"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly."
- The Great Gatsby

~~~~
Tay

Upon waking up, I noticed a slight headache developing at the back of my head. I had been awake since nearly 3 a.m., waiting for New to return my call. It was foolish of me to expect him to call back. Although his phone was not turned off, he did not answer. Perhaps he was occupied. Nonetheless, we had agreed to speak yesterday.

Looking at the clock on my bedside table, I saw that it was 6 a.m. There is a significant amount of paperwork and underground tasks that need to be completed.

Reflecting on yesterday's events, I realize giving in easily to New's control over my emotions was unwise. Though we may presently be on good terms, potential conflicts loom ahead. Still, I remain steadfast in my decision not to yield to him. The disrespect he showed by encroaching upon my night will not go unpunished.

After refreshing myself, I descend stairs to an empty household, calling out for P'Som. She promptly appears from the backyard, addressing me respectfully as "Khun Tawan" with a slight bow.

I acknowledged silently. "No one is awake?"

It seemed Father would be the first to rise, followed by me, then the others. Usually, no one wakes up after six on weekdays.

P'Som shook her head and replied, "They've gone to Thitipoom's house."

"Why?" I inquired, puzzled.

She responded, "I'm unsure of the specifics, but someone has passed away," her tone tinged with sorrow.

Confused, I asked, "Passed away? Is it a family member? Why didn't you wake me?"

Taking a deep breath, P'Som explained, "I believe it's a relative of theirs, not a family member." Pausing to look at me, she added, "Have you not slept, Tawan?" Concern evident in her voice.

I sighed, "Let's not talk about that... Could I have some tea? And why didn't you wake me, P'Som?"

She replied, "I did try, Tawan. However, you didn't respond to the door. Since everyone else was ready, they departed without you. Mr. Vihokratana suggested you join them once you've finished your tasks." After she left, she went to the kitchen to make my tea. I confirmed why New didn't answer and called Niran to check the day's workload.

"Sir?" His voice came through the phone.

"Is my schedule busy today?" I inquired.

"No, just a meeting with the board at 2 pm. Also, we found the woman who works for Kao. She returned from India. Should we bring her in for questioning?" Niran informed.

"Alright. Have her describe him and have a professional artist sketch him. We need all the details," I instructed.

"Understood, sir. I will proceed with that immediately," Niran responded urgently.

After finishing breakfast, I dressed in a black suit and promptly messaged Joss about the funeral location.

What happened? And send me the location.

It's Earth pirapat. Are you certain about attending? - Joss

Upon receiving the response, memories of Dad informing me about Earth being New's partner resurfaced. The news had spread throughout the house, reaching Off and Arm as well.

What the fuck do you mean, Earth? What happened?

Road accident. Your husband's a mess.

God, New... He must be having a hard time dealing with so much tragedy in such a short time. Losing a loved one can be extremely painful and difficult to understand.

Joss shared his live location with me, which prompted me to drive to the nearest florist to purchase a bouquet of tuberose flowers.

Upon entering the crowded room, I made my way towards my family who were already gathered there.

"My son, you made it," Dad said when he saw me arrive.

I silently acknowledged his words and followed Father as he led me towards the front of the room. Placing the flowers on the coffin, I bowed respectfully to the deceased's parents, who appeared visibly distraught yet managed a faint smile.

In Buddhism, death is viewed as a natural part of the cycle of life. Buddhists embrace the concept of impermanence, where everything is subject to change, including life and death. They believe in releasing their loved ones with grace and acceptance, despite the sorrow it brings.

A wave of nostalgia swept over me as I thought back to the last funeral I attended. Memories of the past and the fleeting nature of life filled my thoughts. I remembered Dad arranging a funeral for Mom... I pushed the thoughts away, feeling a sudden tightness in my chest.

New seemed to be missing. Had he already returned home? Mr. and Mrs. Techaapaikhun hurried over when they saw me, and I greeted them briefly. P'Mook, Joss, and Gawin were gathered in one corner. Joss waved and gestured for me to join them. Phuwin and Gemini were not around; perhaps they were with New.

"Hello, Tay," P'Mook greeted me with a smile, and I nodded in return to her and Gawin.

Joss had his arm around Gawin, who appeared unperturbed by the gesture. I raised an eyebrow in silent questioning, and Joss just shrugged with a smirk.

"Your husband is with Gem and Phuwin down that corridor," Joss volunteered, though I hadn't inquired.

I shot him a glare before the message was cut off. "What happened?" I inquired, eager for a clear answer.

"He was heading home after buying medicine for his mother... And..." P'Mook hesitated, taking a deep breath.

Gawin stepped in, "A truck collided with his car... He was talking to us in the hospital just yesterday. It was unexpected."

Joss turned to Gawin, questioning, "Are all his relatives present?"

Gawin shrugged, "He doesn't have many relatives. Only his friends from Paris will be arriving tomorrow." He gazed at me, "Would you be willing to speak with Newwiee?"

Seeing my silence, P'Mook added, "He's not communicating with any of us... We thought you might be able to help." She looked to me, waiting for a response, and I agreed.

