Chapter 53

Shaw

       Hospitals were always at the top of Holden's list of things he hated, ever since he got into that car accident that heavily damaged his brain when he was only twelve years old. And ever since the doctors found the shadow and Holden's brain, he had hated hospitals a lot more.

       It was just test after test, waiting for results.

       We both hated waiting.

       Holden spent most of his time at home. In fact, the only time he left was when I was at work and he went to go his parents' house to spend time with Gibson. I tried getting him to leave the house, even to do something as simple was walking around the village.

       He never wanted to.

       When I got home this time, Holden was sitting on the couch watching TV and I could see some tears in his eyes. He didn't even look at me when I walked in. He just kept his eyes on the TV.

       I took off my shoes before walking over to Holden and sitting down beside him. I was about to ask him if he was okay, but he started talking. "I've been binging this show for a while now since I don't have anything else to do," he said. "One of the main characters recently got diagnosed with cancer. A brain tumour. And there's a chance he only has a few months to live."

       "Holden, that's not you," I said. "This is just a TV show."

       "It started with a shadow," Holden continued as if I didn't say anything. "He thought it was going to be nothing but it was something. The treatments probably won't even help him."

       "Again, it's a show," I said. "Yeah, it happens in real life but it is not you."

       "There's a chance I only have a few months left," Holden said. "I might not even make it to the new year."

       I reached for the remote and paused the TV show. "Holden, listen to me. I know it's hard to think positive when you're still waiting for results but I promise you, you're going to be okay. You've been through so much already just to give up now when you don't know the results."

       "I'm scared," Holden said, looking at me. "I just think about everything. My parents. My brothers. My nieces. My step-kids. My son. You. There's a chance I might not see you all again and I... I just don't know how to deal with it. "

       "You don't have to deal with it now," I said. "We will deal with it when you get the actual results."

       "I can't help it," Holden said. "It's my life on the line and I... I don't want to die, Shaw. I don't."

       I scooted as close to Holden as I could before wrapping my arms around him. "You're not going to, Holden. I promise you, you're not going to."

       Holden didn't say anything else and I didn't blame him because honestly, I had my doubts.

       And I hated having my doubts.

       Holden's cell phone rang, so he grabbed it from the coffee table and answered it. "Hello?... Uh, yeah, that's me... Yeah, okay, I'll be there soon..." After he hung up, he looked at me. "That was the hospital. They, uh... They have my test results and want to talk to me right away."

       "Okay, we'll head there now," I said, trying not to show any fear in my voice. If it was positive news, wouldn't they just tell him over the phone?

       We got up from the couch, Holden being more hesitant to do so. I knew he was too scared to hear the results and I was too.

       Because I might lose him before we even reached a year anniversary of being married. Holden was the love of my life. I never thought I would fall for him but I did and I never wanted to lose him.

       I didn't know how I could live without him.

       When we got to the hospital, we had to go see one of the doctors, Annie. She led us to her office and we sat down on the two chairs while she sat across from us at her desk. Annie opened a file sitting on the desk and looked it over before looking at Holden.

       "Now I am so sorry for the long wait on your results," Annie said. "I wanted to get a definite answer before telling you just in case the results ended up being incorrect. I've gone over all your tests a numerous amount of times until I got a sure result. That shadow in your brain is just related to your brain injury."

       Brain injury. Of course it was related to his brain injury.

       But at least is wasn't the worst case scenario we thought it was.

       "Is... is that a good or bad thing?" Holden asked.

       "I wouldn't say it's a good thing, but it's definitely not a bad thing," Annie said. "Like other doctors told you, a shadow is something that's not supposed to be there and it's very common in traumatic brain injuries. Not only that, but the shadow has decreased a bit between your last and first scan."

       "So... I'm not dying?" Holden asked.

       "No, you're not," Annie said, giving Holden a small smile. "Unfortunately, the reason I wanted to meet with you in person was because there has to be a few more tests, just to make sure everything is going smoothly with your brain injury and there aren't any complications that would include a hospital visit. But as of right now, I think it's safe to say you are going to be okay."

       I released a deep breath I didn't even know I was holding before looking at Holden and giving him a smile as I held his hand. "See, I told you you're going to be okay. And now, everything can go back to normal. Gibson can come home, the kids can come home, you can actually get out of the house. Everything will be okay."

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yaaaaay it's nothing too bad for my son holden. :)

and i regret to inform you that i actually had a moment while i was writing this where i debated actually making it life threatening and then killing off holden. :( BUT I SLAPPED MYSELF OUT OF IT AND REMINDED MYSELF THAT HOLDEN IS ON THE NO-KILL LIST.

yes i have a no-kill list for this series where certain characters will never be killed off no matter what. i would tell you but then you can't expect the unexpected oof