with you," his voice barely above a whisper.

"I will," I replied, as I swiftly took the chain and fastened it around my neck. The pendant read 'New'. A mix of emotions overwhelmed me, tears of joy cascading down my cheeks.

I stayed there, gazing at him for a considerable time afterward. Hoping his last words before falling asleep were simply a jest.

"Perhaps... You could give Tawan a chance if I'm gone, Newwiee."

∆∆∆

Yet, tragically, our hopes were shattered the very next morning.

Despite all efforts and prayers, Earth's condition had inexplicably worsened overnight, leading to an irrevocable loss.

The pain of his passing is indescribable, leaving us with a deep sense of sorrow and an empty ache in our hearts.

"May his memory be a blessing, and may we find comfort in the cherished moments we spent with him," Dad consoled his parents.

Earth's Mum's emotional outburst at the hospital was distressing. As she cried, shouted, and pleaded for her son's life, I remained frozen in my chair, overwhelmed by a sense of emptiness. I felt detached, hoping that the situation was just a bad dream from which I would soon awaken.

P'Mook reassured me that it was acceptable to cry...However, no tears flowed from my eyes. I sat still on the stool, trembling, my mind blank, my heart numb and cold. The words of those around me became distant after the doctor conveyed his condolences. "We conducted CPR for almost an hour, but were unsuccessful in reviving him."

"We regret to inform you, that your son has passed away."

Earth is gone.

Earth is no more.

Earth is no more.

These words echoed in my mind until everything faded to black.

"This is not your fault, Newwie. I thought we had more time together. I will always love you and never move on from you. I promise to love you until my last breath, Newwiee." That's what Earth had said. And he kept his promise.

I too, stand with you, Earth.

Two things died today.

You.

And the chance to ever feel whole again.

•

[A/N]

Dear Readers,

I apologize for the delay in updating this chapter. Various personal matters have kept me occupied, making it challenging to find time to write. Rest assured, that I am committed to continuing this story.

I found this chapter particularly challenging to write as it holds great personal significance for me. Your feedback on this chapter would be deeply appreciated.

In times of difficulty, I always recall my grandmother's wise words: "You never know when you might be seeing someone for the last time, so be kind. Always." This mindset has guided me while working on this chapter.

As I write these words, my hands tremble. I dedicate this chapter to my dear friend, Anyaa. Wherever you may be, I hope you are surrounded by brighter skies, vivid colors, towering hills, and a kinder world. My love for you will endure eternally.

Thank you for your support,

Best regards,
Siya Nair
sookwangtae