Chapter 52

Holden

       After a long stay in the hospital, I was finally released and able to go back home. Unfortunately, they didn't have all the results back and I would have to go in for more tests. The only bright side was that my overdose didn't cause any more damage to my brain.

       The not so bright side? I could have a tumour.

       When Shaw and I got home, I immediately sat down on the couch, and Shaw sat down beside me. "Have you heard anything?" I asked. "About... Hugh?"

       "He's waiting on a court date and so far, it doesn't look good on him," Shaw said. "There's evidence, motivation. Viola promised she could get him charged."

       "And... What about you?"

       Shaw furrowed his eyebrows. "What about me?"

       "I'm not an idiot, Shaw," I said. "I know you did something to him, or at least tried to. After finding out what happened to me, there was some sort of... darkness in your eyes. You're the one who found out it was Shaw. I... I really don't think you just let him get away with it."

       Shaw sighed and leaned back into the couch. "I was. I really was going to do something to him. You're right. The darkness was there and I thought I was back in that dark place. But then... Then I listened to your voicemail. Heard you in distress. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you, Holden."

       I looked down. "I'm not going to lie, it hurt. A lot. All I wanted was for you to be by my side when I heard the news and you weren't and..."

       "Hey, come here," Shaw said softly before pulling me into a hug, something I really needed right now.

       "What if I'm dying?" I asked as Shaw kept me in his arms. "What if I only have a few months left to live?"

       "Don't say that," Shaw said. "You're not."

       "You don't know that," I said. "There's something in my brain that isn't supposed to be there. I should have known it was going happen. It's like my brain is bound to be damaged forever. I can't handle anymore of this."

       "I know," Shaw said. "I know. I am going to be here every step of the way. Every appointment, every test, I will be by your side. Even if I'm working, I'll take the time off. I'm not going to let you go through this alone. You are going to be my number one priority. And... I already told Kendra she could have the kids majority of the time, just like before."

       I frowned and pulled away from Shaw so I could look at him. "Why? You fought really hard to keep them."

       "I know," Shaw said. "But right now, it just seems like the best thing to do. Kendra was really upset when she found out what Hugh did. She thought she finally found someone but he ended up being... Well, what he is. She needs some happiness in her life and I need to focus on you. They'll still come over every other weekend but having them over most of the time when you need rest and relaxation."

       "What about Gibson?" I asked. "Where's he going to stay?"

       "That's up to you," Shaw said. "He has a closer bond to you and if you want him to come back, then he'll come back but if you don't feel like we can watch him right now, I know your parents would be more than happy to keep him with them."

       I placed my face in my hands. "I don't know what to do anymore. He's my son, Shaw. I don't care if it's not biological. He is my son and I'm not even fit to take care of him right now. He was already abandoned once. What if he feels like he's being abandoned again?"

       "He won't," Shaw said. "If you choose to let him stay with your parents, you can still visit him. You can even spend the whole day with him, and that will be enough for him. He just needs to see you often as oppose to not seeing you at all. Trust me, I would know."

       "I think... I need him to stay with my parents," I said. "But I need to see him. I haven't in a while now."

       "We can head over there now," Shaw said. "Besides, walking there and getting some fresh air will do you some good."

       I nodded, so we got off of the couch and walked out off our house to head to my parents house. They let the both of us in as soon as we knocked on the door. "Hey," Mom said softly. "How are you feeling?"

       "To be honest, I'm not sure," I said. "It's just... A lot to take in. Do you think... Can Gibson stay here until I get the results and know I'll be capable to take care of him?"

       "Yeah, of course," Mom said. "It hasn't been any kind of hassle at all, so we'll be more thank happy to take care of him."

       "Thank you," I said. "Can I see him for a bit?"

       "Yeah, he's in your old bedroom," Mom said. "He should be sleeping right now."

       I nodded and started heading up the stairs to my old bedroom. I hesitated before I walked inside and once I did, I could already feel my heart stinging. I really didn't want to leave him, but I had to. I was in no state to take care of him.

       I walked over to the crib set up that Gibson was laying in. He looked so peaceful sleeping and that only made me feel guilty. This little baby was abandoned in a box and I made a promise to take care of him. Now I couldn't even keep that promise.

       I had never felt so useless in my life.

      Shaw walked into the room and stood beside me, gently placing his hand on my back. "He is never going to forget you or feel like you abandoned him," he said. "You found him and gave him a better life. You can still see him every day if you want to. If my kids still wanted to see me after I wasn't there for them for years, Gibson will still want to see you."

       "What if I never get better?" I asked. "What if the shadow..."

       "Stop it," Shaw said. "Stop thinking like that. You're going to be okay. If you can fight through several brain injuries, a surgery, being kidnapped, and a whole lot more, you can make it through what's going on in the brain of yours. You're one of the strongest people I know. You'll be fine."

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awe would anyone like to visit me in spruceworth and give my son a hug???

speaking of, i need to bring me back in. i mean what???? i am totally not in this book ahahahaha.

...okey but that gif i inserted is so cute.