I made my way down the corridor pointed out by Joss, leading to a small open area. The fresh morning breeze greeted me as I took a deep breath.

As they had mentioned, New was there. Sitting on a bench attached to the wall, Gemini and Phuwin were on either side of New. As I approached, no one spoke. I kept my distance as Phuwin glanced at me, his eyes moist with tears. He quickly wiped them, stood up, and addressed me.

"P'Tay..." Phuwin said, looking down at New, who seemed expressionless. Gemini shook New slightly, bringing him back from his reverie.

"Phi, we'll head back inside," Gemini said, patting New on the shoulder. Phuwin followed Gemini, giving me a grateful smile before returning indoors. It was now just New and me in the open space.

What do you say to someone who has just experienced a loss? "I'm sorry"? "They're in a better place now"? These typical phrases felt superficially comforting, yet untrue. Why did it bother me? I didn't mourn Earth's passing, not at all... and I couldn't pretend to.

"New..." I began as I walked towards him.

He glanced up, looking behind me, and stayed silent.

"May I sit?" I inquired, holding my breath. Finding the right words to comfort someone can be challenging. As he nodded slowly, I exhaled in relief.

"I'm sorry about... Earth," I began. His response was met with silence. How can I encourage him to open up? "Would you like to talk about it? New? Say something."

After a long pause, he responded, "I heard you. It's not your fault that he's gone." New's voice sounded hoarse and distant, lacking his usual warmth. My chest tightened. I took a deep breath. At least he was engaging. That meant something.

"I can't wrap my head around his absence," New murmured, shaking his head and resting against the wall, gazing up at the clear blue sky.

I couldn't tear my eyes away from his pallid face. He clearly hadn't slept. How much pain was he truly enduring? "Some things are beyond our control."

He remained motionless, then slowly shut his eyes. Without looking at me, he remained silent. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he met my gaze.

His eyes spoke volumes, and his silence was deafening.

"Is there anything I can do?" I inquired.

"No, it's fine."

"I insist--"

He shook his head and fixed his gaze on me. "What do you desire, Tawan?" he questioned.

He switched back to calling me Tawan instead of Te. Have we regressed?

"You can't speak to me like that... Are we no longer on good terms?" I protested.

He retorted, "Not everything revolves around you, Tawan. While I appreciate your concern, I wish to be alone."

"I never claimed it's all about me!"

"You're acting as though it is... I'm still-- can you please leave?" he requested.

"I don't want to argue with you, New. That tone is not how I expect to be spoken to, and I would appreciate it if you could communicate respectfully."

"I do not care about how others speak to you! Is there anything I have said that you do not understand?"

I scoffed and glared at him, "Do not speak to me like that, New Thitipoom! Do not fucking raise your voice at me! I am not your family or friend-"

"I do not want you to be either." He chuckled, his voice growing dry.

"Pezzo di merda! Non avrei dovuto dispiacermi per te... Te lo sei meritato!" I shouted before getting up.

He chuckled again, sarcasm evident in his voice. "Every time you do something to me... You expect me to forgive you. Yes, I may forgive, but I will never forget."

"We have already concluded our previous discussion," I said.

"Have we truly? Imagine if the situation were reversed, and it was one of your family members in my position. Would you still be ready to move on from our conversation?" he raised his voice.

I remained still, sensing the conversation taking a troubling turn.

"Throughout all this time, I have treated you kindly, Tawan. Even when you made fun of my stuttering - I suffer from PTSD, okay? It's not something I can control at times... Why are we even addressing this now? I am grieving, and here you are, trying to start a conflict," he muttered the last sentence to himself.

"I don't care about the Earth! You're not the only one who has lost someone! I have also experienced loss!" I shouted, rising from the bench. He stood up as well, facing me.

"I don't care!"

"You're just a fucking unnecessary alliance to me! Nothing else!"

There was no warmth in his smile. "I see..." he said. "I apologize. This is all my fault. Please, just leave," he whispered.

"New, I--"

"I understand, please leave," he repeated, turning away from me.

A wave of discomfort surged within me, and I paused to take a deep breath. His words had an unsettling effect on me. "I--" Struggling to speak, I felt a lump in my throat. Despite his back still turned towards me, a strong urge gripped me to hold him in an embrace.

I acted upon that impulse.

I held him tightly.

He let out a whimper before completely breaking down in my arms, sobbing uncontrollably like a child. Turning him to face me, he rested his head on my shoulder, crying even more intensely. His hands found their place around my neck, while mine instinctively encircled his small waist. "I apologize, New. I am deeply sorry."

He continued to cry for a significant period of time.

"I feel utterly lost," he eventually expressed, his sobs subsiding.

"You will find yourself," I assured, silently pleading with the stars and heavens to aid my man.

Grief is so heavy, it's something that you carry forever. In the shadows. In the light. It's something embedded in you. You never truly forget it, but rather find a way to survive with it.

•

I apologize for the dissatisfaction with this chapter. I will strive to improve in the future. Thank you for your patience regarding the delay in updates. Your votes and comments are appreciated. If you have any desired scenarios for the book, please share them. Any guidance is welcomed as I seek to progress the story. Thank you.