Chapter 30

Holden

       While I was in the kitchen in the morning getting something to eat, my head was starting to hurt a lot. I tried ignoring it, but it got up to the point where my vision got all blurry which caused me to stumble and drop the bowl of cereal I just prepared. The bowl shattered into dozens of pieces, spilling the milk and cereal onto the ground.

       I bent down to clean it up, but my vision was still blurry and I could barely see what was in front of me.

       "Holden, is everything okay?" Shaw suddenly asked me.

       "Yeah, I just accidentally dropped a bowl," I said, waiting for my vision to be clear again, but it just wasn't happening.

       I stood up, seeing the outline of the counter by me, so I walked over and gripped the edge of it, my eyes closed as I tried to get rid of the pounding in my head.

       Shaw walked over to me, placing his hand on my back. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

       "Yeah," I said. "I just have a really bad headache."

       "Do you want to get it checked out?" Shaw asked.

       "No, I'm fine," I said. "It just needs to pass."

       "Holden..."

       "I said I'm fine."

       "Alright," Shaw said, moving away from me, and shortly after I heard him cleaning up the mess I made.

       The pounding in my head subsided so I opened my eyes, only to notice that the blurriness in my vision was still there. It just wasn't as intense.

       When Shaw was finished cleaning up the mess, he stood beside me. "Has this happened before?" he asked.

       "Not really," I said.

       "What do you mean not really?" Shaw asked.

       "My head hurts from time to time and I get really dizzy, but it hasn't been this severe," I said. 

       "Have you gotten another head injury recently?" Shaw asked. "Maybe you accidentally hit your head or something. Even something small can be causing this because of your past injuries."

       "No, I don't think so," I said. "At least, I don't remember. Then again, my memory has never been the best because, you know, I can't stop getting injured."

       "Okay, well, I know you said you're fine, but I'm taking you to the hospital to get checked out anyway," Shaw said and before I could object, he continued. "Just to be on the safe side. It's better to go and know for sure that nothing's wrong instead of just assuming it."

       "Okay, fine," I said. "It's probably nothing."

       "Don't jinx it," Shaw said.

***

       Waiting for the results was pure torture. I just wanted to go home and rest, but the doctors preferred that I waited in the hospital for the results just in case there really was something. It would have been better to talk about treatment in person.

       I still didn't think anything was wrong. Yeah, my dizzy spells had been happening a lot more frequently than normal, but that's the thing. It was normal. It wasn't like I hadn't experienced them before. I had ever since the explosion at the city hall, but I was all cleared by the doctors.

       At least Shaw was waiting in the hospital room with me so I wasn't alone.

       I was sitting on the hospital bed and he was pacing the room. "Would you calm down?" I asked. "You're a lot more nervous than I am, and I'm the one waiting for results."

       Shaw sighed. "It's not that. I... have a confession to make."

       He didn't even have to say what it was for me to know. "You drank again, didn't you?"

       "Yeah," Shaw said. "I'm really sorry. Believe me, I want to stop but I just can't. It's like a craving for me and once the idea of drinking is planted in my mind, I just do it. Without meaning to at times. But that's not it. Your parents know."

       "And they didn't take it too well, did they?" I asked.

       "Nope," Shaw said. "So I'm back to square one with them. Not only that but your dad said you'll be making a massive mistake if you don't divorce me."

       "Seriously?" I asked. "I'm not going to divorce you just because you started drinking again. I don't want you to be drinking, but I know how hard it was for you to get off of it in the past. It's going to be hard again. I'm not just expecting you to magically be done with alcohol.

       Shaw smiled softly. "Thank you. I promise, I'll try stopping soon. It's just... It's not easy."

       "I know," I said. "And I'm going to help you through it, even if it takes time."

       "Seriously, you are the best husband I could ever ask for," Shaw said.

       "I know," I said.

       The door to the hospital room opened and Josh walked inside, holding a clipboard and I could immediately tell by the look on his face that there was something on the scan.

       "What did you find?" I asked, my voice a bit quieter than normal.

       "You have something called a subdural hematoma," Josh said. "It's when there's a collection of blood outside of the brain. Did you have any type of injury to your head recently? Even a minor one?"

       "I can't think of any," I said. "I really can't remember if I did."

       "When did the symptoms start getting a lot worse?" Josh asked. "You did say you have experienced them before, just not as severe. When did it start getting severe?"

       I racked through my brain, trying to find the start of my headaches and dizziness, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't think of anything.

       Until one memory flashed through my mind. I normally forgot things quite easily. Things I didn't want to forget. However, the one thing I wanted to forget stayed patched in my brain.

       Funny how that works.

       "When I was in the shack," I said. "When I was kidnapped. I woke up with a pounding and feeling really dizzy. And the last thing I remember before waking up in the shack was talking to Jane on the phone. Roman could have hit me on the head to knock me out."

       "And a hit to the head could be enough to cause the subdural hematoma," Josh said. "There is different forms of treatment but yours... You have a severe case since you've gone a while without noticing it so a lot of blood has built up where it shouldn't be. You're going to have to go through surgery."

       "Surgery?" I asked. "There isn't any other option?"

       "Unfortunately for your case, there isn't," Josh said. "It can be life-threatening, Holden. Brain surgery is the best option, but you have nothing to be afraid of. It's a very simple procedure."

       "Brain surgery never seems like a simple procedure," I said. "Are there any risks?"

       "Not really, no," Josh said. "If the brain surgeon knows what they're doing, then you shouldn't have to worry about anything at all. We do have one of the best surgeons there is and there has never been a single problem in all of the thirty years she had been a brain surgeon. You'll be fine."

       "You promise?" I asked.

       "Yes, of course," Josh said. "And I'm not just promising you as a doctor. I'm promising you as a brother you'll be fine. You can trust me."

       "Okay," I said. "When will it happen?"

       "As soon as possible since you do have a severe case and it is treated as an emergency," Josh said.

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aww my baby holden. <3 ily

and thanks roman for hurting my baby. now i can't wait to move to spruceworth so i can get revenge on roman.

i mean what? i'm totally not moving to spruceworth and there totally won't be a laeti incarnation in here. whaaaaaaat????

to distract you from absolutely nothing because i didn't say anything, here's a gif that i relate to:

me listening to drama.